“Yes. Of course.” I didn’t expect anything less from her. She tended to be pretty blunt most of the time. Unlike me, she never feared speaking her mind.
She took a sip of her drink. It seemed like she was stalling.
“Anna, I love you, you know that. But I think he has a point.”
“What?” I asked as I put my pizza down.
“Think about it. You get home and you can see he is clearly troubled by something. Since when does he basically not acknowledge you when you walk into a room? Hell, the guy idolizes you. But tonight, he clearly had other things on his mind. You didn’t pay any attention to his mood. You didn’t question who he was on the phone with, or even ask if he was okay, did you?”
I bit my lip, and shook my head no.
“You just launched into another Beatrice Buchanan ties the knot tale. Which, in and of itself is fine, I guess. But it would have been nice if you showed him some interest, some concern.”
“I was trying to entertain him, make him laugh. My mother was so over the top today.” I smirked as I tried to defend my actions.
“Come on, Anna. It’s me you are talking to, remember? Did you really think he was going to crack up over hors d’oeuvres and table clothes?” She arched her eyebrow and I looked away. She poked me in the arm. “You just wanted to vent to him because your mother annoyed you, yet again. Isn’t that right?”
I took another gulp of my drink, emptying it. “She was so irritating today,” I whined.
“Yes, I know, Anna. She is always grating on your last nerve, but yet, for the last month or so you are right there at her side whenever she calls you.”
“I promised I would help her,” I tried to defend myself.
“Yeah, I know you did. But what really was your motive? Are you really trying to help her or are you just looking for more ways to find fault with her? Sometimes I wonder if you egg her on just so you have something to complain about.”
Her words stung. “What are you talking about?” I asked as I pushed my slice of pizza away.
“Listen, Anna. You and I are very different people. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You discuss your feelings and emotions easily. I don’t. I keep things bottled up. I don’t talk about my past, nor do I share my worries and fears with others, not even with Bryce for the most part. You’re the opposite. And I admire you for your openness and honesty. But sometimes you take it too far.”
“What do you mean?”
She leaned over and reached for the bottle of tequila and poured some into her glass. “More?”
“Nah. I won’t be able to drive home.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re not driving home as it is. You’ll either sleep over or Bryce will drive you home. Your choice.”
“He won’t mind?”
She glared at me and shook her head. “Mind an opportunity to drive his midlife crisis? I don’t think so,” she joked.
“Um, I think I should go home tonight, I don’t want to make things worse,” I answered as I held out my glass for her to fill up.
“Good choice. Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, taking it too far.” She took another sip of her drink. “I’m going to be blunt, so don’t go getting mad at me. You know I love you and I want to help. Okay?”
I bit my lip and fought back tears, “Okay.”
“We’ve known each other for about ten years, and for that entire time you’ve complained about your mother. A lot. You’re always bitching about how she hurt you and how she makes you feel inferior. And from everything you’ve told me, I understand completely why you feel like you do. Honestly, if I were you, I don’t think I would be able to have any kind of relationship with her. I would have made peace with the situation and moved on with my life severing all interaction with her. You, on the other hand, are the opposite. You are constantly trying to keep the relationship alive. You talk to her on the phone every week like clockwork. You’re always seeking her approval. You do everything she wants you to do whenever she wants it done. She walks all over you and you let her. You never stand up to her and you never tell her how you feel. It’s almost like you want her to treat you the way she does.”
“You’re crazy.”
“No, I’m not. Hear me out. You have allowed the way she treated you to define you. You have made yourself out to be the poor little girl whose mother doesn’t love her. There is way more to you than that!”
“I know...” I sniffed.
“You say you do, but I am not so sure.” She grabbed my arm and squeezed it. “You dwell on your relationship with her rather than focusing on the fact you have a husband who would do anything for you. You downplay that your mother-in-law is made out of gold. Seriously, by the way, most of the civilized world including me would kill for a mother-in-law like her. You also have two beautiful children, a lovely home, an amazing job, and of course the most perfect best friend in the world.” She chuckled. “Seriously, Anna, I don’t think you realize how lucky you are. So you have a cold mother who has a cruel streak. Big fucking deal. You have everything else going for you. You’ve lived a charmed life my friend. A life most people would be jealous of.”
I buried my head in my hands and cried because I knew she was right.
“Look at me,” she commanded. “I’m not done yet.”
I slowly raised my head and met her gaze. “There’s more?” I asked as I reached for my glass of tequila. “Remind me again why I came over tonight. I thought you were supposed to make me feel better.”
“No,” Cecelia patted my leg. “I’m here to help you not pacify you.”
“Placating would be nice though,” I joked.
“Yes, but it wouldn’t accomplish anything” Cecelia pulled another slice of pizza out of the box and put it on her plate. “I don’t know your mother. I think I met her once or twice but I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with her. My opinion on the woman is based solely on what you have said to me. So don’t go getting offended by what I am about to say. She’s selfish and unforgiving, isn’t that right?”
I didn’t answer right away. I felt bad to speak the truth. She was still my mother after all. Why is it we could complain easily about people important in our lives, yet we get offended when others voice the same opinion of them?
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Again, Anna, I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to help you.” She studied my face. “You have a lot of those very same traits, I just don’t think you see it.” She took a bite of pizza and chewed slowly as she allowed me to digest her words. “You were incredibly selfish and insensitive tonight. You wanted Cole’s support for your difficult day, yet he was faced with a major issue and you blew it off, like it was insignificant. You know how much his career matters to him. And you also know his pride is huge; he hates having to accept help from anyone, including you. Yet what do you do? You brush off his concern about losing the job he loves, the job he worked so hard for. And then, if that’s not bad enough, you throw the money your grandfather left you in his face? How do you think you made him feel?”
“I was trying to make him feel better. I didn’t want him to worry about money.”
“I am sure you meant well, after all, I know how much you love him. But Anna, you insulted him.”
I rubbed my eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know that, Sweetie. I’m sure as soon as he cools down he will realize it too.”
CHAPTER 14
“VIOLET! COME ON! We have to go, NOW!” I screamed from bottom of the staircase as I tossed my cell phone into my pocketbook.
Cole walked over to where I waited and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him for a small kiss. It had been a rough week.
I was pleasantly surprised by how calm Cole was when Bryce drove me home last Saturday night. But then again, I was numbed by tequila. I apologized for my actions and I told him all about the conversation I had with Cecelia. He didn’t admit it right away, but after some prodding he agreed with her asse
ssment. The truth really hurts, especially when you begin to see characteristics you hate in someone else creep their way into your own personality.
I knew whatever advice his dad gave him helped. It hurt that he found the need to go to his father for comfort instead of me.
The new owners met with all the directors this past Wednesday and then the full staff on Thursday. Apparently they were going to begin reviewing everyone’s roles in order to find where cuts needed to be made. Most likely it would be months before any changes would take place, although two senior directors announced their early retirement on Friday. The uncertainty was making Cole very nervous, but he was trying not to let it consume him, which I really admired. Although I did worry he was simply putting on a brave face for my benefit.
“You’d think she’d be excited to look at dresses,” Cole said. “After all, she is your daughter.”
“Hey, I am not that bad,” I said with an innocent smile.
Cole cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrow.
“Fine. I do have a lot of clothes, but it’s only because I want to look beautiful for my husband at all times.”
“Oh that’s what it is?” He asked as he swatted me on my rear end.
“Yes. As a matter of fact it is. What other reason could it possibly be?” I giggled. I took a deep breath and yelled for my daughter once again. “VIOLET come on, TODAY!”
Turning back to Cole I said, “If it was just the two of us we’d be at the store already. I made the mistake of telling her we were meeting my mother. I don’t think she is looking forward to a shopping trip with Beatrice.” I laughed nervously.
“Can you blame her?” Cole asked as Violet finally appeared at the top of the staircase.
“I guess not,” I answered honestly. “But Cole, I feel bad.”
“About what?”
“Even though weeks have passed since she told me, I can’t stop thinking about my dad and Mindy. I can’t believe she had to live like that, for so many years. I don’t know, there was something about her opening up to me. It was almost like her confession humanized her. I think for once I saw her as the person that she is instead of just the woman she always pretends to be.”
“Meaning?”
“A few weeks ago when I went over to her house, Walter made a comment about her hiding behind her makeup. Do you think it’s possible that she isn’t as cold as she lets on?”
“I guess anything is possible, but if she’s been acting all these years she definitely deserves an award.” He snickered as Violet finally began to meander down the stairs dragging her feet like she was marching to her own execution.
“Yeah, I guess. But I still can’t imagine how she survived all those years knowing what she knew. And I can’t believe how cruel and inconsiderate my father was to her. The more I think about it the angrier I get at him.”
Cole opened his mouth to speak but Violet didn’t give him a chance. “It’s not fair, Daddy! Why do you and Harley get to spend the day with Wally while Mommy and I have to be with Grandma Bea? Wally is so much more fun,” she whined as she zipped up her jacket.
“Boys need tuxedos, Sweetie, and girls need dresses. Your brother and I would look very funny in dresses, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, but I’d look great in a tuxedo,” Violet confidently stated pulling at the collar of her jacket. “Can’t I go with you and get a tuxedo instead? Please?”
“Like your mom, you’d look great in anything,” Cole said as he patted her head. “But you’re the flower girl. Flower girls can’t wear tuxedos. They need dresses.”
“I don’t want to be the stupid flower girl anyway,” she said with a pout.
“Sorry, munchkin, but you’ve got to be. You love dressing up. Try to make the best of it, okay?”
“Fine,” she answered reluctantly. “I’ll go with Mommy, but for the record I am not happy about it.” Slowly she opened the front door and walked to my car with her head cast down.
As I pulled out of the driveway, I smiled at my daughter and said, “So you never told me about Stacey’s birthday party. Did Jamie end up going?” Violet had slept over her friend’s house last night after the party and Cole picked her up a few hours ago while I was at the park with Harley, so I didn’t get to talk to her yet.
“Yes.” Violet answered, quietly.
I smiled. “So they made up after all?”
“Yeah.” She mumbled.
For the past few weeks Violet has been talking none stop about a huge fight her two best friends had. Jamie had accused Stacey of stealing her birthday party idea. According to my daughter, Stacey swore she didn’t know anything about Jamie wanting a spa party when she arranged for all of her friends to go to a local salon for manicures, pedicures, facials, and a massage. Violet couldn’t wait for the birthday party to see if Jamie would end up coming, especially since Jamie vowed she wasn’t going to. Violet feared if Jamie didn’t show up, Stacey would never forgive her. Violet kept on coming up with scenarios as to who, if either, would apologize first and how.
“So what ended up happening?” I was seriously dying to know.
“They. Made. Up.”
“Yes, you said that already. But what happened?” I glanced over at her and grinned. “Come on, Violet. Don’t hold out on me now. I need details.”
“I don’t want to talk, Mommy. I just want to get to the store and get this dress shopping over with.” Violet then reached over and turned the volume up on the radio. She turned her head away from me and stared out the passenger window.
I unsuccessfully tried to make conversation again, before finally giving into my daughter’s request for silence. My mind raced as I drove. It broke my heart that my little girl dreaded spending time with my mother. This wasn’t the way it should be! As soon as I felt myself letting go of some of the anger I had towards my mother something happened to make the pain begin again.
I hated the way I’ve been feeling. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for weeks. One minute I felt horrible for not being forgiving enough towards my mother. But then, just as I decided I should cut her some slack, I was painfully reminded that she was the one who caused the rift in our relationship.
“We’re here,” I announced cheerfully as I parked the car right in front of the shop where we were meeting Bea. I put two dollars’ worth of quarters in the parking meter while Violet made her way out of the car. I swear if she moved any slower, she’d be going in reverse.
As soon as I opened the heavy wood door and glanced around at the numerous racks I realized the store was one hundred percent Beatrice. While I didn’t spot my mother right away, I noticed all her best friends were present and accounted for—Coco Chanel, Roberto Cavalli, Donatella Versace, Christian Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, and Giorgio Armani, just to name a few.
“Violet, there she is,” I said as I pointed to my mother who was sitting in the center of the store on a small hot pink couch. She held a small bottle of San Pellegrino with a straw as she talked to a saleswoman.
My daughter glared at me but walked over to my mother. “Hi Violet,” Beatrice said as she patted the couch. “Have a seat, are you ready to pick out a dress for my big day?”
“I guess so,” Violet said with a shrug as she sat down.
“Oh, come on. This will be fun. What little girl doesn’t love dresses? Your mom always loved to get dressed up when she was your age.” Turning to me, she said, “I got here early and already picked out my dress! I can’t believe how easy it was. They had exactly what I was looking for. Sophia, be a plum and show my daughter what I picked out, would you?”
A gorgeous girl, with straight platinum blond hair down to her lower back, came up to us looking like she belonged on a runway instead of working retail. She grabbed a garment bag and removed a stunning cream-colored beaded Channel dress. It was simple but extremely elegant.
“Wow, Mother, the dress is beautiful.”
“I know. And I look amazing in it. It was as if it was made just
for me, darling! I know Walter will love it. Let me go try it on for you, so you can see for yourselves. While I’m dressing why don’t you and Violet start looking around. Maybe you can figure out what you would like to wear.”
“I don’t understand. What are we looking for?” I asked. I fully expected my mother to give us a very clear and precise description of what was acceptable for her big day.
“Anything you like! You’re the ones wearing them not me. You both can pick the style and the color you like. You won’t hear me say this very often Violet, but this time anything goes.” With that she got up and walked away.
“Did someone switch bodies with Grandma?” Violet asked. “She is acting very strange today.”
“You got me. But let’s not question it. Let’s take advantage of it!” I pointed to the back of the store. “The girl’s dresses are over there. Why don’t you pick out a few you like and I will do the same.”
Once turned loose, Violet was in her element. By the time my mother emerged from the dressing room Violet had ten dresses in her arms. “Wow, you look pretty, Grandma,” Violet said as she struggled to hold onto the dresses while looking my mother up and down. “You sparkle and shine. You’re dazzling!”
“Thanks, Sweetie. Looks like you have found some dresses you like as well. Let me see what you’ve got there.” My mom took the dresses away from Violet and held each and every one up as she nodded her head. “You picked some great ones here.” My mother handed the dresses to the saleswoman. “Start a room for my granddaughter, please.” Returning her attention to me she asked, “How are you making out Annabel?”
“I’m still looking.”
“Okay, you keep at it. Violet, how about I help you try on the dresses while your mom continues to look around?”
I expected Violet to hesitate but instead she replied “sure” and followed my mother into a dressing room. Cole was right. She was so my daughter, and there was nothing retail therapy couldn’t fix.
The store was small and intimate so as I milled around I was easily able to hear chatter and giggles coming from the dressing room where Violet was trying on dresses.
Plan Bea Page 11