by Amy Sandas
“Would you consider sharing a dance with your husband?” he asked.
“No,” she answered a bit too loudly. She was still too shaken by the kiss to hide the panic in her voice.
Jude eyed her with curiosity and teasing humor. “Why not? I thought we were going to give the gossips something to talk about tonight.”
Anna nearly choked on the nervous laugh that bubbled to her lips. “Trust me, a dance will most certainly give them something to talk about, though not in the way you intend.”
“Come now,” he urged, “what are you afraid of?”
She looked up at him with a pained expression. “I can’t dance.” Seeing the disbelief in his eyes, she continued. “No, I mean it. I never learned. When Olivia trained with her dance teacher, I wasn’t allowed to join. Father thought I would get in the way of her lessons.”
“But later,” Jude started to argue, then stopped as he must have recalled what she had said earlier about avoiding society. “You have never danced?” he asked incredulously.
Anna tried to shrug off her embarrassment over his reaction. “There was never any reason to—”
“Bullocks,” Jude interrupted with surprising forcefulness. “Come,” he said as he led her back toward the ballroom.
Anna resisted, but his grasp of her hand was strong and secure. “This is a terrible idea, Jude. Please don’t.”
He stopped just as they reached the threshold and turned to face her stubborn expression with one of stiff determination and slight humor. “Listen, Anna, it’s a waltz. I can guide you through the steps. All you have to do is trust me.”
Yes, but that’s an enormous request, Anna thought as she allowed him to escort her to the dance floor. She kept her eyes focused forward with her head held high, refusing to look to either side. If he was going to force her to reveal herself as a clumsy clod, she was at least going to try to do it with as much dignity as she could manage.
He drew her to nearly the center of the ballroom then steered her around to face him. His curving lips and bright eyes displayed his pure delight in the moment, and Anna had to wonder if he was amused by her discomfort or if he just found a certain wicked satisfaction in placing her in impossible situations. She narrowed her eyes in a silent message that she would extract retribution if things did not go well.
He grinned wider and the corners of his eyes crinkled handsomely.
“Come now, love,” he murmured low so no one else could hear, “have a little faith. I promise I won’t let you fall.”
Far too late for that, she thought with a conscious thump of her heart.
His hand slid around her waist to press against the inward curve of her lower back and he lifted her other hand in a gentle and elegant grip. Her free hand rose naturally to rest atop his strong shoulder. Their eyes met in a clash of pride, merriment, defiance and breathless expectancy.
With a devilish curl of his lips, Jude exerted pressure with his hand at her back and pulled her in toward his body, indecently close, until they stood with only a few scant inches between them. Warmth flooded her limbs and Anna’s lips parted as she drew in a deep breath to clear the sudden dizziness that hit her.
Then, before she could form another coherent thought, Jude swept her into the steps of the waltz. He must have known that by surprising her he wouldn’t leave her an opportunity to resist his direction through those initial movements. All she could manage in those first few turns was to hold on and keep up.
She had watched the dance performed enough to have some basic idea of the rhythm and pattern of steps, but the feeling of being whirled about in Jude’s arms was nothing like she could have expected. His strength surrounded her and the subtle messages conveyed through his hands and his eyes guided her movements as if she were nothing but a collection of feathers being manipulated by the wind.
She kept her eyes trained to his face and was fascinated by what she saw there. His smile was easy and light and his demeanor was completely self-assured and capable. But in his eyes, she detected something more. Something that terrified her and thrilled her at the same time. His blue eyes were dark and infinite like glittering blue-black sapphires and they were focused intently upon her face as if he were waiting to see something in her eyes, watching for some mysterious revelation.
She could have hid her gaze from him and glanced away. She could have tried to disguise the yearning that existed in her soul, the long-trapped dream of something she had believed would never be. But she didn’t want to ignore the drawing desire to expose herself to him. She didn’t want to lose what felt like a rare and desperate chance to embrace hope.
She knew intuitively that he understood. Somehow, he had decided to reach out for her tonight and had unbelievably accepted what he found.
She forgot all about the ugly scene with Olivia. She forgot about the heavy pain of longing and loss she had felt out on the terrace before he had joined her and tasted of her lips so sweetly. All she knew as she danced with him over the expanse of marble floor was the exhilarating sensation of being held securely in his arms, guided confidently by his grace and strength. It only seemed natural to allow herself the decadent pleasure of drowning in his blue eyes and reveling in his exclusive attention. She didn’t need to ask if any of it would last, she knew it couldn’t. But as they turned and glided amongst the crowd, Anna felt the need to exist, however briefly, as if they had no past, no painful history to influence how they must feel and behave, no secrets that still lurked in the shadows.
The dreamlike experience slowly came to an end along with the song and their movements slowed to a stop.
Jude blinked and a small frown of discord settled between his brows, but he made no move to lead them from the dance floor.
“See,” he muttered. “Nothing to be afraid of.”
Anna got the strange impression his words had very little to do with the thoughts swirling behind his fathomless eyes. He was just as disturbed as she was by the uneasy intimacy they had unearthed between them. The longer they stood there, the harder it became to ignore the fact that something intrinsic had shifted. She glanced away from his penetrating gaze, because the only words that came to mind right now were far too frightening to utter aloud.
In spite of what he said, she was afraid.
“You’ll probably hate me for this,” he murmured almost incoherently.
She returned her gaze to his face. “For wha—”
Her words were cut short when Jude abruptly pulled her to him. In surprise at the sudden move, Anna practically fell against him, and he took full advantage of her shock and unbalance as he claimed her mouth in a swift and passionate kiss right there in the middle of the ballroom.
The kiss ended nearly as abruptly as it started, and when Jude released her, Anna’s cheeks were flushed and her eyes were dazed with the passion he roused so easily. She didn’t quite trust herself to speak. She should be furious with him for taking such a scandalous liberty. But as she looked up at him in the midst of the crowded ballroom, a sudden lightness flooded her heart and couldn’t stop the smile from spreading her lips.
His expression of astonishment when he saw the creeping smile made her smile all the more. A wave of humming whispers and gasps of shock were spreading out from where they stood.
“It looks like you have succeeded,” she said as she glanced back up at him. “The story in tomorrow’s paper will most definitely not be focused upon the reasons for our mysterious estrangement.”
Jude blinked and turned his head to scan the ballroom. She watched as he smiled with unhurried calm. He slowly dropped his arms from around her and tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. He didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered by the attention they had garnered and seemed even less concerned by the ripple of twittering comments that followed their departure from the dance floor.
He kept her tucked in close against his side and asked with casual ease, “Yes, I suppose that should suffice for one night, don’t you think? Unless you want to
try something truly outrageous.”
“Not on your life,” Anna replied with a note of alarm in her voice.
Jude grinned down at her. “You don’t even know what I was going to suggest.”
“I don’t need to,” she replied.
“I didn’t think you were concerned about what others may think,” he commented.
“I’m not,” was her honest reply. “I just believe there are certain things that deserve to be private.”
Jude looked away and cleared his throat. “What next then?”
As magical and surreal as her experience in Jude’s arms had just been, the delicate balance between fantasy and reality had tipped precariously the moment the song had ended.
“I’d like to go home.”
He nodded and led her through the ballroom toward the front hall.
“Look, there is Rutherford. I should go have a word with him before we leave,” Jude said as he looked to where the marquess stood several paces away with another gentleman.
“Go ahead,” Anna answered. “I’ll wait in the hall.”
Jude lifted her hand to his lips and assured her in a low voice, “I’ll only be a moment.”
Anna gratefully left the ballroom behind her and continued into the hall. She needed a moment alone to rein in her expanding emotions. Several people milled about in the less crowded space and Anna crossed to where the footman stood ready to fetch people’s coats and cloaks. She had to sidestep a small group of young people and as she did so, happened to catch a glimpse of pink flounces and pale blonde hair out of the corner of her eye.
She turned her head and saw her sister in an empty room talking with her husband, the Duke of Clavering. Or rather, the duke was talking to her, and judging by his angry posture and reddened visage, he was not very happy. When the duke reached out to grasp Olivia’s arm in a grip that caused her to wince in pain, Anna considered interfering. She had not thought the duke to be a violent man. Pompous and conceited, definitely, but his rage was obvious in how he held Olivia. But then Olivia started crying prettily in a manner familiar to Anna as one of her sister’s tricks of manipulation. The duke released his wife’s arm and uttered something under his breath and Olivia paled dramatically. Then he turned away and left the room.
That was when Olivia caught sight of Anna watching her. A burning fury flared to life in her eyes and Anna inwardly flinched at her sister’s sudden hostility. She felt a swift flash of fear like she hadn’t known since she had still been a young girl in her father’s household.
“Ready to go?” Jude asked as he stepped up beside her.
Anna turned toward him in surprise. It took her a second to form the proper response. “Yes, I’m ready.”
Jude lowered his brows as he looked down at her. “Is everything all right?” he asked.
Anna glanced back to where she had seen Olivia, but her sister was gone. She looked at Jude and tried to give him a smile of assurance. “Yes. Everything is fine. I’m just a little tired.”
She pushed thoughts of her sister from her mind. Olivia had been taking care of herself for a very long time. If she were in some sort of trouble with her husband, she certainly wouldn’t welcome Anna’s interference.
Jude was careful and considerate as he assisted her with her cloak, but his hands lingered a moment longer than necessary over her shoulders.
Neither of them spoke during the ride home, both of them too lost in personal thoughts to attempt light conversation.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The house was quiet and the lights were dimmed. Jude helped Anna with her cloak and handed it to Hastings along with his overcoat.
Anna hesitated. She should utter a quick goodnight and then go straight upstairs to bed.
But she didn’t.
She stopped and faced Jude with her hands clasped at her waist.
And he looked back at her. Or rather, he studied her with those glittering sapphire eyes. The heat of his interest was like lightning shooting across the surface of her skin.
Waving a small gesture toward her study, where a low fire lit the room with a warm glow, she asked in an even tone, “Would you join me for a glass of claret?” Then quickly added, “Unless you would prefer to retire.”
Jude smiled easily. “It is still early. I wouldn’t mind a drink.”
Anna led the way into the study and went straight to the sideboard.
Jude went to the fire and stirred up the coals, releasing a subtle wave of warmth into the room. He replaced the fire poker and turned just as she approached to hand him a glass of wine. His eyes, when they met hers, were keen and bright. He wasn’t hiding his thoughts and her blood warmed.
Anna glanced aside, feeling awkward and uncomfortable in a way she hadn’t experienced since she had been a child. From the moment she had turned to see that Jude had followed her out onto the terrace, her heart had been racing in a manner that left her breathless. She stared down into the brightly glowing embers flaring with renewed heat after Jude’s attention, and wondered what she should say.
She lifted her gaze and found him watching her still. His blue gaze rested on her face unabashedly. He obviously had no qualms about being caught staring. Anna was tempted to look away under the heat of his focused regard, but she didn’t. Not this time. It was odd to face him without feeling the urge to defend herself, though she was still wary, but for other reasons.
She took a sip of the claret.
He wanted her. She could see the desire in his eyes, and she felt the heavy weight of an answering need within herself. But she had no idea how to proceed. She wasn’t certain yet whether or not she had the courage to accept the limited pleasure he offered. Her heart was still terribly vulnerable should he choose to be careless.
“Come to bed with me, Anna.”
Uttered in that low and private voice, his words glided over Anna’s senses like a delicate current of sensual awareness. Her eyes widened and a faint warmth spread across her cheeks, but she refused to look away from the overwhelming intensity of his gaze.
“What?” she whispered finally.
“I want to make love to you.”
He said it so plainly and with such a deep tenor of need that he almost undid her. Her heart gave such a startling jolt she thought it might have stopped completely. Her breath seized and for a moment she expected to faint.
In response to her stunned silence, Jude chuckled. “Surely my suggestion doesn’t come as a surprise. I thought I’ve been rather honest about my desire for you.”
“Yes, you have. I mean, you’ve said as much, but…” Anna ceased talking.
Jude laughed again and reached out to take the glass of claret from her tense fingers. He set both of their glasses on the fireplace mantle beside them. Then he turned back to face her shocked expression. He reached out to rest his hands on her bare shoulders.
He had removed his gloves before stoking the fire and Anna could feel the solid warmth of his hands on her skin. She shivered involuntarily in a reaction that penetrated all the way to her nervous system. She looked up into her husband’s eyes with fear and uncertainty.
He wanted to make love to her. Even now, even after everything that had happened between them. Even after already acquiring her cooperation in ending their marriage. He still wanted her. And God, how she wanted him, but a terrifying thought held her body stiff with resistance.
“What is the matter, Anna? I know you desire me. I have felt it in the way you kiss me. I see it in your eyes even now. Why do you hesitate?”
“So many reasons,” Anna admitted.
“Why not start with the truth,” Jude suggested.
Anna closed her eyes against the rising suspicion in his gaze. She felt exposed. How could she respond? That although her body literally hummed with the longing to be in his arms and her blood ran hot and furious in her veins as desire rushed through her, she wasn’t sure.
“What are you afraid of?” His thumbs made soft, soothing circles over her collarbone.
“You want me, Jude, but for how long?”
“As long as we both find pleasure in the arrangement.” His voice as he replied was soft and calming, deep and reassuring. “You know how these things work, Anna.”
She didn’t, but how to explain that now?
“What about our marriage?” she asked instead.
Opening her eyes, Anna saw the sudden tension that settled around the corners of Jude's mouth, but when he spoke his tone was unconcerned.
“Our marriage is about the past and the future.” His voice lowered even more. His words became like molten desire flowing slow and heavy over her senses, pulling her in. “What I am talking about—what I am asking of you—only concerns what is happening right now in this present moment.”
Jude lifted his hand from her shoulder and slid it up the side of her neck until his fingers teased the silky strands of hair at her nape and his thumb brushed along the ridge of her jaw. His hand was warm and assuring and Anna turned her head into the solid pressure of his palm. Her lips parted softly as her breath expelled on a sigh.
Then she licked her lips and murmured, “Can you explain to me what is happening right now because I am quite certain I don’t understand.”
He didn't answer right away. Instead, he used his thumb beneath her chin to urge her head farther to the side, fully exposing the length of her throat. The warmth of his breath spread across her bare skin as he leaned forward slowly. The soft cool curls of his hair brushed against her cheek a moment before he pressed his lips to that sensitive spot behind her ear. Anna gasped as shocks of tingling pleasure spread from where his lips touched her skin.
“I would much rather show you,” Jude murmured against her neck in a low voice. He trailed his mouth down the side of her throat in a whisper-soft caress. When he reached the sloping curve where her neck met her shoulder, he stopped to nip at her flesh with his teeth then he softened the pain with a warm flick of his tongue.