After horseback riding, we stop for some ice cream and take a stroll along the town to stretch our legs some more since the guys begin complaining of being sore. There’s less of a crowd with the winter season just ending and the Spring weather hasn’t fully arrived to elicit the tourists to come for the next round of festivities.
By five, we head back to the house and play some games and chat while we wait for dinner to be served. Dinner goes smoothly even though I’m a little quiet. We laugh and joke as we share more stories and end up sitting outside around the fire pit once the flames are burning warm enough. Jared and Nathan pour drinks for everyone, giving Maggie tea, Henry and Joe scotch while Jimmy, Allen, Jared and Nathan have wine. They offer me wine, but I refuse — it’s not the first time for me to turn down a glass. Thankfully, none of them notice and I have a cup of tea with Maggie. Each couple is sharing a lounge chair around the fire, one sitting in front of the other with a blanket wrapped around them.
When I get up to bring out a fresh pot of tea for Maggie and me, I take Joe’s empty glass, knowing that he’ll want another round of scotch.
“Thank you, beautiful. I love you,” he says as I breach the sliding glass doors.
My body freezes in place.
“How long have you two been saying I love you?” Jimmy asks.
I look over my shoulder, but don’t reply.
“I’ve been telling her since Valentine’s Day,” Joe reveals with a grin.
“Isn’t it cute?” Maggie beams.
“Wait? You knew?” Jimmy asks.
“And, Henry and Jared and Nathan,” Maggie announces, kissing Henry.
“What about you?” Allen poses. “Have you told Joe?”
My mouth opens to say something, but words fail to arise.
“She hasn't said it yet,” Maggie shares. “Not since I asked her about it.”
“And, you’re okay with him saying it, Emma?” Jimmy inquires.
I’m nowhere near the fire, but the heat rising in my body makes me feel like I’m standing in the middle of it. Not sure what to say, I shrug my shoulders and continue inside.
As I get the water boiling, Jared joins me in the kitchen.
“You okay, Kitten?” he checks.
“Yeah. Why?” I lie.
“You seem a little off,” he presents. “You feeling okay?”
“Good,” I answer.
“What did the results say from the tests Kim did?” he asks lovingly.
“Everything is fine,” I comment, pouring the scotch for Joe.
“Kitten,” Jared insists.
“What?”
“What aren’t you telling me?” he presses.
“Nothing,” I lie again.
“Is it weird for you . . . you know, that Joe told you . . . I mean, I know you said it was okay when you told Nathan and me, but it’s okay if you’re not okay with the fact that he says it,” Jared stops, gauging my reaction about hearing those three words.
“No,” I admit honestly.
Jared smiles. “Do you love him? Have you told him if you do?”
I shake my head and shrug my shoulders, not sure how to respond and to keep our conversation away from certain other topics.
“I’m glad that you didn’t freak out when he told you,” Jared shares.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” I ask.
“He’s good for you,” Jared states. “He’s more than good for you, you know? And, I think you’re really good for him.” Jared pauses for a second. “Joe’s a good guy . . . better than good and he brings out the best in you, not that you haven’t been not the . . . shit . . . that didn’t come out right.”
“It’s okay,” I laugh, appreciating the sentiment. “I know what you mean.”
“It’s just that I’ve never seen you this happy before and I’m happy that you’re happy,” he continues. “Nathan, Pop-Pop, Maggie, the whole family and I are really happy for you. It’s like you’re coming out of your shell . . . not that we didn’t know you before, but we’re getting to see a different side of you.”
“Thanks,” I reply.
If he only knew the new side of me that will be here in nine months.
“I know that sometimes it’s easier for you to talk to Maggie about certain things, you know, because she’s a girl and all, but I’m always here for you, Kitten. No matter what, I’ll always be here for you. You can’t get rid of me. We’re family.”
“Thanks,” I return, stepping in to hug him.
It’s not that I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to Jared at any point. I know he’s always there, but there’s something with what he’s saying or how he’s saying it that it hits me differently — good differently. I can feel my emotions shifting rather quickly.
When we let each other go, we stand holding the other’s hand and just gaze into each other’s eyes, having our own private conversation like we’ve had in the past. I’ve wondered sometimes at what Jared was really saying and have never asked him to explain. I’ve never really needed him to — I feel it, him and what he’s saying. I feel the love — the unconditional love that will always be there and nothing I could ever do would lessen it.
“Thank you,” I sigh, feeling myself relax more.
“For what?” Jared checks.
“Everything,” I say on a breath out. “You.”
Jared steps in, hugging me. “Thank you, Kitten.”
It’s not just a little hug, it’s a hug with so much depth and meaning — the reassurance of that love. I eagerly wrap my arms around him, happy for the embrace. When the pot whistles, Jared kisses the top of my head and lets me finish, assisting me to carry Joe’s drink while I carry the tray with the tea.
As we continue to chat late into the night, I stare up at the night sky, contented by the display of stars above us. The idea of when and how to tell Joe circles back through my mind, making me wonder if it would be easier to tell him in front of everyone or if I should do it when we’re alone? Would it be easier for him to hear the news with others present? Would it be easier for him to take it alone? I’m so confused. Is there a right time? Is there a right way to tell him?
One Hundred Thirty
It’s eight in the morning and Joe, Sadie and I have already been up for a while along with Maggie and Henry. The five of us lounge in the living room while Anna and the rest of the maids prepare breakfast. After snuggling for a while, Joe journeys over to the piano and starts playing, hoping to softly wake the rest of our friends so we don’t have to knock and overhear any noises coming from their rooms.
When I go into the kitchen to get some more tea for Maggie and me, Anna gives me a look — the kind of look that says he’s going to find out eventually when your belly starts to stick out. I stare back at her, widening my eyes and lifting my brows in response when no one is looking. What does she want from me? Doesn’t she know this isn’t easy?
As I’m about to leave the walk-in pantry with the honey, Anna traps me.
“I know,” I say in a hushed voice. “I’m just trying to find the perfect time.”
With a kind smile, Anna replies, “There’s never a perfect time, Emma. You make the time perfect yourself when you tell him.”
“I’ll tell him when I’m ready,” I say, checking to make sure no one else can hear us.
I know Ann means well, but I’m still trying to come to terms myself that I’ve got a human being growing in my belly.
She lifts her right brow slightly.
“I will,” I repeat, walking past her.
I take the tray back over to the coffee table and pour Maggie another cup before I fill mine. Joe continues to play while Maggie and Henry snuggle on the left side of the couch and I resume my spot on the right with Sadie.
Jimmy and Allen are the first to arrive downstairs, slumping onto the loveseat for about five minutes before heading into the kitchen, followed by Jared and Nathan gracing us with their presence. We chat, trying to decide on what
today’s adventure should be.
“Here, Emma,” Jimmy offers, holding a drink to me.
“I’m good, thanks,” I refuse politely, getting a whiff of the alcohol that’s inside it. My stomach does a little flip — not the good kind of flip.
“Come on,” Jimmy coaxes, pushing it more toward my face. “You always have one of Allen’s world famous mornin’ ritas.”
“Thanks, but I’m . . .” I stop mid-sentence when a more pronounced feeling of nausea appears. I try to breathe in through my nose to settle my stomach, but that only makes the issue worse.
“You okay, Em?” Jimmy asks with a confused look on his face.
My hand slaps over my mouth as the smell of the tequila enters my nostrils more, eliciting the contents of my stomach to rise again. Not liking what’s about to happen if I stay in the room, I rush to the closest bathroom.
“Emma?” Joe calls from the piano.
“Emma?” Maggie and Jared call after me.
Footsteps are heard behind me, but I don’t bother to look as I sprint to the half bath that is between the kitchen and living room. My hands struggle to get the toilet seat up as the vomit surfaces. When the first round expels itself from me, my foot reaches back to stop the door from being opened but can’t keep it closed as more bile forces its way out of me.
“I got her,” Maggie calls, pushing the door open.
As I heave into the bowl, Jared, Nathan and Joe are pounding on the door and mumbling something.
“I’ve got this, boys,” Maggie announces. “Give us a moment, okay?”
My body trembles as the heat in the room elevates, forcing me to break out into a cold sweat. Maggie pats my neck with one of the towels and offers to help me to stand so I can rinse my mouth out in the sink. I splash some cool water on my face and then slump to the floor.
“How far are you?” Maggie inquires.
“What?” I ask confused.
“Emma, seriously?”
“What?”
With one of her sweetest smiles, she says, “How far along are you?” Maggie’s eyes drift down to my belly and back up to see my reaction.
I shake my head, not wanting to acknowledge that she’s telling me she understands.
Maggie moves closer, draping her arm around my shoulders. My hands wrap around her waist and pull her tight as her free hand brushes the sweaty strands of hair away from the edges of my face. “I take it you just found out and haven’t told Joe,” she whispers in my ear.
I nod and tears start to flow from my eyes.
Maggie gives me time to collect myself and I’m grateful for her patience.
“This is exciting,” she states with exuberance in her voice.
I jerk back my head and furrow my brows in response.
“We’re going to be pregnant together,” she muses.
“Shhhhh,” I command.
“I didn’t say it that loud,” she giggles. She pauses for a few seconds. “Is that what Kim told you when you saw her?”
I nod.
“How far?” she repeats.
I shrug my shoulders. “I freaked out when she told me.”
“Who else knows?”
“Just you and Kim,” I verify.
“When were you planning to tell Joe?” she searches.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I still can’t wrap my head around it . . . oh, Anna knows too.”
“How does she know?”
“I had her get me some tests a few days after Kim told me,” I return. “I had to see it myself . . . not that I didn’t believe Kim . . . I just . . . .” I let out a sigh, not knowing really what to say.
“I understand completely,” Maggie assures. “You know . . . we should probably head out there. Jared and Joe will breakdown the door if we take too long.”
“Yeah,” I agree with a nervous chuckle.
All six of the men rush toward Maggie and me when we exit the bathroom. Joe and Jared are standing the closest, flanked by Henry, Nathan, Jimmy and Allen. Joe gets to me first, placing his hands on my hips since I fight off being touched.
“Hey, Kitten. Are you feeling okay?” Jared searches, standing right next to Joe and reaching for my arm.
“Maybe we should take her to the doctor,” Nathan suggests.
“I’m fine,” I object, continuing to pull away from being touched by all of them.
“Emma, what’s wrong?” Joe inquires with pain and concern in his eyes.
“Nothing,” I lie.
“That’s not nothing, Kitten,” Jared challenges. “I can’t remember the last time you were sick.”
“I’m not sick,” I counter.
All of my friends seem to be surrounding me now and I’m starting to feel dizzy.
“Here, Ms. Emma,” Anna offers, handing me a glass of water and some crackers.
“Thanks, Anna,” I reply, taking a huge gulp.
“Easy there, Kitten,” Nathan comments. “You could make yourself sick if you down the water like that.”
“I’m fine,” I snap and then return the cool glass to my lips. I do my best not to look at any of them as I finish draining the liquid down my still sore throat — Joe keeps trying to make eye contact as well as hold me even though I fight it while also stuffing two crackers in my mouth.
Jared places his hands on the front and back of my head as I get another cracker. “You’re warm, Kitten.”
“I’m fine,” I object, pulling away.
“Emma,” Joe calls. “Maybe we should get you checked?”
“I’m not sick, God damn it!” I shout.
“Well, if you aren’t sick, then what the hell made you throw up?” Jimmy inspects.
“The tequila probably,” Maggie suggests.
I shoot Maggie a glare and her only response is a shoulder shrug.
“The tequila?” Allen searches.
“She didn’t drink any,” Jimmy states.
“The smell,” Maggie mentions nonchalantly.
“You’ve never had trouble with tequila before,” Nathan comments. “You must be sick for the smell of it to make you sick.”
“I’m not fucking sick!” I yell, almost spitting cracker crumbs out onto my shirt and the floor. I gulp another round of water that Anna refilled for me.
“Emma,” Joe presses.
“She doesn’t look sick,” Nathan comments.
“I think she looks a little off,” Allen states.
“I’m not sick,” I bark.
“Then what could it . . .” Jared starts.
“I’m fucking pregnant,” I blurt. My breath catches in my throat, almost causing me to choke, and my eyes shoot to the floor.
There’s not a single sound in the entire house — not even from the staff in the kitchen.
My eyes lift and nervously find Joe, scared for his reaction — this is not how I wanted him to find out. Moisture collects in my eyes, pleading with him to not be mad and revealing how scared I am about the whole situation. I force my eyes to blink because my tears are clouding my vision.
When I can see clearly, Joe’s smiling and he moves toward me, cups my face and kisses me. Our lips stay connected as he pulls me closer. My hands grab onto his shirt by his hips to make sure I’m still here — that I haven’t floated away or am dreaming.
“Holy fuck,” Jared says in shock.
“Did she just say that she’s . . . ?” begins Jimmy.
“Yep,” Nathan confirms.
“Who knew?” Jared asks.
“No one,” Maggie states. “I guessed it with her reaction to the tequila. Ohh . . . wait. Kim knows.”
“Marry me,” Joe requests with his lips brushing mine.
“What?” I snap, jerking my head back.
“Oooo,” Nathan gasps.
“Marry me,” Joe repeats, leaning in to kiss me, but I move away.
“No,” I say heatedly, pushing him away. “Fuck no.”
“Emma,” Joe begs.
I yank my arm from his attempted embrace and head
to the bedroom to get away.
“That was not the smartest way to propose, man,” Henry comments as my foot hits the first step to the stairs.
My feet race up the steps and Sadie is already by my side. I slam the bedroom door behind me and sit on the edge of the bed, trying to collect myself — what just happened?
Holy fuck. Joe gives me the complete opposite reaction than I was expecting — okay, maybe not the complete opposite, but I sure as hell didn’t expect him to fucking propose. What the hell was that? What the hell was my response? Why did I react that way? Why didn’t I say yes? I’m so fucking stupid.
“Emma?” Joe’s voice calls timidly from the other side of the door as he knocks. “Emma? Beautiful?”
“It’s . . . open,” I answer between gulps of air from crying.
I feel Joe’s hands on my head. When I open my eyes, I find him kneeling in front of me.
“Emma,” Joe calls, making sure that I see him.
“I’m sorry,” I whimper. “I’m sorry for how you found out. I . . . .”
“It’s okay,” he interrupts.
“No,” I object. “No . . . it’s not.”
“Emma,” he says sweetly. “It’s okay.” His lips return to mine and my arms immediately wrap around his neck.
We stay entwined at the foot of the bed for some time.
“Emma, can I ask you something?” he poses gently.
“Yeah,” I answer, sniffing my last tears away.
“Do . . . do you want to keep it?” he searches timidly.
“What?” I return.
“The baby,” he clarifies. “Do you want to keep it, or . . . .”
“I’m not going to kill it,” I snap. “I don’t care if you want to be . . . .”
His lips press firmly against mine, interrupting me. “Good. I want it . . . that is, if you want to keep it.”
“I can’t kill it . . . not after what happened to Maggie,” I share. “And, I sure as hell will not give it away. I’ll do this on my own if you don’t want to be around. I can . . . .”
Just Breathe Trilogy Box Set Page 119