“Even leaking breasts, secreting milk?”
“Absolutely. Sometimes, even false positives on a pregnancy test, otherwise, I would just do one for you and show you, but if we had a false positive, it would damage our therapy. You’ve come to believe you really are pregnant, right?”
“I don’t know what to believe. How can I have symptoms that occur in the third trimester?”
“Exactly. Not possible. Even in premature births, the mother will not be in third trimester. Let’s talk about your desire to have a child,” she said. “Tell me when you first thought of this and how your partner reacted.”
I began. She took me back to my childhood. We talked about simple things like playing with dolls, imitating a mother, a woman’s natural instinct to have children. As the session progressed, I became more and more comfortable with her. Her insights to my feelings, even my most inner thoughts impressed me.
“In time,” she said, “you will come to understand yourself and then confronting your problem will be easier. Dr. Aaron makes a good point. Hopefully, you will become pregnant and psychosomatic symptoms will merge into real symptoms.”
“It’s like being pregnant for 18 months instead of nine,” I said, and she laughed.
“Maybe you give birth to elephant. Gestation period last about twenty-two months, longest of any mammal.”
“I’ll commit suicide if that happens.”
She laughed again and then grew serious.
“Stay on the medication Dr. Aaron provided. It is a good tranquilizer.” She looked at her watch. “We talk again one week from today, same time?”
“Okay. But what do you really think about me?”
“You are a classic case. No problem. We’ll work it out together, make you more comfortable and ease you into a smooth transition to real pregnancy.”
She reached over to her desk and plucked a card from small box.
“Here are my numbers, cell phone included. You call with any questions between now and then.”
I looked at it and then I thought about the fanatics. Would it complicate things to bring all that up? We heard the door buzzer.
“That must be your Willy,” she said. It was. We walked out to the small lobby.
“How’d it go?” Willy asked immediately.
“She’ll be fine,” Dr. Yan said. “We see each other in one week, unless necessary before.”
“Great. Kate?”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“Do we pay you anything now?” Willy asked her.
“We keep tab,” Dr. Yan said. “Like bartender.”
“I could use a stiff drink,” Willy told her.
We left the office and headed for the van.
“So?” Willy asked me.
“I like her. She makes sense. She helped me understand my deep desire to have a child and how that could lead to this condition.”
“Feeling better, then?”
“A little, yes.”
We got into the van.
“I heard from Eve,” she told me as she started the engine and backed out of the parking space.
“And?”
“It’s what I thought, an electrical problem caused the fire. It started on the lower floor. The bedrooms were upstairs and they got caught unaware. By the time the fire department arrived, the cabin was fully engulfed in flames. Her sister flew up to be with her.”
“That’s so sad. When will she return?”
“In a couple of days.”
“Well, you can’t carry this load on your shoulders only. I’ll just go to the plant with you,” I said. “This invalid role doesn’t suit me anyway and there’s no time for any of this self-pity now.”
“Aren’t you suddenly the big shot?”
“I’m far from a big shot, but I should keep my mind off everything and work is the best solution.”
“Now you’re talking,” she said smiling.
“However, to get back to the other situation, I do want us to have a real heart-to-heart with this security guard, Willy. I did not imagine the dart in my bed.”
“Will do,” she said.
“Besides, how did they let us get away from the house and not follow us? What kind of protection are they providing now?”
“I’ll call Lois when we get to the plant,” she said.
Once there, I did dive into the paperwork. I couldn’t believe what had piled up for us. Willy hadn’t exaggerated the new orders, the inquiries and the wrapping up of the White Party business. The tips of my fingers started to ache from tapping out numbers on the keyboard. Either I was too involved or my imaginary symptoms were subsiding after only one session with my therapist, but I didn’t have any aches in my lower back the whole time and I had no incidents of the quickening. For a while at least, it seemed we were back to some semblance of normalcy in our lives. As happened often, I even forgot about having any lunch and didn’t even crave a nutritional energy bar.
During the entire time I worked, Willy had been out in the plant organizing the production team. We had what I couldn’t imagine ever having, ten more full-time personnel. When I glanced through the window, however, I was surprised to see Marlee Peters from The Meadow talking to Willy. I imagined she was congratulating us, more specifically Willy, on the successful White Party. Marlee, like a number of women I knew in our circle, never missed an opportunity to flirt with Willy. This didn’t look that way to me, however. They were off to the side talking and Willy had that serious posture she took on when something disturbed her. She leaned against the wall, folded her arms across her breasts and looked like a manikin.
After a good fifteen minutes or so, Marlee left, both of them looking toward the office before parting. Willy turned to an immediate mechanical problem, but I kept my eye on her. Finally, she came to the office. As she approached, I could see from the expression she wore that something unpleasant was happening or had happened. We still didn’t need words at all to transmit our thoughts to one another. She entered, closed the door and leaned against it. I waited for a few moments and then asked, “What is it, Willy?”
“Janet Madison is dead,” she told me.
I shook my head as if the words were mangled in my ears.
“What?”
“Before you think anything wild, she apparently had some sort of heart valve problem. She died at home. Paula found her sprawled on the kitchen floor. It happened early this morning.”
“Heart valve? No one ever mentioned such a thing.” I thought a moment. “Why would she go climbing up mountain trails with you if she had that sort of problem? Why did she decide to get pregnant as a surrogate? Why…”
“Just maybe she wasn’t aware of it,” Willy said. “You know not everyone has a decent annual physical.”
“Wouldn’t there be some warnings, some symptoms?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe she just ignored them. No one wants to believe there’s anything wrong with her. It doesn’t make a difference now anyway. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.”
“When is the funeral?”
“It won’t be here. Her parents have had her body shipped back to Ohio.”
“Maybe the pregnancy did something.”
“Kate…”
“I’m just saying, maybe. I mean physically, Willy. I’m not saying those nuts had anything to do with it.”
“Good. Speaking of the fanatics, I spoke with Lois a short while ago.”
“And?”
“She’s investigating what went on between you and Trinity, but we both think you should postpone the next insemination.”
“Really?”
“She wants you to be stronger, emotionally, physically. It makes sense, Kate.”
I nodded.
“Except I had the impression from Dr. Aaron and now Dr. Yan that when I became pregnant for real, this pseudocyesis would come to an end.”
“It will anyway,” Willy said. “It has to.”
“Okay. We didn’t eat any lunch you know.”
“It’ll be very depressing out there,” I said.
“I know, but no matter what, she was a friend and our gang needs us. We need each other, especially at times like this. I told Marlee we’d stop by The Meadow.”
“Whatever you think,” I said. “How sad.”
“Yes. I’ve got a few more mechanical issues out there. I’ll be back in a while. How you doing?”
“Almost caught up. I keep looking at the bottom line in disbelief. Willy, we’re way beyond anything either of us imagined possible when we began.”
“That’s the American way,” she said, smiling.
“I never really understood why they came to us after Glen Isler was killed. Why would they turn to a company as small as ours?”
“Someone recommended us to the people who control it.”
“Who?”
“I never found out,” she said. “Who cared? They came around and we certainly weren’t going to turn it away. When would we ever get such an opportunity? It could have taken years.”
“All this new business.”
“Kate, relax. Can’t you accept good luck as easily as you accept bad?”
I looked at the billing statements and shrugged.
“Got no choice,” I said. “Have to be rich.”
She laughed and left.
Later we did go to The Meadow, and as Willy had predicted, most of our friends had gathered to talk about and mourn poor Janet. I was surprised at they did not know she had undergone the insemination process and was pregnant. I didn’t mention it. I just waited for someone to tell me. No one did.
“Isn’t that odd?” I asked Willy.
“No. She wasn’t ready to tell anyone probably. Remember she had tried to avoid meeting you at Dr. Aaron’s. Forget about it. It’ll just make everyone even more depressed to learn two people died.”
“Two people?”
“The fetus and Janet.”
“Wasn’t it too early to consider the fetus a person?”
“Not to Janet and I’m sure not to the people who were paying for her to be their surrogate.”
Of course, she was right. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I wondered if they would feel obligated to attend her funeral since their progeny was being buried along with Janet. It all suddenly seemed so surreal.
“So what happened to my bodyguards?” I asked when we left for home. I saw no signs of Trinity or her backup.
“Lois said she was going to ask her to be less in your face and less obvious. I assume they’re around. Maybe they’re in a different car. Whatever.”
I imagined she was right. They weren’t at the house and afterward, when I looked out front and in the back, I didn’t see them or any car. Despite that, perhaps because of all that had happened during the day, the tremendous roller coaster ride of emotions, I was too exhausted to care. Willy made sure our house was secure, checking the alarms, the doors, and the windows. Both of us fell asleep so fast, it was as if we had drunk some sedative together.
We woke about the same time in the morning. Despite my new sense of confidence, I still had to urinate more frequently, noted the darker pigmentation of my areolas and nipples and still suffered some leakage. My breasts didn’t diminish, nor did my stomach and I had to wear the maternity clothes Lois Matthews had sent over. I did my best to put it out of mind and dive into work at the plant. The quickening occurred a few times before the end of the day, and the following morning it actually woke me before Willy woke. I screamed because it felt like something inside me was now determined to punch its way out. It was as if I were having a natural Caesarian.
“What?” Willy asked, groaning and turning.
I described what I had felt.
“You were dreaming for sure,” she told me. “Might as well get up,” she said and we did.
Late that afternoon, Eve returned to the plant. She was apologetic about having left us in the lurch.
“You had much to do after the White Party. I’m sorry,” she told us in the office. She looked drained and exhausted. Willy told her to go directly to the casita and rest.
“We’ve got it all under control here, Eve. Obviously, it wasn’t your fault. You haven’t let up since you came to work for us. We’re both grateful.”
She looked at me and I seconded her comments. I did ask her if the investigators had firmly concluded the fire was an accident.
“As it turns out, the builder used cheaper materials, wires, than the code required. They’re pursuing him now. He might be charged with manslaughter or something.”
“He should be,” Willy said. Then she told her about Janet.
I knew from what Willy had told me and how Eve had always been around Janet that she hadn’t been all that fond of her, but she was sorry to hear it.
“She never looked very healthy to me,” she said.
“What do you mean? I never noticed that,” I said.
“She looked pale, peaked, like someone who had just recently been visited by a vampire,” she said. “I guess I’d better go home and rest. We should take better care of ourselves,” she added looking my way.
Willy walked her out. When she returned, she told me she had seen Trinity and Kerry Barnes patrolling around our plant.
“I still want us to talk to her, Willy. I want her to tell me to my face that I imagined that dart in my bed. Call her in here.”
“Why don’t we just leave it for now, Kate? I’m so tired of it all, aren’t you?”
I was, but I still wanted the satisfaction of having her admit she was sugarcoating the situation to keep Willy from freaking. However, I wasn’t going to push it and make her more unhappy. She did look tired, too, and after what Eve had just said about us taking better care of ourselves, I backed off. All I needed now was Willy to get sick and I would surely drive myself off a cliff.
Nevertheless, when we left for the day, I looked for signs of Trinity and Barnes. I didn’t see them and thought they were good at disappearing into the background. I told myself to take comfort in that at least.
Despite her depression and fatigue, Eve had managed to work up a gourmet dinner for us. She had prepared a lobster fra diavolo. I thought the spice might be too much for me under the circumstances, but it was so delicious, I threw caution to the wind and ate more than I should have. We drank two bottles of a delicious French wine Eve had brought with her when she had first moved in with us. Our talk was mainly about the great success at the White Party and the new long list of customers we were going to try to accommodate. The food, the wine, the great new prospects lifted the three of us to a state of euphoria. It was good to hear laughter and feel hopeful again.
I overslept the next morning and discovered Willy and Eve had gone to the plant without me. Once again, there was a note in the kitchen, telling me they didn’t want to wake me and I should take a day off, especially now that Eve was back. My aches and pains had returned and I felt even heavier, especially in my breasts. Maybe I would take the day off, I thought and went to make myself some breakfast, but in the middle of it, I experienced more intense quickening. It lasted much longer than it ever had and actually took my breath away. I had to return to bed where I waited for it to subside.
“How can this be? How can this be?” I screamed.
I started to reach for Dr. Yan’s card and stopped when the phone rang. Assuming it was Willy, I plucked the receiver quickly off its cradle. I wanted to tell her how intense the quickening had been and still was.
“Willy?”
“Listen to me,” the raspy voice said. “Dr. Aaron recommended Dr. Yan. Dr. Matthews sent you to Dr. Aaron. You are really pregnant.”
“Who the hell are you?”
“Eve’s not who you think she is either, or she is what you think she is. You always knew, didn’t you? She lied about her brother. We were there. We stopped him and we’ll stop you if you don’t listen.”
The phone went dead. I sat there, gasping fo
r breath, holding my stomach and then I and went to my computer. Quickly surfing through a search engine, I located the newspapers that covered the events in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Scrolling down, I found the story updated.
It was a clear case of arson.
It was no accident. It had never been described as such. Fighting back the onslaught of nausea and dizziness, I dressed myself in one of the maternity outfits and then, staggering a bit, but determined, I made my way into the garage and to my car. I half expected to find Trinity waiting for me when I backed out, but she was nowhere in sight. With tears streaming down my face, I sped away.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled into a parking space at the Tahquitz medical center and got into the elevator. When I entered Dr. Malisoff’s office, I saw the lobby was already full with his patients. Debbie Marks, his receptionist, looked up surprised.
“Kate?” she said as if we hadn’t seen each other for years and years.
I realized she was shocked to see me in a maternity outfit.
“I realize I have no appointment, Debbie, but I’ve got to see him. It’s truly life and death.”
“When did you…”
Dr. Malisoff emerged from one of his examination rooms and looked at me with just as much surprise. The sight gave him real pause. His patient said something to him as she left the room, but he barely acknowledged her. He stepped toward me and I rushed down the hallway.
“What’s this?” he asked. “You’re pregnant?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. “Please…. please help me.”
17.
DR. MALISOFF’S NURSE, Rhoda Green, led me into another examination room where she checked my blood pressure and body temperature, as well as my pulse, while he started another patient in another room. I had never been in this particular room where there was far more medical equipment. I quickly understood it was the examination area for his maternity patients.
“Just relax, Kate,” Rhoda told me. “The doctor will be in to see you as soon as he can. Can I get you something in the meantime? Water, perhaps?”
Unholy Birth Page 21