“Oh my god, this is so backwards. I’m saying I trust you with my kids, but I don’t trust you with me.” Rafe laughed as Sloan blew out a breath and crossed her eyes at the same time.
“Well, we don’t need to make this a whole thing. We can just play it by ear. And maybe make each other a deal.”
“A deal?”
“Yeah. If you’re not feeling comfortable, you tell me and if I’m not feeling comfortable, I’ll tell you.”
“Yeah, okay. That sounds like a good deal.”
“And we don’t have to keep having awkward conversations about it.”
“God,” Sloan chuckled. “This is awkward as fuck.”
Fuck it, Rafe thought. He took the leap. “How about this. When you want it, when you want more from me, just send me a simple text. Pick a—a nonsexual emoji.”
“Aren’t they all sexual if you put your mind to it?”
“That is true.”
“I’ll do some research. Come up with something original.”
“Good. You and I get to know each other better and if you want this to turn into something else—”
“Just send you a text. It’s that easy?”
“I don’t see why it has to be any harder.”
“Right. Okay. Cool. That’s good. Good. Should we shake on it?” Sloan said, her throat visibly working to swallow her nerves. Rafe looked her face up and down, then made a decision that would change everything between them. He crossed the kitchen, then bent, lightly cupping Sloan’s cheeks. Before their lips could meet, he felt her lean up on her tiptoes. She kissed him, wrapping her soft fingers around his wrists, keeping him in place.
Knowing they were once again on the same page, and maybe feeling like he had a little something to prove, Rafe deepened the kiss, pressing even closer and parting his lips. Her tongue eased out and brushed against his. Absolutely fucked. He knew he wasn’t coming back from this, but he also knew when she eventually had to fire him because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, he would still never regret this kiss.
When he felt a groan brewing deep inside his chest, he pulled away. They stared at each other for a few long moments, breathing heavily. Rafe knew what could happen next, but he also knew at that very moment that it would be a mistake.
“Well. That was very informative,” Sloan said, sounding a little breathless.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, that’ll—that’ll really give me something to think about.” Suddenly, she seemed to snap out of the trance they’d both been under. She winced, scratching her forehead. “In a hypocritical twist, please don’t ask my kids to keep secrets from me. I’m fine if you treat them to lunch or the spontaneous trip for yogurt. But Tess telling them to keep the Tito’s thing from me. I just—”
“I get it. And I won’t. That’s not my style. I’ll have them surprise you with breakfast in bed just to keep things fresh, but you’re their home base. No matter how much they like me, it’s not my job to mess with your relationship with them. And clearly they don’t know how to feel about lying to you either. I mean, those sandwiches were buried deep.”
“Thank you.”
“You okay, otherwise?”
“Yeah. It’s just been a long week. I’d like the Tess-related revelations to stop.”
“Listen, it’s my job to make things easier for you. Not harder.”
“I appreciate that. I—uh. I’m going shut things down and head up to my room. I’m going to watch bad British T.V. in my bed.”
“Goodnight, Sloan.”
“Goodnight, Rafe.”
He turned and left the kitchen before anything else could be done or said. It was barely nine o’clock when he climbed in the shower. He knew he had a long night of trying not to beat off while silently praying for a text.
5
Sloan waited until she heard Rafe’s bedroom door close before she took off at a full sprint up the stairs. She was careful not to slam her own door, but as soon as it clicked shut behind her, she threw herself on the bed and screamed the girliest, squealiest scream she could manage right into her pillow. She’d just kissed Rafe. Rafe kissed her and it was goooood. Her body was hot all over. Just one kiss and her breasts and pussy were aching.
From the moment he’d arrived that morning, Sloan knew she was in trouble. Watching him walk up to her front door was like watching the opening scenes of a porno with a semblance of a plot. Snug dark green t-shirt stretching over his large biceps. Jeans that were somehow loose, but perfectly close-fitting at the same time, hugging his large thighs. The only thing that stopped her from drooling or asking him flat out if he wanted to use her as a finger puppet was the fact that they definitely weren’t alone.
Sloan knew she had to step back and evaluate what going literal years without sex did to her brain. The sudden wave of lust that had washed over her when he offered to take the Tahoe to get washed was absurd. Thanks to her experience with her ex, sometimes her standards felt so low the bar was literally under the floor, but a short forty-eight hours with Rafe had opened this strange world of possibilities. There was a hot, sweet guy out there who was great with her kids?
How could she not find that attractive? She’d spent her whole life under someone’s watchful eye. First her mother’s, who wanted the best for her, and then Drew’s, who wanted her to do the best for him. Xeni was right. The was no harm in telling Rafe that she thought he was cute. If things went to hell, she knew he wouldn’t leave her high and dry. Worst case scenario, they had a few awkward weeks while she found someone new. If things went well…
She sat up, cutting off that line of thinking. No. Whatever was going on between them couldn’t become anything more. This was phase one of one. Smooching and maybe a few covert trips to third base. That was it. The last time she’d wanted more, she ended up married to the asshole of the century who tried to mindfuck her out of her career. All she wanted was to look at Rafe, touch his biceps a little, and hopefully he could remind her what it felt like to have an orgasm that wasn’t self induced.
In the next few days, she would be opening another human being’s chest and literally cutting into their heart. She could handle that, but she was losing her mind over a kiss. She picked up her phone and texted Xeni.
Uh we just kissed.
Sloan’s phone screen immediately flashed to black with an incoming call from her friend. Sloan hit ACCEPT just as quickly.
“Hey.”
“I’m sorry. You type too slow and this is too damn important. Tell me everything right now.”
“Well, after wanting to jump him all day long, I cracked and told him he wasn’t alone in his attraction to me. We agreed to play it by ear and then he decided to seal the deal with one hell of a kiss.”
“Oh, so it was good,” Xeni said with a sigh of relief. “Thank god. A guy that fine being a bad kisser would have been criminally unjust.”
“It would have made things a lot easier for me. He put the ball in my court and now I have to decide if I want this to stop at kissing or—”
“If you want him to break that back.”
“Yep.”
“I think we both know what’s going to happen here.”
“Do we?”
“You’re gonna try to hold off and then after like a week you’re gonna go mad with lust and throw yourself at him. Trust me. Once the pussy’s been activated and the juices start seeping into your brain, all reason goes right out the window.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You’re thinking about fucking him right now!”
“You’re wrong! Oh! I met his mom and his sister today. His step-mom. She’s Black. They were both super nice.”
“That’s great!”
It was almost hilarious that Rafe thought she might be put out by Gracie and Monica’s visit. Seeing the three of them interact with their gentle teasing only made him more appealing. And it made her feel better about hiring him. She’d spent most of the time telling Gracie about her unique undergr
ad experience. Before they left, Monica insisted that she was serious when she told Sloan not to be a stranger. They had only spent a short time together, but for the first time since she’d moved to L.A., her home felt full in a way that reminded her of being in her own mother’s home.
“Yeah, I don’t know. It made me miss my mom some. I should probably call her.”
“I’m sure Pauletta would like that,” Xeni said, her tone softening a bit. Thankfully she changed the subject. “So you kissed. You met his mom. I assume he’s still good with the girls?”
“He’s great with the girls.”
“So, when’s the wedding?”
“Hey, so listen. I gotta go. Early day tomorrow and all.”
“Yeah, yeah. I just wanna go on record as saying I told you so.”
“You told me what?”
“Oh, you’ll see. Have fun saving lives.”
“Bye.”
An hour later and Sloan was still buzzing from that kiss. Watching Match Made In Paradise was not helping. Twelve attractive singles making out and binge drinking on an sprawling estate on the coast of Ibiza while competing for fifty thousand pounds only made her think more about having oddly intense hookups with a guy she’d just met. When Poppy and Jack got voted to spend a night alone in the Lovers’ Suite and the camera captured a steamy thirty seconds of them clearly having sex under the sheets, Sloan snapped. She picked up her phone and sent Rafe a text.
Are you still awake?
After the little DELIVERED notification popped up, she immediately wished she could take it back. What the hell was she thinking? Just as she geared up to give herself the berating of a lifetime, a text from Rafe popped up on her phone.
You just sent me a U Up? text.
I just want to be clear about that.
It made sense that Sloan was terrible at this. Her first crush had been her table mate in AP bio. She was ten years old and her mother sat right behind them the whole semester. When Sloan had gotten up the courage to write him a note, he just smiled at her. Later in the week, her mom explained that a boy his age was just too old for her and the next time she walked into AP bio, she had a new table mate. Clearly she learned nothing from that interaction.
“Right. Just end this right now,” she told herself as she started texting him back.
So I did.
I’m going to climb in a hole now
Goodnight to you, sir.
Sloan tossed her phone across the bed, picked up her remote and pressed the rewind button. Poppy was telling the girls about her night in the Lovers’ Suite. Sloan had missed everything she said. They’d moved on to Jack doing a little bragging of his own when Sloan felt her phone vibrate on the bed. She could leave it, check Rafe’s response in the morning and apologize for bothering him, but the whole universe knew she was too weak for all that. Flopping on her back, she reached for her phone and held it above her face.
Not so fast.
What are you doing?
I’m watching that dating
show I mentioned.
How’s that going?
Good. One of the couples just had
grainy black and white sex on screen.
It was thrilling.
Are you settled in okay?
I am. Bed’s comfortable
And the water pressure in the shower is excellent.
Sloan groaned out loud just thinking of a naked Rafe, hot water running over every inch of his body. She knew she should wish him a goodnight—for the third time—and stop with this high school level attempt at flirting via text, but she didn’t want the conversation to end.
I’m having trouble coming up with an emoji.
This is a lot of pressure.
Come down to my room.
Aren’t we supposed to drag this out?
Let the tension drive us to the point
where we can’t stand it anymore
and we just rip each other’s clothes off?
Is that what you want?
“I don’t freaking know,” Sloan said to herself. She moved to the edge of her bed and stared at her phone. Rafe was sweet and kind, and damn sexy. He also wasn’t the kind of asshole who was going to make up her mind for her. She thought about Drew and the girls, and tears stung the back of her eyes. She waited a minute or so, but Rafe didn’t text again. He didn’t push. He’d asked her a question and he was waiting for her to respond.
I want you to make this easy on me, she typed. It was the truth. A layer of truth she didn’t want to get into tonight. She wasn’t ashamed of her lack of experience, but she couldn’t help how it colored the way she practically avoided men since her divorce. How could she tell him that, though? She knew it was impossible for him to read her mind or even to guess what layers she wanted him to chip away at first. That wasn’t going to happen, so she hit send on the text.
Come on down here
and we’ll see what we can do
to make things easier.
“Okay. This is silly.” Sloan set her phone down and walked into her bathroom. She checked herself in the mirror and decided it was a little too soon for Rafe to see her with her braids wrapped in her loc sock. Her pajamas were nothing fancy, but she had to admit that she looked cute in the tank top and shorts. With a deep breath, she slipped out of her room and crept down the hall, lit here and there by the ankle-height nightlights that Avery insisted she put in every available outlet. She didn’t dare check in on the girls. It would be just her luck that she would wake one of them up and they would follow her downstairs.
She’d been in her own kitchen in the dark of night dozens of times, but for the first time ever she felt like she was doing something bad. God, she’d missed out on a lot. She almost thought about turning on the light in the hallway to Rafe’s room, but the nightlights framing his door led the way just fine. Another deep breath and she knocked once. When Rafe opened the door in nothing but a pair of sweatpants, Sloan almost swallowed her tongue.
Her gaze traveled up and down his whole body. They’d spent the last two days together and she’d already seen him with his shirt off. She’d had plenty of time to get used to the tattoos that ran all the way up to his neck. And his muscles. Sweet Jesus, he was ripped. She’d taken it all in in the bright summer sun the day before. Watching him fill the doorway, the light from the TV at his back and the glow from the nightlights casting his features in an eerily sexy shadow, Sloan felt like she was taking him in for the first time.
“Hey,” he said with that perfectly deep voice in a near whisper.
“Hey.”
He stepped into the hall and right into Sloan’s personal space. She swallowed as his hand came up and rested lightly on her shoulder. It shouldn’t have felt so right, so easy when his fingers started caressing her skin.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I guess I should just tell you. Since you live in my house now and you’ll probably get to know me very well.”
Rafe shrugged, nodding in agreement. “That does tend to happen when you live under the same roof. Lay it on me.”
“I’ve only been with one person before,” Sloan admitted.
“Your ex-husband.”
“Yeah, but I don’t mean I’ve only had wild, penetrative sex with one person before. I mean I’ve only been with one person. First kiss, first time, first everything. One person. Only one person. I’m an excellent surgeon. Pretty great mom, but my confidence in the men department is pretty ehhh...”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Absolutely not,” Sloan said, shaking her head.
“But you want to do something about it.”
“Yes. If you still want to, that is.”
“Oh, I want to. Come in.”
Sloan stepped inside Rafe’s bedroom and turned to watch him as he closed the door. A small voice in the back of her head finally told her to just relax. She wanted this. She wanted Rafe. Even though she knew it was a terrible idea, something about it felt inevitable
. Her eyes traveled down to his hips as he grabbed his phone off the foot of the bed.
“How long do we have?” he asked.
“Forty minutes?”
“I’ll set an alarm. It’s the responsible thing to do.”
“It really is.”
“There. You want to sit?”
“Yeah. What are you watching?” The T.V. was paused and two men on the screen were talking in the middle of a desert.
“This show about a drug cartel.”
“Is it violent? I don’t do violence. It makes me squeamish.”
Rafe grabbed the remote and went back out to the menu of the streaming service that was linked up to every T.V. in the house. Sloan had been sure to delete Tess’s profile and add one for Rafe. “What was that show you were watching? Match Made in Paradise?”
“Yeah,” Sloan said as she perched on the edge of the mattress. “I’m on season three, episode four.”
“Let’s do it. Excuse me.” Rafe stood directly in front of her and held out his hand.
“Oh, sorry.” Sloan stood, confused about what exactly was going on until Rafe took a seat on the bed. She almost jumped when his hand came down on her waist, but she didn’t hesitate when he guided her down so she was sitting between his legs. The heat from his body surrounded her, sending goosebumps over every inch of her body. It took a few moments for her to remember how to breathe, but by the time she figured out the simple mechanics of in and out, he’d pressed play on the next episode. As the host, Emry, explained the premise of the show over the title cards, Rafe’s arms wrapped around her.
“So, what’s the appeal of this show?” he said in her ear.
RAFE: A Buff Male Nanny (Loose Ends Book 1) Page 6