by KE Payne
Wednesday 27 June
Saw this really fit girl with a tattoo on her arm while I was walking to school this morning. It’s gotta be fate! I decide one day to get a tattoo and then I see a fit girl with one the very next day? Fate. And it proves that all the fit girls have tattoos!!!
Thursday 28 June
I was told to ‘buck up my ideas’ in Spanish class today. I was staring out of the window and Mrs. Irwin told me to ‘stop daydreaming about whatever boy was in my head and get on with my work.’ I was, in actual fact, wondering what Han looked like naked, but that’s neither here nor there.
Friday 29 June
Was supposed to be playing netball in PE today but the thought of standing under a net with my arms in the air while a bunch of muscle-bound schoolgirls bear down on me at speed left me cold, so I told Mr. Meadows, the PE teacher, that I had my period and couldn’t possibly partake in the game. Mr. Meadows hates it when we girls tell him we have our periods; you can see him visibly shrinking before your very eyes, so we all use it as an excuse and it works every time!
The only downside was that he made me sort out piles of sweaty games shirts, including Pippa Goldsmith’s, which could easily be fashioned into some sort of tent in the event of an emergency. Peeked out of the window and saw my classmates puffing and sweating up and down the court, though, and knew I’d definitely made the right decision.
Saturday 30 June
Went over to Han’s for the day. Her dad had taken to his bed ’cos his spastic colon had flared up again during breakfast and her mum was crashing pans about or something in the kitchen, so we stayed in the lounge and watched America’s Next Top Model from about three years ago. I told her I wanted a tattoo and she told me I was very brave, which I didn’t really want to hear. Now I have to decide what I want done, and where I want it done. Han says something on the small of my back or on my shoulder would be cool (and it would mean Mum and Dad wouldn’t see it). I think I want something Gothic, like a black cross, or some barbed wire, or a crow or something. Well, maybe not a crow, but something black, anyway.
Sunday 1 July
If I have a black tattoo it might just look like a dirty splodge. I don’t want anyone to think I don’t wash. Maybe I’ll go for something bright instead, like a red rose or something.
Monday 2 July
Red roses aren’t very Gothic, are they?
Tuesday 3 July
Thought about having my initials tattooed, rather than an actual item. I drew a design with my initials, CMA, in spiky italics but it’s difficult to see what it says.
Re-designed my initials so that they’re not so Gothic, but now, whichever way round you hold it, the design looks like a map of the Birmingham Inner Ring Road. I give up! Thought about designing something with my initials mixed up with Han’s initials. But that would probably weird her out.
Wednesday 4 July
Had another vocabulary test in French but spent most of the hour doing my design. Think maybe I’ve cracked it at long last. It’s a design of some hands grasping a burning cross. Can’t wait to show Hannah.
Got 13 out of 50 for the vocabulary test!
Thursday 5 July
Showed Hannah my design during lunch break. She giggled and asked, ‘Why do you want a tattoo of a pair of dogs’ paws holding the Olympic torch?’ and then wondered why I was miffed.
Looked at the design again when I got home from school. I suppose, if you turn it round, it does look rather like the Olympic torch, but the hands do NOT look like dogs’ paws.
Friday 6 July
Walked home with Alice from school today. She asked me over to her house tonight, but I turned her down. I suppose I could have gone ’cos Han said she was going to visit her Gran for the evening, but she also said she’d be back early enough to have a quick (and she added very naughty) MSN chat, and I didn’t want to miss her. Once I get to Alice’s house it’s sometimes hard to get away without being rude, so I kinda thought it would be best not to go at all.
I thought Alice looked really disappointed, but I soon managed to stop feeling guilty about it when I logged on later and had THE most fabulous MSN sex chat with Han!!
Saturday 7 July
Went onto the Internet this evening to look up tattoo designs. Strayed into a website that talked about piercings and was intrigued to see I could have something called my labia pierced. I thought a labia was a type of car. Evidently, it’s not. Ouch!!
Sunday 8 July
Decided to get the tattoo done during the summer holidays as:
It will give me more time to decide on a design, and
I won’t be wearing my school uniform over the fresh tattoo. Acrylic can be merciless against raw skin.
Monday 9 July
Great Aunt May has come to stay until next Monday!! I heard her talking to Mum in the kitchen, telling her she needed something to ‘help her along’. I was relieved later to see Mum pass her a bowl of prunes, and not a spliff.
HRBH looked like she’d been crying today. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, but I figured she was just hormonal ’cos she gets like that sometimes. Decided not to say anything to her. When she’s like this, all I have to do is pass the time of day with her and she bites my head off.
Tuesday 10 July
Great Aunt May was at the breakfast table pushing prunes around her bowl and muttering something about being ‘loose’. I didn’t want to know what she was on about, so grabbed my toast and my school bag and left the house early before I had chance to find out.
Why do old people always talk about their bowels? They’re obsessed! When they’re not talking about not being able to go, they’re talking about not being able to stop. Why is it okay for them to do this? If I did it, I’d get the thin-lipped treatment from Mum and an order to not be crude. Life’s so unfair sometimes!
Wednesday 11 July
Han came round to our house after school ’cos we’d arranged to do some homework together. Great Aunt May was sitting in her usual chair in the lounge when Han stomped into the room (she was wearing her fuck-off biker boots, despite the fact it was 23 degrees outside. That’s to say, Han was wearing the boots—not Great Aunt May). She flopped herself down on the sofa next to Great Aunt May’s chair. I would wager that Great Aunt May doesn’t see many Goths or EMOs at the Autumn Leaves Elderly Persons Home because she looked like she was about to be mugged, and instinctively grasped her handbag to her bosom.
Han smiled her best smile at her, but Great Aunt May just continued to look horrified until Han leant over and said gently, ‘You must be Clem’s Great Aunt May. I’ve heard all about you. It’s really lovely to meet you at last,’ and flashed her a winning smile. Great Aunt May smiled weakly back and said, ‘likewise, dear,’ but I noticed her whitened knuckles were still wrapped tightly round the handle of her handbag.
Thursday 12 July
One week left of school and I can’t bloody wait! Han told me today that she’s going to Portugal for ten days in August; it’s not the same time that I’ll be in France and I’m really pissed off! I was kinda hoping that we’d get loads of time together over the summer, but it looks like we’re only going to have three weeks together. It’s so unfair [/grumpy/]. She also told me today that her parents are going to a wedding the weekend after next and are going to be away for the whole two days ’cos the wedding’s in Scotland, and would I like to go and stay with her for the weekend?!!!
I’d love to…but I’m already crapping myself ’cos without doubt we’ll do the deed that weekend. Made a mental note to try and lose a bit of weight before then. And buy a sharp razor so I can shave my legs properly.
Friday 13 July
Me and Han share the same taste in music, which makes us even more perfect together! Well, I say we like the same music, but I think her taste is a bit more hard rock than mine. Hard rock verging on grunge, I would say. She is an EMO after all.
She told me that My Chemical Romance is playing in October and asked me if I wanted
to go with her!! I’ve never been to a concert—sorry, gig—before! Han is opening me up to a whole world I never knew existed. I blame the parents.
Saturday 14 July
OMG, me and Han were lying on her bed this afternoon having a naughty shmoozle when she casually told me that her dad’s a Theology lecturer down at the college!! Why didn’t she think to tell me this before? As if I’m not eaten up with guilt already, I find out I’m (soon to be, hopefully) sleeping with the daughter of a religious man! Old Nick is waiting to spit-roast me even as I write this.
Sunday 15 July
Han came round for Sunday lunch today. Mum had a slight panic at around 11:30 when it suddenly occurred to her that Han might be vegetarian. I said, ‘Mum, Han’s a Goth! She eats raw budgies for tea.’ I noticed the colour drain from Great Aunt May’s face until I told her I was joking, and that, no, Han wasn’t a vegetarian and that she would be happy to eat whatever Mum put in front of her. Mum looked relieved, but I noticed that her Open Yourself Up to Vegetables cookery book had been left open on the nut roast page. I was relieved too; God only knows what a nut roast would have done to Great Aunt May’s bowels.
Anyway, Han turned up around 12:30 with a bunch of flowers each for Mum and Great Aunt May and proceeded to charm the pants off Great Aunt May, who now thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread!!
I asked Han after lunch about her dad being religious and all, ’cos it had been worrying me all night. She snorted and said, ‘My dad? Religious? You gotta be kidding! He only teaches the stuff, he doesn’t believe any of it.’ So I asked, ‘Doesn’t that make him some sort of hypocrite?’ to which she replied, ‘Do you think old Mr. Jones believes all that psychology crap he spouts to us? All that psycho mumbo-jumbo? Course he doesn’t! All Dad does is teach what others believe in, he just acts as the go-between.’
I can’t quite get my head round that, so I made a mental note to have a good think about it later. I do feel a bit less guilty now she’s told me, though. It would also explain why her dad swears like an old sailor when he thinks no one’s listening.
Monday 16 July
Said good-bye to Great Aunt May before school and received a whiskery kiss for my troubles. She pressed TWO shiny pound coins into my hand and told me one of them was for my ‘lovely friend Hannah’. Great! Han’s known Great Aunt May for all of a week and already she’s getting money off her AND she’s getting the same as what I get! Where’s the fairness in that? Thought about keeping the pound but worried that I might get run over on the way to school as punishment or something, so reluctantly handed it over to Han at lunchtime.
Tuesday 17 July
HRBH looked like she’d been crying again today. I figured she couldn’t still be hormonal, so I bit the bullet and asked her if she was all right. She told me that she’d found out that Ade had been cheating on her with some girl behind the cheese counter down at the supermarket. I asked her how long he’d been seeing her and she told me, ‘Around three months.’ Three months?! I asked her if she’d had no idea what he was up to and she shook her head sadly, adding that now she understood why sometimes when she saw him, he had a whiff of Cheddar about him.
My poor sister! I hate to see her upset. She might be a right pain in the arse, and she might treat me like something she’s trodden on in the garden, but she’s still my sister, and anyone who messes with her messes with me. Made a mental note to go down to Aldi someday soon, order a large quantity of extra mature, extra smelly Stilton, then throw it at this scarlet woman who’s taken Ade away from my poor sister. Don’t think I’ll mess with Ade, though, ’cos he plays rugby at weekends and is built like a brick shithouse.
Wednesday 18 July
It was SUCH a nice evening tonight so a whole gang of us decided to meet up over at the park and watch the hot-air balloons take off. Mum actually let me go, which means she’s either mellowing in her old age, or she’s figured there are only two days left of school, so what the hell? Personally I think it’s the second. Mum is about as mellow as an electric storm!
Anyway, about ten of us went up there and it was mega! Some boys came too but I suppose you can’t have everything. We all sat round on the grass chatting and laughing, and I kept noticing Han was looking at me all the time with this impish look in her eye, and I knew exactly what she was thinking, ’cos I was thinking the same thing—that we had this connection and no one else knew about it! I loved the fact we had this secret! It was so hot and so exciting! She kept catching my eye; she’d hold my gaze and smile this knowing smile, raising that damn sexy eyebrow of hers, knowing I was thinking the same thing as she was.
Then she started doing that thing of chewing her lip and smiling to herself, like she loved her secret. It got me so damned horny I stopped listening to what the others were saying. Suddenly, she hopped to her feet and said breezily, ‘Hey, Clem, you said you wanted to show me the bonsais down in the gardens. Wanna go now?’ and stood in front of me, holding out her hand. I grabbed her hand and hauled myself to my feet, and we managed to walk off down to the trees before anyone could think to follow us.
When we got down to the walled gardens, we collapsed on a bench and got a fit of the giggles. I said, ‘Bonsais?? What made you say that?’ She said, ‘I dunno! It was the first thing that came into my head, silly. Got us away from them though, didn’t it?’ and she grinned at me. She said, ‘I just wanted to be alone with you, you didn’t mind, did you? Besides, I could see Charlie looking at you and I didn’t like it so I thought I’d whisk you away from him before I thumped him one. You know I hate it when boys look at you.’
I’m always secretly pleased when I know Han’s jealous, ’cos it makes me feel dead wanted and loved and I think it makes her dead sexy, but I didn’t want her to know that so instead I just said, ‘I wanted to be alone with you too. You were driving me mad up there,’ and I tried my best to look seductive.
She knew what I meant ’cos then she grabbed my hand, said, ‘C’mon, you,’ and took me behind the Japanese gazebo where we had this fantastic kiss, enough to make my tummy flutter AND my legs go weak! She looked dead deep into my eyes and said, ‘I love that we’re so intense, don’t you?’ and I nodded at her, not really wanting to talk, just wanting to kiss her again.
She said, ‘I feel such a connection to you, Clemmykins. It’s like we’re soul mates, like we were always meant to meet each other, don’t you?’ I just kinda went, ‘Uh-huh,’ because I’ve never been great with all that emotional shit. She leant against the gazebo and said, ‘Sometimes I feel like we’re so connected that I can hear your heart pounding in my head.’ She took my hand and put it on her chest and said, ‘Can you hear my heart pounding in your head, Clem?’
I have to say I couldn’t actually hear her heart, but I could feel it beating fast against my hand, as well as the very pleasing feel of her bits cupped beneath my hand, but, not wanting to spoil the intensity of the moment, told her that I could hear her heart too. I would have been very happy to have left my hand resting on her chest all evening, but, worried about being seen, reluctantly removed it and instead carried on leaning against the side of the gazebo and secretly linked hands with her, both of us just lost in the feeling of being alone together.
We suddenly realised we’d been gone for over half an hour and so reluctantly went back and joined the others farther up the park, but it seemed no one had missed us, ’cos they were still talking about the same thing they were talking about when we left, and no one batted an eyelid when we came back and sat down.
Went home tonight feeling a very happy bunny indeed!
Thursday 19 July
We had a special assembly today so that Mrs. Russell could say her good-byes to us all. She stood up on the stage and blathered on about how much she’d enjoyed her years at St Bartholomew’s, and that it had been her privilege and honour to know such lovely pupils over the last fifteen years, and how much she was going to miss all ‘her girls’. Then Mrs. O’Keefe, the deputy head, came up on stage and
presented her with a bouquet of roses and a gift voucher to spend down at some car accessory shop (Mrs. Russell likes cars and is often to be found at weekends, so it’s said, under a car with a spanner in her hand tinkering with her big end), then got us all to stand and applaud her (Mrs. Russell, that is, not Mrs. O’Keefe—she’s not going anywhere—worse luck!) Mrs. Russell started to get choked up which was embarrassing, but managed to gather herself in time to lead us all in a rousing rendition of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’, which she warbled through with her usual gusto. We also had a little presentation for some other teachers who were either leaving or retiring, including our Music teacher, Mr. King, who’s moving to the seaside to start up a B&B with Tom Skirton, the Head Boy at King Edward’s School.
Was supposed to be normal lessons this afternoon, but no one could be arsed, including Frauline Kretchzmar, our English teacher, who made a decision to send us all up to the library to do some ‘private studying’, so we all went down to McD’s instead.