by Cait Ashwood
“Anyway…you didn’t come over here to hold me like a baby.” Trio tried to chuckle, but it just came out as a pitiful sound that tugged at Audrey’s heart.
“I actually came for a lift, but I can find someone else.” Heavens knew the poor guy had enough on his mind.
“No need. I’m capable.” He fidgeted for a moment, stamping his boot on the ground. “I need to be doing something, okay?”
Audrey blinked back the moisture threatening to overflow her eyes again. “Okay, Trio. I’ve got your back.”
Audrey looked out her window on the fourth floor of the Order’s tower. She was just high enough up to be able to see over the wall, though the behemoth still took up most of her view. Trio had been a godsend, throwing himself into the work and not asking any questions, too stuck in his own head. She almost felt that she was taking advantage of his grief, but at the same time, if busy was what he needed, she was only too happy to help.
He wasn’t just fetching furniture and supplies for her, after all. The twin’s crib was in the room now, at the foot of her own bed. They were playing on a blanket in the middle of the floor, giggling and cooing as if they hadn’t a care in the world. When Audrey had run out of things for him to fetch, he’d offered himself to Gwyn, and then to anyone Gwyn suggested might need something. He took to the tasks with the desperation of a man finding water in the desert. Audrey couldn’t stand to watch him anymore.
“They told me you’d taken a room here. Not that I believed them.”
Audrey turned, seeing Gwyn leaning against the doorway. She shrugged, eyes turning back to her children. Her beautiful, innocent children that in this moment knew only joy. “Where else would I be?”
Gwyn snorted. “I half expected to find you in the First Leaf’s quarters.”
Audrey shook her head. “I was first of none, and then first of two, and only because you didn’t want it. I’m still an infant compared to most of you.”
There wasn’t an immediate answer, so Audrey finally looked up to see Gwyn studying her. “Being First Leaf isn’t about raw power or skill, necessarily. It’s about being willing to make the tough decisions, to pick a direction for us to work toward, to keep us organized. Someone willing to fight for us, as you have been.”
Audrey shrugged. “All well and good to talk about it. I’ll accept the rank if it’s voted on, which it won’t be. That’s traditional, yes?” She really didn’t have much concern about needing to continue to lead the Order. After the year she’d had, it would almost be a relief to let someone else be in charge for a change. Apparently her winning streak with Tops was at an end, and she was tired. Tired of sacrificing time with her little ones to try and save the world. Tired of fighting against stupid, stubborn people for common-sense solutions. Tired of feeling like the deaths of others were on her hands.
It would be so nice to let go, and at the same time, the very idea terrified her. Would her successor be able to catch it all? They hadn’t been on the surface for a long time, and hadn’t been free for even longer. What if they simply accepted this situation and didn’t realize they could bargain for something better?
“Starting to see my point, aren’t you?” Gwyn was tired, but still managed to sound smug.
“My face always has been too easy to read,” Audrey grumbled, unbraiding her hair and beginning to re-do it just so she had something to do with her hands.
“Let me ask you something. Why are you here?” Gwyn pushed off the door frame and entered the room properly, taking a seat on one of the beds that wasn’t claimed.
Audrey blinked. “Because the Seekers are being asinine and insisting on keeping the Order restricted to the tower. They can’t apply a rule to everyone except me. I’m a member of the Order, so I’m where I should be by their own designation.”
Gwyn snorted. “Ace find out about it, yet?”
On cue, a pissed-off voice floated up the stairs. “Where is she? Where are my children?”
Audrey raised an eyebrow. “I think the answer to that is yes.”
“Do you want him here?”
“At the moment? No.” She never wanted to come between him and the children, but right now she needed space. Time to process. Time to think. And a bath. A bath would be great.
“Hmm.” Gwyn gave her a little smirk and a wink, then sauntered out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Audrey stared at the door, confusion wrinkling her brow. A noise at the window behind her startled her into motion. Two quick strides and she picked up her bow from against the wall, grabbed an arrow, and nocked it in one smooth motion, training her attention on the window. She glanced quickly at the twins playing on their blanket and considered calling out for help.
Zeche’s head peeked over the edge of the window and Audrey swore under her breath. She released the tension on the string and removed the arrow, putting it back in the quiver with the others and leaning her bow against the wall. Zeche hadn’t made it into the room yet, which was unlike him. Oh gosh, his arm! I forgot about his arm. She rushed over to the window, sticking her arm out to help him the rest of the way up. He was heavier than she’d expected, but with a final heave, she managed to get him into the room.
“What on earth are you doing up here?” Audrey couldn’t help but scold him. He’d badly dislocated his shoulder, and the stairs seemed like a much easier route.
“To listen, of course.” He brushed past her and put his ear to the door Gwyn had shut, squinting his eyes as he listened intently.
“Listen to wha-” If looks could kill, the one he was giving her now would have been an instant death. Audrey clamped her mouth shut and stomped over to the door, putting her ear on it and ending up face to face with Zeche. The assassin didn’t seem to mind, too interested in the conversation on the other side of the door.
“I demand to see her. You can’t keep me out here.” Ace was threatening Gwyn? Audrey frowned, not at all liking this turn of events.
“I can, and I will. She doesn’t wish to see you, and that alone is grounds for your expulsion from our tower. Unless, of course, you’d rather I get the commander involved? I understood we were to have complete autonomy here, and be in control of what Seekers were allowed on the premises.” Audrey had never heard Gwyn sound like such a complete badass.
“You can’t possibly mean—” The voices were harder to make out, as if they were moving away from the door.
“Audrey is where she should be, by the Seeker’s own directive. She is, after all, a member of the Order, and our protections are her own.” Audrey couldn’t tell if Gwyn paused or said something under her breath, but her next words were clear enough. “Do I need to have you escorted from the premises?”
Audrey didn’t need to see him to know that Ace was likely straightening his back and adjusting his tunic. “No. I can see myself out.”
Gwyn’s voice was softer, now. “Give her some time, Seeker.”
There was no reply.
Audrey pulled away from the door, blowing out her breath through her teeth. “What is with him, lately?”
Zeche straightened, one hand massaging his bad shoulder. “You truly have no idea?”
Guilt swamped her. “Oh gosh. Quad. He’s probably upset about the losses…”
The assassin shook his head. “That may be why he’s upset now, but hardly explains his recent behavior.” He was right, after all. That didn’t make puzzling Ace out any easier for her, though.
Have I not been spending enough time with him? That’s entirely not fair. I’ve had work of my own to do, training to attend…and why would that matter, anyway? The twins haven’t suffered for my time away.
“He’s in love with you.”
Audrey looked up, brows knitting. “He’s what?” She didn’t need him to repeat himself, however, and the assassin remained silent. She paced around the room, her footfalls echoing off the bare stone walls. She wanted to refute it immediately, throw the words out of her mind, but she couldn’t. There had to be a kernel o
f truth in there somewhere, and that wasn’t at all what she wanted to hear.
She’d never asked for a relationship with anyone. It had been easier to fake one in public, to keep the peace and all that, give the people a vision of unified leadership to believe in. She’d never intended for the charade to invade and impact her personal life, and found the intrusion violating.
Fussing from the blanket drew her attention. Lily and Rowan were arguing over a toy, tugging it back and forth. Audrey paced over and removed it, putting it up on a shelf and ignoring the cries that followed. “If you’re not going to share, neither one of you get to have it.”
She sat at the foot of a bed, staring at the two little lives she’d carried into this world. Whatever Ace was, he was their father. Had living together as a family fostered this idea in his head that they were a real couple? Audrey added up all the odd occurrences: touches that lingered too long, a possessiveness that had been slowly creeping in on her, a feeling like he had a bigger claim to her time and attention than she felt he necessarily warranted. No. Zeche’s accusation made perfect sense in the right light. But what in the hell was she going to do about it?
Lily found a new toy to occupy herself with, and so did Rowan. Even with their backs to each other, they remained touching more often than not. Was that something she could do? Allow him on the fringes of her life, attempt to be more inclusive, even while keeping distance between them and going about their separate tasks?
Answering her own question, Audrey shook her head. She couldn’t see how she could have been more circumspect. She slept on a cot in the nursery; the only time they’d shared a bed was when they were hiding out in safe houses, and that was out of practicality. Nothing intimate had ever happened outside of the ceremony days. She glanced up at Zeche, completely lost.
“What do I do?”
Zeche smiled softly, the expression oddly making him look older and simultaneously kinder at the same time. “I believe you’ve already done it.”
“Coming here?” Audrey took in the room around her. She didn’t have a formal head count on the rescued women, yet. She might have to share this suite of rooms with others. Her mind recoiled at the idea of tainted children playing with her own, but at the same time she saw the need for it. If the world was going to learn to tolerate the half-breeds, that tolerance had to start with those closest to them.
Audrey really hadn’t planned on staying here long-term. She’d hoped to make a point and have the men rescind their order, and then she could return to the Manse. The place felt like home, with its courtyards and marble statues and small garden. Audrey wasn’t treated like royalty there, but welcomed to help in the kitchens and wherever else hands were needed when times were trying. It was cozy, few people knew she was there, and Falda lived there. Oh, what a blessing that woman was. She’d found a wet nurse for the twins to allow Audrey some more time away from home, especially while she was training for the mission to the compound. The pair were experimenting with solids now, and that soon wouldn’t be much of a concern, but Audrey was starting to realize just what being alone with twins was going to mean. She hadn’t even appreciated the support network she’d had.
“You’re not alone, Audrey. You just haven’t met them yet.” Zeche gave her a pat on the shoulder, tilting his head towards the door. “In any event, you need to rest.”
Audrey snorted softly. “I could say the same of you.”
“Indeed.” Zeche shot her a wry grin before slipping out the window.
Audrey shook her head, grinning. “He’s never going to stop doing that, is he?”
20
I’ve been here an entire week already. Time flies when you’re having fun…
The Order’s tower had been renovated, but that didn’t mean it felt like home. With women in various psychological and physical states, not much had happened in the way of organization. Meals were prepared and consumed, with those unable to make it to the dining hall served meals in their rooms. For many of them, this was a time to decompress, to reconnect.
The rescued Leaves had been so quiet upon arrival, so loathe to move about the tower, that they’d seemed more automatons than women to Audrey. It turned out their cage had been just as much of a mental barrier as a physical one. Slowly, over the course of the last week, the women began exploring their new home. Sometimes it was something as small as visiting another woman on the same floor. Other times, one of the women was brave enough to venture outside, if only for a few moments.
Audrey took the twins outside at least twice a day, weather permitting. They’d had a balcony back at the Manse where they could play in relative comfort and safety, but with all the wide-open space around the tower, Audrey had to pay much closer attention to them. She was considering petitioning for an outdoor play area for the children.
The mothers were often the most dramatic members of the group. Either they kept themselves hermited away so tightly that Audrey had never even seen them, or they were the first to begin exploring. They’d always come out on their own at first, as if checking to make sure the coast was clear, before bringing the children out.
Audrey had never seen such hungry, scared children. Even the ones that came out couldn’t go outside. To eyes and skin accustomed to near-complete darkness, the sun on the surface was too bright. Heavy drapes had been the first thing brought in, to block out as much of the sun from the rooms as possible. To Audrey, this heightened the feeling that they’d moved the women from one dungeon to another.
The one notable exception was Ellen, Gwyn’s mother. Audrey had been too shy to introduce herself to the woman whose journal had been instrumental in helping her discover some of her own abilities, and Gwyn hadn’t offered an introduction, either. The pair could be found hobbling about the tower, Gwyn often helping Ellen all the way to the top floor and onto the roof. Chairs had been moved there for her comfort, and a small shade stand erected, though Ellen rarely used it. She would doze up there, the sun on her skin and the wind in her hair, a serene smile on her face even in slumber.
Audrey hadn’t heard anything from Ace in the past week. Lily was despondent the first few days without her daddy, but was finally adapting to his absence. Falda showed up two days ago with her bags and declared herself the twins’ nanny. Audrey was so thankful for the help that she didn’t even think about turning the woman away. As it happened, Audrey had the four-woman room to herself, so she moved in Falda’s things and they quickly worked out a new routine. It freed Audrey up for—well, she didn’t exactly have any duties now. It was nice, at first, but now she was simply restless.
She’d taken to walking the walls, just to have something to do. She never went unarmed; the Battle of the Institute had taught her better than that. Still, it was nice to talk to the guards and glimpse the outside world. I wish I knew what they had planned for us. One thing she hadn’t anticipated was being completely shut out of all talks regarding the Order. She wasn’t at the Manse to tag along with Ace, and had no way to get to the Institute to find out when meetings were taking place. The Seekers that shared a rotating shift at the gatehouse were never ones she knew, and she suspected that was done on purpose.
I’m not entirely alone though, am I? Hound was only ever a summons away. A week in the dark was long enough. Audrey headed towards the southern side of the tower, taking a nearby staircase and descending three more flights of stairs, the last one depositing her in the guard house. Sasha looked up from her desk, a quill in hand.
“Everything all right, Leaf?” Sasha’s expression was politely blank, but Audrey was getting better at being able to tell when the captain of the guard was annoyed.
“Just wanted to let you know I’m calling in a visitor of the Seeker variety.”
Sasha shuffled through some papers on her desk, then pulled a cord on the wall next to her. A single bell pealed through the afternoon sky, the reverberations bouncing around between the stone walls. “You’re clear.”
Audrey grinned, feeling rebelli
ous even though she was following proper protocol. “Thanks.” It took everything she had not to skip into the courtyard. Being here was its own sort of isolation, but she was about to get news.
She quieted herself long enough to sink into the mark, feeling the connection with Hound however far away he was. She sent out the call, loud and clear. Audrey didn’t send along any particular sense of urgency with it, hoping to have the call interpreted as a request and not a demand, or an emergency.
For long minutes, there was no response. Audrey walked around to the stables, slipping into the shade and finding a velvety-soft nose to rub while she waited. When he still didn’t show, she decided to be more useful. She took a brush down from the tack wall and slipped inside the stall, beginning to brush down the horse. Soft nickering accompanied her work, and the repetitive motion soothed her hyperactive brain into a pleasant complacency. The door to the stables opening startled her and she jumped, dropping the brush. The horse she’d been grooming snorted and stamped its hoof, tossing its head in protest. Audrey took a moment to calm the animal and retrieved the brush when she felt sure she wouldn’t get kicked for the deed. She gave the gelding one last pat and slipped out of the stall, ducking her head and not meeting Hound’s gaze.
He was leaning against the back wall, boots crossed at the ankles and arms crossed over his chest, looking at her from his signature pose.
“You have a new interest in horses?”
She shrugged. “It was something to do.”
Hound raised an eyebrow. “I see.”
Audrey returned the brush to its proper place and headed for the exit. “Walk with me?”