CHAPTER 18
MY MOTHER PICKED UP the picture frame from the coffee table and caressed the face of William once more. She looked as if she was a million miles away as she spoke. “As I was starting to tell you, I was twenty-four years old and was working for my father helping him manage his properties. My father was busy working on finding himself a suitable son-in-law. I think he was worried I was on the fast track to becoming a spinster. Oh, how terrible would that be for his reputation!” She snickered. “My dad was constantly trying to fix me up. I had no interest in the stiffs he found for me. One was more stuck up and droll than the next. It was a painful process. Who wants their father to scout out dates for them?”
“I’m so glad I didn’t have to worry about you doing that,” I joked.
“I would never put you through what I experienced. If you recall, I never commented or criticized anyone you dated, ever. Not even Mitch and I hated that pompous jerk.”
“You did?” I asked. I was actually kind of shocked. Even though he was young and just starting out, Mitch was so ambitious and successful. He was always hobnobbing with the who’s who of the New York legal scene. I always imagined he would have been my mother’s ideal son-in-law.
“Yes, I did. He was a self-absorbed user. But did I ever express my opinion? No, not once! I kept my thoughts to myself. I trusted you had the good judgment to tell a gem from a dud. And you proved me right, eventually. You have no idea how thrilled I was when you finally dumped Mitch. I was so impressed with Cole from the first time I met him. It only took me five minutes with the man to realize you got yourself a good catch. He’s one special man. I’m so happy you have him in your corner, and that he makes you happy. He does make you happy, doesn’t he?” She asked, totally sincere.
“So much, Mom,” I said as I pictured my husband’s handsome face. “He’s the best thing to ever happen to me. He’s everything I had dreamt of and more.”
“Good, because that’s what you deserve. I love how your eyes light up when you talk about him. I know I would have been the same way, even all these years later, if I had the opportunity to have made a life with my William. I guess I really need to just tell you about him already. I’m sorry I keep getting off topic. It’s just one thing leads to another.”
“Take your time. I don’t mind how long it takes. It’s nice talking to you this way.” I smiled, “After all, I don’t think we have ever had a conversation like this before.”
“I don’t think we have either. And it’s probably a little overdue.” My mother reached over and tucked a fly away piece of hair behind my ear.
“So, as I was saying, I worked for my dad and one of his buildings had this terrible flood because of some burst pipes. All the apartments on the first floor were badly damaged. I am sure you can imagine how upset the residents were. Well, to make matters worse, the superintendent was on vacation and my dad had an important golf game. So his solution was to send me over to deal with the irate residents and manage the plumber.”
I couldn’t help it I smirked at my mom.
“It’s okay, darling. You can just laugh out loud. It’s comical now, but back then it was so pathetic. I don’t know what I knew less about, difusing a situation like that or managing a plumber. Well, I got there right around the same time the plumber and his crew arrived. I directed them as best as I could and then I tried to deal with the people. Annabel, you’ve never seen people so angry in your life. They acted like I purposely put a garden hose in their living room and turned on the faucet. Now, over forty years later, I can understand their rage. They were very poor people. Probably everything they owned was ruined, and whom did they have to deal with? Me. Some spoiled rich girl, in her fancy clothes, who knew nothing about anything and had no satisfactory answers for them. They were all yelling at me at once. They were horrible. I felt awful. I didn’t know what to do.”
“What did you do?” I visualized the scene.
“I tried my hardest not to cry,” my mother chuckled. “Which was no easy feat, by the way. I was stammering and stuttering. One man looked like he was about to turn violent. I grew very scared. Fortunately William appeared. He was one of the plumber’s helpers and was actually on his way to the truck to grab some tools. He saw the scene unfolding and he stopped and walked over to where I was. He quickly grabbed a hold of the man’s outstretched arm and took him off to the side of the lobby. He spoke to him, but I don’t know what he said. I couldn’t hear anything they were too far away. When he was done speaking to the man, he walked back to the group and addressed them all. He assured them he and his boss were in the process of fixing the pipes as quickly as possible. Then he told them they should go back into their apartments and prepare a detailed list of what was damaged so I could bring it back to the building’s owner who would then report the damages to his insurance company. Then, despite the fact he never had laid eyes on me before that moment, he assured them I was there to help them. It was amazing. His speech worked. Everyone went back into their apartments to compile their lists.”
“He was a lifesaver, huh?” I smiled.
“He sure was. As soon as he saw the situation was under control he went out to the truck and got the tools he needed. When he reentered the building he didn’t say a word to me. I wanted to stop him, talk to him, but I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything. I was so angry at myself, I kept thinking the least I could have done was say thank you to him.”
“Yeah. Thanks would have been a good starter,” I said as I winked at my mother. It can’t imagine her ever being at a loss for words.
“I know.” My mom paused and took another sip of her drink. “Fortunately William wasn’t shy like I was back then. When he finished working he approached me and said it seemed like I had a rough day. He told me he wanted to buy me a beer to help me relax. He took me to this dive of a bar. I had never been in a place like it in my life. I kept thinking my father would be completely mortified if he saw me there. It was quite liberating. William and I hit it off immediately. We stayed in the bar for hours, just talking and drinking beer.”
I shook my head. “I can’t picture you drinking beer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you have one.”
“You haven’t. I haven’t drunk one in over forty years. The taste brings back too many memories.”
My mother rubbed her face before continuing. “I hated when the night ended. William seemed upset too. He begged me to hang out with him again the next night, and I did. I didn’t tell my parents anything about him. I didn’t want to hear their opinions, especially my father’s, who by the way, was still trying to find me the perfect husband.”
“Why didn’t you tell them?”
“I knew they wouldn’t approve, and I was right. When my father finally found out about my relationship with William he went berserk.”
“Why? Wasn’t William a nice guy?”
“William was the best guy in the whole world, but he wasn’t up to my father’s standards.” My mother rolled her eyes. “His character didn’t matter to my father. He couldn’t care less that William was the perfect man for me, simply because William wasn’t perfect on paper. William didn’t meet any of the prerequisites my father demanded.” My mom began ticking them off on her fingers, “William’s family was dirt poor. His father died when William was a child, and his mother cleaned houses to support William and his younger sister. William dropped out of high school to help his mother make ends meet. If his actions didn’t speak volumes for his character I don't know what does. But of course my father couldn’t see any of it. He just kept seeing how my relationship with William wouldn’t advance his wealth or social status. It was sickening.”
“What did you do?”
“I ignored my father as best as I could, but it wasn’t easy. I kept hoping and praying he’d have a change of heart, and one day he’d open his mind to the fact there is more to love than what’s in your wallet. But nothing of the sort happened. The closer I got to William, the more adam
ant my father was I shouldn’t have anything to do with him. It was horrible, especially when William and I started talking about marriage.”
“What did your father do?”
“You’ll love this one,” my mother let out a low throaty laugh. “He threatened to cut me off and disown me if I married William.”
“Huh?”
“Yes, you heard me right. You’d think William was a murderer or something. It was nuts. I told my father he could do whatever he wanted to do, because I didn’t care. And I meant every word. My father could take his money and shove it. I didn’t want one penny of it if it meant a life without William.”
“Did you tell your dad this?” I asked as I attempted to reconcile in my mind the woman, who now sat next to me with the girl she once was.
“Of course I did, but he didn’t believe me. He kept telling me I’d change my mind. He raged insisting I couldn’t live any other life but one of privilege. He was so wrong.”
My mother bent down and picked up the cardboard box by her feet. She placed it on her lap and rummaged through it. She pulled out a small pouch. She reached inside it and pulled out a gold band with a tiny pink topaz stone and handed it to me.
“Do you remember this ring?”
I held the ring up and looked at it. Then I squeezed my left hand around it tightly as memories came flooding back to me. A tear escaped from my eye.
“Of course I do. You gave me this ring for my sixth birthday. I loved it remember? I never took it off. I wore it all the time. I felt so grown up every time I saw it on my finger.”
My mother took the ring out of my hand and kissed it before placing it back in the pouch. “I remember. But I never bought you the ring. William gave it to me. It was my engagement ring.”
I sat up straight. “It was?” I asked, shocked. “And you let me wear it?”
“Yes. Let’s face it, I couldn’t wear it anymore, so I brought it to the jewelry store and had it resized so it would fit you. Oh, Annabel, the ring meant the world to me. It gave me such pleasure to see how much you loved it too. You wore it for years, until you said you outgrew it. It broke my heart when you stopped wearing the ring, but there was nothing I could do about it. So I just put it back with all my mementos from my time with William.”
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Don’t be. You had no way of knowing the significance of it.”
She was right, but I still felt guilty. At one point in time I loved the ring so much, why did I just discard it? Why didn’t I want to save it? Was I really that spoiled?
“As I was saying, William and I got engaged. It was the most amazing day of my life. I wanted to make William as happy as he made me. And like you did with Brody, I bought William a motorcycle. I knew he always longed to have one, but he could never afford one. I used the money I saved for college to buy it as an engagement present for him. Teaching was no longer as important to me; after all, I had raising babies to look forward to. He was over the moon. Everything was so perfect for us.”
“I’m guessing your father had a change of heart.”
“Hell no!” My mother said probably louder than she intended. “He remained on his high horse. He told me I could stay at his house until I married William, but if I was idiotic enough to actually go through with the wedding he and my mother would have nothing to do with me. He vowed he’d never give me another cent.”
“The fact a parent could be so cruel to their child is horrible,” I said.
“Yes, it was. I wanted out of my parent’s house. I couldn’t stand being there living with my father the hypocrite and my mother the doormat. I was determined to move out as quickly as I could. William and I found the cutest little apartment in Brooklyn.” Gesturing with her hands, she clarified, “It was probably smaller than this bedroom but it was adorable. It was all I wanted, all I needed. But I never had the chance to live there. Days after we signed the lease William was riding his motorcycle, the motorcycle I bought him. He was on his way to see me. We were meeting at a coffee shop near where I worked. As he approached the restaurant, he lost control of the bike. To this day, I still don’t know exactly what happened, but I saw the entire accident. Oh Annabel, It was horrible. My strong, amazing William looked like a bloody rag doll as they lifted him on the stretcher and placed him in the ambulance. I rode with him. I held onto his hand tightly as the paramedics tried to stabilize him. I kept praying to God he’d be okay. But like your brother, he only lived a few hours after he was admitted to the hospital. I had to call his mother and tell her William, my William, her William was dead.”
My mother buried her head in her hands and started sobbing.
I didn’t know what to say so I wrapped my arms around her tightly. My heart broke. Two of the people she loved most in the whole world died almost identically.
Bea freed herself from my embrace. “He was the love of my life, Annabel, and he was gone. I only had myself to blame. I couldn’t stop thinking if only I didn't buy him that damn motorcycle he’d be alive. I hated myself for killing him.”
“But you didn’t kill him, Mother. It was an accident,” I said as I rubbed my mother’s back. “Just like I didn’t kill Brody. His death was an accident too. Don’t you see?”
“I know that now, but I didn’t believe it back then. I needed someone to be responsible for taking away the love of my life, and the only person I had to blame was myself. This was why I didn’t want Brody to have the damn bike. I was afraid history would repeat itself, just the thought of him on a motorcycle made me sick to my stomach. Brody died the same way William did and I couldn’t stop blaming you for his death. It was just too similar to what happened with William and me. Does this make any sense to you?”
I thought for a moment, and while I could never fully forget how horrible my mother acted, I think I could begin to forgive her. After all these years I was finally able to understand some of her motivations and the thought processes behind them.
“Unfortunately Mother, yes it does make sense.”
“I hope you mean it. But even if you don’t, it does makes me feel better.”
I decided to let her comment drop. Instead I asked, “What happened after William died. How did you end up with Daddy?”
“I spent the first two weeks after William’s death in my room crying continuously. My mother was somewhat sympathetic. I have to give her that. My father however, was just as obnoxious after William died as he was before. Actually he may have been even worse. He kept telling me I should be thankful William was gone. He told me I would have thrown my life down the drain if I married him. I couldn’t stand listening to him. Eventually I came out of my room. I barely ate or slept. I was a walking zombie. Numb. I felt nothing. My father resumed his quest to find me the ideal mate, and he fixed me up with the son of someone he was trying to acquire property from, your father. I dated your dad for a very short time before we got engaged. He was a nice enough guy, but I didn’t let myself love him. I couldn’t let myself be vulnerable again.”
My mother looked at William’s picture once more. “I married a man I wasn’t in love with because the man I loved was dead and buried. My father got the property he wanted for a steal. In exchange he offered to buy me a house. And while I wanted no part of his money, I took it because I knew his money was the only thing he loved in this world.” She made a sweeping gesture with her hands. “He bought us this ridiculous house. I have no idea why anyone ever would need a house this size. But I picked it out because it was the most expensive one I could find. I hoped my father would have scoffed at the cost but he just wrote a check. And he kept writing checks, which I kept on taking. But know this Annabel, I’d have gladly done without all his money if only I could have experienced some happiness instead.”
CHAPTER 19
WE LIVE OUR ENTIRE LIVES thinking we know those closest to us. But do we ever really? This question had been plaguing me all week ever since I had the heart to heart chat with my mother. It was very unsettling to find
out your mother never loved your father. It was even more troubling to learn she wished she had been able to marry and make a life with another man. After all, if her wish had come true, neither my brother nor me would have ever been born. I couldn’t help but wonder what type of life her and William’s children would have had. I bet their childhood would have been much different than Brody’s and mine. After all, they would have grown up in a house, like Cole’s and mine, filled with love rather than indifference.
I was still shocked at how much I didn’t know about my mother’s past, and the experiences which shaped her into the woman she was now. I can’t say I completely understand what made her tick, but I do think I can relate to her more than I ever had been able to before. That said, there remains one big unanswered question. Which is precisely the reason why I was not going to the bakery alone today to help her pick out a wedding cake.
As we approached the storefront I saw my mom sitting at the counter. She was glancing at her watch. I was about ten minutes late; I knew how much tardiness annoyed her. I really wanted to arrive on time, but there was an accident on the parkway. I opened the door and a bell chimed. My mother immediately turned around. I watched her face fall as she took notice of who was with me. She didn’t even attempt to disguise her disdain.
I walked towards her and she stood up. “Hello, darling,” she said as she air kissed me. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing him.”
Did she have to say “him” like it was a dirty word? I ignored her tone and replied, “I didn’t think it would matter.” Turning to my son I said, “Harley, go give your grandmother a hug.”
“OKAY!” he screamed loudly and threw his arms around her waist. I know at some point he will grow up and change, but for right now, my little boy was the most affectionate child known to man. He loved everyone.
My mother didn’t move. She remained rigid. She didn’t make any attempt to touch my son. It hurt my heart. When Harley let go of the embrace she looked me square in the eyes and replied, “Annabel, do you really think it’s appropriate to include a child in making wedding plans?”
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