So, so much.
“Oliver, I love you too. I am so sorry that someone killed you and now you don’t get everything you deserve. You will always be the most amazing, kind, generous, and beautiful person I know.” The words gushed from my mouth without even thinking about them. They didn’t come from my mind, they came directly from my heart.
“I know, beautiful. Promise me, Ev.”
“I promise,” I lied.
My palm was suspended in the air between us, Oliver raised his to keep it company. I felt the chill from the contact race through me, right down to my toes.
My heart was already feeling that cold.
Oliver’s flickering was growing even worse. He was gone more than he was there now. We had only moments before he would be gone.
For good.
“I love you so much, Everly Anne Hilton,” Oliver said, standing tall and ready to leave with all the dignity he had lived his short life with.
“I love you too, Oliver William Major.”
“I’ll watch out for you, okay? If I can come back, I will.”
“Don’t.”
“What?” His brows wrinkled with confusion as he started fading.
“Rest in peace. As much as I want you in my life, you need to move on too,” I said, with far more conviction than I felt. Oliver had told me that I needed to move on, to live a full life without him. But, really, he needed to do the same thing. He needed to cross over and be at peace.
I muttered the words I wasn’t sure I could uphold. “I’ll be able to look after myself.”
His face relaxed into a beautiful smile, the one I would remember forever even if I managed to live for a hundred years. “I know you will. But stick with Jet, he cares about you a great deal.”
I almost snorted with laughter but refrained. Jet wasn’t someone I wanted to talk about right now.
Oliver suddenly looked over his shoulder and then back at me. I couldn’t see what he saw. “It’s time I go. Thank you for everything, Ev. I couldn’t have asked for a better life that the one I shared with you.”
“Be careful.”
He nodded. “You too. Goodbye, beautiful.”
The lump in my throat threatened to take all my words away. I swallowed, pushing it as far down as I could so I could say the one word I had to.
The word I never wanted to say.
The word that would forever rest on my lips as the last one.
The word that ended it all.
I took a breath.
I swallowed again.
“Goodbye,” I whispered.
I even managed a smile.
Oliver didn’t flicker anymore.
He faded away in front of me, a brilliant white light shimmering around him.
My raised hand was alone as it hung in the air. Somehow, it was even colder without Oliver’s spirit joining it.
He was gone.
Forever.
Chapter Nineteen
All the air left my lungs as the reality of what just happened truly sunk in. I collapsed onto the ground, falling into the snow that could not make me any colder. The chill was already set deep into my bones.
It would never leave me again.
My warmth was forever gone.
My heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces, all scattered throughout time and space. They would never fit together. I would never be whole again.
Not without Oliver.
The sobs wracked through my body as the pain of the separation spread through me as shocking as lightning bolts. It struck me over and over again, leaving me with a gaping hole in my chest.
In my being.
I’m not sure how long I sat on the wet ground but I didn’t much care either. I was alone now, the other half of me was gone, torn from me. It didn’t matter that I had been the one to end his pain of being trapped in limbo. The loss I felt far overshadowed the triumph.
Arms wrapped around my shoulders as someone crouched down behind me. At first I thought it might have been Oliver, come back to tell me it was all just a nightmare.
But it wasn’t him.
The arms did nothing to warm me.
“Everly, I’m so sorry,” Jet whispered in my ear behind me. The arms belonged to him as he tried to comfort me. He probably wasn’t even sure what I was so upset about.
Or maybe he did. He knew about Oliver, he would have to know that he was gone now. He had lost loved ones in the Event too, he would know what grief felt like.
Everyone did now.
I leaned backwards into his embrace and he pulled me against his chest tighter. We stayed that way for a very long time, too long to count the minutes.
Jet said nothing more, he just held me. He let me cry even as new snowflakes fell around us. I watched as they landed on my coat, each one as unique, soft, and as perfect as Oliver.
As it started to get dark and twilight settled over the city, Jet shifted behind me. His mouth was right beside my ear when he spoke. “We should go inside.”
I didn’t want to. It was stupid and irrational, but I thought perhaps if I just stayed there, Oliver would come back to me. That he would suddenly appear and life would go on as normal, like it always had.
With him.
With my best friend.
But if I moved, I would have to face the reality that he wasn’t coming back. That I would never see Oliver again and would have to live for the rest of my life without him.
How could I do that?
How did everything just continue to go on?
“I don’t think I can,” I replied honestly. My throat was raw and gravelly from sobbing. My eyes were barely more than swollen slits.
Jet disentangled his arms from around me. I thought I was cold before, but losing the warmth of the cocoon he had made around me was a stark reminder that the coldness could seep even further into me.
I felt him stand, heard the crunch of his shoes on the snow. His hands slapped away the clumps determined to stick to his clothes.
The next sounds I expected were to listen to his footsteps as he retreated into the tunnels for the night. But they didn’t come. Instead, he stood beside me for only a moment before scooping me up into his arms.
I didn’t have time to protest.
Or even think.
Jet carried me into the tunnels without saying a word. I was too surprised to argue. I was grateful for the darkness so that he couldn’t see the conflicted expression on my face.
Guilt wracked me for giving up on Oliver’s return. But, really, I knew he wasn’t coming back. I had seen him disappear, cross over into whatever was supposed to come next when someone died.
Or was killed.
That was how it was supposed to be.
It was unnatural for Oliver to have stayed for as long as he did. I had been the one to make sure he could cross over. I should have been happy for him. I should have been grateful he was able to be at peace now.
He wasn’t coming back.
No matter how long I remained there.
Jet carried me all the way to his room. Gently laying me on his bed, he peered down at me with concern written all over his face as he studied me.
“I’m going to check your wounds, okay?” he asked quietly. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I nodded anyway. My entire body was numb, I saw everything like I was a third party bystander.
Jet knelt down on the floor and started helping me out of my coat. He guided my arms, moving me like I was nothing but a doll. He had a new cut on his neck, it had bled down onto his shirt a while ago and dried there. He should have been tending his wounds, not mine.
“I need some water, will you be okay if I step out to fetch some? I’ll only be gone for a minute.”
I nodded again. My voice was lost, my throat too sore to comply with my wishes.
The room was too quiet without him. I heard every shift in the metal walls as it settled for the night. Every little noise outside the door was amplified to an almost deafening level.
&n
bsp; The seconds dragged by before Jet returned. He carried a small stainless steel bowl in one hand and a clean rag in the other. He placed it on the floor as he started fussing over me again.
I hadn’t given any thought to whether I had sustained any injuries in the fight with Kostucha. But when Jet gently patted my temple with the wet rag, it stung like a wasp bite. I gasped sharply with the pain.
“Sorry,” Jet said.
“You’re hurt,” I replied.
“Chicks dig scars, I’ll be fine.” He gave me a smile that was probably supposed to be reassuring.
It wasn’t.
We didn’t say anything else after that. Jet fussed over me like a fretful mother and I drifted off into the welcome arms of sleep. I wanted to be unconscious. I wanted to be numb. Anything had to be better than the bitter pain of loss.
My dreams were nightmares, full of all the horrors of hell and everything it contained. Fire and misery filled my every sleeping moment but it was still a relief. A moment where I didn’t remember Oliver was gone was a moment I cherished.
I woke up several times as my fitful sleep ebbed and flowed. Each time it was too dark to see anything. The soft rhythmic breathing coming from the floor was the only indication that I wasn’t alone.
I slipped back into sleep each time, plunging into a new variation of the same nightmare.
I wondered if I would ever truly wake up.
I wondered if I really wanted to.
“Everly… Everly… Everly.”
My name was spoken in my dreams by a demon from Hell before I realized the voice belonged to Jet. He pulled me from the nightmare as my eyes blinked several times before they could focus on anything.
Jet was slowly and gently brushed the hair back from my face. The touch of skin on skin was unfamiliar. His lips went from a grimace into a smile. “Hey, you’re awake.”
I tried to sit up and instantly regretted it. Every muscle in my body ached with the movement. Memories of fighting with Kostucha rushed back, reminding me that he had inflicted some serious damage before I vanquished him.
“Careful,” Jet warned quietly as he helped me. Everything he said was quiet and careful, like he was scared I might break if he spoke normally.
Maybe I would.
One tiny little thought of Oliver and I wanted to crumple back down and never get up again. Even the smallest notion sent a new wave of pain rushing through me.
He was gone.
Never coming back.
I managed to prop myself against the wall so I stayed up. He perched on the end of the bed, keeping a hand on my arm to steady me.
“I’m sorry to wake you up. I didn’t want to bother you. But…”
“But what?” I prompted when it didn’t seem like he was going to continue. There was something he didn’t want to tell me, but something he thought was important enough to wake me. My stomach churned with dread.
“There’s something… strange going on. I thought you might be the only person who would be able to tell what it was,” he said, almost apologetically.
“Define strange,” I said.
Because, apparently, strange was my thing.
Jet took a reluctant breath before replying. “Perry and some of the others went aboveground earlier. They said the atmosphere felt wrong, like something unnatural was going on. It reminded me of how it felt in the library. So… I thought it might be the spirits.”
I shook my head, instantly regretting the small motion when it made my sore temples pound. “It can’t be the spirits, they’ve all crossed over.”
The image of Oliver fading into oblivion rushed unwelcomingly into my mind, sending a wave of nausea through me. I swallowed down the bile in my throat.
Jet had witnessed the whole thing. Well, my part in the goodbye anyway. He had heard everything I said, seen how I reacted. He knew Oliver was gone, just like all the other spirits.
“I know, but… do you think you feel well enough to come aboveground and… check?” His eyebrows lifted in hopefulness. He wasn’t asking much from me. A trip to the surface was barely anything after all the help he had given me.
Yet… the thought of going up and not seeing Oliver would make it all that much more real.
“I don’t know if I can,” I finally replied.
“I understand. Maybe when you’re feeling better, you can take a look.”
When I’m feeling better.
When would that be? Hours? Days? Months? Years?
Would I ever feel better having to live without Oliver? Would I ever feel okay about the fact he was seventeen years old and someone murdered him?
I doubted it.
Jet slid his hand down my arm and twined his fingers through mine. He gave it a squeeze. Again, the skin on skin contact was warmth I was no longer familiar with.
But it was nice.
The touch said things he didn’t verbalize.
Like he believed I would be okay. That I would be able to get through it because I was the strongest person he knew. Oliver had said the same thing.
If I hid in Jet’s bedroom forever, would I be letting them both down?
The answer was easy: yes.
“I should go now,” I said, trying to convince myself as well as Jet.
“You don’t have to. You can rest here for as long as you need to. I’ll get you some food, change your bandages-”
“No, I need to go now,” I interrupted, pushing off the bed. I reluctantly let go of his hand, only realizing how much I needed it when it was gone.
My head spun when I stood. Jet jumped off the bed and slid an arm around my waist to steady me.
“Careful. Don’t move too fast. You took a serious whack to your head yesterday. You need to take it easy.”
Judging from his bruises and winces when he moved, he needed to listen to his own advice.
I didn’t mention that.
We staggered out of the room slowly, both battle scarred more than we wanted to admit. Taking on a demon was not a smart thing to do.
Clearly.
The walk aboveground was endless. A perpetual tunnel that I was certain was much longer than it had ever been before. My limp was back. I don’t think it ever really went away, just hid for a few hours while I had other things on my mind.
I hated seeing the sunshine when we did finally reach the end. I was angry at the sun for daring to rise in a world where Oliver didn’t exist. We deserved nothing but clouds and smog, snow and mist and rain.
The light was no longer welcome.
My mind was torn away from the weather when I saw them.
Spirits.
Lots of them.
The moment I stepped out, they rushed toward me. Each one of them was upset and they aimed all their emotions at me.
I gripped onto Jet’s side, my hand bunching in his T-shirt to keep steady. His arm around my waist pulled me tighter, sending me suddenly into a world of anxiety.
“What do you see?” he asked, using that same quiet tone.
“Spirits. They’re everywhere.”
My eyes quickly went through the crowd, my hopes buoyant and soaring to see one in particular. If there were spirits here…
Was Oliver here too?
The crowd around me was too dense to see anything. They were loud, too. They obviously didn’t share the same concerns as Jet did.
“She’s here.”
“Tell her. Tell her what’s happened.”
“I’m trying to.”
“She should know. How does she not know?”
“She can’t know everything.”
“But she should.”
“She’s the only one.”
“Well, she might not help us.”
“She has to.”
I held up the hand not gripping onto Jet to silence them. “I need one of you to speak and tell me what is going on.”
They started all at once again. They were incredibly uncooperative considering I had risked my life for them only the day before.
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I still struggled to search through them for Oliver. If he was there, surely he would make sure I knew about it. He had to step forward through them all.
The spirits parted to let someone through.
“What’s happening?” Jet asked. I held up a hand for him to give me a minute.
My heart stopped.
But it wasn’t Oliver who stepped forward. It was the librarian. I had never seen her outside the library before. If she was here, there was something seriously going on.
“Shut up everyone,” she ordered loudly.
They all shushed, chastised like naughty children talking in the library.
“What’s going on? Tell me everything,” I demanded. “You should all be gone. The gateway was opened yesterday so you can all cross over now.”
Was it something else holding them back? Did they have unfinished business or something? Were they choosing to stay and haunt humans so they didn’t have to move on to their next place? Were they too scared to leave?
The questions swirled around in my head in the time it took the librarian to formulate an answer. They only confused me even more than I already was.
The throbbing in my head wasn’t helping things either.
“The gate was opened. So many of us made it out. But then the gate closed, we weren’t all quick enough to leave,” she replied solemnly. “We’re still stuck here.”
“No, this can’t be happening,” I muttered.
“Everly, tell me what’s going on,” Jet insisted. My gaze dragged from the spirits back to him, the living. His brow was wrinkled as he tried to work out what was happening in the unseen world.
Which is exactly what I was trying to work out.
“Not all the spirits crossed. They’re still trapped.” As the words left my mouth, a horrible realization set in.
We had opened a gateway and some spirits left – Oliver included. But it had closed again.
Because we hadn’t killed Kostucha.
We’d only vanquished him.
It wasn’t enough to break the horror he was inflicting on the spirits. While he lived, he could still feed off them. He could still use them to grow strong enough to break out of Hell.
I needed to finish the job.
“Everly…?” Jet prompted.
I had to lick my lips so they would form words again. My entire mouth was too dry, my head too painful. And yet… I would have to find a way.
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