Walter gave his grudging consent.
“Good.” Sam clapped his grandfather on the back. “The paperwork is on my desk.” With a nod, Walter left.
Cheryl turned to Sam. “I need to talk.”
A smile softened his features. “Good, because there’s something I want to tell you.”
He reached for her. She gripped his hand for a moment, then released it and clasped her arms across her chest. “My sister called last night.”
He smile faded. “Your sister is back?”
“Yes. She’s coming to pick me up.” She stared at the tips of her shoes. She couldn’t bear to watch his face.
After a long pause, he said, “I see. When?”
She heard the bewilderment in his voice, and she knew he didn’t understand. “Today. This afternoon.”
He turned and took a step away, then spun around to face her. Anguish marred his face. “So, this is goodbye?”
“Yes. You knew I would leave sometime.” She wanted so much to reach out and hold him.
He brushed past her and headed for the workbench at the end of the aisle. He opened a cabinet door, then banged it closed and clutched the countertop in front of him. “I thought we might be enough for you, the girls and I.”
“I’m sorry, Sam. I can’t stay.”
He turned to her. “Even if I asked you to? Even if I said—”
“Please, stop. I have to go. We both knew that at the start. I think we just forgot it for a little while.”
He turned away from her. “There isn’t much demand for ballet dancers out here, is there?” Bitterness colored his voice with a coldness that chilled her.
Cheryl wished she could find a way to ease the ache in her heart—and in his. Perhaps it would be best to let him believe her career was the reason she was leaving. “I’ve worked for years to get where I am, Sam. I can’t throw it all away.”
“I don’t know how I could have been so stupid.”
“Don’t say that. What we had was wonderful. Never doubt it, and please don’t belittle it.”
Sam turned and stared at her for a long moment. Her pleading was so heartfelt that he knew it wasn’t a charade. There was so much pain in her eyes. Why? If her career meant more to her than his affections why would he see so much pain?
“Cheryl, I was afraid of loving someone who didn’t love me in return. I thought you were afraid of the same thing. I was wrong, wasn’t I? What are you afraid of?”
She turned away, but he caught her hand, preventing her escape. “I love you. I know that you love me and you love my children. I see it in your face every time you look at us. Please, whatever it is, we can work it out. Let me help you.”
“Can you change the past, Sam? Can you right the wrongs done by other people? You can’t. And I won’t let what has happened before touch you or the girls. Please, don’t make this any harder for me.”
“I wish you could find it in your heart to trust me. Because of you I’ve learned to love again. I love the way your hair catches the sunlight, the way your eyes sparkle with delight when the girls do something funny. I love the goodness in your soul—the kindness you shower on my family. Why would I want to make it easy for you to leave?”
“If you do love me, you won’t try to stop me.”
His shoulders slumped in defeat. He dropped her hand. “You win. I can’t change the past and whatever happened to you, but I know with God’s help you can face it. You can overcome it. Until you are ready to do that, I don’t know how to help you.”
Cheryl watched him until he stepped out the barn door and closed it behind him, leaving her alone with her heartache. She was a coward. She didn’t deserve a man as kind and good as Sam. He and the girls were better off without her. The knowledge brought a fresh stab of grief. She sank to the floor and covered her face as hot tears poured down her cheeks.
Chapter Fourteen
Cheryl managed to regain her composure, and she was in the kitchen when the twins came running upstairs, demanding breakfast. She thought she’d cried out all her tears, but more stung the backs of her eyelids as she watched the girls slide into their chairs at the table. They were dressed in identical blue jeans, yellow Western shirts and blue cowboy hats that hung down their back by their strings.
“What’s for breakfast?” Lindy sniffed. “Pancakes?”
Kayla reached for her juice. “Where’s Daddy?”
Cheryl turned the cakes on the griddle. “He had to go into town this morning. I’m making your favorite breakfast—blueberry pancakes.”
“Goody.”
“Yum.”
She slipped the golden-brown pancakes onto plates and took a deep breath before she turned around. She placed a dish in front of each child. “There’s something I have to tell you.”
“What?” Lindy asked, pouring too much syrup over her stack.
“My sister called me last night. She’s home now and I’m going to stay with her for a while.”
Kayla stared at Cheryl. “You’re going away?”
Cheryl couldn’t bear to see the disappointment cloud their faces. She turned away and busied herself at the stove. “Yes, I am.”
“But you can’t go!” Kayla insisted.
“I have to, sweetheart. I have to get back to my work.”
“You can’t dance, your foot is still broke,” Lindy shouted.
“You said you loved us,” Kayla added quietly.
Cheryl spun around and came to kneel beside her. “I do love you.”
“Then why do you want to go away?” Kayla whispered. “Did we do something bad?”
“No, of course you didn’t.”
“Please, don’t go. We’ll be good, won’t we?” Kayla looked at her sister, but Lindy didn’t answer.
“I can’t stay,” Cheryl said as her heart broke into even smaller pieces.
“Are you going back to New York?” Kayla asked quietly.
Cheryl closed her eyes and shook her head. “My sister lives in Wichita. I’ll stay with her until the doctor says I can dance again, then I’ll leave for New York.”
Cheryl struggled to keep the quiver out of her voice. “I thought we could do something really special today, anything you girls wanted. So, what will it be?”
The twins stared silently at each other for a long moment, then Kayla looked at Cheryl and said, “Nothing.”
They got up from the table and walked out of the house, the untouched pancakes still on their plates.
Cheryl watched them go. It hurt nearly as much as watching Sam walk away.
She left the kitchen and wandered to the long windows and stared out at the rolling hills. She slid open the balcony door and walked out to lean against the railing. A strong south wind greeted her. The grasses on the hillside across from her nodded and swayed as they danced in the wind.
Walking around the side of the house, she checked on the twins. They were with Walter. A cattle trailer was pulling into the yard and the three of them waited for it beside the barn. Feeling very much alone, Cheryl turned and walked down the hill to the garden.
She hesitated at the stone doorway and gently ran her hand down the moss-covered stones. She leaned her head against them and gazed at the sundial in its circle of flowers. When she left here today she might never hear the sounds of happiness again. The true garden was in her heart, she realized, not on the other side of this stone wall.
Before Sam and his children, her heart had been an empty, barren space. The joy and the pain that came with loving them were both the sunshine and the rain that had made a garden of happiness grow there. Without them, she was afraid only dust would gather in the corners of her heart again. She stepped through the doorway and sat down on the cool stone bench.
She’d wanted to protect Sam and the children, but it seemed all she’d done was hurt them. Was she willing to leave and let those two children spend their whole lives believing they hadn’t been good enough to earn her love? Wasn’t that the way her father had made her feel?
She loved Sam so much, yet she was willing to let him believe her career meant more to her than his love. That was a sin, bigger than any she’d committed by failing to tell him the truth about her past. Sam deserved better. She had nothing to do with the missing cattle, but it wasn’t fair that all his hard work would be for nothing because of her brother.
Maybe if she went to see Jake, if she could convince him to return the cattle, or at least tell her where he’d sold them, maybe it would help.
She pressed her palms to her temples. What was she thinking? She’d have to go to the ranch. She’d have to face her brother and grandmother and her bitter memories of that place. And why would Jake help her now after she had ignored him for years? Maybe he wouldn’t, but she had to try. She owed Sam that much. If only she were as brave as Angie.
Clasping her hands together, she bowed her head. Please Lord, Sam said You will give me strength, hope and limitless love if I trust in You. Help me to do the right thing. Help me find the courage I need. And help me bear the outcome with dignity, whatever that outcome may be.
A feeling of rightness—of deep calm came over her. Filled with a determination to do what she could to help Sam, Cheryl left the garden without a backward glance.
Walter was saddling a horse beside the barn when she came around the side of the house. There was no sign of Sam. Gathering her courage, she approached his grandfather.
“Walter, I need a favor.”
He looked up from his task. “What kind of favor?”
“I need to borrow your truck, and I need you to keep an eye on the girls for me while I—run an errand.”
He turned back to the horse and slipped its bridle on. “Can’t it wait until Sam gets back?”
“No, it can’t.”
“What’s your hurry?”
“I’m leaving today.”
That snapped his head around. “Does Sam know?”
“Yes.”
He nodded toward the twins climbing on the corral fence. “Do they?”
“Yes, I told them. My sister is coming for me this afternoon.”
Walter stared at her for a long moment. “Take the truck. The keys are in it. I think I’m going to miss you.”
“I might just miss you, too, Walter.” She smiled at him sadly. Turning away, she crossed the yard, climbed in the truck and drove out of the yard.
Lindy, sitting on the top rail of the fence, banged boot heels against the boards in frustration. “She can’t leave. I don’t want her to. I thought she wanted to be our mother.”
“She does.”
“She does not!”
“She does, too!”
“What are you arguing about?” Walter asked as he rode up next to them.
“Nothing,” they answered together.
“Well, pipe down. You’ll scare the cattle,” he said.
“Where’s Cheryl going? I didn’t say goodbye.” Kayla started to climb down from the fence as Cheryl drove past.
“She’s got an errand to run. She’s not leaving until her sister gets here. You’ll have plenty of time to say goodbye.” He entered the corral and began cutting two young bulls away from the herd and driving them toward the loading chute.
“We got to find a way to stop her,” Lindy said more quietly. She pushed her hat off and let it dangle down her back by the ties.
“Daddy will stop her.”
“What if she leaves before he comes home? Then what will happen?”
“I don’t know,” Kayla admitted.
They watched silently as Walter loaded the first two cattle into the trailer, then he rode back into the herd and began to cut two young heifers away and drive them up the chute. The truck driver lowered the gate with a loud clatter when the last calf entered the trailer. He came and stood beside the girls.
“Fer a minute there, I thought I was a seein’ double,” he drawled, tipping his hat back. “Don’t folks have trouble tellin’ you apart?”
The twins nodded. “Yup,” they answered together.
“Where are you—”
“—taking Daddy’s cattle?”
He spat a stream of tobacco juice on the ground. “Yer daddy sold ’em, so they ain’t his cattle no more. The heifers I’m takin’ to a ranch over by Abilene, and them bulls are going to a farm down by Wichita.”
“Wichita?” Lindy looked at her sister and smiled. Kayla stared at her a moment, then nodded slowly.
“Yup, all the way to Wichita,” the man replied.
Walter rode up, dismounted and looped his reins over the fence. “Come to the house, Mr. Reed, and we’ll settle the bill.”
The two men crossed the yard together. They stepped apart as Bonkers darted between them and scampered toward the twins still sitting on the fence.
Cheryl turned the pickup off the highway at the familiar corner and drove slowly down the rutted lane. Weeds sprouted in a wide path between the tire tracks. The house, when it came into view, was as neglected-looking as the lane.
The once-white building was gray with age and peeling paint. The porch railing was missing a spindle or two giving the house the appearance of an old hag with missing teeth. It seemed smaller than she remembered. The yard was overgrown and wore an air of neglect.
Only the barn and corrals showed signs of repairs. A battered green-and-white pickup held a stack of new lumber and paint cans that showed someone’s intent to continue the work.
Cheryl stepped out of the truck and waited. There was no sign of life. She approached the house with trepidation and climbed the steps. The front door stood open behind the screen door. She didn’t have any idea what she’d say to Doris or to Jake, but she raised her hand and knocked as loudly as her wavering courage would allow. No one came. Calling out a hello, she opened the door and stepped inside her childhood home.
Little had changed, she saw as she stood in the entryway. The wallpaper was the same pattern of yellow roses, now faded to a drab gray. A glance into the living room showed her the same brown sofa, sagging more in the middle, and an overstuffed chair. The smell was different, she thought. It smelled old and devoid of life. It all seemed so familiar, and yet so foreign.
“Hello?” she called out again. Only silence answered her. Her sense of unease grew. She turned and hurried toward the front door and the fresh air and sunshine. Her hand was on the screen door when a dark figure loomed in front of her, blocking out the light.
“What are you doing here?”
For an instant, she didn’t recognize his voice. Older and deeper, it carried a hard edge that sent a chill down her spine. So this was the man her brother had become. Fear flickered in the pit of her stomach. What had made her think that she could confront him? No one knew where she’d gone.
The thought of Sam and what he stood to lose stiffened her spine. Jake wasn’t going to ruin all Sam had worked to achieve. Not if she could help it.
Raising her chin, she said, “I wouldn’t have come at all if you hadn’t stolen Harvey. Where is he? I want him back.” She shoved open the screen door.
“Who?” He stepped backward as she barged out of the house.
She held her arms outstretched as she advanced on him. “Big white bull.” She wiggled her fingers over her head. “Lots of curls. Pink hooves that match these.” She thrust her nails in front of his face.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He took another step back and teetered on the edge of the steps.
Shoving against his chest with both hands, she sent him sprawling in the dirt. His black hat went flying. She straddled his body before he could get up. Balling her fists, she said, “You tell me where he is or I’ll—I’ll…”
A slow grin spread over his face, softening his features into the charming older brother she’d once known. “Or you’ll do what? Spit in my eye? If I remember right, Twiggy, that’s what you used to threaten me with.”
Her bravado evaporated at his use of the nickname she’d hated. She dropped her fists.
&nb
sp; “After all this time you can’t even say hello?” he asked.
Slowly, she extended one hand toward him. “Hello, Goat Breath. How have you been?”
“Not too bad.” After a moment, he took her hand, and she pulled him to his feet. “Nobody’s called me Goat Breath in a long, long time. Sounds kind of nice.”
Cheryl sank onto the porch steps behind her, and after a brief hesitation, he picked up his hat and sat down beside her.
“You didn’t take them, did you?” she said.
“Take what?”
“Sam Hardin’s cattle.”
“No.” He dusted off his hat.
“They think you did. The sheriff will be out here soon.”
He settled his hat on his head. “It won’t be the first time. But there’s nothing for him to find.”
She stared at Jake, seeing how the years had added lines to his face. He hadn’t had an easy time of it. “I’m sorry I suspected you.”
He shrugged. “Can’t blame you. My track record ain’t exactly flawless.” He returned her steady regard. “You sure look like your mother.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“She was always good to me. I loved her for that. What are you doing out here, Cheryl?”
“I had a car accident on my way to Manhattan after Angie’s wedding, and I broke my foot. The rest is a long story, but I’ve been staying at the Hardin ranch. Angie told me you were at her wedding. Your music was beautiful.”
“Yeah, well, I had plenty of time to practice.”
“Angie also told me yesterday about what you did for me. If it means anything after all this time—thank you.”
He scuffed the ground with the heel of his boot. “Yeah, it means something.”
“I wish…I’m sorry I didn’t…you know…keep in touch.”
“After the mess I got you into, I didn’t expect you would.”
“No, it wasn’t right that I cut you off. I’m glad Angie had more sense. Our little sister is a lot deeper than I thought.”
He nodded. “She’s a good kid. I hope she’s happy with Jeff.”
“I think she will be. What about you? Is there anyone?”
His bark of laughter was bitter. “In this cattle country? No rancher’s daughter is going to take a chance on me. Besides, I’ve been too busy trying to make a go of this place.”
Love Thine Enemy Page 17