RAFE: A Buff Male Nanny (Loose Ends Book 1)

by Rebekah Weatherspoon

  “No fucking idea.”

  Sloan couldn’t hold back her burst of laughter. That was not what she expected to hear. “Well then.”

  “I felt like my life had stalled out and taking that feeling across the ocean didn’t seem like a great idea.”

  “And now? I bet being six thousand miles away from this mess sounds amazing.”

  Rafe shook his head. “Monica always told me that this is a job. These are not your families. But the moment I met you and Addison and Avery, something felt different. I kept telling myself it was because you weren’t married and in some antiquated, bullshit way, I was filling those shoes. I know that sounds fucked and presumptuous as hell.”

  “No, it—”

  “I kept telling myself that I was just thinking about how much I wanted you, that I wanted you so bad I wasn’t thinking straight. But that wasn’t it. It was you. You are beautiful, Sloan, but you are so damn smart, and kind, and full of heart and you’re a good mother. You’re not afraid to show people that you’re a great fucking surgeon.

  “That snorting laugh thing you do cracks me up. And trust me, I’ve been around plenty of kids I can’t stand and have taken great care of them. I adore Addison and Avery. And I love how much of you I see in them. If you told me to get lost, I would, but I would always think of you guys. I’d always worry about you. I feel like—I feel like you’ve invited me to be a part of your family—”

  “We have,” Sloan said.

  “No. It’s more than that. I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I feel like you’re mine.” He finally looked into her eyes. “Not in a possessive, fucked up way. I feel like you’ve taken up this space in my heart that’s just getting bigger and bigger. I feel like the fucking Grinch after he gave in to Christmas.”

  Sloan laughed, more tears running down her face. “I know exactly how you feel.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I keep telling myself ‘what if this’, ‘what if that’, but that’s just me being anxious about hypothetical crap that can’t happen because we’ve already crossed those bridges. What if the girls find out? What if Drew is a complete asshole about the whole situation? What if I fall for you? All of that has already happened and all I’m left with is what is.

  “I’m glad the girls have you. They love you. You make them happy. They trust you as a friend and a responsible adult. And I—I have fallen for you so hard.” Sloan couldn’t bring herself to say the words. She didn’t know what jerk had told all of humankind that there was some sort of time limit on love, that there was a ninety-day review with matters of the heart, but she couldn’t help how she felt. She ‍was falling in love with Rafe and she did not want him to go. Maybe it was selfish, but it was how she felt.

  “Then that’s enough for me. How can I help with the Drew situation?” Rafe asked.

  “Just help me keep things normal for the girls, their routine and everything. Not that I think you would, but don’t shit-talk him in front of them. I want them to process their own feelings how they need to. I don’t want to pile on.”

  “Done. Is there anything I could do for you?”

  “Tonight? No. I’ve set the proper dogs on him. I’m going to talk to my lawyer about stripping his custody rights and maybe getting a restraining order. I need to hydrate and sleep. As much fun as I had today, I still need to do my job, bright and early tomorrow morning.”

  “Well, I’m going to go clean out the girls’ overnight bags and throw in some laundry. And then I might go for a ride. I need some air.”

  “Okay.”

  “Come here.” Rafe stood and pulled Sloan into his arms. He hugged her for a long time before letting her go. She went up to her room to take a shower and when she got out, there was a text from Rafe.

  I’ll be back.

  She replied even though she had a feeling he wouldn’t read it right away. She could hear his bike’s engine revving in the driveway.

  Ride safe.

  A half hour or so later, Rafe still wasn’t back. Sloan was fading. She knew she should go to sleep, but part of her wanted to make sure Rafe got home okay. She lay in the dark, staring blankly at another episode of Golden Girls, in the middle of her freshly washed sheets. The scent of his sunscreen and the sex they’d had were long gone. Her friends were still at it, lighting up the group chat, but she still felt too raw to have a group conversation about what had gone down.

  Her phone started vibrating on her nightstand. She figured it was Xeni, checking in and ready to dish about how her mom and her aunts had driven her up the wall. She looked at the screen and wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t the one who had been hexed.

  She hit accept.

  “Guessing you made it back to SEA-TAC okay. What do you want?”

  “I just want to know if it’s true,” Drew said in that shit-eating tone. Sloan knew what was coming next, but she was too tired to run from it.

  “If what’s true?”

  “Are you fucking him?”

  “Does it matter? Whether you believe me or not, you took whatever you thought out on our kids.”

  “I was fucking shocked. Can you blame me?”

  “Yeah, I can. You’re a fucking adult, Drew. I have no idea why you can’t act like it. What if you had punched him? What if you had broken your hand? Then what?”

  “If you had a six-year-old tell you I was fucking someone else, you’d be pissed too.”

  Sloan scoffed, remembering the day Dara Lindsey had been waiting for her in the hospital parking garage. How she’d saved texts and emails and pictures. A lot of pictures. Sloan had thanked her, calmly driven home and ended her marriage. The girls were young, but old enough to understand what bad shouting meant and how much it scared them. They’d only heard their dad raise his voice.

  “Actually, no. I wouldn’t because we aren’t together anymore and I don’t give a damn about what you do with your personal time.”

  “So the answer is yes.” Drew let out a disgusted laugh. “That bad boy with a bike and tats crap is your thing now? Decided to go slumming? Teach me a lesson?”

  “I’m not doing this with you. I refuse. You’re not going to turn me into that woman who has a man in her life who can’t control himself. You’ve pissed me off for the last time, Drew. You’ve betrayed my trust and now I’m afraid of what you might do if you don’t get your way. I don’t think you know how unchill that is. You can be upset that the girls don’t want to live with you, but you cannot assault someone because you think they’ve taken your place.”

  “I don’t give a shit—” he started to shout, but then he stopped himself. Sloan closed her eyes. He’d almost let one of the most horrible things he’d ever said to her in his life slip again. The one thing that had given her the custody agreement they had now. He didn’t give a shit about the girls. Sloan thought things had changed once they were born. He’d tried to be a good father to them. Gave them everything, bragged about them, but Sloan knew deep down inside, he never wanted them.

  In his mind, they were the one thing that would convince Sloan to give up her career and give him back the title of the best surgeon in Seattle. But that panned out differently, hadn’t it? He didn’t want the girls to move in with him. He wanted to use them to drag Sloan back to Seattle. Too bad that shit was just not going to happen.

  “I get it,” Sloan said, swallowing down her emotions. “Your issue is with me and even if I thought for one second that you had the right to be jealous, you screwed up by taking it out on Addison and Avery. You don’t have the right to my heart anymore.”

  “So what, Sloan? What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying don’t call me anymore. You’re going to wait until you hear from me or my lawyer again. I’m saying that you might not see the girls again until they want to see you and until I trust you with them again. And that might not happen.”

  “The hell it won’t.”

  “Goodbye, Drew.” Sloan hit the end button and to
ssed her phone across her bed.

  17

  Rafe was exhausted, but he was still too amped up to sleep. His ride helped, and so did the unplanned trip to his parents’ house. When he’d pulled up at the curb, he sent his dad a text letting him know he was outside and that he needed to talk. His dad didn’t ask any questions. Just walked outside a few moments later in his old beat-up robe. Rafe told him what had happened, told him how close he’d coming to breaking Drew Ballos in half.

  He’d even showed him the video that Sloan had forwarded to him, just in case. Rafe knew he’d done the right thing, but it meant a lot when Joe said he was proud of him. When Joe asked him if this changed how he felt about Sloan and their arrangement, Rafe told the truth—not one bit. He only regretted not giving Sloan a proper kiss goodbye before he’d taken off and told himself he’d apologize and make up for it when they grabbed a few moments alone again.

  Before Rafe had headed back to the house, Joe reminded him of one crucial fact. Whatever happened between him and Sloan, blended families were complicated and unique. They came with extra care, understanding and patience. He’d been honest with Monica about how much he felt like he was fucking up as a father and that made it much easier for Monica to understand the way Rafe was feeling when he got out of juvie.

  Rafe had thought back to the conversations he and Monica had had when they first met, how kind she’d been and how she’d layed out her own boundaries with father and son. It wasn’t an easy transition, but Rafe wouldn’t have changed a thing about it. He loved his step-mom and his sisters, and he loved his father for growing and trying to be a better man.

  Would he have liked more time to enjoy the carefree, light-hearted, getting-to-know-you period with Sloan? Hell yeah, but this was the reality of the situation. Sloan came with an asshole ex-husband and Rafe was just going to have to deal with it. After he and his dad hugged it out, he’d climbed back on his bike, but he still wasn’t ready to head home.

  He’d rode around for another hour, winding his way back across town, minding the speed limit ’cause the last thing he needed was to wreck. He thought he’d be out cold the minute he got in his bed, but something was still eating at him and he knew he just had to accept it.

  He still wanted to beat the everloving shit out of Drew and there was nothing he could do about it. He also didn’t know how long he would be pissed off about the incident at the airport. He didn’t know how long it would take for him to fully accept that as long as he was with Sloan and as long as he was taking care of Addison and Avery, Drew was a factor.

  Rafe gave up trying to sleep and turned his TV back on. Just as he decided on some Ink Masters spin off, he heard a tap on his door. He hopped up and found Addison and Avery standing in the hallway. He squatted down to their level.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “We heard your motorcycle. We thought you left,” Avery said.

  “I left for a little bit, but I just went to go see my dad. But, see? I’m back.”

  “Are you staying?”

  “Yeah. I’m not going anywhere.”

  The twins were quiet for a few moments, but Rafe knew they both had more on their minds. Addison glanced at Avery, probably deciding which one of them would tell the other reason they wanted to talk to him in the middle of the night. Addison went for it.

  “Do you love Mommy?” she whispered, maybe so Sloan wouldn’t hear her upstairs.

  “She’s very special to me.”

  “Do you love us?” Avery asked, her tone cheery and a little louder, like she already knew the answer.

  “Are you kidding me? I’m crazy about you two. But let’s talk more about this during daylight hours. Let’s get you back in bed.”

  “We can’t sleep.”

  “Oh yeah? I was have trouble sleeping too.”

  “Do you know what would make me sleepy?” Avery said. That scheming look crept back in her eye. Rafe tried not to laugh.

  “What’s that?”

  “A cookie.”

  Rafe shook his head, matching her expression. “No.”

  Avery shot him a brutal side eye, but she let it go.

  “Come on,” Rafe ushered them into the hallway and back upstairs, then he tucked them into bed and hugged them both.

  “Rafe,” Addison whispered, just as he stood from her bed. He crouched back down.

  “Yeah, kiddo.”

  “I’m sorry Daddy was mean to you.”

  “You know what, I appreciate you saying that ’cause that shows me you care about me. And that means a lot to me because I care about you too. But you don’t have to apologize for him, okay? None of this is your fault.”

  “Okay.”

  Back downstairs, Rafe thought maybe sleep wouldn’t be so impossible this time. But first, he grabbed a cookie.

  Life doesn’t stop for ex-husband related bullshit, so the next morning, things had to go as planned. Sloan had two surgeries scheduled, the girls would be giving the Girls Scouts a try later in the week, Gracie was cheering at her first Varsity Football game on Friday night, and Addison and Avery had to put in an appearance at Seth Rosenthal’s birthday party on Saturday. None of that could be put on hold just because Drew decided to lose his fucking mind. Rafe packed up the girls and two dozen snickerdoodles, and carted them off to school.

  When he dropped the girls at Mrs. Brown’s classroom, their teacher pulled him aside for a quick conversation, confirming the contents of the email she’d received from Sloan. The main office had been put on notice about Drew. Rafe had a feeling that Drew wouldn’t show up back in L.A. unannounced at this point, but anything was possible. On his way out, Xeni waved him across the hall. He sidestepped a cluster of small children and made his way over.

  “My girl okay?”

  “Little rattled still, but I think she’ll be okay.”

  “You okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “Thank you for having her back.”

  “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “And don’t worry about Drew. I put a hex on him.”

  “Oh really?” Rafe laughed.

  Xeni just nodded, her expression solemn. For some reason, he had a feeling her homegrown witchcraft might do the trick.

  The rest of the day was a fucking slog. He hit the gym with about twenty-five percent of his usual effort. His attempt at a short nap before he made himself some lunch was a complete fail. While he was getting an easy after-school craft project for the girls together, Sloan’s lawyer called.

  By the time they were done talking, he had to go get Addison and Avery from school. There was an argument over the tablet after dinner, but the rest of the day had gone pretty smoothly. He tried to wait up for Sloan, who was operating into the night, but when he woke up on the couch at three a.m. with a throw blanket draped over him, he knew he’d missed her.

  Wednesday was another busy day. Sloan was home in time for dinner, but she was so exhausted she threw in the towel right after she put the girls to bed.

  “Are we okay?” Rafe asked as they stood in the hallway.

  “Yeah. Between work and waiting to hear back from my lawyer I’m just—I don’t feel like myself. I put Drew’s number on Do Not Disturb, but he keeps calling and texting me.”

  “Did you you share that with your lawyer too?”

  “I did.”

  “Good.”

  “His mom called me today too and left me this long, rambling voicemail asking me to forgive him, but I didn’t call her back. Maybe I’ll call her this weekend. Listen, I’d love to—”

  “No, I get it. Get some sleep.”

  “Thanks. I want to talk some more, but I’m just wrecked and I have a valve replacement first thing in the morning.”

  “Get some sleep, Dr. Copeland.” Sloan offered him a tight smile and a light kiss, then went to her bedroom.

  Thursday night, Rafe took the girls to their first Daisy meeting. Overall, it was success, but after he put them to sleep, he
decided not to wait up.

  Friday, they did their hand-off at six p.m..

  “So, we’ll see you Sunday?” Sloan asked as he slipped on his boots in the mudroom. He had just enough time to stop for a bite to eat and then head to the high school.

  “Yeah, I’ll be back Sunday night. Seth’s presents are already wrapped. Top shelf, hall closet. Addison kept eyeing the LEGO set I got him.”

  “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”

  Rafe stood and kissed Sloan on the cheek.

  “I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye.”

  After the game, the plan was to meet up with Hector and Eddie, but when Rafe climbed back on his bike in the high school lot, he just wasn’t feeling the idea of a boys’ night. He headed back to Sloan’s place, making two stops in search of a suitable bouquet of flowers. Grocery store roses were the best he could manage. When he got back to the house, he found Sloan watching TV in bed, doing something on her laptop.

  “Hey,” she said, perking up. For the first time all week, she looked happy to see him. “How was the game?”

  “It was good. Home team won and Gracie cheered her ass off. These are for you.” He knelt beside the bed on the floor, handing her the flowers.

  She pressed them against her nose before she smiled back him, her grin a little wider. “Thank you. I thought you were staying with your folks all weekend.”

  “That was the plan, but then I realized it was a bad plan. Felt like I should probably be here with you. Talk about this weird thing that’s been going on between us all week.” When Sloan’s mouth twisted up in the corner, he knew he hadn’t imagined the shitty feeling that had been digging under his skin. There was tension between them. Sloan gently set down the flowers and her laptop, then she pulled her knees up to her chest.

  “We just had our first thing, didn’t we?” she said.

  “Yeah, I think we did.”

  “Not a fight, but a thing.”