She apologized again. “I didn't know. I mean, I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go for a run. You weren't in your room and I figured you were probably here and I...” She lowered her hand and I could see she looked as embarrassed as I felt. “I feel really stupid and awkward right now.”
As Cael pulled his shirt back on, I looked at the ceiling, the floor...back at the ceiling. Anywhere but at Pippa or Cael. “Yeah. A run sounds great. I'll meet you there in ten minutes.”
“Yep!” Pippa acknowledged our plan with a quick wave as she backed out of the room.
I turned around to look at Cael, knowing he could see how flushed my face was. “Um...I'd better get going.”
He grinned. “Are you running away from me?”
“No.” But I shook my head yes. He laughed and planted a quick kiss on my cheek before saying he'd see me soon.
Chapter 20
Iggy
I was on my fourth mile. I reset the incline to fifteen percent and wiped the sweat off my brow. “Well what did Brian say when you told him you couldn’t have kids?”
On the treadmill next to me, Pippa slowed to a walk. “He said that meant we didn’t have to worry about birth control.”
“He didn’t care?”
“No. And given the state of the world right now, I’m not worried about it.”
“But weren’t you angry when you found out the vaccine made you sterile?”
She glanced at me with a puzzled expression. “I was sixteen when I found that out. Kids weren’t on my mind then. They still aren’t.” She took a few breaths. “Maybe someday I’ll be angry and sad, but right now, I’ve got so much to think about that I’m glad getting pregnant isn’t one them.” She looked at me again. “How do you feel about it?”
I glanced around to make sure we were alone. “I’ve never had to worry about any of that before. I haven’t had sex yet.”
“Good for you.”
“Really?”
“Really what?”
“Is it good that I’m a virgin?”
Pippa shot me a wry grin. “I just said that to say it. How should I know? If you like being a virgin, fine. If you’re not a virgin, fine.” She pointed to the television where a news broadcast played without volume. “Honestly, I’d be more concerned that the Russian president is meeting with the Chinese dictator. If those two countries form an alliance, we’re screwed. The sheer numbers of China’s army doubles any other country’s.”
“That won’t happen,” I told her, trying to lip read the conversation between the two leaders.
“What world do you live in?”
“If China made an alliance with Russia, our trade agreements with them would collapse. The U.S. would stop buying from them, and it would seriously impact their economy.”
“But we’re indebted to China for billions. They’re the number one economy in the world. If we break trade agreements, they call in our debt.”
I shrugged. “I think it’s really just a pissing contest between presidents, anyway. Our countries will all be friends and allies before you know it.”
She waggled her eyebrows at me. “Speaking of enemies and allies, Brodie was asking me about you today.”
I made a face. “Why? Is he plotting with Alex to kill me?”
“Alex is a bitch. Brodie doesn’t seem too bad, though.”
“I think you’re judgment is flawed.”
She made a dismissive gesture with one hand. “It doesn’t matter. I made it clear you’re with Cael.”
My eyebrows raised.
“Why does it seem like this place is more like the headquarters for an online dating site than a military facility?” Pippa poked a finger into the air and answered her own question. “Oh. Maybe because kids our age are typically pretty horny.”
I wiped my forehead with the back of a hand. “Did you know that my friend Wesley is interested in one of the girls here?”
“Yeah. Alex. So?”
“Oh my god! Does everyone but me know this?”
She laughed. “There are fourteen students here. You and I have boyfriends, Ibram has a fiancée. Everyone else is living in a place where everyone is an athlete, has a totally hot body, powers that you only see in movies, girls that can’t get pregnant, and there’s hardly any staff on the weekends. We’re all eighteen to twenty years old. What do you think is going to happen?”
“But there are more important things to think about.”
“Yeah, probably. But when we’re not killing puppies or running treadmills with a hundred wires glued to us or getting CT scans, what should we do? Contemplate Armageddon? Mope around about missing our families? Food shortages? Job losses? Inflation? Screw that. There's enough shit and sadness. I am going to enjoy the fun and happiness whenever and wherever I find it.”
I couldn’t think of a decent response, so I said, “I thought you didn’t cuss.”
Pippa laughed so hard so she had to support herself on her arms while she braced her feet on the sides of the machine. “You’re so cute, Iggy.”
Iggy
I about had a heart attack when I saw Wesley in the pool on Sunday morning. He was smiling and playing around. Wesley had never been playful. Not even with me. It was so wrong. And yet there he was, flirting with Alex. Maybe part of her power was brainwashing men.
I took a deep breath and walked toward the deep end where they were floundering. No way was she going to one up me. I wasn't going to let her steal Wes’s attention. He was my best friend. She'd known him for month. I had known him for years.
I plastered a smile on my face. “Hi, Wes.” I squared my shoulders and strutted up to them. Wesley cocked an eyebrow and Alex glared at me. Then I dove into the pool and surfaced right in front of my best friend. “What are you guys up to?” My words were saccharin sweet. Wesley laughed, and I was even more determined that there was no way in hell I was going to let Alex get close to him.
“Iggy, what are you doing?” He shook his head at me like I was an annoying child.
I threw my arms around his neck and smiled. “I came for the artificial sun.” When he braced himself on the edge of the pool, I moved behind his back and wrapped my legs and arms around him.
Alex grabbed hold of the pool ledge in front of us. “What are you trying to prove, Iggy?”
“I’m not proving anything, Alex. I’m just hanging out with my best friend. And if you want to swim with him, you’ll have to swim with me, too.”
She raised an eyebrow. “What? Is Cael not enough for you, Iggy? Tired of him already? Then I guess it's my turn with him.”
I frowned. “You really are a whore. Why don’t you go back to your room and leave Wesley alone? You're not good enough for him. And Cael wouldn't touch you if you were the last female on earth.”
Wesley pulled me around and clamped a hand over my mouth, my back pinned to his chest. His grip was so tight, I was sure to have bruises.
Alex shot daggers at me with her eyes. “Don’t fuck around with me, bitch.”
My skin started to buzz. I elbowed Wesley in the gut and concentrated on her, throwing my own power toward her. I was faster. She gasped and arched her back as I blocked her power with a spasm of muscle, her fingers clutching at the pool’s ledge. A second later, I released her. “Don't you dare try to use your power on me, Alex. I know how to defend myself.” Then I wrapped my arms around Wesley, kissed his neck, flicked my tongue across the spot, and then nipped the skin there. I heard him inhale sharply, but my eyes were on Alex.
She hauled herself out the pool. “You don’t have any idea the shit you just stirred up.”
“Bye-bye.” I waved at her and pulled my power forward, ready to defend myself. She flipped me off and walked out the door.
When she was gone, Wesley dunked me under the water. I came up sputtering. He grabbed my wrists angrily and shoved me against the wall, pinning me in place with his body. “What the fuck was that?”
I flinched. He never talked to me that way. I tried to pull away. “I’ve known you for eight years, Wesley. I’m … I can’t stand her.”
“I know that, Iggy. So what? It’s not your business.”
“Well, I just made it my business. I don’t want her hanging around you.”
“Then don’t hang around me and you won't know we’re together.”
I jerked out of his grasp and glared at him. “You're not serious.”
“What’s gotten into you, Iggy? What is your problem? If you were looking for a fight, you sure as hell succeeded.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “I don’t even know why I bother with you, Wesley!” I turned around to go, but he grabbed my arms and yanked me toward him. Then he spun me and pushed me backwards so that I was pinned between him and the pool wall again.
“You don’t get to waltz in here, stir shit up, say stuff I’ve never heard you say while hanging all over me, and then walk out.” He moved closer until his face was inches from mine and it was easy to tell his eyes were more gray than blue, which meant he was angry. “Why did you do that? Why did you lick my neck and then bite me.”
I looked down because the question he’d just asked made me uncomfortable. “I don’t know.” He squeezed my wrists tighter. “Because I knew you'd like it and she wouldn't.”
“How did you know I would like that?”
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe I know you better than you realized.”
“You made Alex think you’re competition. You practically staked your claim on me.”
I shrugged. “Fine. As long as she leaves you alone.”
“It’s not fine, Iggy. I don’t appreciate it, and I’m sure Cael wouldn’t, either.”
I gnawed on my bottom lip a moment, fighting the guilt before deciding honesty was the best policy. “You’re my best friend, and I’m supposed to be more important to you than her.”
“You are more important. Always. So you don’t need to be jealous.”
“I’m not jealous.”
He gave me a disbelieving look. “Why did you wrap yourself around me and kiss me, Iggy? You didn’t have to go that far to make your point. You don’t do shit like that with a best friend. With me.” He grasped my chin and tugged. “Will you look at me when I’m talking to you?”
I looked up, but he was still uncomfortably close. “You’re right. It wasn’t appropriate. I just thought that I would act the way she probably acted, and it would prove to her that…” I let my words trail off, unsure of what I was trying to say. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d get mad at me for it.”
He released me. “I’m not mad, Iggy. I’m confused.”
“Confused because now you aren’t sure whether or not you’re mad at me? I don’t blame you. I understand that you're angry, but I don't regret doing it. No matter what you say.”
“I'm not confused about that. I’m confused because I like what you did.”
I stared at him, frozen. “Like that I pissed off your girlfriend?”
“She’s not my girlfriend. And no, I don’t think making a worse enemy of her was a smart thing to do. But the part I liked was you hanging all over me. I liked your kiss. I really liked it when you bit me.” His brow wrinkled and he shook his head. “I can’t believe you bit me. You've never done anything like that. It's so...different.”
I wiped the water out of my eyes, hating the heat that was undoubtedly suffusing my face with color. It was true that what I’d just done was not like me at all.
He gripped my chin again to hold my head up so I was forced to look at him. “Next time,” he said softly, “why don’t you try kissing me on the lips? After all, if you're going to make her jealous, really go for it.”
I jerked my chin out of his grip. “If you're trying to shock me into being sorry for what I did, then forget it. It won't work. In all the time we’ve known each other, you’ve never liked me that way. We’re just friends. So lay off.”
He sighed and let go. “Iggy, are you really that obtuse? I’ve always liked you that way.”
I frowned. “You never told me. You always led me to think we could never be anything but friends.”
He pushed away, water sloshing between us. “That’s true. We can’t be. No matter how much I’ve always wanted more, I know I’m no good for you. You’re better off with a guy like Cael. That’s why I never kissed you, even though there wasn’t a day that passed when I didn’t think about it.”
My mouth hung open like a guppy. “I never knew. You…you’re so good at hiding it.”
He shook his head. “Not that good. Cael knows how I feel about you.”
“He does?” Wesley nodded. “I really am blind. How long has he known?”
“Doesn't matter. Cael knows I can’t give you what you need. He knows you and I will never be anything more than friends.”
“I don’t understand. What do you mean you can’t give me what I need? What is it you think I need?”
His face turned into the mask I’d seen so many times. He didn’t want to talk about this, but he responded anyway. “I’m fucked up, Iggy. You know that. Ever since my parents’ deaths, I’ve been screwed up.”
“You’re not screwed up, Wes. You’re a little different than most people, but I love that about you.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Why not?”
“Because. What would you have done even if I had kissed you years ago? You wouldn’t have kissed me back.”
My first thought was to tell him that I’d only ever thought of him as friend. But as I looked at him, seeing him in all the ways only I knew, I thought about whether or not I would have wanted him to kiss me before I met Cael. “Honestly?” He nodded, his face stone but his eyes unsure. It actually made me sad to say it. “Yes, Wesley. I would have kissed you back. You’re not fucked up. You’re wonderful and beautiful, and I love you. And if we’d had this conversation a long time ago, I would have wanted things to be different between us. I would have loved you as more than just a friend.”
He looked as if I’d just stabbed him through the heart. “Then I’m glad I never kissed you. Because loving me like that would only hurt you.” He leaned closer, causing my breath to hitch. My heart skipped into overtime, and I had a wild thought that he was going to kiss me. But he whispered, “Don't interfere with me and Alex.” Then he shoved away from me, hauled himself out of the pool, and walked off.
I had a sudden urge to cry. I was so confused and angry. I couldn’t believe I just found out about this here and in this way. How could Wesley have believed all this time that he was too messed up to be with me? Through all his anger, all his moods, and all the bad things I knew he’d done, I still loved him. He’d always known that. Of course he could have given me what I needed. Why would he ever think he couldn’t? Did he think he was such a bad person that he didn’t deserve love? Is that why he’d never had a real relationship with a girl? If so, it was tragic, because he was so wrong. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Wesley! It pissed me off that he thought so little of himself.
I swam laps until my body ached. And then I swam some more. I was glad to be in the water because I didn’t want to know if my face was wet from tears.
Chapter 21
Iggy
First thing Monday morning, Cael was called to Dr. Jensen’s office. I was stuck in my room, and I did sets of sit-ups, push-ups, and lunges until I was sweating and sore in an effort to distract myself from imagining all sorts of scenarios. I even French braided my hair, restarting the process three times until I felt I’d done a perfect job.
Finally, the announcement for breakfast came and the door unlocked. Alex had the first room on the hall, and I had the second, so we came out at the same time. She looked at me like she smelled something bad before heading away from the cafeteria hallway and toward Wesley’s room. I imagined her walking up to him and kissing him. She might even use her tongue. Disgusting. The th
ought made me want to throw up. But Wesley had told me not to interfere with him and Alex, so I headed for the dining hall hoping Cael was already there.
He wasn’t, and that worried me.
I was first in line, and the cooks were still putting the rectangular steel pans beneath the heat lamps. I grabbed a tray, scooped cheese grits onto it, and headed for the drink machine to get a glass of orange juice. I had my choice of tables, but I picked the one Wesley and I usually sat at. I kept my eyes on my food because I didn’t want to see Wesley and Alex walk in together. And I really didn’t know if I could keep my promise not to interfere if they were holding hands or some crazy thing like that. Not that Wes was the hand-holding type. I’d never seen him hold a girl’s hand. But then, he’d spent most of his time hanging around me.
“Mind if I sit here?”
I glanced up to find Brodie offering a half smile. He plunked his tray down before I even answered, but at least it was across the table. I asked, “Are you here to verbally assault me?”
“What gives you that idea?”
I tilted my head to the side and rolled my eyes at him. “You and Alex seem pretty tight. And you’ve never said anything nice to me.”
“Well, Alex and I aren’t quite so tight anymore. She’s busy with Wesley. And my attitude was due to thinking you were a liar. Alex is my friend, and I don’t take lightly to people calling my friends liars.” He gulped down some apple juice and picked up a biscuit. “But you proved you weren’t lying about her.” He shrugged as if that summed everything up, and then he bit into his biscuit.
Val and Devon asked to sit down, and I gestured that it was fine. Suddenly my table was filled with people I wasn’t sure even liked me. When Pippa and Brian joined the group, there was no room left for my two favorite people. But Wes and Alex had taken a table across the room anyway, and Cael still hadn’t shown up. So not only was I worried about him, I was mad because Wesley always ate meals with me. For the past eight years, we’d shared the same table whenever possible. Even in high school, he’d made someone move if there wasn’t a space open beside me. Now, he’d deliberately chosen to sit with her. When she smiled at something he said, I ground my teeth together and vowed not to look in their direction again.
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