by Clare Revell
“He led us here,” she said wonderingly. “He somehow knew this was what we were looking for…perhaps he sensed something he was insistent that we come this way.”
“I’ve heard of dogs doing extraordinary things like this before.” Jim gazed at Deefer, too. “It’s as if he knew we needed to find help in some way, and he just went about it.”
Lou went over to Deefer, settling down beside him.
Deefer’s tail thumped on the ground as he plopped his head in her lap. She petted her amazing hound, still bemused by his exuberance yesterday as he led them to this spot. Her mind wandered into nothingness as she pondered the base below. A head butted against her hand and she resumed stroking the dog’s fur.
“Well,” said Jim. “Since Deefer is the hero of the day, we’ll have to give him a little extra food tonight.”
Ailsa looked up. Comprehension dawned on her face. “He led us here.”
Jim nodded.
“You’re a good dog, Deefer.” Staci reached across Lou’s lap and patted his head. “But then, we always knew that.”
The three of them exclaimed over Deefer’s heroic deeds, with Staci reminiscing about other antics the dog had done when they were at home.
Ailsa listened, smiling as Staci got more excited with Deefer’s exploits; laughing as she recounted the dog overboard incident on the boat.
Lou’s mind returned to her melancholy thoughts. She was so tired. Every step today had been torture, the crutches digging under her arms, the nearly useless leg not cooperating in any way. Her heart…no, her soul…was just so weary.
She rubbed behind Deefer’s ears, just the way he liked it. “Hey boy, we’re almost there. Journey’s end.”
Deefer opened one eye and whimpered softly. He settled his head further onto her lap and sighed.
She stroked his head. “Not far now, Deefer. Just down the cliff path and then we can call for help. Find someone to make you better.”
Deefer sighed again. He no longer had the energy to move. He looked up at her, the familiar look of love and trust in his eyes. He licked her hand.
Lou stroked behind his ears, tears filling her eyes. “You rest now, Deefer. You did well to lead us here. We’ll explore the beach after lunch. You’ll like that. Walk on the sand and run in the waves. Just the two of us, like we used to do on holiday.”
Deefer closed his eyes and sighed as she stroked him.
His breathing became slower and more labored, until it finally stopped.
Lou sat for a while, unwilling to move and not wanting to speak just yet. Because once she did, she had to admit something she didn’t want to.
After a while, she said, “Jim?”
Jim looked up from the logbook. “Yeah, what’s up?”
“Come here a sec please.”
Jim got up and came over. He sat next to her. “What is it?” he asked.
“It’s Deefer,” Lou whispered. She looked at him, tears streaming down her face. “He’s...” she began, but got no further.
Jim put a hand on Deefer’s chest. “He’s gone,” he said softly. “Oh, Lou. I am so sorry. Come here.” He gathered her in his arms and held her as she sobbed.
Staci and Ailsa came back from gathering fruit.
Ailsa looked at Jim. “What’s up?” she asked.
“Deefer’s dead,” Jim replied softly.
“No.” Staci began to cry. She dropped to the ground and buried her face in his fur.
Ailsa sat beside her and held her as they both cried, until they were exhausted and could cry no more.
Jim drew the others away and got them preparing the meat for that evening, while he went to a secluded spot by the cliff top. Later, he returned across to Lou. She still sat with Deefer’s head in her lap. “Lou, we need to bury him,” he said.
“No. I’m not going to leave him here.”
“We have to bury him. He’s gone, Lou. The bit that made him Deefer is no longer there. He got us as far as he could. We’ve gone much further than I thought we would in the last two days. He knew he was dying. He wanted to get us to the coast first.”
Lou said sadly, “It should have been me. He died in my place. Why? It’s not fair.”
Unable to answer, Jim put a comforting hand on her shoulder and then left her alone. He crossed over to the others and shook his head.
Ailsa got up. “Let me try.” She went over to Lou and sat beside her. “Lou, if we don’t bury him, the wild animals will eat his body. Is that what you want?”
“No.”
“Jim’s dug a grave. He’s chosen a spot overlooking the bay. It’s time to let him go and say goodbye.”
Lou nodded reluctantly.
Ailsa nodded to Jim and he came across with his spare vest. He began to wrap Deefer in it, but Lou stopped him.
“Use my other dress,” she said. She pulled it out of the bag and gave it to Jim.
Jim wrapped the body and picking Deefer up gently, carried him across to the spot he had chosen.
Lou rose and she, Ailsa, and Staci followed Jim to the cliff top. He gently placed Deefer into the grave. Lou picked up a handful of dirt and sprinkled it in. The others too sprinkled a handful of dirt onto the body.
Jim, then, began to fill in the grave.
The sound of Lou’s sobbing filled the air. “He was my friend. I failed him,” she said.
As darkness fell, Jim lit the fire, and Ailsa began to cook the evening meal. Lou sat numbly by the graveside. When the meal was ready, Jim went over to her. “Time to eat,” he told her.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat.”
Lou sighed. “Why? What’s the point? He was my life, Jim. What am I going to do without him?”
“You carry on. He wouldn’t want you to be sad. You cherish his memory and smile because he has lived. He brought us here, Lou. To journey’s end. Tomorrow we go down to the base and call for help.”
Jim held out his hand. “One step at a time, mate.”
Lou grasped his hand and he helped her up, then let her settle closer to the fire.
Ailsa handed Lou a plate of food.
Lou shook her head. “I don’t want it. I’m just so tired, and I don’t feel like eating.”
Ailsa shrugged and divided it up between the others.
Staci took a bite, her expression still alert and excited. “Action plan for tomorrow?”
“To the airbase,” Jim answered. “See what radio equipment they left. Then wait, I guess. Why?”
“We’re almost out of food. And I don’t want to have to go find more.”
Jim snorted. “I knew you’d have an ulterior motive. You and your stomach.” He finished his dinner and looked at the others. “I would suggest a game, but there’s only the firelight.”
“Coward, since when has that stopped us?” Staci told him. “Afraid you’ll lose more like. Deal the cards. Playing, Lou?”
“No. I’ll just watch.” Lou watched as Jim swiftly dealt the cards and they played by the fire. After the game, when the others were asleep, Lou lay awake, her heart still breaking silently within.
~*~
In the morning, Lou woke, not realizing she had slept. She wondered why she had this ache inside her, as she instinctively looked for Deefer. Then she remembered. Grief descended on her like a crushing blow and she felt sick.
Jim made to go over to her, but Ailsa grabbed his arm. “Leave her, Jim. She won’t want an audience. Trust me. I’ve been there.”
Jim nodded. “OK. We’ll move out after breakfast.” He smiled as Lou came across to them. “Hi. Sleep OK?”
She shrugged. “Must’ve slept, but I don’t remember.”
“We’re going in a few. Suss out the base and go fishing.”
Lou sat down, wincing slightly. “I’ll stay here.”
“Not an option. We go, you go.”
“I’m not leaving Deefer.”
Jim sighed. “You want something to eat?” he asked, changing the subject.
; “I’m not hungry.”
“You need to eat.”
“Later then. If I eat now, I’ll be sick again.”
“Jim, leave it.” Ailsa said sharply. “Just hand out the fruit, please. I can’t cope with arguments this morning. I’ve only known Deefer a few weeks and I miss him. He’s been part of Lou’s life for years.”
Staci wandered over. “Morning campers. What’s for breakfast?”
“Fruit. If Jim ever gets around to doing it,” Ailsa said.
Jim raised his hand in defeat. “OK.”
Lou rose and limped off up the path, leaving them to it. By the time they’d finished, she still hadn’t come back, so they started to pack up camp.
“Where’s Lou?” Jim asked when they were ready to leave.
Ailsa pointed across the clearing. “Over there.”
“OK. You two start down to the base. We’ll catch you up.”
Jim went across to where Lou stood by Deefer’s grave. She held his collar and lead in her hands. Jim stood silently next to her for a minute. “Lou. I’m really sorry. I was wrong to speak to you like that earlier, but I can’t leave you here on your own.”
Lou looked at him and Jim recoiled slightly, horrified by what he saw. Her eyes were dead. It was as if her very essence had been buried along with Deefer. “I’m not going,” she said, her voice expressionless. “I killed him. I’ll only do the same to you.”
“I thought we’d sorted this out,” Jim said infuriated with her. “Of course you’re coming.” He shouldered the bag. “You’ve got three minutes. Then I shall pick you up and carry you.” He walked off towards the cliff path.
Lou resisted internally, but a sweeping blackness swallowed her heart. She felt as if she were drowning, as if nothing mattered anymore.
Jim stood, confident, unwavering, as he waited for her to make up her mind.
Lou swallowed, fighting the feeling of being wrapped in a dark, smothering sheet, struggling to break free. After several intense moments, something firmed up in her brain, shifting the black to a gauzy gray, as if there was a light shining in the far distance.
Lou grasped at it like a drowning victim clinging to a raft, and swung after Jim.
18
Outside the USAF base, Staci and Ailsa waited for the others to catch up.
The gates hung open and lopsided.
Staci sighed. “Doesn’t look hopeful, does it, Ailsa?”
“Not really. More derelict than I thought it might be.”
Jim came over. “Lou’s coming, under protest. Don’t make an issue out of it. I’ve already put my foot in it enough for now.”
The others nodded as Lou caught them up.
“Nice place,” Lou said, not bothering to hide the sarcasm.
The base was run down. Jim and the girls went through the gates and up to the main building. Several hangers were dotted around the complex, all with broken roofs. Weeds sprouted up through the paving and the flagpole was noticeably empty. The windows of the main building were covered in dirt.
Ailsa rubbed at one and peered in. “No one home,” she said.
“Really? You don’t say,” Jim said pushing at the door. It didn’t budge.
“Try the handle,” Staci said. She pushed it down and the door opened. “Works every time.”
She led the way inside the main building. A layer of dust covered the reception desk. Jim ran his finger across it and said, “Remind me to have words with the cleaners.”
Lou looked up from the floor plan she’d found. “Radio room is on the third floor. Reckon the lift works?”
Jim grinned. “If not, I’ll carry you.”
They made their way to the stairs and Lou slowly and painfully hopped up them.
On the third floor they found the radio room. It was empty. A couple of dust covered tables and a few sheets of paper were all it contained. Jim sighed. He hadn’t expected to find a radio, but he had allowed himself to hope.
Lou limped to the window. She rubbed at it and peered through at the runway. She glanced over her shoulder. “They’d never land on that anyway. It’s more holes than runway.”
Jim, Staci and Ailsa explored the base a bit more. They were all disappointed at not finding a radio. That is all except Lou. She was pleased. Now she could stay with Deefer. She missed him so much nothing else mattered. She followed the others slowly through the empty rooms, their footsteps echoing.
She felt dreadful and it wasn’t just grief. She was hot and dizzy. All she wanted to do was go to bed and stay there. Once the others had been picked up, she’d go and sit by Deefer’s grave and wait for the end to come. It wouldn’t be long, she knew that.
Staci wandered into a side room. “Jim, what’s this?” she called.
Jim pushed the door open wider. “What’s what?” he asked.
“This,” she said pointing to the desk.
“Staci, you gem.” Jim yelled and hugged her. “It’s a cipher. Morse code. We can use it to call for help. My Morse is a little rusty, but I know enough to spell out where we are. Any suggestions?”
He sat down at the desk and they worked out a short message. Jim flexed his fingers and said, “Here goes nothing.” He tapped out the message. “SOS Agrihan Air Base. Need help. Please respond.” He added their names and a request for information about his parents. They sat there for half an hour, waiting for a response.
“Nothing,” Lou said. “No one uses Morse code anymore.”
“So why do it?” Staci yelled. “Why’d you get our hopes up, Jim?”
“Stop it.” Ailsa said, putting a hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Shouting at each other isn’t going to help and it was worth a shot. It’ll be dark soon. I suggest we stay here tonight at least. Try again in the morning.”
A flash of lightning split the sky and rain splattered against the window. “Good idea,” said Jim. “At least we’ll be in the dry. There should be a mess and barracks here somewhere.”
“Somewhere on this level will do for now. I can’t do those stairs again,” Lou said.
Ailsa divided the remaining food into eight portions and gave them one portion each.
“Thanks for nothing,” Staci muttered.
“Have mine,” Lou told her. “I’m not hungry.”
Jim shot her an angry look. “You haven’t eaten all day, Lou.”
“I don’t feel very well. If I eat I’ll be sick and that will be a waste of what little food we have. I’m going to find somewhere to sleep.” Lightning flashed again, illuminating her pale face. Thunder echoed in response.
Jim glanced at Ailsa, trying to indicate he didn’t want Lou left alone.
She seemed to know what he meant as she nodded almost imperceptibly. “I’ll come with you. If we find a big enough room, the four of us can camp together.”
The two of them left the room. Staci looked at Jim. “Sorry, bro.”
Jim put his arms around her. “It’s OK, kiddo. I’d got my hopes up too. We’ll try sending again tomorrow. Someone will hear us.”
Ailsa came back. “We found something,” she said. “A bunk room with four bunks and blankets. It’ll mean Jim sharing with us, but I think we can cope for a few nights. What about you Stace? Jim doesn’t get a say in the matter.”
“I see,” Jim said. “Like that is it?”
Thunder resounded through the empty building, making Staci jump. “Please, Jim. I need you tonight. So does Lou. Although she won’t admit it.”
Jim sighed. “You really want me to share with a bunch of women?”
Staci rolled her eyes. “You’ve done it for weeks. The only difference is we’re inside and not outside.”
“True. Sure, we can all bunk together. Is Lou all right, Ailsa?”
“Very quiet, which is only to be expected. She’s already lying down and will be sleeping before long.”
“I’m going to bed. Ailsa, where’s Lou?” Staci asked.
“Third door on the right Stace. We’ll be right behind you.”
Staci
ran down the corridor as the rain thudded against the window.
Jim looked at Ailsa. “I’m worried about Lou. You didn’t see her up at the graveside. When she looked at me her eyes were empty. She scared me, Ailsa. There was nothing there. It was as if we’d buried her along with Deefer. I’m afraid she of what she might do.”
“She’s grieving. She’ll be OK. Just give her some time.”
“OK.”
Ailsa hugged him. “We won’t leave her alone. That way she can’t do anything.”
Jim held her gaze. “And I want the mytona out of her bag. Just to be on the safe side.”
She frowned. “Do you really think she’d do that?”
“I’m praying she won’t, but there is something going on with her. More than just grief for Deefer. I just don’t know what.”
19
The next morning was sunny. The overnight storm had dispersed some of the humidity. Lou looked out of the window across the pot-holed runway to the sea. The sun glinted off the top of the waves making them sparkle. The others were still asleep, so she quietly limped across the room and opened the door.
“Where are you going?” Jim asked.
Lou jumped, not realizing he was awake. “Nowhere far.”
Jim leapt off the top bunk and landed with a thud, waking the other two. “Good morning,” he said loudly.
“Brat,” Staci muttered, rolling over and tugging the blanket over her head.
“And good morning to you, too,” Ailsa yawned.
Lou limped down the corridor and towards the stairs. She sat on the top one and sliding her crutches to the bottom, bumped herself down after them as a small child does.
“Let me help you,” Jim said from above her.
Lou looked up at him, her empty gaze again filling him with horror. “I don’t need your help. I can manage.” She slid herself around to the top of the next flight and sent her crutches down them, before following them. She reached the ground floor and swung herself rapidly along the corridor. Running footsteps behind her made her slow down.
Jim caught her arm. “Lou, wait up. Where are you going?”
“Outside.”
“No. I don’t want you wandering off on your own.”
“Why? Afraid I’ll get lost? I don’t need you to take care of me. I don’t need it and I don’t want it. I’m going back to Deefer. He doesn’t like being alone.”