‘Lights, please, Meg,’ he said levelly, snapping off his torch as she turned the lights up to their full setting. The train had its own generator and water filtration system, making it virtually self-contained. Although conditions were a bit cramped, they were far better than Meg had expected. The two small operating theatres were state of the art, most of the equipment having been donated by an American company that fitted out hospitals throughout the world.
Drugs and other medical supplies had been donated by a number of high-profile companies throughout Europe, while a small British firm had sent out a team of highly skilled workmen to fit and refurbish the train. Two of the men were qualified engineers and they’d got the engine up and running. They’d stayed on and were acting as their driver and mechanic for the journey. They were also training four Oncamban men to take over their jobs when they returned to Britain.
Meg was impressed by the generosity of all those people who’d helped get the operation under way but she knew that none of it would have happened if it hadn’t been for Jack’s determination. He had been the driving force behind it all and her admiration for him knew no bounds because of that.
Now she moved away from the couch when he murmured that he would like a word with her. She waited until they were out of earshot of the patient. ‘I take it there’s a problem?’
‘Yes, unfortunately. Another case of severe trachoma,’ he said tersely. ‘Damn! It’s worse than I thought.’
She knew that he wasn’t referring solely to the case he’d just seen. The number of cases of the severe eye infection they’d seen in the past few days had startled her because she’d had no idea it was such a huge problem. The infection was spread either by flies or through direct contact with another sufferer, and began with conjunctivitis which grew worse through not being treated.
The sufferer’s eyes then became very inflamed and the conjunctiva, the transparent membrane which covers the white of the eye and lines the inside of the eyelids, would thicken and roughen with scar tissue. Damage to the mucus-secreting cells and tear ducts meant that the eye became very dry, exacerbating the problem. Often the patients upper eyelid would become so scarred that it rolled inwards, causing the eyelashes to rub against the cornea. The constant irritation led to secondary infection and ulceration and the end result was loss of vision.
‘Isn’t there anything you can do to help him?’ Meg asked sadly, glancing over her shoulder at their patient.
Jack shook his head and his voice was laced with frustration. ‘No. The cornea in the right eye is too badly damaged. It would need a corneal graft to restore his sight. I might be able to do something about the left one if I operate to correct the lid deformities.’
He sighed as he ran a weary hand round the back of his neck. ‘It might be too late even now, but I’ll give it a shot. It’s his only hope if he isn’t going to lose his sight completely.’
Meg nodded. ‘I’ll add him to the list and get Lavinia to explain everything to him. The usual antibiotics?’
Jack smiled. ‘Yep, why not? They might help, although I doubt it. Still, it makes me feel that at least I’m doing something!’
‘You’re doing everything you can, Jack,’ she said sternly, hating to hear him sounding so downhearted. ‘You’re a doctor, not a miracle worker!’
‘Yes, ma’am!’ His smile took any sting out of the words, and Meg laughed.
‘That’s better! It’s about time you realised what a great job you’re doing here,’ she declared.
‘If I am then it’s because I’ve got such a good team with me,’ he replied in a tone which made her inwardly melt. There was a new spring to her step as she escorted the patient out and explained to Lavinia what was happening so she could relay it to him.
Did Jack now believe that she was a useful addition to his team? she wondered as she went to collect their next patient, a young mother with a six-year-old girl in tow who was obviously suffering from an eye infection.
She ushered the pair into the consulting room and got the child settled on the couch while Jack washed his hands. Maybe he did. The thought naturally pleased her. However, as she stepped aside so that he could examine his small patient, she knew deep down that it hadn’t had quite the impact it might have had in the beginning.
So what did she want from Jack? she wondered, handing him a fresh pair of latex gloves from the box. She wasn’t sure but it was unsettling to realise that she still wanted more than she already had.
The soft sounds of the night were soothing after the noise and bustle of the day. Meg stood on the platform at the rear of the train and let her eyes adjust to the darkness. Behind her, the carriage they used through the day as a waiting room and as a communal lounge at night was softly lit by lamps. She heard a burst of laughter as Rory came to the end of one of his impossibly complicated jokes and smiled, although she had no desire to go back inside and join in the fun. It had been a busy day and she felt like a few minutes on her own to draw breath.
‘Oops, sorry!’ Alison stopped dead as she and her husband, Guy, the other surgeon on board, came out of the carriage and spotted Meg. ‘We didn’t mean to disturb you.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Meg said at once, smiling at the young couple. She liked them both and admired the fact that they’d put their lives on hold while they came on this trip. They both worked at a hospital in Leeds and this was their third overseas aid mission to date. Alison’s bubbly, slightly scatty manner was in direct contrast to Guy’s more sober approach to life, but it was obvious they were crazy about one another. Meg suddenly found herself envying them.
She’d had plenty of boyfriends but there had never been anyone really special, the Mr Right who would make her life complete. Would she ever meet the man who was capable of doing that? she wondered, then found her mind turning to thoughts of Jack before she could stop it.
A wash of colour ran up her face and she quickly turned to look out across the darkened countryside, although there was little danger that Alison and Guy would notice it, let alone correctly interpret its cause. Thoughts like that were ridiculous, yet she couldn’t seem to rid herself of it no matter how hard she tried. It was as though all the questions she hadn’t asked when Alison had first told her about Jack’s wife were suddenly demanding answers. Foolish or not, suddenly she knew that she had to know more!
‘It’s beautiful here at night, isn’t it?’ she said casually, inwardly cringing at her own guile. Where had she learned how to be so…so underhand? Heaven knew, but, then, thoughts of heaven weren’t uppermost in her mind!
‘I bet you two enjoy being together on these trips, don’t you?’
‘Oh, yes, it’s great, isn’t it, Guy?’ Alison put an affectionate arm through her husband’s in an unselfconscious show of affection. ‘I’d hate it if Guy went away by himself, which is why I volunteered to work for the agency.’
‘Mmm, I can imagine how much you would miss one another,’ Meg said with an understanding smile. ‘It must put a lot of strain on a marriage when one partner goes off overseas for a long time. Is that why Jack and his wife split up, by any chance?’
Alison took the bait. ‘Oh, I don’t think so, not really. Of course, I could be speaking out of turn, but I think there were other problems.’
‘I don’t think we should start speculating, Ali,’ Guy said quickly, obviously uncomfortable. ‘After all, it was only hearsay…’
‘Hearsay, my foot! That woman had more men than I’ve had hot dinners! What Jack saw in her I’ll never know.’ Alison was really getting into her stride now. Her voice rose in direct proportion to her indignation.
‘Oh, she was beautiful—still is, in fact—but beauty is as beauty does, as my gran used to say. From what I heard, Briony had one affair after the other until Jack simply got tired of being made a fool of. Whether he instigated the split I’m not sure, because he never talks about it, but we were all glad he was rid of her. Briony James was trouble with a capital T! It’s just such a damned shame
that he’s taken it so—’
Alison broke off, a look of horror crossing her pretty face as she stared at a spot directly behind Meg. Meg felt a frisson run down her spine and stiffened. She didn’t need to look round to know that Jack was standing behind her. She could feel him there, feel his eyes boring holes in her back, feel his anger…
‘Am I allowed to add my ten pence worth? Or would you prefer to discuss my private life amongst yourselves?’
His voice grated with anger and some other emotion that made Meg wince. The pain she could hear in it made her want to put her arms around him and hug him, only she knew what a mistake that would be! It took her all her strength to look at him as he stepped between them, staring from Alison to Guy before finally letting his gaze settle on her. His cold grey eyes meshed with hers in a look that tore her composure to shreds before he turned away as though he couldn’t bear the sight of her.
‘Obviously, you’re all extremely interested in what went on so I may as well tell you the full story.’
He smiled but there wasn’t a trace of amusement in the taut curling of his lips and Meg felt even worse. He was angry and upset, as he had a right to be, but he was also hurt, and that fact alone caused her such pain that it was hard to remain standing there and witness it. Obviously, he still loved his ex-wife deeply and the realisation was the worst punishment he could have inflicted on her, although she wasn’t sure why.
‘Briony did, indeed, have several affairs during the two years we were married, although I doubt there were as many as my friends believe.’
Guy flinched at that. ‘Look, Jack, I don’t—’
Jack didn’t appear to have heard him because he didn’t pause. Guy fell silent in embarrassment.
‘At first I tried to pretend nothing was wrong but that wasn’t what Briony wanted. She has a great love of drama, you see, and positively thrives on confrontational situations—the arguments, the recriminations, the tears and then making up afterwards. You must know what I mean even if you haven’t experienced it yourselves.’
Jack looked round expectantly but nobody said anything so he shrugged and carried on. ‘However, it got to the point where I don’t think either of us could be bothered playing the same old scene time after time so we decided to call it a day. I suppose I could try to analyse why it didn’t work out for us. Was it my fault for being so tied up in my work that I couldn’t give her the attention she yearned? That sort of thing. But I don’t want to bore you. Just believe me when I say that I’ve learned a lot from the experience and let’s leave it at that, eh?’
He smiled around at them, even responded pleasantly when Alison muttered something unintelligible before she scurried back inside, dragging an abject-looking Guy after her. Meg took a deep breath but there didn’t seem to be any way to erase the shame she felt. It had been unforgivable to go delving into Jack’s personal life like that, even worse to have involved poor Alison the way she had. If nothing else, she had to explain to Jack that the other woman wasn’t to blame, even though she quailed at the thought.
‘Please, don’t blame Alison for what happened,’ she said, her voice trembling because it was so hard to admit that she was responsible for such a blatant invasion of his privacy. ‘I…I asked her about your marriage.’
‘I’m flattered. I didn’t realise that you were so interested in my failed love life, Meg. I do hope I managed to answer all your questions. I mean, if there’s anything else you’d like to know then don’t be shy—ask away.’
Her cheeks flamed with mortification as she felt the lash of his tongue. She deserved to feel like that, though, and wouldn’t flinch from admitting she was at fault, even though she knew he would use it against her.
‘I was wrong to go delving into things that don’t concern me, Jack. I apologise.’
He gave a soft little laugh yet she heard the dangerous edge it held. ‘And you think that makes everything right again, do you?’
She shrugged, striving for a modicum of composure. The rest of the party were only a few feet away inside the carriage so there was nothing to be scared of. Yet the way Jack was looking at her didn’t exactly settle her mind. ‘I’m sure it doesn’t. But I really and truly am sorry, Jack. I don’t know what else I can say.’
She looked round as a noise alerted her to the fact that the others were heading off to their compartments for the night. The lights went out inside the carriage, plunging it into darkness. There was just the dim overhead light above the platform left on now to see by, and she felt her nerves tighten as Jack took a slow step towards her.
His face looked as though it had been carved from stone as he stared down at her, his eyes as though they’d been leached of all warmth. ‘Neither do I, Meg. But there must be a better way that a beautiful woman like you can atone for her mistakes. Briony was full of good ideas, believe me.’
‘I’m not Briony!’ She heard the plea in her voice but she wasn’t sure that Jack either heard or took heed of it. Her heart was thumping like mad as he took another slow step towards her. He looked neither angry nor sad, she realised sickly. In fact, he looked completely devoid of emotion as he slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her towards him, and it was that discovery which stopped her pulling away. To see Jack looking so…so empty was more than she could bear!
His lips were cool and hard and totally lacking in feeling when they settled on hers. They did all the right things but for all the wrong reasons, and Meg felt tears spill from her eyes. It was the most emotionless kiss she’d ever experienced and it hurt her unbearably to know that anyone was capable of feeling like that. She would far rather that Jack had kissed her in anger, in disgust, in loathing, in…in any other way than that! Maybe that was what made her do what she did next.
He’d started to draw back when Meg reached up and twined her arms around his neck, abruptly stopping him from moving away from her. She felt him stiffen, heard the soft indrawn breath he took and felt a fierce elation rocket through her that at last he’d shown some sign of emotion. She had to stand on tiptoe to reach his mouth but as soon as her lips touched his she knew it had been worth the effort. There was a fire beneath the chill now, a pliancy which hadn’t been there seconds before. Maybe he wasn’t a completely lost cause after all.
She pressed her mouth to his and kissed him with every scrap of emotion she could summon up, not caring what it was because anything was better than nothing. If he had no feelings left then she would give him some of hers, warm him, comfort him, anger or please him by simple osmosis!
‘Meg!’ Her name was muffled by her own mouth as he tried to speak. She wouldn’t let him. Her hands were urgent now as they clung to his neck, feeling the silky hair at his nape tickling her palms. It was a strain standing on her toes so she was forced to steady herself by leaning against him, and she felt the very instant his body surged to life. It shocked her as much as it obviously shocked him.
He thrust her away from him with a muttered oath. In the dim light his face was all hard angles, his grey eyes blazing as he glared at her. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
He sounded like an offended virgin and the comparison was so ridiculous that she almost laughed out loud, although it really wasn’t anything to laugh about. Deep down she knew that come the morning she was going to regret what she’d done tonight, but the morning seemed an awful long way off right then.
‘Trying to see if you’re human, that’s all.’ She tilted her head and looked at him steadily, watching the tide of colour that swept up his face.
‘I think you just got your answer, then, don’t you?’ he shot back. He gave a throaty laugh and his eyes mocked her. ‘So what happens next? I might not be up for a long-term relationship but I’m open to offers, Meg, if that’s what this is all about.’
It was her turn to flush then, as he called her bluff. It was an effort not to squirm when he continued to look at her expectantly. ‘It’s not!’ she declared hotly.
‘Then I suggest you think
first before you go throwing yourself at a man again. He might not be the gentleman that I am.’ He calmly opened the carriage door, but if he thought he was getting away with that after she’d been trying to help him he could think again!
‘I might not want him to be a gentleman, though!’
Jack hesitated, only for a second admittedly, but it was enough to tell her the jibe had hit its mark. Meg counted to ten then added another ten for good measure before she followed him inside. How did she know that she was going to pay for that last remark and pay dearly?
She crept into her compartment and climbed into her bunk. Drawing the sheet up to her chin, she lay in the darkness and tried to work out how she felt about that idea. A little bit worried. A little unnerved. But basically quite happy.
She rolled onto her side and closed her eyes with a sigh of contentment. All right, so maybe she was mad but she’d achieved something. Even knowing that Jack was annoyed enough to give her hell, that was better than knowing he couldn’t have cared less!
On that oddly comforting thought she slept.
Hell wasn’t the word for it, Meg thought sourly the next morning. Jack hadn’t given her a moment’s peace since they’d started work, picking fault with everything she did. If World War Three had suddenly broken out in sub-Saharan Africa no doubt he’d blame her for it. Flood, fire, famine, plague, not to mention swarms of locusts, she was single-handedly responsible for all the ills which had ever beset mankind!
‘For heaven’s sake, how long does it take to pass that damned scalpel, woman?’
‘Sir!’ Meg snapped it into his hand, her eyes flashing dangerously above her mask.
‘Are you trying to be funny, Staff Nurse Andrews?’ he demanded, making an infinitely delicate incision in the patient’s upper eyelid.
‘Of course not, sir.’ She caught Rory’s eyes and drew her finger across her throat in comic mime. It was just unfortunate that Jack happened to glance up at that moment.
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