“Why do you think I named you Paloma? It means dove. A bird who flies in the sky like a plane. Used at weddings as a symbol of love. I thought if I named you Paloma he would return to me. And Angélica was because your father was a Blue Angel.” And with that, she broke into sobs.
And I knew she wasn’t lying to me anymore.
I put my hand on her shoulder, comforting her beside myself.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I tried, mija, I did. I know you don’t believe me, that you hate me, but I tried. It was so hard. No one would hire me. And I had a baby. I was only a teen. I gave up. But you have to know I tried. And I do love you.”
“I don’t hate you, Mama.” And I didn’t. Her confession shook me to my core. Was history repeating itself? Was Beck going to use me and leave me like my father had left my mother? “But it’s different. He loves me. I love him. He wants me to go to Florida with him. He wants to take the girls.”
She stared at my left hand and I knew what she was looking for.
A ring.
A ring that I didn’t have.
“Where’s your ring?”
“I don’t have one.”
She shook her head. “Did he ask you to marry him?”
“No. His wife died last year. But he loves me.”
She scowled. “No, he doesn’t. He asked his nanny to go to Florida. Not his fiancée. You take care of his daughter, wash his clothes, cook his food, keep his home clean, keep his bed warm, why wouldn’t he want you? But don’t be mistaken, mija. You are only his nanny. You will only ever be his nanny. He will never marry you.”
That’s it. I had enough. “Go, Mama. Go. Don’t ever come back. I’m not you. Beck is not my father. He probably didn’t love you the way Beck loves me.”
“No Paloma, you are wrong. He loved me. He loved me like the air he breathed. Like the stars in the sky. Like the moon loves the sun but they can only meet passing in the night. We could never be together. I didn’t fit into his life and you don’t fit into you pilot’s life, either. Look at you. You are a Mexican nanny. He’s rich! Educated. He may be having fun right now, but he will never ever marry you. Leave him now, before he breaks your heart—or you do something stupid.”
My muscles quivered as rage consumed me. “What does that mean, Mama. Is that what you did? Did you get pregnant with me to trap my father?”
She looked down at her feet. “Yes, mija, I did. I was so desperate. You don’t know how much I loved him.”
My stomach recoiled. “I can’t believe you did that? You trapped him? Of course, he didn’t want to marry you. No one wants to be backed into a corner.”
“You are no better than me. You don’t know what it’s like. Two years from now, when Beck still won’t marry you, you will do the same thing. Mark my words.”
“I would never.” But somewhere deep in my soul, I connected with her desperation. I couldn’t imagine being out in Florida with Beck, him never wanting to marry me. Would I ever do something like my mom had?
“You are just like me. You will. He had everything. I had nada. I thought once he saw your little face, he would love you too. You were perfect, mija. But he left us. Never sent money or even a card. For years, I prayed he would come back. And one day he did. You were around two, and he came out for a show. And he saw you. He knows about you. And I could see it in his eyes. He still loved me. But he wasn’t man enough to take us away and keep us in his world. We are nothing like them. You should know your place. The world hasn’t changed. These men, these Blue Devils, they come here to go slumming and they go back and marry women who look like them, women who are from their world.
I wanted to push her out of the room, I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. I didn’t want to listen. Beck was nothing like my father, if she was telling me the truth. Beck didn’t care what people thought about him, about me, about us. He had taken me out in public, he had introduced me to his friends. I was even going to meet his mother when she came to town for the airshow.
“Beck is not embarrassed by me. He loves me, too. He’s going to introduce me to his mother. Times have changed, Mama. I’m sorry my father left us. That’s horrible. But Beck loves me.”
“If he loved you, he would marry you, not keep you as the nanny. You are the help. Don’t you see? He’s using you. He will never ever marry you. You are young, you are beautiful. It’s too late for me but don’t throw your life away on this man. Move to San Diego with your sisters. Start a new life. But do it on your own. If he loves you, he will come after you.”
I thumbed the picture. “Can I keep this?”
She nodded. “Yes, it’s yours.” She looked toward the door. “I’ll go. But mija, if you were smart, you wouldn’t go to Florida. Take the money and get your sisters far away from here. And one day, when you realize I’m right. Forgive me.”
She hugged me hard, and I didn’t push her off of me.
Then she walked out the door.
Leaving me alone with all my insecurities.
And for the first time in years, I believed that my Mama actually cared about me. That she loved me and wanted the best for me.
But I also believed something else.
She was right about Beck.
Chapter Twenty-Four
New York Strip
When I arrived home from work, Paloma had not made my lunch. I didn’t mind at all. She didn’t have to cook for me. But it struck me as odd.
“Why don’t we pick up your sisters and go to lunch?”
She shook her head. “I hope you don’t mind, but today I want to walk alone and pick up my sisters.”
Great. Something was definitely wrong. “Are you okay?”
“Yup. Never better. I just need some fresh air. I’ll be back later.”
I leaned over to give her a kiss and she turned her cheek. What the hell? What did I do wrong?
I wasn’t the type of man to let her walk away without a fight. I grabbed her by the wrist. “Babe, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Paloma, don’t. You are upset, and I care. Tell me what happened.”
She reached into her purse and took out an old picture of a Blue Angel pilot holding a baby at an air show. Standing next to a woman who resembled Paloma.
Holy shit. Was that her mother? And was the baby here?
I took a closer look and noticed that the little girl had dark hair and green eyes, just like Paloma, and the Angel’s eyes were the same color.
Dammit.
Her lip trembled. “My mom stopped by today. I don’t know how she found me, but it doesn’t matter. She won’t come back. She gave me this. She says he was my father. And even worse, I actually believe her.”
Her voice was breaking. I pulled her into me and kissed her forehead as she cried.
“She said he was an Angel. And he didn’t want anything to do with my mom. Or with me. Do you know how many times I cried out for a father to save me from this life? How many nights I went to bed hungry? How many times I walked to school with shoes that had no soles?”
“There, baby, there.” What an asshole. I would hunt her father down and deal with him myself. No pilot, especially a Blue Angel bestowed with this privilege should ever abuse his power. And abandoning his own child and leaving her to live a life in poverty is inexcusable.
And then it hit me. She was crying over her father for sure, but she also probably feared I would do the same thing.
But I never would.
I needed to soothe her fears.
“Hey, I have an idea. Your sisters don’t get out of school for another hour. Let me take you to the officers’ club to lunch. You can meet all the other officer's wives.”
I thought my offer would cause her to smile, but instead she burst into even more tears.
Man, I really didn’t understand women.
“I’m confused, babe. Help me out. You don’t want to go with me? That’s fine if you don’t. We can stay
here. I can take you to pick up your sisters and we can get takeout. Or I can cook. I just want you to be happy.”
“No, I do. It’s just that you are so amazing. You never disappoint me. But you are too good to be true. You have to have a fatal flaw. No one can be as perfect as you. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m so damaged. You can do so much better than me. You can find a rich educated girl who knows how to act at the officers’ club. Like Laurel. I’ll probably use the wrong fork and embarrass you.”
“You could never embarrass me. And you are better than all these women. You have fought so hard to survive. Just because I was born into privilege doesn’t make me better than you. I always knew that I was going to college. My parents sent me extra money and bought me a car. I still worked my ass off in school and when I graduated to be a pilot. I admire your grit. And I’m not embarrassed by you. I don’t want Laurel. I want you.”
She finally smiled and I wiped her tears away. “Let’s go. I’ve always wanted to go to the officers’ club. I never thought you’d ask.”
I gathered Sky’s baby bag and we left to walk to the officers’ club. The weather was sunny and crisp and I proudly escorted Paloma inside.
Paloma’s eyes widened when she saw the décor, but I cringed in embarrassment.
We were immediately seated at a window table and the staff attended to us. After our waitress read off the specials, Paloma ordered fresh salmon and I had a New York strip steak. I ordered a side dish of bananas for Sky.
“Wow, this place is gorgeous. Thank you for taking me here. It means a lot to me that you aren’t trying to hide me.”
I reached across the table and took her hand. “Hide you, not a chance. I want to show you off.”
She blushed. But even so, I could still see the pain in her eyes. I vowed not to add to her misery. Only to her happiness.
My commanding officer walked over to our table. “Lt. Daly. Who is the lovely lady?”
“Sir, this is my girlfriend, Paloma Pérez.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Hotdogs
I adored Beck for making a me feel wanted and loved. And not some lover to be hidden. We spent the last few weeks in our new routine. Making love all night, waking up together, and hanging out in public as a big happy family when he was off work.
But no matter how much we played house, I was painfully reminded that he wasn’t my husband. Sky wasn’t my daughter. I was still the nanny. And we had avoided any more deep talks about our future.
But we were running out of time. He would be leaving to return to Pensacola this week.
Today was the first airshow to mark the start of the season. Though I had seen the airshow every year of my life, this time it would mean so much more. My man was the pilot. And this was my final farewell to El Centro.
Beck led me, my sisters and Sky to the executive chalet. My nerves rattled. But I wasn’t worried about the safety of his flying.
Today—I would meet his parents.
Beck glanced around the chalet. “My parents aren’t here yet, but they will find you. They’ve seen a picture of you and of course, will recognize Sky. I have to go get ready.”
“Okay, babe. I can’t wait to see you.”
He kissed me in front of all the friends and families in the chalet. See my mom had been wrong. Beck loved me and accepted me. I wished she could see me now.
I would not end up like her.
The crowds filled outside the chalet and the excitement was thick. I had seen the Angels perform many time, but they had always represented this other type of life that I wasn’t a part of. And now, I could truly appreciate how amazing they were. How amazing Beck was.
The show started, and I enjoyed the other events first—the U.S. Navy Leap Frogs jumped out of their helicopters, wowing the audience.
There were many other planes doing tricks and maneuvers but I was anxious to finally see Beck fly.
I scanned the chalet but didn’t see anyone who looked like his mom. Where was she? She had to be here? She wouldn’t miss his first show.
The narrator took to the stage. The sounds of Mötley Crüe’s “Kickstart My Heart” filled the air.
But my own heart stopped.
Another piece of the puzzle that proved my mom wasn’t lying about my dad. She always used to play that song to me. I felt sick to my stomach, and it wasn’t from the hotdogs I just ate.
What if my father was in this audience? I scanned the crowd but quickly was distracted.
Beck and his fellow pilots walked down the runaway in their matching flight suits. Man, they were so fucking hot. They saluted as they turned and went toward their planes. I couldn’t believe I was his girlfriend.
Then they took off—one by one. I pressed Sky’s earphones tightly on her head. “That’s your daddy.”
“Ma ma?”
Oh my god. Did she just call me Mama? I wanted to be thrilled, but instead I was crushed. I wanted to be her mama. But I wasn’t.
I was only the nanny.
I hugged her tighter than I ever hugged her and then I noticed that a woman was watching me with Sky. Was she Beck’s mom? I’d seen pictures of her but couldn’t be certain because she was standing at a distance.
I turned my attention back to the sky. “Ladies and Gentlemen. Please welcome our own Blue Angels.”
Mónica clapped loudly in my ear. The planes were now in the sky and my heart raced. They were flying close! Wing to wing. I suddenly realized how dangerous this was. One wrong turn and he could crash.
But he didn’t crash. He soared in the sky. Upside down, inverted loops, side by side—Beck did it all. It was so amazing. The music contributed to the adrenaline pulsing in my veins.
Pass after pass, loop after loop, pride filled my soul. I had always known what Beck did everyday while I was watching Sky but until now—I had no idea how much precision and focus it took.
And this amazing man loved me.
He had asked me to move in with him.
And I knew that I couldn’t be without him.
I made my decision. I was going to say yes.
I marveled at this house. At my life. Just ten weeks ago I was jobless, hopeless, hungry, and alone.
And now, I was in love with a brilliant, educated, handsome pilot. He loved me too and wanted me to be in his life. He was moving me and my sisters out to be with him.
Dreams do come true.
They made their final pass and I cheered louder than anyone.
Then a woman tapped me on the shoulder.
“You must be Paloma. And there is my beautiful granddaughter.”
She pinched her on the cheek and I did my best to smile. Her face was incredibly tight, as if the skin had been pulled and she wore way too much makeup. Her top lip was obviously enhanced, and her blonde hair didn’t have a hint of gray. She wore a huge diamond ring on her left hand—a ring that probably cost more than I would make in my lifetime.
I swallowed my nerves. “Hi, Mrs. Daly. So nice to meet you. I have heard so much about you.”
She gave me a condescending smile and I felt immediately judged. “I’m sure he did. You know Beck. Always poking his nose where he shouldn’t have. Even when he was a young boy, he would try to save all the homeless cats. I used to have to tell him, now Beckett, you can’t save them all.”
I bit my lip. Was she comparing me to a cat?
I didn’t know what to say so I remained silent.
“Paloma dear, may I have a word?”
“Sure Mrs. Daly.”
We walked over to the corner of the chalet and I felt everyone was comparing us. From her designer clothes to her expensive jewelry, there was no doubt that she was high class.
Standing next to her, I was sure people assumed I was her maid.
“Now, darling, you are truly lovely. And I thank you for taking such good care of Sky. And my son.”
“You are welcome. I love them both. You raised a great man.”
“I did, dear. I did. We
gave him everything in life. Because we truly believe he can achieve everything. Did you know he wants to be an astronaut?”
“Yes, he mentioned that. I think it’s wonderful. I’d support him in any way I could.”
Mrs. Daly exhaled. “I'm sure you would, sweetie. I’m sure you would. But these programs are very competitive and very political.”
I wasn’t sure where she was going with this but I was one hundred percent sure I wasn’t going to like it.
I tried to remain calm. “Well, Beck is so accomplished I’m sure they would love him.”
“They would. Did you know they interview the family and friends of each candidate? How would it look to them if they know that Beck had slept with his nanny? That kind of scandal could ruin his chances. You wouldn’t want to ruin his career now, would you Paloma?”
Nausea overcame me. I did not want to do this. I didn’t want to be rude to his mom. “No, I wouldn’t want to ruin his career. I would support him in anything. I may be a poor Mexican girl from a border town, but I’m an American. And I’m a great woman. I love your son. And I love your granddaughter. I would. never embarrass him. And frankly, he would be lucky to have me. I treat you son like a king and Sky adores me. I love her like she is my own.” Take that, bitch. A wave a satisfaction rippled over me. I had stood my ground. I knew my worth.
I hoped Beck would be proud of me.
“Well, aren’t you self-important? Beck may have fun with you now, but he will never marry you. I promise you that.” And she stood up and walked away from me, never even kissing Sky goodbye.
I would not let this change my feelings for Beck. Those were his mother’s beliefs, not his. Beck was an adult. He didn’t need her approval.
Even so, the doubt lingered. I saw the way his buddy Charlie looked at me. The way some of the other officer’s wives stared at me around base.
Did I want to be blamed for every bad thing that happened in his career for the rest of my life?
Did I want people to judge me—think I was using him?
Would one day these comments get to Beck and would he leave me for someone more like Catherine?
Blue Sky (Blue Devils Book 1) Page 12