“Because Duncan didnae want me!”
“He married ye. He must have wanted ye. He picked ye, didnae he? The mon wouldnae pick someone he didnae want.”
“He tried. Poor Duncan really tried, but he couldnae. I wasnae to his liking.”
Liam sighed and rubbed a hand over his forehead. He needed to be calm. Either they were talking in circles, or she had not yet explained it all clearly enough. It was incomprehensible to him that her late husband had not wanted her. Until he had fully realized that he had rammed his way through a maidenhead that should not have been there, he had been enjoying a passion hotter and sweeter than any he had ever known and its delicious aftermath. And Keira had returned his passion in full measure despite it having been her first time with a man. Liam could not believe another man had been blind to the promise of her lithe body.
“Was he impotent?” he asked.
Keira frowned. “I dinnae think so. His, er, mon part did as it should from all I could tell. Duncan didnae light as many candles as there are in here so ’twas difficult to see much.” Which, she thought, was a good thing considering what had happened.
Turning to face her, Liam could see how distressed she was. His dark suspicions eased a little. Something had happened in her brief marriage that had made her think she was undesirable, at least to Duncan MacKail. Duncan had not been a bad lover. He had been no lover at all. Liam desperately wanted Keira to say something that would make him believe it had all been Duncan’s fault. He did not want to think Keira capable of such a large deceit as marrying a man and, even though she never allowed the marriage to be consummated, was now claiming to be the man’s true heir. Nor that she would be willing to risk men’s lives to claim that false inheritance.
“Keira, do ye swear that ye went willingly to his bed?” he asked.
“Aye, at first,” she replied. Then I stayed in the lady’s bedchamber and waited for him to come to me when he felt he could try again.”
“Ye say he wasnae impotent, and ye didnae refuse him, yet, Keira, I fear I simply cannae believe he didnae want ye. There is a part of me that really doesnae wish to hear anything ye did with another mon, but I think ye need to tell me about the bedding.”
“Must I?”
“Aye, for I keep asking questions, but your answers arenae helping me to understand this at all.”
“Duncan wanted to wait until we reached Ardgleann before we had our wedding night. So when we were bedded down together after the ceremony, he left me alone in the bed and slept upon the floor. Before anyone came to help us prepare for our journey to Ardgleann, he, weel, he made sure there was a mark upon the sheets. The first night at Ardgleann, he came to bed with me. He kissed me and removed my shift.” She shrugged. “He was trembling, and I thought it was because he was feeling desire for me, and I felt a wee bit guilty because I felt little for him. Then he put his hand upon my breast. His trembling grew quite fierce, he groaned, and then he leapt from the bed and was violently ill.”
Liam frowned as he studied her. She made no sound, but she wept, her tears dropping steadily upon her hands, which were clenched tightly together in her lap. He had to bend a little to see even that much, for her head was bowed and her long hair shielded much of her face. Such an appalling wedding night could easily have caused a couple to be reluctant to try again, but not, he thought, for three long months.
“Did he have the ague?” he asked.
“I wondered that myself at the time, fool that I was. I leapt from the bed to hurry to his side. He looked at me and just grew worse, screaming at me to get dressed. He couldnae get his own clothes back on fast enough and all the while he muttered about filth, ugliness, sin, and such as that. Then, when we were both dressed, I got beneath the bedcovers, and he took his place on top of them. He patted my hand and said I was not to worry, that it would just take time and that we would keep trying. We did, and it never got any better. ’Twas me. He couldnae abide e’en touching me, couldnae e’en try without emptying his belly.”
Suddenly, Liam understood. Once or twice while at the monastery, he had met a man so tormented by what he saw as the sin of lust he would beat himself bloody in an attempt to banish the feeling. It sounded as if Duncan suffered something similar, had been scarred in some way so that even lusting after his lawful wife sent him into a paroxysm of guilt. Liam fetched a clean square of linen, returned to the bed, and turned Keira’s face up to his.
“Keira, did I or did I not just bed ye most thoroughly?” he asked calmly as he dampened the linen in the bowl of water on the bedside table and gently bathed the tears from her face.
“Aye, but ye are—weel—ye will bed any woman,” she murmured.
He sighed and rested his forehead against her for a moment. “Nay, I willnae. I would certainly ne’er bed a lass so foul she makes me vomit.”
“But, if it wasnae me, what was it?”
“I cannae say for certain, having ne’er met the mon. There have been monks I have met who felt a mon’s natural urgings were so foul, so sinful, they needed to be purged from the body by any means possible. Brother Paul suffered from that a wee bit, I think. Did Duncan have scars upon his back? Did he e’er have fresh wounds there?”
Keira frowned. “He did have some scars. Once I touched his back and felt a few, but ’twas only a fleeting touch for he fled from it. And once I did think he was in pain, but he wouldnae let me tend to him. He told me it was naught but a wee scratch he got whilst riding. From a tree branch, he said. I thought it odd that he wouldnae let me tend him as he kenned all about my gift, had been quite pleased about it. Told me it was a wondrous thing to bring to his people and that one day, it might e’en help him.”
“Your touch wouldnae have cured what ailed him, love. ’Twas a sickness of the mind. Someone or something turned him that way ere ye even met him.” He could see that she did not completely accept his words, but he would have to deal with that later. “Now, why didnae ye tell me of this ere I bedded ye?”
“Because of my vow. Duncan kenned that Rauf wanted Ardgleann, that he thought it weakly defended and with no heirs to make trouble if he took it. When he heard that the mon was in the area and was probably planning his attack, Duncan made me vow that I would tell no one that our marriage had ne’er been consummated and that if anything happened to him, I would take my place as his heir, get help, and free Ardgleann. One of the reasons he wed me was because he was certain I could gather enough people to fight Rauf and win, especially if they thought the mon had stolen what was rightfully mine.” She shrugged again. “I felt I couldnae tell ye, not until ye were my husband. Then it was difficult to think of a way to tell ye.”
“And, I suspect ye feared I would have the same difficulty as Duncan did.”
“Weel, aye, but I was hoping ye wouldnae because ye—”
“Are a rutting, lecherous swine?”
“I wouldnae say that,” she mumbled.
“Ye did say that once when ye were screaming at me that night we camped in the wood.” He was pleased to see her glare at him, for it meant her despair had eased, the sad memories retreating for a while. “We shall have to discuss that soon, but for now, I must needs speak to Sigimor and Ewan.”
Keira gasped and sat up straighter as he got out of bed and began to dress. “Ye cannae tell them!”
“I must. They are ready to ride into battle for ye and Ardgleann. I willnae allow them to put themselves in front of a sword unless they ken the full truth.”
When he put it that way, she had to agree. “I willnae be able to look them in the eye ever again,” she said, flopping down onto her back and tugging the sheet over her head.
Once dressed, Liam tugged the sheet off her face and gave her a quick kiss. “I ken I will have to repeat myself many times ere your wee, stubborn mind grasps the truth, but the problem was with Duncan, not you.”
“My wee, stubborn mind?” she muttered, but Liam was already out of the room and shutting the door behind him.
Sha
king her head, Keira got out of bed. She added a little wood to the fire, then had a quick wash before donning her shift. Wrapping a blanket around her, she poured herself some wine and sat on the sheepskin before the fire to await Liam’s return. When Thunder and Lightning appeared to curl up on either side of her, she smiled and took turns lightly scratching each kitten’s ears.
She searched her heart for any guilt over telling Duncan’s secret and breaking her vow, but found only a little. Poor Duncan’s secret would remain safe, of that she had no doubt, but Liam was right. She could not ask men to face a sword unless they knew the full truth, no matter how humiliating that truth was.
Liam’s explanation for Duncan’s difficulties also made sense, and she was strongly tempted to accept it. Her new husband had certainly revealed no reluctance to bed her. Yet Duncan had to have known how hurt and humiliated his rejection had made her. Why had he not even tried to explain or reassure her that it was not her fault? It annoyed her to admit it, but Liam could be right about that, too. It was going to be difficult to make her wee, stubborn mind accept that truth. Then again, she thought with a soft smile, if Liam was intending to use his lovemaking to prove his point, she would be a fool to complain.
Liam found Sigimor and Ewan in Ewan’s ledger room. He patiently endured a few jests about new husbands fleeing their wives’ beds before telling them all he had learned. Sigimor listened carefully, frowned, and then left the room, saying only that he would be back in a few minutes. Liam shrugged, poured himself some wine, and took a seat facing Ewan’s worktable. He was just about to start discussing the problem with Ewan when Sigimor returned with Keira’s two brothers, who looked as if they had been dragged from their beds.
“Tell them,” Sigimor ordered.
Only briefly did Liam hesitate before doing as his cousin ordered. He found the wide array of expressions that crossed Artan’s and Lucas’s faces as he told them the story a little amusing. If Duncan MacKail were still alive, he would soon pay dearly for what he had put Keira through.
“Why didnae she tell us?” muttered Artan. “We could have gotten the marriage annulled.”
“She was humiliated,” said Liam. “Still is. It will be a long while ere she believes it wasnae at least partly her fault Mayhap, if the marriage had lasted longer, she would have turned to her family.”
“Mayhap,” agreed Lucas, “but why did we need to hear of this now? The mon is dead.”
“He named his wife his heir,” said Sigimor, “but because the marriage wasnae consummated, the law would say she wasnae his true wife.”
“Oh, aye, I suppose that is true.” Lucas scratched his chin. “Dinnae think it matters. If I recall, the agreements signed give Keira Ardgleann if Duncan dies without leaving a legitimate heir. Verra simply put. No qualifications.”
“And there is no other heir?”
“Nay. Duncan was the last of his line. Weel, except for the bastard.”
Liam sat up straight. “Duncan’s bastard?” For a moment, Liam feared he had been lied to, but did not want to believe it.
“Och, nay, his father’s. A mon named Malcolm. My father wanted to make certain Duncan told the truth when he said there was no heir to question Keira’s right to be named his, so he sent men out to verify the tale. He thought he had been lied to when he heard about Malcolm. Went to see the mon himself. Malcolm doesnae want to be laird. Ne’er has, ne’er will. He doesnae want it widely kenned that he is the old laird’s bastard. My father had him sign papers and all, just to be sure. So, no heir.”
“Duncan was the true heir, and he had the right to name whome’er he pleased to take his place,” said Ewan. “Unlike the English, we arenae so concerned about direct lines or legitimacy. Duncan obviously felt Keira was the best choice because of the strength of her family and its allies.”
Artan nodded. “My father said Malcolm said the same. Told my father that e’en if Duncan dropped dead climbing the stairs to his bed on the wedding night, he would still accept Keira as the lawful heir.” Artan frowned. “Odd thing to say now that I think on it.”
“Unless the mon was aware of Duncan’s problems,” said Liam. “If he is, I will get the truth out of him. I think one reason Keira wouldnae fully accept my explanation or my assurance that it wasnae her fault is because I cannae tell why the mon was the way he was.” He looked at his cousins. “So? Do we still go to war?”
“Aye,” said Sigimor, and Ewan nodded in agreement. “Probably still would have, e’en if her right to the place was in question. Rauf Moubray needs killing, but it has always been difficult to find him.”
“Ah, and now ye ken exactly where he is.”
Sigimor nodded. “The fact that ridding the earth of that scourge will also make ye a laird just makes it all the more pleasing. Now, hie yourself back to your bride. On the morrow, we start our planning in earnest.”
Knowing how meticulous Sigimor could be in his planning, Liam groaned and hurried back to his bedchamber. He smiled when he saw Keira sitting in front of the fire, a kitten curled up on either side of her. When he shut and latched the door, she turned to look at him, and he saw the concern in her eyes. Liam walked over to her, carefully moved Thunder to her other side, sat down beside her, and put his arm around her shoulders.
“Ye told them then,” she said, feeling embarrassed all over again.
“Them and your brothers,” he said. “Sigimor fetched them out of their beds so that they could hear the tale as weel.”
Keira groaned and buried her face against his shoulder. “Where is a hole to crawl into when ye need one?”
Liam laughed and then hugged her. “Let me just say that if Duncan were still alive, he would be running for his life from your brothers. And if I judged Sigimor’s and Ewan’s expressions right, they would probably be right at your brothers’ sides.”
“Ewan and Sigimor actually had expressions ye could read?”
Ah, good, he thought. That tartness he liked was back. He tilted her face up to his. “Such impertinence,” he murmured and brushed a kiss over her mouth. “Not one of them thought ye were at fault. Duncan should have told ye the same, should have at least tried to tell ye what troubled him.”
“Actually, that is one reason I hesitate to believe your explanation. Duncan was a kind mon. How could a kind mon allow me to suffer such doubt about myself, such hurt and humiliation, when he could have eased it with a simple explanation? I have trouble believing he could be so cruel.”
“Nay cruel, at least not intentionally. I think he was ashamed of his weaknesses, mayhap e’en feared he was sick in his mind. How could he speak of such things to his new wife? He should have told ye, if only because once ye kenned the truth, the two of ye could have worked together to cure him. Mayhap, given more time, that is just what could have happened.”
A large part of Liam was glad Keira and Duncan had not solved their troubles. He felt a little guilty about that for the poor fool had suffered even before he had fallen into Raufs cruel grasp, but he could not deny how he felt. Keira was all his; she had never belonged to another man. That he had been the one to take her virginity gave him a very primitive feeling of possession, satisfaction, and even a hint of victory. That she had found pleasure in his arms, despite the urgency that had caused him to act with less than his usual finesse, was even more satisfying.
“Poor Duncan,” Keira murmured. “If what ye say is true, how he must have suffered, and probably for many years.”
Then again, he mused, perhaps he did not feel so guilty. “Duncan is the past,” he said firmly. “There is no helping him. However, the people of Ardgleann can be helped.”
“There will still be a battle?”
“Aye. Sigimor and Ewan needed to hear the truth, not only because I couldnae allow them to act with a lie resting between us, but also because the fact that the marriage wasnae consummated could have meant ye had no right to Ardgleann. It was to answer that question that Sigimor dragged your brothers in to hear the tale.”
<
br /> “I think the agreements signed made me his heir even if we were only betrothed, so consummation shouldnae matter, should it?”
“That is what we all decided, although mention of a certain man called Malcolm caused a moment of hesitation.”
“Malcolm doesnae want to be the laird, ne’er has. He doesnae e’en like anyone kenning he is the old laird’s bastard.” Keira smiled faintly. “Malcolm just wants to work with his woods and his metals. He makes such beautiful things.”
“And he gives no thought to what his children might want or see as rightfully theirs?”
“He doesnae have any yet, but he and Duncan had an agreement that whate’er children Malcolm may have will be given the chance to be whate’er they want, except the heirs. That stands, unless I have no bairns. Then I could choose one of Malcolm’s children as an heir, if the child was willing and able. The old laird ne’er claimed Malcolm, so he has only his mother’s word that the old laird was his father, and she is dead now. No papers and no true resemblance. Duncan didnae e’en ken the truth until he was nearly full grown.” She shook her head. “That was wrong. Bastard or nay, Malcolm was the old laird’s child, and he shouldnae have been so callously cast aside.”
Seeing the way she was eyeing him, Liam sighed. “I have bred no bastards, Keira.”
“I ne’er said ye had.”
“Ye didnae have to say the words.” He carefully stood up and tugged her up to stand beside him, grinning at the disgruntled looks the kittens gave him. “And now, enough talk of battles and sad memories. I wish to take my wife to bed.”
Keira blushed a little as he led her to the bed. “Weel, aye, it has been a long day. We could do with some rest.”
“We could, and we will get some, later.”
He grinned when she blushed even more brilliantly. After tossing the blanket she had wrapped around herself onto the bed, he removed her shift. Chuckling softly at how quickly she got beneath the covers, he shed his clothes and climbed in beside her. Despite her blushes, she did not resist at all when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. This time he would go slowly, nurture her pleasure, and savor his own. He would not allow passion and need to overcome the skill and control he had acquired over the years.
Highland Champion Page 13