by Amy Sandas
Finally, as if unable to take anymore, Jude tore his mouth away and looked at her with an expression darkened by questions and profound distrust.
“Who the hell are you, Anna?” he demanded.
He still gripped her with strong hands as he arched her back over the rail. She could only cling to him to keep from falling. His eyes pierced into her soul and she felt suddenly naked and empty, when just seconds ago she had felt so full with the rush of him, his scent, his warmth, his taste and his desire.
His tone was rough as he asked another question. “Do you always kiss as if it would save your life?”
Anna closed her eyes.
How the hell should I know, she thought with abrupt, constricting despair. She opened her eyes and searched his face for some hint of the young man she had once admired. Would he believe her if she were to bare her soul right here as she was tempted to do? She licked her dry lips.
“I don’t understand you,” Jude continued, still not releasing her from the awkward and vulnerable position in which he held her. His visage grew taut with frustration. “I didn’t understand your mercenary actions back then, and I don’t understand what you expect to gain from me now. Who are you, Anna? What is it that you want?”
I want to be happy. I want to go back and change the past. I want you to see me. I want you to know me. Love me.
The words bounced around in her head, but could not find a path to her lips. Too much time had passed. Too much fear had been built up, too much uncertainty and doubt. And the terrible glaring truth was that she didn’t know him either.
“You don’t really want to hear the answers to your questions, Jude,” Anna finally replied with quiet certainty. She returned his penetrating gaze with confidence on that point at least. He wasn’t ready to accept the full truth of everything that had happened. And she wasn’t ready to expose herself to more hurt and suspicion. Not from him.
And now Olivia had ensured that Anna would risk more than her heart if she were to utter the words that might exonerate her in her husband’s eyes.
She nudged against him, ignoring the spear of desire that shot through her at the brief friction between their bodies. He stepped back, removing the support of his solid body. Her legs wobbled a bit, but she forced herself to stand strong. No weakness. She would not be crushed by the weight of her emotions. She would not allow him to see any chance of her defeat.
She turned away from him and felt the loss of his touch as his hands fell from her hips. She reached for William’s reins and was struck by what had happened right here in the open air of her courtyard. She quickly scanned their surroundings. A blush warmed her cheeks at the thought that any of her stable hands could have stepped outside and seen her behaving like a hussy. With her husband.
That last fact filled her with an almost hysterical amusement. A silly grin spread across her lips as she realized the hilarity of being observed in such a scandalous position with one’s own husband. Such things simply weren’t done in polite society. Scandals erupted all the time between illicit lovers, but never between married couples.
Turning to lead William back to the stables, she couldn’t resist sneaking a glance at Jude.
He stood leaning back against the rail near where they had just been standing. The late morning sun glinted off the soft curls of his blonde hair. He watched her with a look of concentration that made her nervous.
Anna’s breath caught in her lungs. The moment seemed somehow more intimate than when they had been pressed chest to chest.
“I desire you, Anna,” Jude said softly into the distance that separated them. When she blinked in surprise at his open admission, he continued, “I won’t deny it, but it doesn’t change the fact that the circumstances of this marriage need to be remedied. If it comes down to having to resort to means other than annulment, so be it.”
His words were a promise and a warning rolled into one roughly uttered statement. Anna grasped what he was implying. He was not against getting a divorce should their relationship develop on a more physical level. As she turned away to continue into the stables, she wondered if he knew just how deeply such a suggestion would affect her.
And if that had been his exact intention.
Chapter Fourteen
The sound of relentless pounding pulled Jude from an uneasy slumber. Someone was knocking at the front door. His first thought was of Anna, and fear swept through him at the notion that something might have happened to her. Then he remembered he had heard her come in sometime after midnight.
She had gone out with Riley late in the evening. Jude had ignored the brief temptation to follow them. As much as he wanted to make himself a nuisance to his wife, he did not wish to be a personal witness to her interactions with her lover.
The pounding continued unheeded. Fully awake, Jude swung his legs out of bed and pulled on his clothes from the night before. He made it out of his bedroom door and to the top of the stairs by the time the butler emerged from the shadows. The poor man was clearly not accustomed to being awakened in the middle of the night and his uniform was in less than impeccable form.
As soon as Hastings opened the door, a ragged messenger thrust forward into the house.
“Mrs. Locke, er, ah, the countess. I must speak with the Countess of Blackbourne.”
Jude started to descend the stairs with a frown. What the hell was this now?
“The Countess…” he started to say, but was interrupted as a figure in a white dressing gown and pale blue robe with a thick fall of inky black hair swept past him on the stairs.
“I am here, Jack,” she replied curtly. “What is it?”
The messenger swallowed once, twice. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the sight of Anna in her dressed-down state. Jude could understand the poor man’s problem. There was no hiding the stark sensuality of this particular woman in her nightclothes.
Anna reached the hall and approached the man on swift feet, tying the belt of her robe around her small waist.
“Come on now, out with it, man. It must be urgent or you wouldn’t be causing such a racket at this hour.”
“L-lord Riley, my lady,” the man stuttered as he managed to mentally grasp hold of his purpose. “He’s askin’ for you.”
Jude reached Anna’s side and watched as she forced herself to take a deep breath. His lips twitched with amusement. It appeared the lady could be cranky when pulled from her slumber.
She placed her hands on her curved hips to reply with pert insistence. “Asking for me why? You must be explicit.”
“Sorry, my lady.” The man shook his head. “Lord Riley has been shot and sent me to fetch you.”
“Shot! Good God, man, why didn’t you say so?”
She spun to address the butler. “Have the carriage brought round immediately.”
Turning back to the messenger, she asked, “Has a doctor been summoned?”
“He wouldn’t allow it, but he’s lost a lot of blood from what I saw.”
“Stubborn sot,” she muttered to herself.
Jude came forward from where he had stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “You are not leaving the house like that.”
Anna glanced back over her shoulder at him, the curtain of her hair shielding half her face. But even in the dim light of the hall, Jude could easily detect the strain and tension in her pale features. She was going to be extremely stubborn on the issue.
“You don’t seriously think you’re going to stop me,” she stated with curt impatience.
Jude conceded, for the moment. “No, I can see it would be a wasted effort. But I am going with you.”
Hearing the sound of the carriage coming round to the front door, Anna turned back to Hastings. “My cloak, please. Hurry.”
“And my coat,” Jude added.
Anna scowled. “Your involvement is not necessary.”
“I’m going with you.” His expression and tone indicated he would not allow for refusal on this point. He could also be stubborn. �
�Fine,” she replied in a short bark of irritation. She swung her cloak over her shoulders and turned toward the door. “Just keep your mouth shut and don’t interfere. This has nothing to do with you.”
Jude would have pointed out that if his wife was going to be traipsing around town in her nightclothes, rushing to the bedside of a man who had been shot, he was going to make damn sure he was involved.
Then he wondered why it was becoming easier and easier to think of her as his wife. He frowned at the thought and lapsed into silence. Out of concern for being left behind on the side of the street, Jude kept close on Anna’s heels as she nearly flew down the steps to the carriage.
It took less than ten minutes to get to Leif’s residence. Anna’s anxiety increased with every minute that passed. For the first time since Jude had re-entered her life, she barely gave him a thought as her worry for Leif crowded out all other concerns.
As soon as the carriage slowed, Anna jumped to the ground and dashed into the house, leaving Jude to follow behind on his own. There were no servants about and the house was mostly darkened. But Anna’s direction was solid as she led the way up to the small bedroom on the upper floor. As they neared, the stench of sour alcohol and stale tobacco clung to the air, as did the salty-sweet metallic tang of blood.
Leif was there, propped up crookedly in a narrow bed. He still wore a white evening shirt darkened on one side by blood turned black in the dim light of the single candle. The shirt was loose from the breeches he wore, which were also stained down the left side. A bottle of liquor was cradled gently in his uninjured arm.
With a gasp, Anna flew to the bedside and knelt on the floor. Her hands swept over the wounded man’s chest, gently pressing and probing. Leif lifted his head from the pillows and looked at her with unfocused eyes and the smile of a drunken fool.
“’Ello, angel.”
“You bloody arse,” Anna replied. Her harsh words were belied by the deep concern in her voice. “What happened?”
Leif shifted his position and groaned as he clutched at his left side. He lifted the bottle he was holding in his other hand and took a healthy swig of whatever was inside. Then another. Lowering the bottle, he looked at Anna with an apologetic expression.
“I’m such a terrible trouble to you,” he slurred under his breath. “But I swear she told me ‘er husband was outta town.”
Anna’s frown spoke volumes as to what she thought of his little confession.
She peeled the blood-soaked shirt away from his body, making a conscious effort to keep her hands from shaking. There had been some significant blood loss, but the bleeding appeared to have slowed to a steady ooze from the wound in his side. Anna released her held breath. It didn’t seem quite as bad as it could have been.
“What the bloody ‘ell’s he doing here?” Leif demanded as he gestured toward the door with his bottle in a sweeping arc of his arm. The fact that no liquor sloshed from the neck of the bottle was a testament to how much he had already consumed.
Anna looked over her shoulder. She had forgotten about Jude.
He stood with his arms folded across his chest, one shoulder leaning against the doorframe. Not quite in the room, yet not outside it either. He silently took in the bloody scene without revealing anything of his thoughts. He might have been observing a speech in Parliament for all the emotion that showed on his face.
“He insisted on accompanying me,” Anna replied with a dark scowl. “Just ignore him.”
“Ha!” Leif exclaimed with a sudden mocking grin at the other man. “Didn’t take long for ‘er to get you on a leash, eh?”
“Leif,” Anna warned beneath her breath before addressing Jude. “There is no reason for you to stay, my lord. I have the situation in hand.”
Jude’s blue eyes were unreadable as he looked at her kneeling beside Leif’s bed. Her panic over Leif’s condition had stripped away some of the layers of resentment and distrust that she used as a shield against his judgment. The intensity of his gaze affected her acutely, as if she knelt before him exposed in a sense far more intimate than was explained by the fact that she was in her nightclothes.
After a few seconds under his stony regard, a jittery sensation entered Anna’s muscles and she felt an urge to squirm. She never squirmed.
Despite the odd nervousness pervading her limbs, she returned her husband’s stare with prideful resolve that she hoped would disguise the quivering vulnerability she felt inside.
“All the same,” Jude answered in a slow drawl. “I think I’ll stay.”
He unfolded his arms and strolled to the single window in the room. Brushing aside the heavy drapes, he looked down at the alley below.
Anna stared at his broad back, feeling a mixture of relief and annoyance as he appeared to effectively dismiss the situation from his concern.
“Hell if I give a damn,” Leif muttered. “How bad is it, angel?”
Anna turned back to the wounded man.
“I won’t be able to properly see how much damage has been done until I clean you up.”
Leif motioned with the bottle to a table close behind Anna. “There’s rags and water over there. Miriam brought ‘em up.”
“Where did she go, then?” Anna asked impatiently as she turned to dip a rag in the tepid water, wringing out the excess with both hands. She could see Jude from the corner of her eye, his attention still focused out the window.
“I gave ’er the boot,” Leif said with a wince as Anna went about the business of cleaning the dried blood from his flesh. “Twit wouldn’t stop simpering ‘n’ cooing. She seemed to think it an appropriate time to strike up a flirtation. I couldn’t stand it.” He took another long pull from the bottle in his hand, nearly draining it. “I knew you’d come.”
“And what about Langly,” she asked.
“He’s on holiday. Gone to visit ‘is family in Hartfordshire or Stratfordshire or some little shire somewhere.”
“Don’t you think you should take it easy on that bottle,” Anna commented as she started to probe around the slashing wound in his side.
“Since you’ve never been shot,” Leif slurred, “I’ll forgive yer ignorance, angel. To clue you in, it hurts like the damned devil.”
“I should call for a doctor.”
Leif’s hand shot out and grasped her wrist in a surprisingly strong grip.
“No, you shouldn’t. No money.”
“Dammit, Leif, don’t be stubborn about this. You know I would cover the cost of a physician.”
Leif’s eyes opened and he pinned her with an intent and suddenly lucid stare. “I will not take money from you, Anna.”
She snorted. “No, but you call me out of my bed in the middle of the night and cause me immeasurable worry and frustration.”
Anna caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she examined his wound. She decided to let the matter of a doctor drop for now. If she insisted, he was likely to do something truly foolish. The man could be more hardheaded than she was on certain issues. His financial situation was one of them.
“It looks to be just a flesh wound this time. You’ve lost a lot of blood but it appears clean. I should be able to stitch it myself. You are very lucky. I hope the lady was worth it,” she added dryly.
“Infinitely,” he murmured before he took another long drink and laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. “Just wish she kept better tabs on her husband. I’m lucky there was a sturdy tree outside her bedchamber window.” His voice was growing weaker as the liquor and loss of blood finally began to overtake him. “Lucky he was an awful shot,” he murmured as his eyes rolled back in his head.
Anna shook her head and tore at the bandages until they were long strips. “Yes, your luck is infamous, but one of these days it will run out.”
“Never say so.” His voice was a thin sigh now as he slid into unconsciousness.
Anna continued to work with calm competence. She cleaned away the rest of the blood and then started on the wound itself. She rins
ed the gaping crevice and trimmed the jagged edges of his torn flesh so she could effectively stitch the wound together. Fortunately, Miriam had brought up the necessary materials, which also included a basic poultice, which Anna applied generously over the wound. The biggest concern would be infection, and she hoped, considering the loss of blood, that Leif would have the strength to fight off any fever that might try to overtake him.
Anna finished wrapping the bandages around the cleaned wound and pushed up from the bed with a heavy sigh. Turning to the table, she gathered the used rags and the bowl of bloodied water. As she started for the door, Jude stepped away from the window, like a somber spectre separating from the shadows.
Anna’s feet slowed as he approached. She stiffened in anticipation of a confrontation and her muscles reacted with a sharp aching resistance that nearly made her flinch. She turned to face him and defiantly returned his dark expression.
She expected some snide comment or harsh words. But he said nothing, just pressed his firm lips into a tight line and searched her face with blue eyes that pierced through the dim light of the room. Her arms began to quiver as she held the bowl of soiled rags to her chest, but she stood firm. It was likely only a scant few seconds that ticked by, but to Anna it felt like an oddly rushed lifetime as she stood tired and aching under his penetrating gaze.
She was unsure of what he would do next. Too tired to prepare a defense.
Then, without a word, Jude reached for the materials overflowing her hands. She allowed him to take them from her, and with the weight removed, her shoulders bowed and her arms fell heavily to her sides.
“What are you doing?” she asked in confusion.
“His bedding will need to be changed,” Jude said matter-of-factly. He glanced toward the bed and a faint suggestion of a sneer tilted the corner of his mouth. “In his current state, I doubt he will be of much help.” As if on cue, a loud rumbling snore echoed from the bed. “I insist on interfering long enough to assist you with the task.”