by Twyla Turner
“…They probably did kill themselves on purpose just so they didn’t have to deal with you anymore.” Carolyn’s final insult broke through my musings and once more that day, an uncontrollable fury coursed through my veins.
“Have you ever considered waxing your unibrow? You’d look less like a hateful bitch if you did.” I released the filter that held my sharp tongue in check and let the insult fly, regardless of the consequences.
Carolyn inhaled sharply as the car screeched to a stop in front of her double wide trailer. She reached across the center console of the car and slapped me hard across the face. I’m sure it left a nice red handprint on my skin.
“You ungrateful cow! Get out of the car!” Carolyn screamed.
I held back tears as I stepped out of the old beater. Carolyn quickly came around the car and grabbed me painfully by the arm and practically dragged me into the trailer. She pulled me down the hall, shoved me into my temporary bedroom, and then slammed the door closed. Seconds later, I heard the click of the padlock.
When I had first moved to my new home a year ago, I’d noticed the metal latch with the padlock on my new bedroom door. It hadn’t been long before I found out its purpose. It was for locking up misbehaving foster kids. And since I couldn’t seem to stop my cutting remarks and quick fists, I was more often than not, locked in my room.
Not that I minded entirely. I liked the solitude. The only things that bothered me were the lack of food and bathroom breaks I was given while in solitary confinement. I was surprised that I hadn’t lost more weight during my year of sparse food. But I learned quickly and had started pilfering snacks from the cafeteria at school for my moments in isolation, so that probably contributed to my body staying as plump as it had always been.
The best part of my confinement was my art. As long as I had my art supplies that my parents had gotten me and some paper, I was free to create and dream. From an early age, I had a fascination with mythical creatures, so it wasn’t long before I started drawing them. My walls were papered with artwork. Unicorns, dragons, mermaids, fairies, etc. Drawn with colored pencils, pen, charcoal; whatever I could get my hands on. Drawing was my escape, and I went to my creative sanctuary often. My hand usually had the color or charcoal stains to prove it.
Besides, it filled the monotonous hours that I normally spent on social media. I couldn’t even get on any of my accounts anymore without my bullies finding a way to attack me from within the privacy of my own home. School or home, it didn’t matter. I couldn’t escape their cruelty.
I walked over to my chipped mirror and looked at my reflection. My looks often turned me into an easy target. My light brown skin, plump body, freckled face and fiery red and wild curls made me stand out like that one random goose that chose not to fly in the proper V formation. Even among the few other black kids in the small town of Sedona, Arizona, I stuck out like a sore thumb. The change in my economic status hadn’t helped either. Going from my family’s beautiful upper-middle-class home to my new foster family’s trailer certainly didn’t add to my popularity and made me a frequent target of torment. I wouldn’t even care about living in a trailer if my foster parents were kind people. But no, I was a freak show and belonged nowhere.
I stood in the middle of my room and stared at the walls, papered with my artwork. I wrapped my arms tightly around my soft stomach as if I was trying to hold myself together. I almost wished that I could escape through my drawings and never come back.
I hate everyone and everything. If only I could just disappear.
Chapter 2
Imogen
A week later, halfway through my academic exile, my cell phone chimed, alerting me that I had a new text. I frowned, wondering who it could be since I really didn’t talk or text anyone anymore.
I stopped in the middle of sketching a black unicorn, dropped my charcoal pencil in the crease of my sketchbook, and rolled off of my bed to grab my phone that I’d left on my tiny desk. I plopped back down on my twin bed and put in the code to unlock my phone. The phone read that I had a text from Aiden, and I nearly dropped my phone in shock. I hadn’t really talked to Aiden since Hailey and I had stopped being friends, and she’d turned everyone against me.
I always sensed that part of the reason Hailey had turned against me was that, for some unknown and miraculous reason, Aiden had preferred me over Hailey or any of the other girls at Red Rock High. Hailey had been furious and decided that she’d rather ruin my life and lose me as a friend than to see me with Aiden. So she told everyone, including Aiden, terrible lies and I promptly became an outcast.
I’ve adored Aiden since I first saw him in the third grade. He was all, chestnut brown curls, big brown eyes, and a wide, easy smile. He was popular, but he was one of those popular boys that you dreamed of because he was actually just a really nice guy. He talked to me. He talked to everyone. And when my parents died, he was there both times, saying kind words to me. His puppy dog eyes always told me what the words couldn’t. He was the only bright spot I had left and even though he still smiled at me and said hello when Hailey and her crew weren’t around, she still had managed to diminish that bright spot for me.
I took a deep breath and tapped the text icon with shaky fingers. I touched the message to pull it up.
Sup Imogen!
Party at the rock 2nite.
U should come. I miss u. ;)
My mouth dropped open in shock. The Rock was where all the popular kids went to party or where couples drove to at night to make out in their cars. I couldn’t believe that he was inviting me, though one thing held me back from getting too excited. So I shot him a quick reply.
Thx Aiden!
But I don’t wanna come if Hailey is there.
I pressed send and waited nervously until the phone chimed again.
Don’t b like that!
I promise she won’t b there.
I only want 2 c u.
A small smile played on my lips, and I felt a flush of pleasure creep up my cheeks. Squeeeeeeee!!! I screamed like a little girl in my head. It was literally the first time I felt happy about absolutely anything since my parents died. It was the first time I felt like a silly teenager with silly teenage hopes, in a long time. It had been months or more since I’d felt a reason to smile this hard. So much so that I pressed my palms against my cheeks to smoosh them down because they had started to ache. I picked up my phone again to reply, once the warm fuzzies subsided a little.
Alright I’ll b there!
What time?
It took a few nerve-wracking minutes, but my phone chimed again.
9
I hope u make it.
I looked at the time on my phone and saw that it was seven o’clock. I knew that any minute my foster mom would call me to the kitchen for a nutritional dinner of fish sticks and fries. After that, I was free to sneak out of the trailer with no one the wiser, especially since my foster parents didn’t care enough to check on me before they went to bed every night.
I grinned happily and jumped up from my bed. I headed to my tiny closet to find something suitable to wear to a high school party.
~~~
In the end, after dinner, I chose my standard attire that I was most comfortable in. My favorite black combat boots, black leggings, and a long black tank with a colorful sugar skull printed on the front. The tank was long enough to cover my butt in the back and came to about my mid-thigh in the front. I hated showing off any of my shape and since it was next to impossible to find baggy pants for girls, I found the longest shirts and tanks possible to hide as much as possible. Over the tank, I threw on a red and black flannel and then my favorite black vintage military jacket. Okay, so I have a thing for black. It suited most of my moods. I used to like color, but since my parents died, my moods felt anything other than colorful.
I looked at the disaster that was my hair in the mirror and decided to throw my fiery red curls up into a manageable puff on top of my head. I left out a few coiling tendrils to f
rame my face and lie against the nape of my neck. I thought about putting on makeup, but it honestly wasn’t my thing. So I applied some tinted lip gloss and shrugged my shoulders. Mildly satisfied with my reflection.
That was the best part about no longer being friends with Hailey. I no longer had to pretend to care about makeup. Or try to find cute, colorful clothes I didn’t want to wear in the first place. I stopped flat ironing my hair because she thought straight hair looked better. So my crazy coiling curls were a big fat ‘Fuck You’ to her and her opinion. If I was going to be an outcast, I figured I might as well go all out.
When I heard Carolyn and Bill head back to their bedroom and heard the TV in their room come on, I knew I was free to make my getaway. I slid my bedroom window open and quickly crawled out into the chilly spring night. I walked to the main street outside of the trailer park, pulled out my phone and requested an Uber. I thanked the Lord that I’d saved my money in the bank account that my parents had set up for me a couple of years before to teach me how to manage money. It helped for when I needed more art supplies or wanted to escape my foster parents for a little while. Though, I was saving most of my money for when I turn eighteen and graduate so that I could get as far away from this place of happy memories long lost and terrible rumors still festering.
The Uber pulled up a few minutes later. I got in and directed the driver where to go. The Rock wasn’t too far, and soon the cab pulled up to the dark, unmarked entrance.
“Uh…are you sure you want me to drop you off here, kid?” The cab driver asked with doubt tinging his voice.
“Yep. This is it. Thanks.” I said as I opened the back door and hopped out.
The whole point of the Rock was that it was hidden so that cops couldn’t come and break up the parties and make out sessions that took place there. So though it looked like I was being dropped off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, just behind the rocks was where the festivities were raging on.
The cab drove off, and I made my way gingerly through the narrow path and over the rocks in the darkness. Only the light of the full moon was there to guide me. Soon I heard the sounds of voices and music in the distance. My nerves got the best of me, and my hands started to shake with nervous energy.
I rounded a large rock and a giant bonfire and teens with red plastic cups surrounding it came into view. My knees trembled, and butterflies took flight in my stomach as I made my way over to the party. I was no longer a part of the ‘in’ crowd and never truly felt like it when I was, and seeing a group of girls that were part of Hailey’s clique didn’t help my frazzled nerves one bit.
He better not have lied to me about Hailey, just to get me here. I thought as I clenched my jaw.
I steered clear of the girls that had already spotted me and were giggling at whatever their inside joke was. Instead, I made my way over to a boy named Ryan that had always been relatively nice to me.
“Uh…hey, Ryan.” I started uncertainly.
“Hey, Imogen. What’s up?” Ryan asked nonchalantly.
“Um…do you know where Aiden is? He asked me to come, but I don’t see him,” I inquired.
“Oh yeah, I think I saw him go up there. On the side of the big rock.” Ryan said as he gestured with his chin over to a boulder that sat above the gathering.
“Thanks,” I said.
Something told me that it was a mistake to come. At best, I’d have to follow Aiden around like some lost puppy dog because I didn’t talk to anyone else in my senior class. And I didn’t want to even think about a worst case scenario.
I took a deep breath and decided to go find him anyway since I’d made it this far. Unfortunately, I had to pass the Pretty Little Liars’ wannabes, and they snickered behind my back. Not one to back down, I stopped, turned, and stared at them. Since the majority of them had witnessed the fight in the girls’ locker room, they stopped laughing and looked away quickly.
Satisfied, I turned and continued up the rock. As I walked around the giant boulder, I heard the sounds of smacking. I squinted my eyes as they tried to adjust to the darkness on the other side of the rock that the light from the bonfire did not reach. As my eyes adjusted, a gasp exploded past my lips at the vision that greeted me. Aiden had Hailey up against the rock with his tongue halfway down her throat, his pants down around his ankles, and her skirt hiked up with her thighs around his waist.
My stomach dropped, and tears instantly filled my eyes as I watched him thrust into her. Hailey was facing towards me, and she opened her eyes when she heard my gasp. She looked directly at me as she moaned deep in her throat and kissed Aiden back even harder. Then lifted her hand that had been buried in his chestnut curls and raised her middle finger.
I wished that the ground would have swallowed me whole. I had never felt so humiliated in all my life. Any excitement and hope that was left in me drained away. I turned quickly, almost lost my footing in my haste, but caught myself before I fell and made even more of a fool of myself. I ran from behind the rock, past the girls, and kept going as I heard their laughter behind me.
Tears streamed down my face as I made my way towards the main road I’d only left minutes before. My hands shook as I pulled out my phone and requested another Uber. It wasn’t long before the same cab pulled up since he hadn’t gone very far. I slid into the backseat again and tried to stifle my tears as I told him to take me back to the trailer park.
“You okay, kid?” He asked with concern.
“Y-Yes, I’m f-fine.” I hiccupped.
Luckily the cabbie didn’t press the issue, even though it was obvious that I was not okay. I wiped at my face and checked the night off on my ever growing list of why I was having the shittiest year ever.
Chapter 3
Imogen
My last week of suspension flew by. I couldn’t figure out if I was happy about it or not. Which was worse? Home or school. At least at home, I could lock myself willingly, or not, in my room and draw. At school, I was forced to socialize with my peers that I could not relate to or vice versa. And now I had to see everyone after the catastrophe of the party at the Rock.
So, come Monday, I very reluctantly went back to school. As I walked through the front doors, surprisingly or maybe not, no one really even noticed that I was back. I walked down the hall toward first-period geometry class. My classmates chattered with each other about their weekends as they stood in front of their lockers, stalling till the last second before they had to run to their first class. No one even looked my way as I passed by.
I might as well not even exist. Well, at least no one is pointing and laughing at me about the stupid party.
I rolled my eyes and walked into the classroom. I found my seat in the back of the class, slammed down my books, and sunk low in my chair. Hailey and her henchmen walked into the room a few minutes later. The moment that she spotted me, she smiled an evil smile and walked down the aisle towards my desk.
“You didn’t really think that Aiden would invite you to a party, did you?” She asked snidely.
“Screw you, Hailey,” I growled.
“Because it was me that texted you from his phone. And I knew you’d fall for it since you’re so pathetic.” Hailey smiled insincerely.
My stomach churned with fury.
“And I’m sure once he’s used you, he’ll move on to someone new,” I smile sweetly. “Because I’m sure you’ve heard that when you give it up so easily, boys get bored fast. Then who will look pathetic? So please, go take several seats.” I finished and then dismissed my tormentor as if she wasn’t still standing there.
Hailey huffed but had no comeback. Aiden probably had already gotten bored with her. She stomped over to her desk and scowled at me from across the room.
The bell finally rang, and the other students rushed into class for fear of detention. Our geometry teacher, Mrs. Morales, didn’t take any mess off of anyone. If you walked in late, you got after school detention, no questions asked. But as the rest of my class poured in,
we all realized that Mrs. Morales was nowhere to be seen. Which was extremely unusual, since she made it a point to practice what she preached. She was never late.
Everyone around me continued with their conversations, happy with the extra free time. I looked over to where Hailey and her minions were gathered and locked eyes with my nemesis. Hailey arched her perfectly amazing eyebrows and pursed her lips in a sassy smirk. In return, I raised my hands to the top of my desk and slowly cracked each knuckle as a warning. Hailey quickly turned around in her desk with an indignant pout.
That’s what I thought.
My smug demeanor swiftly faded as Mrs. Morales walked into the classroom. Her tan face was flushed, and her brown eyes were watery and heartbroken. The room became eerily silent once we all saw our teacher’s distraught face. Mrs. Morales cleared her clogged throat and dropped a bombshell on the class.
“Last night, one of your classmates, Mina Amari passed away. She… She committed suicide.” Our teacher choked out the words.
The class gasped collectively. I felt like I’d just gotten kicked in the stomach. My heart stuttered, and tears filled my eyes. Instantly, guilt ripped at my heart.
I didn’t do enough to protect her. I tried, but it wasn’t enough, I began to internally berate myself.
Mrs. Morales was still speaking, and I tried to focus on what she was saying.
“Grief counselors will be available all day, every day throughout the week if any of you feel the need to talk to someone.” Mrs. Morales offered.
Mina hadn’t been a popular girl. Quiet and shy and kept to herself. But we had all grown up with her. She had still been a part of our daily lives. As I continually swallowed down the lump in my throat, I scanned the faces of students, wondering if anyone felt as guilty as I did for not reaching out to her more. Many of my classmates looked in shock while others discreetly wiped at tears that had clouded their eyes. Hailey and her clones looked more nervous than anything. I thought that seemed like a peculiar emotion to have at a time like this. But God only knew how those girls’ minds worked.