by Tara Shuler
Kai sat on my bed and he commented on how soft it was as he sank down into the downy pillow top mattress.
"I like my bed really soft," I explained. "I can’t sleep on a hard bed."
"Me, either," he acknowledged.
"Do you know much about phones?" I asked.
"Phones?" he questioned.
I shoved my new phone at him.
"Oh, right. Phones,"he nodded. "Sure, what do you want to know?"
"How do I use it?"I asked.
Kai laughed. "You called your brother from my phone the other day."
"No, I know," I agreed. "I know how to call people. But I have no idea how to do anything else with it."
Kai spent the next hour showing me how to add names and numbers to my address book. The first number he added was his own, of course. Then he helped me add my brother’s cell phone, and my home phone so I could reach my mother. He showed me how to send a text message, and the first message he sent from my phone was to his. He showed me how to use the camera, and how to access email.
"There’s one thing I really want to know," I said. He hadn’t covered it yet.
"And that is?" Kai asked.
"How can I make my ringtone ‘Moonlight Sonata’ like yours?" I demanded.
"Oh, that!" he laughed. "Watch."
He flipped through the options until he reached the ringtone store. He searched through the shop and found they had three different versions of "Moonlight Sonata." He let me listen to each one. I hated two of them. One sounded like it was being played on a harpsichord. I hate harpsichords. The other sounded very juvenile. The other sounded like a concert piano piece. I loved it.
He added it as my ringtone, and a message popped up saying I’d just been charged ninety-nine cents.
"Oh, neat," I gushed. "My first charge!"
We were still fiddling around with my phone – taking pictures of each other and sending each other goofy text messages, even though we were in the same room, when Kai’s phone rang.
He answered it, and his face blanched. The happy smile he’d just worn disappeared, and he hung his head. I could hear yelling through the phone. I guessed it was his mother. He listened to the shouting for a few minutes. He stared at the floor the whole time.
After he hung up, I asked, "Your mom?"
He nodded, and said, "I have to go."
"Nooo!" I whined."Why do you have to go?"
"I just have to,"he said. "I’m sorry. I really want to stay."
"Do you want me to come with you?" I asked.
He shook his head dejectedly.
"I will," I assured him. "I really want to spend more time with you."
"I know, and I’m sorry," he said. "I’ll call you later."
I gave him a hug, which didn’t last nearly as long as I wanted because he felt he needed to hurry home. I was hoping his mother wasn’t drunk, and I was really hoping things would go smoothly for him when he got there.
I tried to do my homework, but I kept staring at my phone. I was waiting for him to call, but he hadn’t. I was worried. I wanted to call him, but I was afraid he would get in trouble. It occurred to me that Kai was over eighteen, and he could leave anytime he wanted. Yet, for some reason, he stuck around and let his mother treat him like crap. I didn’t understand that. I knew I would be there for my mother, but then again, she didn’t treat me so miserably.
I finally managed to finish my homework around ten-thirty, and I put my stuff in my backpack. I washed my face and brushed my teeth more slowly than normal, but still he didn’t call. I put on my nightshirt and brushed my hair, but my phone did not ring.
I placed my phone on the nightstand and climbed into bed. I hadn’t slept in nearly two days, and I was thoroughly exhausted. I lied there staring at my phone for a while, and I finally drifted to sleep.
About two-thirty in the morning my phone beeped. I had a text message. I fiddled with my phone, and I finally got the message opened. It said:
"I love you."
I stared at the message in disbelief. My heart thumped so hard I could feel it in my throat. Why did he tell me this via text message? Could he not call? I wanted to call him, but I was afraid of what might happen. What if I set his mother off?
I typed a message back:
"Can u call?"
I pressed send and waited. A few moments later he sent:
"No. :("
So I wrote back:
"Wanted 2 talk in person."
A few seconds later he said:
"Check ur email."
I threw back the covers and walked over to my desk. I flipped open my laptop and loaded my email client. I had an email from him. I didn’t even know he knew my email address, and then I remembered he’d helped me add my email account to my phone. I opened the email and read it.
"Alice, I miss you more than I can stand.
Mom is drunk, and she’s acting crazy again. She said the only way she’d stay home is if I stayed with her, and I didn’t want her out driving drunk again. I’m sorry. I want to talk to you so much, but if she hears me talking to you she will seriously freak out.
I’m sorry about sending that text message. I’m not sorry I said it, because it’s true. I’m just sorry I didn’t have the guts to say it while I was at your house today.
I love you,
Kai"
My heart was doing somersaults in my chest. I wanted to be with him so badly. I ached in the pit of my stomach. I quickly sent him a reply.
"Kai,
I miss you, too. You have no idea how much. My stomach is in knots because I can hardly stand to be away from you.
I can’t explain it, but I’ve fallen for you. I never thought I could fall in love, to tell you the truth. But I have – with you. I never expected it would happen so fast or I would fall so hard, but I have.
I love you more than I can express in words, and I long to tell you in person.
All my love,
Alice"
I hit the send button, and I started to climb back into bed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep as tired as I was, so I went downstairs to find a snack. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, something caught my eye in the parlor.
"Mother?" I asked, rubbing my sleepy eyes.
"Alice, darling,"she acknowledged. "What are you doing up?"
"I couldn’t sleep,"I responded.
"Come," she said, beckoning for me to sit with her.
I sat down beside my mother, and she put her arm around me. She didn’t do this often, so it was a little surprising. She was a loving mother, but she wasn’t much for touchy-feely stuff.
"I hear you’ve been seeing Kai Walker," Mother said gently.
"Yes, just for a couple of days," I admitted. "You know him?"
"Indeed, I do," she said. "It is time for you to know."
Over the next hour, my mother related a story to me that I never could have imagined. Apparently, when my father started spending a lot of time away from home, she had hired Kai’s father to work as our gardener. She and Mr. Walker had begun having an affair.
My father found out, and he was livid. He and my mother got into a big fight, and in the process, he admitted he had been having an affair with Mrs. Walker for more than two years. In other words, he was sleeping with Kai’s mother while my mother was pregnant with me.
My father stormed over to the Walkers’ house in the middle of the night and broke down their front door. It never occurred to him that he’d been cheating on my mother. He felt he could do anything he pleased. But he was furious that she’d dare cheat on him.
Mrs. Walker thought he’d come to confess his undying love for her and take her away, and she ran to him – prepared to leave with him. She was deeply in love with my father. In that moment, her husband realized she had been cheating on him with my father as he’d had an affair with my mother, and Mr. Walker became enraged. He and my father got into a physical altercation.
My mother had rushed to the Walkers’ house and walked i
nside. She watched in horror as her husband and her lover fought. She knew her husband could tear her lover to pieces in an instant, and she feared it would happen at any moment.
Instead, a small child toddled down the hallway to see what had woken him up in the middle of the night. His teddy bear dangled from one small hand as he rubbed his eyes with the other.
Seeing his father being thrown about the room by another man scared him, and he screamed,"Daddy!"
At that moment, my father was distracted. Mr. Walker pushed him hard against the display case behind him, and the glass shattered. A huge shard pierced my father’s back, lodging deep within his heart. My mother and Mrs. Walker both screamed in agony and ran to my father.
Realizing what he’d done, Mr. Walker called nine-one-one and turned himself in. He was sent to prison for second-degree murder in the accidental death of my father. They couldn’t prove he had any intention to kill my father, so the charges were reduced from first degree, and Mr. Walker was sentenced to fifteen years in a federal penitentiary. He was murdered in prison by another violent offender when Kai was five, and for some reason his mother had always blamed him for his father’s death as well as the death of my father.
"Oh, Mother!" I gasped. "How can she blame him? He was only a little kid!"
"She refuses to accept any responsibility, and she loved your father too much to blame him," my mother said gently. "Kai is the only one left she can blame."
"Oh, poor Kai," I lamented. "He’s so gentle and kind, and he loves his mother so much."
"I know," my mother agreed, stroking my hair. "It’s not fair, but it’s the truth about the situation."
"Did she always drink so much?" I asked my mother.
"Kai’s mother?"she answered. "No, she never drank at all until Roger was killed in prison, as far as I know."
I hung my head in sorrow. It was all so tragic. I couldn’t believe my own family was embroiled in such a scandal, and more than that I couldn’t believe everything poor Kai had been forced to endure. Could he really think his father’s death was his fault?
I had to see him. I went to my brother’s room and roused him from what appeared to be a peaceful slumber.
"I need to see Kai,"I pleaded.
He glared at his alarm clock through bleary eyes. "At three-forty-five in the morning?"
"Yes, Will," I said somberly.
He sighed and groaned,"Fine."
I went to my room and quickly changed into jeans and a t-shirt. I checked my email, and I had a new message from Kai.
"You should get some sleep. I will see you as soon as I can, I promise.
I love you,
Kai"
I grabbed my phone and headed out to the car to wait for my brother. While he was getting dressed, I tapped out a text message to Kai.
"Coming over. Meet me in the shed?"
I waited for his reply. We were over halfway to his house before he replied.
"Mom passed out. I’ll meet you there."
I was relieved. At least she was asleep. I didn’t want to have an encounter with her. All I wanted was to see Kai.
I had Will drop me off down the street so I wouldn’t risk waking Kai’s mother. When I got to the shed, he opened the door and let me in before I even had a chance to knock.
I threw my arms around Kai the moment I saw him, and he held me closed and buried his face in my hair. We clung to each other for several moments before Kai finally spoke.
"I wanted to tell you in person, Alice," he said.
"I know," I nodded."It okay."
"Alice, I do love you," he said. "I hope you know that. I know it’s weird, because we just met, but I feel this…"
"Connection?" I asked, finishing his sentence. "I feel it, too. And I love you."
He brushed a stray strand of hair from my face, and I stared into those icy blue eyes. I didn’t know how to bring up the subject I’d come to talk to him about.
"I have something I need to talk to you about," I said somberly.
His face fell.
"Please tell me you’re not leaving me," he said, taking a step back.
"No! Oh, God, no!"I gasped, taking his hands in mine. "I love you! I won’t leave you. I swear to you, Kai."
He breathed an enormous sigh of relief. "Then what is it?"
"Do you know why your mother…" I struggled to find the words. "Do you know why she treats you the way she does?"
Kai shook his head sorrowfully, looking at the floor.
"I think I do," I told him.
We sat down together on the floor of the shed, and I explained the whole sordid tale. His face remained stolid throughout most of the story – odd considering how emotional he usually was.
"I had no idea," he said, shaking his head.
"You don’t remember any of it?" I asked.
He shook his head in despair. He couldn’t even remember his father. He’d died in prison, and Kai was too young to remember him.
I put my arm around his shoulder, and he touched his forehead to mine and sighed.
"My mother said your mother never drank before your father died," I told him.
He nodded in acknowledgement, although he hadn’t known that.
"It is my fault," he finally stated.
"What?" I huffed."Don’t be absurd! How could it be your fault?"
"Because I wasn’t supposed to be here at all," he told me.
"What do you mean?"I asked.
"I’m adopted," he revealed.
I gave it a moment to sink in.
"But… how does that make any of this your fault?" I wanted to know.
"If they hadn’t adopted me, none of this would have happened. Your father and my father would be alive," he responded.
"Oh, Kai, no," I said, squeezing him tightly. "None of this is your fault."
"You don’t blame me for your father’s death?" he asked.
"Of course not!" I practically shouted.
"It’s myfault," he lamented.
"None of this is your fault," I repeated. "None of it."
He looked like he wanted to believe it, but he couldn’t. Why was he so down on himself? Was it because of the way his mother treated him? She was constantly telling him how worthless he was in the short time I’d known Kai.
I touched his face and pulled him toward me, gently pressing my lips against his. He responded by pulling me closer and placing his hand on the back of my neck to kiss me more passionately. It felt incredible to have his arms around me, and his kisses were so emotional. It was as if I could feel everything he felt through the way he kissed me.
Suddenly, the door to the shed burst open and his mother staggered through the entry. She glared down at us, and her eyes snapped with fury. Her hair was wild and tangled, and her bathrobe hung open, revealing a dirty, tattered nightgown.
"What is the meaning of this?" she shouted.
"Mom!" Kai gasped."I…"
"I don’t want to hear it!" she shrieked. "You promised me you’d stay with me tonight! You can’t even keep one little promise? I’m so fucking sick of you. I want you out of my house you worthless piece of shit! You’re useless, and I’m fucking sick of it!"
"Mom, please," he pleaded. "I’m sorry."
"I don’t know who your little tramp is, but get her and your stuff off my property right now!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
She reached down and grabbed Kai by the hair, pulling him out of the shed and throwing him to the ground outside. She whirled around and snatched his easel, which still held his most recent painting, and hurled it through the door. He raised his arms to shield himself, but the easel hit him in the head and gashed it open. Blood poured down into his eyes.
Horrified, I watched the scene unfold. I was unable to move or speak. I finally managed to move toward the door, and on the ground, I finally saw Kai’s painting. It was a small boy wrapped in his mother’s arms, and they were both looking at each other and smiling happily. It broke my heart.
In an instant, I grabbed Kai’s painting and tucked it under one arm. Then I took his hand and pulled him to his feet. I shot a warning glance at Kai’s mother, daring her to interfere. She just stood and watched as I pulled Kai toward the garage. We got into his car and drove away.
"What am I going to do?" Kai cried. "I have nowhere to go!"
"Nonsense," I said."You’re coming home with me."
"Won’t your mother mind?" he asked, his eyes wide.
"I don’t think so,"I told him. "I guess we’ll find out."
Day was breaking when we got to my house, but my mother was still awake. She was lying on the couch in the parlor reading, and she jumped up when she saw us. She eyed Kai up and down, and then she noticed the gash on his head. She gasped aloud in spite of herself.
"His mother threw him out," I explained.
Without another word of explanation needed, my mother raised her hand to stop me.
"He will stay here, of course," Mother said.
"Oh, thank you, Mother!" I cried.
"Kai, it’s nice to meet you," my mother told him. "I’m sorry it’s under such circumstances."
"Thank you, ma’am,"he said, bowing his head to her a little.
"Come," my mother said. "Let’s see what we can do about your head."
My mother and I took Kai to the hall bathroom. She got the first aid kit while I cleaned the wound with a washcloth. He winced when I touched it, and I tried to be as gentle as I could. I couldn’t stand causing him any more pain.
My mother returned with the first aid kit, and we had Kai bandaged up a few minutes later. My mother told him he could sleep in the room across the hall from me if we promised to be good.
"No, Mother," I said facetiously. "We’re going to make violent love to each other the moment you go to sleep."
My mother chuckled, noting my reference to the movie It’s a Wonderful Life in which Mary yells to her nosy mother, "He’s making violent love to me, Mother!"
I led Kai upstairs and showed him his room. I found him a pair of my brother’s pajamas that he’d outgrown. Kai was taller than him, but they fit pretty well. My mother insisted I stay home from school to get some rest. I hadn’t had more than a fleeting few moments of sleep in going on three days.