by Bronwyn Sell
‘Pippa,’ Sanjay said gently.
‘I just can’t.’ She strode past Josh. ‘I have photos to take,’ she called back. ‘And you need to come in and cut the cake and have the first dance so I can clock off and find out how quickly I can get off this island.’
Sanjay exhaled noisily, blowing out his cheeks. ‘That woman,’ he began, before glancing at Josh and evidently thinking better of it. ‘Look, Josh, I’m obviously not qualified to give relationship advice, but know what you’re getting yourself into, that’s all. And think about whether it’s the best thing for her. You don’t want to make a promise you can’t keep—even an unspoken one—and break the woman’s heart like I did to your mother. I screwed up her life. I mean, apart from you, obviously.’ Sanjay opened his arms wide. ‘You know you’re the best thing that ever happened to both of us, don’t you?’
The best and the worst. ‘Yeah, Pa, I know,’ Josh said, walking into the offered hug, if a little half-heartedly. But it was his father’s wedding day, so if there was ever a time to give his father a pass … ‘You’d better get back inside.’
‘You coming?’ Sanjay said, releasing him.
‘In a minute.’
Josh listened to waves wash up and down for a long time, hearing laughter and cheering and clapping from the function room, feeling empty. Hell, Pippa was right. He was gloomy, which made no sense at all. He’d spent the night with an incredible woman, and for the first time in his life he had a real family. He rubbed the back of his neck. He should be ecstatic.
‘Josh?’
He looked up at the stars. Amy, her voice a shot of warmth to his heart. A defibrillator, even.
‘Hey,’ he said, turning. Time he picked himself up. ‘I was just heading in.’
‘The dance is coming up. Are you okay?’
‘Yeah, fine.’
‘I can tell you’re not,’ she said, tiptoeing carefully over the sand in her heels. ‘Your parents looked pretty dark when they came back in.’
‘It’s not something I want to talk about.’
‘Sure,’ she said with a gentleness that made him want to draw her to him and fold her into his arms and hold here there. He shoved his hands in his trouser pockets. ‘I’m here if you change your mind.’ She sniffed, stopping alongside him. ‘I’m always gonna be there for you.’
‘That seriously means so much to me.’
‘Is your mum okay? She seemed upset.’
He looked up at the pavilion. ‘She has mental health … challenges,’ he said, without really thinking about whether he should go there. ‘Depression, mostly.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. That must be tough.’
‘She manages it pretty well, with help. She even booked my one-way ticket to Melbourne, said it was time for me to stop having to play parent to her, said she was happy, she was on top of it for the first time in her life. Even so, I felt—feel—like a douche for leaving.’
Amy slipped her hand into his nearest pocket and entwined her fingers with his. Without looking at her, he pulled her hand out, brought it to his chest and cradled it with both of his, dipping his head to rest his lips on it. How could someone become so special so quickly? There’s always one person in the pair who wants it to be more, no matter what agreement you think you’ve made.
And for once, that person appeared to be him.
‘So, I guess it’s official,’ he said, raising his head. ‘I now pronounce us brother and sister.’
‘Ye gods, don’t say that.’
He laughed. And although this was exactly what he’d wanted a week ago—this cool woman for his very own sister—it sucked too, because it meant the thing between them really did have to end.
‘Um,’ she said, awkwardly extracting her hand, which disappointed him, weirdly. ‘Do you want to postpone the dance? It’s about to begin.’
He really wasn’t ready for the dance. It’d be torture to watch the woman he couldn’t have at her most confident and alluring, knowing his parents were watching and judging. ‘Let’s do it.’
As they walked inside, keeping a suitable distance between them, Carmen hurried up, carrying Mika, the kid’s chubby hands clinging on around her neck. Carmen’s hairdo was tipped to one side and her eye makeup smudged, though the red lipstick clung on. He wasn’t sure he’d recognise her without it. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, ‘you’ll have to do the dance without us. Mika’s not up to it, and she won’t let me put her down. I think she has a temperature.’ She closed her eyes briefly. ‘I didn’t even notice she was getting sick, I was so wrapped up in wedding stuff. All this time I’ve been shouting at her to behave and pushing her away, and she was just coming down with a bug, the poor thing. And now the wedding is falling apart.’
‘It so is not,’ Amy said in that same gentle tone she’d used on the beach just now. ‘It’s the perfect wedding—the perfect imperfect wedding, which is what it should be.’
Josh smiled. That’s what he loved about her. She was funny and snarky, but she cared, too, and wasn’t afraid to show it.
Wait—loved? He was so all over the place. It wasn’t like that. She was going to be an awesome sister—she already was—and that was all.
Amy went to put her arms around Carmen and Mika, but Mika pushed her away with a hand to her throat, and none too gently. ‘No!’ the little girl snapped, flopping her head over to look the other way.
‘Mika,’ Carmen chided.
‘Don’t worry,’ Amy said, but there was a catch in her voice. ‘She’s not herself.’
She wasn’t the only one. Josh rubbed Amy’s bare shoulder, which made him think about things he shouldn’t be thinking about when it was supposed to be a gesture of comfort. He was about to suggest they cancel the dance when Rosa rushed up.
‘Are you guys ready? Carmen can’t do it so I’ve made some adjustments. Let’s find Viggo and run through them.’
‘So ready,’ Amy said. ‘I could use a good dance.’ As they entered the pavilion, she picked up a flute of champagne from a tray and gulped. ‘For luck,’ she said to Josh with a wink.
Carmen managed to make an announcement that they had a surprise for the grooms and apologised that she couldn’t join in, while Mika hid her face in her neck. She nodded to Cody, who started the music. The opening bars to the Dirty Dancing medley began and Josh drifted to his spot on the dance floor, Harry and Cody slipping into place beside him, ready to be spotters. This was the fun bit, watching Amy and her mum dance their Latin-style routine, but with modern stuff too. Amy’s smile was as wide as her face as she flipped her skirt side to side, her eyes flashing, and flirted with the cheering audience—with him alone, he’d like to think. He could swear his pulse cranked every time her gaze glided to his. So sexy, so cool. When they got back to Melbourne, he was taking her straight to a club.
No. Terrible idea.
‘Ready?’ Harry shouted over the music, as it drifted into ‘(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life’.
‘Yep,’ Josh said.
‘Don’t let her down.’
‘I won’t.’ Was Harry talking literally or …?
As his cue for the lift approached, Josh emerged from the crowd, flanked by Cody and Harry. He ran his palms down his suit trousers, counting down the beats. Paper dart, not jumbo jet. But halfway through a bar, the music cut out. Amy stuttered to a halt, followed a second later by her mother and Viggo, who had just pulled Rosa into his arms, ready for the big finale. Around Josh, people murmured. The hell?
Harry planted a hand on Josh’s shoulder. ‘Your dad,’ he muttered. ‘He stopped the music.’
‘What? Why?’
Sanjay was standing by the sound system, looking flustered. ‘That was great,’ he said weakly. ‘Amazing.’ He began to clap, and the guests half-heartedly joined him.
Josh surged through the crowd. ‘What the hell?’ he whispered to Sanjay, as Cody rushed up to fix the music. ‘If that was about me and Amy, I swear, there’s nothing—’
‘Look at your mother,’ Sanja
y said quietly, ‘over by the cake.’
Josh turned. Pippa was crying. ‘She never cries,’ he said. She swivelled and pushed her way out to the beach.
‘It was our wedding song,’ Sanjay said.
‘Oh shit.’
Sanjay bit his lower lip. ‘Yeah.’
‘I’ll go.’
Josh found Pippa sitting sideways in a hammock, her feet brushing the ground as she gently swung.
‘That was our wedding dance,’ she said, her chin raised.
‘Sanjay just told me. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.’
‘How could he choose that song?’
Josh linked his hands behind his neck. ‘He didn’t. It was meant to be a surprise for him and Geoff, from Amy, Carmen and Rosa. And I chose it. I had no idea. I mean, I knew you loved that movie but … It’s not like you guys ever talk about your wedding.’
‘I love that movie because it’s our movie—mine and Sanjay’s. That was our song.’ She sniffed. ‘We bonded over it as teenagers, acted out the entire movie once. In hindsight, I think we were both in love with Patrick Swayze.’
‘Ah shit. I just wanted everyone to be happy. I keep fucking up.’
‘I know you want everyone to be happy, Joshie. You’re like your father that way. I should never have agreed to come. I knew there was something fishy, but I guess I …’
‘You wanted to be here?’
‘I did, and I didn’t,’ she said after some thought. ‘I wish I could get closure, like Rosa has. Sometimes I feel so pathetic, you know? It’s been decades and look at me.’
‘Everyone’s different, Ma.’
She sighed. ‘I’ve made such a spectacle of myself.’
‘You haven’t. No one but me and Sanjay has any idea about any of this. I didn’t even know until he clued me in.’
‘He didn’t need to stop the music. Were you about to join in?’
‘Yeah. But that’s okay.’
‘Were you going to do the lift?’ she said sympathetically.
‘That was the plan, yeah.’
‘We could go back in and you could do it. I’ll be fine.’ She planted her feet and stood. ‘It was just a surprise, that’s all, to hear that song, and today of all days. And I’m shattered. It’s been a long day, on top of very little sleep last night.’
‘Nah, all good. I’m tired too.’ Maybe it was a sign. Maybe he was more relieved than disappointed about not doing the lift.
She smiled up at him. ‘You’re always so good to me.’ She looked like she might cry again. ‘I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’d make some woman a good husband.’
He scoffed quietly.
‘I know you haven’t seen too many good examples of marriages, but you’ve certainly had enough practice looking after a woman,’ she continued. ‘And I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, but if you’re not planning to take this thing with Amy any further, it’d be a good idea to back out now, given the way she looks at you.’
The way she …
What? No. Pippa had that all wrong.
You don’t want to break the woman’s heart like I did to your mother.
‘Yeah, I’m backing right off,’ he said. ‘Definitely shouldn’t have gone there. But don’t worry, Ma, no damage done.’
When they returned, Pippa refused Josh’s offer to help pack her camera gear, and he took the last empty seat, between Cody and Carmen. As usual, a bunch of tables had been joined together. Mika was asleep on Carmen’s chest, snoring like an old man. Luckily, the conversation was well underway and no one stopped to ask questions of Josh, though Amy sent him a querying look from across the table. He gave a slight shrug to say everything was okay.
The way she looks at you …
No. His mother was wrong.
‘Did he have any tattoos?’ the captain was asking Carmen.
‘What are we talking about?’ Josh muttered to Cody.
‘Carmen’s baby daddy, the mysterious Mike. Apparently the captain has a lot of ties to the US military. He’s trying to figure out where this Mike guy could be from. It’s like some bad reality show. The Baby-Daddy Detective.’
‘A seahorse, on his biceps,’ Carmen said. ‘I know it sounds terrible but there’s not much more I can tell you. We were at a bar in Chicago. They weren’t locals, they were on some training course.’
The captain pushed out his chair and folded his arms. ‘They?’
‘Mike and a few mates. They were in the same unit, or whatever.’
‘Do you remember their names?’
‘Only their first names.’
‘That could be a start. I have some friends who may be able to do some digging.’
‘Um, all right,’ Carmen said. ‘There was Oscar and Charlie. And the other guy was …’ She bit her lower lip, thinking.
‘Uh, Romeo?’ Cody said, smirking.
Josh froze. Shit.
‘Yes!’ Carmen said, baffled. ‘How did you …?’
Cody threw back his head and laughed.
Carmen sat straighter—as much as she could with Mika weighing her down. ‘What is it?’
‘Oh boy,’ Cody said, collecting himself. ‘Who’s going to tell her?’
‘Tell me what?’ Carmen was going pale in a medical-event kind of way.
Cody clapped Josh on the back. ‘You’re her brother, you tell her.’
Carmen’s eyes beseeched Josh. ‘Tell me what?’
‘They’re not real names,’ Josh said as gently as he could. ‘It’s the phonetic alphabet. You know—Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta …’
Her eyes seemed to recede into her skull. Josh looked around the table for backup. He wasn’t qualified to deal with this. Across from him, Amy pushed back her chair and stood.
Cody sputtered with laughter. He smacked his palm over his mouth. ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled. He pulled the hand away, but only an inch, like he couldn’t trust himself. ‘But come on. Mike, Charlie, even Oscar, you might overlook those names, but Romeo? And where was Victor? In the bathroom? Come on, you have to admit it’s pretty funny.’ His face fell. ‘No one’s laughing.’
‘It’s not funny at all,’ Carmen said. She looked like she could actually throw up. ‘I named my daughter after …’ She turned to Josh. ‘I’m sorry, could you take …’ She pretty much tipped Mika into Josh’s arms, and ran for it. Amy followed.
Lena threw a balled-up serviette at Cody. ‘Jackass.’
The captain looked guiltily at Jaz, who grimaced.
Mika snuffled, and Josh rearranged her, shushing. She slumped against his chest and resumed snoring. She felt about fifty degrees Celsius.
Shit. Mika, Mike. Carmen had named her daughter after her father’s fake name.
Great. Josh’s first official act as a brother was to break his sister’s heart, and not the sister whose heart he’d been expected to break.
Trip Review: Curlew Bay
Rating:
Review: We left our door open while we were at the beach and cockatoos raided our room! Even got into the mini-bar and got the lids off! The staff said it happens from time to time. WTH?
38
Amy
Amy found Carmen on a bench seat on the deck, facing the ocean, and navigated toward her, concentrating intently on keeping upright. She plunked down beside Carmen, slung an arm around her and pulled her close.
After half a minute, Carmen gave a snotty snort. ‘All this time I felt we had this special thing, that we connected, that it was fate, that one day we might meet again,’ she said. ‘I literally go to sleep every freaking night just thinking about the moment I might see him again. But I was nothing to him. He didn’t even respect me enough to tell me his name.’ She swivelled and lay along the bench, her head in Amy’s lap, her focus far above, her lipstick faded to a veiny stain. ‘He tried to give me his email address in the morning but I said no. Aside from the fact it would have been impossible for anything more to happen, given the situation, for once in my life—just once—I wanted to be th
at liberated woman who sweeps in and takes what she wants and leaves again without looking back. For once I didn’t want to be me, this person who overthinks everything and gets obsessed and sabotages every relationship by getting all anxious and pushy and paranoid. I didn’t think there’d be any consequences, let alone this one. We used condoms!’ She wailed and touched her fingertips to her temples. ‘No wonder they laughed at me when I rang all those bases after I found out I was pregnant. Some of them just hung up when I mentioned the names. I thought they were so rude.’
Amy smoothed tendrils of hair back from Carmen’s forehead. ‘Oh, sis, I don’t know what to say.’ Carmen went to sleep at nights thinking about him? She had never let on. She’d always just ploughed on ahead and ticked off what needed to be done.
Carmen sighed and sat up again. ‘I guess in a way this makes it easier.’
‘How so?’
‘Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve had that mind picture right here.’ She knocked her forehead with a palm. ‘The image of him handing me that piece of paper with his email address, and I’ve wondered how different things would be if I’d taken it. Of course, he might not have wanted to be involved with Mika. He was overseas a lot and you could tell he really loved it, but … All along I’ve kicked myself for not taking that piece of paper. But now I wonder what was written on it—a fake email address to match the fake name? So now I’m thinking maybe this isn’t my fault.’
‘Either way, please don’t blame yourself. You did all the right things. It is what it is,’ Amy said, stealing their mother’s line.
‘Not that I have regrets about Mika. She’s everything to me, even if I was a terrible mother today.’
‘Rubbish. You’re an incredible mother and you always have been, and that girl is the luckiest little girl in the universe. And mistake, schmistake—and, man, that’s hard to say after as many champagnes as I’ve had. Our whole lineage has been a series of mistakes, right back to great-great-whatever grandmother Lois. Our parents should never have been together, Nan shouldn’t have married Granddad, and yes, that delicious child of yours wasn’t in the plan. But if none of those mistakes had happened, none of us would be here right now. And our family may be a touch …’