by King, C. M
My reply back was a simple response, using my hangover from hell as the perfect excuse. I needed to avoid him until I managed to pull myself together. I knew any lengthy delay past a day would arouse suspicions, and he’d start to dig a little deeper.
My eyes filled with tears, the torment was too much to take. Why didn’t I just go home with him? Swiping away another tear away, I slipped out of the warm covers and made my way for another gruelling, lengthy shower.
I stood for twenty minutes under the scorching hot spray, each droplet burned torturously against my skin. I scrubbed over every endless inch of my body in a desperate attempt to get clean.
My skin was raw, yet the dirt remained. No amount of soap and water would ever be enough to remove the ingrained shame. The sore sensation between my legs was a constant reminder of where he had been, what he had took.
I hated him.
He had preyed on me, catching me at my weakest, and went in for the kill.
After resembling some kind of prune, I dragged myself out the shower and pulled on some clothes. I quickly tied my hair in a knot, avoiding the pale tortured face in the mirror.
I had to leave this room. The walls were slowly closing in on me, and I had to escape it all.
I needed some fresh air and was hoping it would relieve some of the chaos in my head. Plus the mixture of bacon and eggs wafting through the house was enough to make me heave.
I grabbed my coat almost turning green in the process. The thought of any form of food passing my lips called for a swift exit.
I headed in no particular direction, opting to see where my feet took me. My mind began to wander into those dark places I feared the most.
I had always been my own worst critic, feeling inadequate or chastising myself for my stupid mistakes, but last night had been my biggest one of all. I had let someone, in my most vulnerable state, take advantage and steal a piece of me I would never get back.
I despised David with every bone in my body. My stomach churned with the hate and loathing I felt inside.
The cool breeze was soothing against my cheeks. I bit back the sickness, while my feet kept on pushing me forward. A loud car horn brought my mind back into focus, and my head snapped up. My heart instantly began beating faster at the familiar surroundings. I was standing outside of Joel’s old pub.
I took out my ear buds and gazed through the window watching all the people milling away inside.
Was this where I was meant to be?
Had fate led me here?
Maybe subconsciously at this moment I needed to feel close to him.
Several minutes passed before I felt certain I was brave enough to enter.
Grabbing the handle, I let out a loud sigh, and pulled back the door, taking in the warm, familiar surroundings. Everything looked the same, yet so much had changed.
My eyes rested on the bar, and for a moment I hoped I’d see his perfect smiling face. I felt his presence all around me, like a ghost always haunting me, teasing me with something I could never have.
Walking to the bar I was greeted by a tall, stocky, almost menacing looking guy I’d never seen before. His buzz cut and tattoos were doing him no favours in the intimidation department but when he smiled his face instantly warmed.
“What can I get you, pet?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye. Instantly I felt at ease as his soft, warm Geordie accent washed over me.
“A hot chocolate, please,” I answered before the words had even registered, just ordering out of habit.
Did I secretly enjoy tormenting myself?
I must possess some kind of sycophant personality. First coming into the pub and then the hot chocolate.
Did I really enjoy reliving old painful memories?
But something inside was telling me I needed this, that unbelievably being here was providing some form of comfort.
“Cream and marshmallows?” he asked grinning, waiting for my response.
“Please.” I nodded, digging out some change from my pocket.
“For you, darling, you can have extra chocolate sprinkles.” His wink took me by surprise, and he chuckled at my face as I blushed. I quickly paid, feeling slightly mortified by my response.
Why was I reacting like this?
It wasn’t because I was interested, looking at someone in that way was even further from my mind, especially after what happened last night.
Grabbing my bag, I headed over to the table by the window and flopped down on the leather seat. I watched with intrigue the endless amounts of people mindlessly walking by, lost in their own little worlds. An air of jealousy surrounded me with each and every smile, envying their happy go lucky lives. I wanted the smiles, the happiness at being completely and totally blissfully in love. Not this dejected feeling I was experiencing, sinking further into my own misery.
The distraction of people watching prevented me from noticing the small crowd who had just walked in. My head automatically snapped back to the here and now by the sound of a voice I would only describe as the devil.
David.
Every single hair stood up on end. I swallowed back the bile, my own natural reaction knowing he was within metres of me. I glanced over to find him standing with two girls. I watched his eyes scan the room, no doubt searching for his next unwilling participant to his sick game.
I froze when his eyes headed in my direction, but managed to whip my head around before they locked with his. I felt my anxiety levels rise, fighting to maintain some kind of composure. Realistically I should be sprawled out on the floor, gasping for air and having a full on panic attack, but I was not going to do that.
Not here. Not now.
My eyes swept the room, hoping to find the barman to cancel my order. This no longer felt like a safe haven, it changed the moment he walked through the door.
The minutes ticked by as I anxiously gnawed on my nail, planning my exit route in my head. I glanced over to find out David’s whereabouts, hoping to avoid any form of embarrassment. The moment our eyes connected, I knew it was game over. The smug smile that crept over his face only confirmed it. Bile rose up in my throat at realising in our momentary exchange; I was now the pawn in his sick game. He had the perfect audience and I was the main act.
I swallowed deep, composing myself, and grabbed my belongings. Inwardly cursing myself for not possessing the power of invisibility, some sort of X-Men power would be gratefully appreciated right now. But I was just plain old stupid Izzy about to go into the lion’s den as I headed towards the door.
“Hey, here’s your hot chocolate, darling. Sorry it took a while, we were backed up in the kitchen,” the cute barman yelled across the room, attracting more attention my way.
Oh just fantastic!
I waved my hand dismissively. “Sorry, have to go, I’ll just leave it, thanks.” I picked up the pace, striding within metres of the door. I could feel my heart beating almost out of my chest.
“Well, let me give you a refund.”
Oh my god!
I didn’t want the sodding money.
I just wanted to leave before I had some kind of hyperventilation attack. I could already feel the air leaving my lungs.
He smiled, walking me back over to my own personal hell. I kept my eyes locked forward, ironically staring at a bottle of Tequila. I openly resented its existence, without it, I wouldn’t have been standing here feeling David’s evil, cold eyes boring into me.
“Not going to join us, Izzy,” he asked with a sneer.
I flinched at the sound of my name on his lips, the repulsion instantly came flooding back. I took a deep breath, trying desperately to keep my composure. “No, thanks. I’m choosy about the company I keep.” My eyes remained forward. I didn’t wish to continue engaging in this line of conversation with him.
“You weren’t saying that last night,” he said chuckling, his laughter taking on more of a mocking tone.
Motherfucker.
My fingers gripped the bar tight, anger coursing th
rough my veins. “Probably ’cause you got me off my head on triple vodkas and tequila, and I wasn’t coherent enough to refuse.” My nails dug hard into the wood, any longer and I was sure they’d snap off.
I just wanted to be gone already.
“You enjoyed it, baby. I could tell you were gagging for it. Girls like you that play all straight laced, acting like you have morals. I know deep down you wanted to break loose. I just helped you to do that.” The girls beside him giggled. I could feel my temper rising, he was goading me, trying to get a reaction. The way he was pushing me, it was going to be hard to rein it in.
More smug looks were directed my way by the bitches that probably held less than a brain cell between them.
My eyes locked with David’s. “You keep telling yourself that, David. Pricks like you that have to get girls drunk to get them into bed are the lowest of the low. You are scum.” I pointed my finger in his face to prove my point further. I could see he was seething by my actions, obviously not used to being confronted.
“You were a crap lay anyway.” He turned away, taking a sip of his drink.
I was verging on the point of murder, imagining my hands wrapped around his neck draining all life from him. The visual was oddly comforting, but a rage burned inside me and David kept on fanning the flames.
“That’s usually the case when you’re out of your head. Sorry my performance wasn’t better, probably the fact I’m totally repulsed by you is to blame. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes then ever go near you again. Stay out of my way in future.”
He let out a snort of disgust. “Don’t worry, I’m never going there again.”
Did he actually think I would?
The guy was delusional, the thought alone made me want to lose the entire contents of my stomach.
“Like it was ever an option. I’m sober now, and I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole.”
One of the girls giggled beside me. David was whispering into her ear, by the looks directed my way, it was more than apparent he was talking about me.
“What do you have something to say now?” My eyes pierced into her bright blue ones as her mouth pulled up into a sneer.
I wanted to slap the bitch so bad.
“Oh my god, David, you really shagged her? You must have been desperate.”
The pub instantly fell quiet.
Her loud, shrill voice had caught everyone’s attention. She had her audience, and they were waiting for a response.
Tears stung my eyes, but I would not break. David laughed with a wicked gleam in his eyes. A surge of rage ripped through me, and I grabbed the pint of lager that had just been placed beside me, emptying the entire contents over him.
Both girls squealed in horror as David flew forward. I could tell he was itching to hit me, his eyes now filled with venom. His simmering anger had finally reached boiling point.
“You bitch!” he yelled, wiping his face with his hands. I stood there laughing, enjoying every single moment of it.
“Yeah, I’m not even close.” My fist instantly connected with his nose sending him reeling back. My hand instantly stung from the impact, but it was worth it to see the look of surprise on his face.
“I think you’ve broke my fucking nose,” he screamed as his hands cupped it protectively. I watched with delight the blood streaming down his face, dripping down onto the wooden floor.
A huge smirk spread across my face. “Good, that’s what I was aiming for.” See how he liked a taste of his own bitter medicine
David lunged forward raising his fist. Instantly a pair of strong, tattooed arms encircled him, pulling him back as he grappled to be set free.
“I think you need to go, mate,” Geordie guy whispered in his ear.
His eyes widened in shock. “What? She was the one who fucking punched and threw a drink over me!”
“Look, we don’t want anymore trouble. You instigated it from the start, so just leave.”
He blew out some air in agitation. “Fine, if you would get your fucking hands off me I will.” He slowly released David, looking on reluctantly in case his services were needed again.
“Thanks,” I muttered to him when he approached me with a look of concern.
He frowned at my grimace as I clutched my injury, squirming with the pain. “How’s the hand?” He lifted it up gently inspecting it, checking for any signs of broken bones.
“I hope it’s broken,” David yelled over his shoulder, trying to stem the blood oozing out of his nose.
“Fuck you, David, if you want me to test that theory again then keep talking.”
David stopped to pick up his coat. His eyes held mine for a few moments before a smile spread across his face. “Mate, just a quick tip if you’re interested. Just get a few shots down her neck and those legs slide right open.”
Fuck.
A few people gasped, a few laughed, but I was just frozen to the spot. He had the last laugh to my complete and total embarrassment.
I felt a stray tear slide down my cheek. Just how evil could one guy be? Did he not destroy enough of me last night to now come back and finish the job?
“What the fuck did you just say?”
What?
I flinched at the sound of his voice.
I would recognise it anywhere. It was the voice that haunted my dreams every night. The voice I’d waited so long to hear.
My heart almost beat out of my chest. My knees began to buckle from the overwhelming feeling taking over.
Oh god.
I needed a moment to compose myself. But when my eyes swept round to capture Joel’s, I found them not locked on me but on David. He stood behind the bar glaring, his eyes cold and hard. He looked like he was about to murder him.
Good, he deserved it, the fucker.
David eyes were equally as cold, wiping the blood from his nose with his sleeve. “I wasn’t talking to you, mate, so mind your own fucking business. Unless you’ve had a go with Izzy, then we can compare notes.”
His smile was the final nail in the coffin, he had just signed his own death warrant.
A flash of anger crossed Joel’s face as he leapt over the bar grabbing David by the throat. They hurtled towards the ground, sending everyone including me flying.
There were squeals and shouting, glass and furniture went flying everywhere. The sudden movement was enough to knock me off balance. I stumbled backwards, hitting my head hard on the glass table.
The pain was instantaneous like being hit with a sledgehammer. I was sprawled out on the hard, wooden floor. If the blood on my hand was any indicator then this was bad. I felt the small trickle run down my forehead. I heard the sounds of grunting and flesh being hit over and over with raised voices of people trying to intervene.
I saw Joel’s face just for a moment, his bright blue eyes stared deep into mine. I murmured his name over and over in the vain hope he’d hear me until everything began to fade to black.
* * *
I awoke to a bright light shining deep into my eyes. I jerked back as my eyes responded to the sudden bright glare.
What the hell was going on?
“It’s okay, Iz, they need to check you over to see if there’s anything wrong. You keep going in and out of consciousness.” He smiled reassuringly, but I saw a look of anguish on his face. I looked at him dumbfounded.
Was he really here, or was I just dreaming?
“Are you real?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.
He chuckled, his finger softly stroking my face. “Iz, it’s me. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m back for good.”
My breath hitched at his words.
He was really back?
I wanted to talk to him, to touch him, to wrap myself around his beautiful body. But all my thoughts were shattered when the nurse bustled Joel away much to my absolute horror.
“You know I’m fine, I think I should go,” I dropped my feet down onto the floor. I was ready to chase Joel down before I stumbled. My head began s
pinning again, and a strong pair of arms caught me, breaking my fall as I sagged against her.
“Get back in that bed right now, young lady. You’re going nowhere until Dr Stephens has checked you over and signed you fit to leave.”
I didn’t argue, she had strength on her side. She scowled watching me intently until I slowly slipped back into bed. I closed my eyes still unable to take it all in.
He was here.
He was actually here.
Then everything came flooding back.
Cindy. Oh god. The kiss in the street.
Maybe it had been a fling?
He looked happy to see me. He said he was back for good. Whether that meant to be with me was something I needed to find out.
The nurse walked back in with a jug of water. “Has Joel gone?” I asked, the panic rising in my voice. I leaned forward trying to see out the door window.
“Joel? Oh the cute guy, is he your boyfriend? No, he’s still here. He definitely has a way with the ladies. He’s got quite a few of the young nurses charmed, they wanted to know if he’s single.” I saw a wry smile on her face. I knew Joel had probably had some affect on her too.
Was everyone susceptible to him?
I instantly felt jealous. But he wasn’t mine to possess, to claim. But I definitely didn’t want him dating either. “No, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s actually gay; he goes out with my brother.” I bit my lip to suppress a smile, hoping she’d buy my lie.
“All the good looking ones are.” She chuckled. “They will be disappointed when I report back.” She finished pouring out the water as I fought the need to laugh.
“Sorry.” I shrugged, trying hard to keep a straight face. Until she left and then the laughter broke free. I knew it was wrong to lie, but here I was on my deathbed with nurses circling, hoping for a date with my guy.
Well technically, I wasn’t dying and he wasn’t my guy anymore, but these women seemed the type that would hit on him at my funeral before I was even cold.
“What are you laughing at?”
My eyes were still closed, but I didn’t need to open them to know just who that delicious voice belonged to. “Oh just a private joke.” I wiped the tears away, opening my eyes to take in the vision before me.