“Huh?” Brodie paused in the middle of biting into a peanut butter filled cracker.
“They released a bunch of birds into the room and I had to paralyze them.”
“Is that what you do?” Krish asked.
I immediately became suspicious, wondering if their purpose in talking to me was to find out exactly what I could do. In Atlanta, the students never had the freedom to discuss these things. Could telling them about my abilities possibly put me in harm’s way? I was sure Alex would want to know everything about me because I had used my power on her, and she hated me. Would Brodie pass on any information he gleaned from talking with me?
“Yeah. Something like that.” They could tell I had closed up. Brodie went back to eating his crackers and Krish gave me a look of understanding.
“I can thin people’s blood,” she volunteered. A calculated move to gain my trust?
“Did you kill your cat by making it bleed out?” I remembered seeing the animal lying in a pool of blood. She looked away and her shoulders fell. “I’m sorry,” I told her, feeling instantly guilty for bringing it up. “That wasn’t very considerate of me.”
“How did you kill your animals?” Brodie asked me, as if getting revenge for my own callous question.
I considered my answer and decided on truth. “I stopped their hearts.”
Brodie’s eyes lit up. “I can do that, too. I’ve never met anyone who has the same power as me. How do you do it exactly? Dr. Jensen says I can control cells that create electricity. Heart cells. Did you know that a single cardiac cell beats all by itself. Is that how you do it?”
I was taken aback by his changed demeanor. “I…uh…don’t know how.”
“Dr. Jensen didn’t explain the research to you? The doctor I tested under always shared his research with us.”
I shrugged. “Either Jensen doesn’t know, or he doesn’t want to tell me the specifics.” That was also the truth. But even if I did know the mechanics behind my ability, I wouldn’t share that information with Brodie or anyone else other than Wesley and Cael. It seemed too revealing, like exposing one of the most vulnerable parts of myself.
Then Alex and Gavin walked in, chatting and laughing, and I immediately clammed up. If she was here, then she wasn’t with Wesley. So I decided to find my best friend and see if we could sort out the awkwardness that seemed to be developing between us. I excused myself, threw away my trash, and headed for his room.
Like everyone else’s door, his was stuck open, and I walked in without bothering to announce myself. To my surprise, he and Cael were sitting on the sofa whispering and looking at the contents of the files that I’d seen on Cael’s desk. When they saw me, they clamped the files shut and Cael asked, “What did you have to do in the lab?”
He stood up, but I backed away. “Play with some Cardinals and Cockatiels. What have you two been doing?”
Wesley gathered the three files, stood, and pushed them into Cael’s arms. “He’ll explain.”
I focused on Cael and planted my hands on my hips.
Cael said, “Jensen told me he and his staff have been having some difficulty understanding how and why your power works. Even after years of testing, he admitted they haven’t figured it out. I asked him a bunch of questions. He already knew I was bored. So he gave me some old files to read through to keep me busy.”
“Files about what?”
“You,” he replied with diffidence.
“You two have been reading files on me? What kind of files?”
Wesley spoke up. “From the earlier tests. Around ages thirteen to fifteen, from what I can tell so far.”
Heat suffused my face, caused by a mix of embarrassment and anger. “You’ve been reading personal information about me?”
“It’s all very clinical,” he defended.
“And you didn’t think to ask if it was okay with me for you to read those files? That’s my life in there,” I shouted at him, pointing to the stacks of papers.
“I was going to wait. I was going to talk to you about it before you went to the lab.”
“Then why didn’t you wait until I got back?”
Wesley stepped forward. “It’s my fault, Iggy. I pushed him into letting me read a file, and then I found something interesting and gave it to Cael to read. We started reading more after that.”
“Great! So my best friend and my boyfriend have been studying up on information about me that I probably don’t even know. Without my permission!”
“I want to help, Iggy.” Cael looked pained.
“Why on earth would Jensen give you any information about me, Cael. You’re not a scientist. You don’t have a triple PhD like everyone on staff around here.”
“I told Dr. Thurmond I was bored, and she suggested to Jensen that I be allowed to look over your files.”
“You’ve been talking to Thurmond?”
“Just once.”
My fists clenched. “Those pages are my tests, my fears, my nightmares. Years of torture. And you two are reading about it like it’s some science fiction novel!” I lunged forward and snatched at the folders. Cael jumped back. “Give them to me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? They’re about me. They’re mine.”
“Jensen will take them away and never give me another thing to look at if I let you see them.”
“Oh, but you can let Wesley see them? That’s bullshit, Cael.”
“Yes. I have permission to show them to Wesley and no one else.”
“What sense does that make? Did it occur to either of you that his intent in doing that might be to get me so pissed off at the two of you that I never want to speak to you again?”
“The sooner he understands the science behind what you can do, the safer you’ll be. The sooner he’ll let you go home.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “That’s a lie!” I looked at Wesley. “I know you don’t believe Jensen would follow through on that.”
Wes said, “No, but I have my own reasons for thinking it’s not a bad idea.”
“What reasons?”
“Nothing I care to share with you while you’re so over-emotional and everyone can hear everything we say.”
“Over-emotional?” I grabbed for the files again, and my fingertips scraped the pages. But Cael was fast, and I didn’t succeed. I shot daggers at him. “I don’t want you reading about me. Give them to me.”
“I can explain why I accepted them, and I promise I won’t read them anymore unless you give me permission, Iggy. But I’m not going to give them to you.”
My lips drew into a thin line. “I could make you give them to me.” I thrust out one arm. “Hand them over or I’ll show you that I can take them from you.” The look on Cael’s face made me instantly regret my words. I clamped a hand over my mouth. I would never use my power against him. It was a horrible thought. I couldn’t believe I’d just said that. Threatened him. No matter how mad I was, I would never hurt Cael. What was wrong with me? What kind of person would threaten the people she cared most about? Using my power on Cael would completely sever any trust he’d ever had in me. I would hate myself for it. “I…I’m sorry, Cael. I didn’t mean that. I would never do that. I would never deliberately hurt you.”
“Iggy, you’re right. I shouldn’t have looked at your files until I asked you first. I promise you,” he repeated softly, “I won’t open them unless you tell me I can. But I’m not giving them up. Go ahead and do what you feel you need to do.” He stood there, clutching the files to his chest and waiting for me to hurt him. He was just going to stand there and let me use my power against him? Did he really believe I could do that?
Wesley grabbed my upper arm so tightly, I gasped. He hissed, “What the hell has gotten into you? How could you threaten him like that? Someone you care so much about. Who’s next, Iggy? Me? Your dad? Kim? Are you going to hurt people every time you don't get your way?”
He released
me and I ran out. I heard Cael call my name and Wesley tell him to let me cool off. I didn’t want to go to my room because the door wouldn’t shut, and the bathroom seemed to be the place everyone went for privacy. So I headed to the rec center, thinking I could hide in the women’s locker room. But the door was locked.
“Iggy?” Ibram popped his head out of his doorway. I hadn’t known his room was the one closest to the rec center. He took one look at my face and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just having a bad day.”
“So you’re going to the rec center to work it out?”
I sighed and turned to face him. “I was looking for somewhere to be alone for a while.”
“And you can’t go to your room?”
“That’s the first place people go to find me. And I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”
Ibram’s face softened, and a dimple appeared with his crooked grin. “You can hang out in here. If you sit on the sofa, no one can see you from the hallway unless they’re coming from the rec center. And it’s closed.”
“I’m not much in the mood for company.”
“That’s okay. I was on my way to see Shayla.” He gestured for me to come inside. “I don’t think anyone will bother you in here.”
I entered and gave him a watery smile. “Thanks, Ibram.”
“Any time.” He left, and I headed for his bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind me because I knew I was going to cry.
Chapter 22
Iggy
The announcement for lunch sounded, but there was no way I was going to show up with puffy eyes and a red nose. Instead, I hugged my knees to my chest in the corner of Ibram’s bathroom and tried to make sense of how Cael and Wesley thought reading my files could help me. The only thing that would come of this new knowledge would be Cael knowing all of the horrific things I’d done and all the embarrassing things that had happened to me. He’d see a side of me he’d never known. The girl in those files wasn’t the girl he knew on the farm or the one who’d helped him find his parents. He would realize how infected and evil I was, and he would begin to hate me. He would begin to think that I would actually follow through with the threat I'd made today. Or maybe he already believed I would really hurt him.
I had a power I didn’t deserve, didn’t know how to handle, and had never used to do anything good. A better person than me should have been stuck with that needle all those years ago. Someone who could handle the pressure and who was smart enough to understand consequences. Someone who had self-control and a desire to learn about her ability. But Jensen had given the vaccine to a coward. I was afraid to use my power, afraid to learn about it, and afraid to let others see my weaknesses. Afraid to believe that anything positive could come out of this life. I was so afraid that my parents, Cael, and Wesley would see how completely incompetent I was to handle something of this magnitude.
I just wanted to go home and work outside and ride Black Jack and pretend the world beyond the gate didn’t exist. I should be home hunting with my dad, organizing the storage room, patrolling the property, and taking care of the horses. I should never have taken an interest in Cael. All I’d done was suck him into my problems and get him kidnapped.
He’d said he was bored. I couldn’t blame him. He’d been a brilliant college student with a bright future ahead of him, and here he was trapped with a bunch of scientists and freaks in a very strange situation while knowing his parents were lost to him.
I pounded my fists on my thighs. Could I be any more selfish! I wanted to scream with the realization of it. Wesley had spent years on the farm, helping me out, watching over me, protecting me, sacrificing his wants and needs because he felt he owed me for saving his life. And how did I repay him? I had gone to him with all my problems, always expecting him to have a shoulder for me to lean on. I had filled him up with my complaints and my anger without asking him if he had any of his own. Because he was quiet and serious, I’d always done most of the talking while he’d been my silent support, never once complaining. And now that he was in a relationship, I was even more selfish and jealous and demanding of his time and attention, deliberately thwarting any attempt at hanging with Alex just because I didn’t like her.
Wesley was his own person. He had his own life to live and his own choices to make. It was so selfish and presumptuous of me to try to make decisions for him. Was I doing the same thing to Cael? He’d given so much to me. He’d been nothing but kind and thoughtful. Whenever I felt bad, he was there for me. He took care of me. He was always ready and willing to take me into his arms when I was sad or angry, or even happy. He’d rescued me from Granger, kept me from being taken by the FBI, made sure I got patched up in Sweetwater, and he’d been my anchor in every way since being here. And what had I given him in return? He hadn’t come to me with any problems or complaints. He must have been scared, worried, unsure of his future and the future of his parents and Cody. But had I been there for him to lean on? Had I encouraged him to confide his feelings and thoughts in me? I’d been too caught up in my own problems. I might be an adult, but I was still just a selfish, scared teenager. Only brave enough to stand up to others when Wesley, my parents, or Cael stood behind me. All of them made me a better person. But when it was just me, all by myself, did I even like myself?
Hoping everyone was still at lunch, I snuck back to my room and took a long shower to erase any signs that I’d been crying. I owed it to Cael to let him explain why he wanted my files. There was no reason I shouldn’t forgive him and Wesley for reading about me without my permission. Even if I what they read embarrassed me, I should at least listen to Cael’s explanation. I would apologize for overreacting. If anyone deserved my anger, it was Jensen. What happened to privacy laws like HIPPA? Did I lose all legal rights by being here? I felt like the doctor had complete control of my life, and I hated him. I hated this place. I wanted out. There had to be a way to escape.
My thoughts were interrupted by the blast of two horns. I quickly rinsed the soap off my body and shut off the water, but I missed the first part of the announcement. I dried off while waiting for it to repeat. Seven students were called to the Arena, not including me. So I dressed in a clean set of scrubs and sat on my sofa, brushing my hair until my scalp stung.
Iggy
It seemed like hours later when the lock on my door clicked open. I had made up my mind to be mature and unselfish and talk to the one person I hated. I took a deep breath, preparing to face her. Stepping out into the hallway, Devon passed by and called out a greeting. I forced a smile in return and waited for him to disappear around the corner before I moved.
Right next door to me was Alex. Part of me hoped she wasn’t in her room, but as luck would have it, she was. Her door was halfway open, and I saw her shuffling through the clothes in her closet. I knocked.
She spun around and scowled. “What is it, Iggy? Have you come to try your power out on me again?”
I took a steadying breath. “I came to apologize.”
She walked towards me, eyeing me with suspicion. “Okay. Come in. I won’t believe it until I hear it.”
I stepped into her room, which mirrored mine. “I had no right interfering with you and Wesley in the pool the other morning.”
“Damn straight you didn’t.” She folded her arms across her chest.
This wasn’t going to be easy. I tamped down my pride. “Wesley and I have never been anything but friends, and I lied about it at the pool.”
“I already know that. So why are you telling me this?”
“Because I shouldn’t have interfered, and I don’t want what I said to have any bearing on the time you two spend together. If he likes you and wants to spend time with you, forget my stunt in the pool. It didn't mean anything.”
She clapped her hands slowly together several times. “How commendable of you. I would accept your apology, but it was unnecessary. Your pathetic attempt at keeping him to yourself didn’t work worth
shit. Wes and I already talked about it. The thought of you doesn’t even begin to enter into either of our minds when we’re together. So don’t sweat it.”
“Good. I won’t interfere with you two anymore. Just, uh...don’t hurt him. He's still my best friend.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a virgin, Iggy. Do you think Wes and I are going to run off and get married and file a joint income tax return? He’s just a screw. He doesn’t care about me, so I can’t hurt him. Now piss off and keep your silly warnings to yourself.”
I clamped my lips shut and walked out. In the hallway, one of the nurse’s told me she needed to get a set of vital signs, so I sat for that and then walked off to see if the library that Brodie had told me about was open. As I pushed the door, I prayed no one was in there. And for once, luck was on my side.
Chapter 23
Iggy
Just after the announcement for dinner, a knock sounded on my door. My heart leapt into my throat because I expected it to be Cael. But it was Brodie who stood in my doorway.
He smiled. “I thought we could eat dinner together.”
I gave him a strange look. “Why?”
He sighed and held out his hands between us, palms up. “Okay. Honestly, I’m intrigued that we can both do the same thing. I was hoping to talk about it with you.”
“I don’t really feel like talking about that kind of stuff tonight, Brodie.”
“Then we can talk about something else.” He steepled his fingers under his chin. “Please?”
“Okay,” I relented, thinking it was better to have his company than to sit alone. I needed all the distraction I could get so I wouldn't drown in the thought of missing both Wesley and Cael.
I grabbed a tray of food and sat down with Brodie. While he told me about a test he had to do with electricity and water, I watched for Cael and Wes. I didn’t have to wait long.
Wesley and Alex came in together, grabbed their food and sat down a few tables over. Cael glanced at me when he entered, but he kept his eyes off me after that, choosing to sit with Wesley and Alex instead of me. It hurt. Badly. And any progress I'd made toward not hating Alex was ruined. I mean, I had been horrible to Cael, and he had every right to be angry with me. But did he have to sit with Alex and my best friend?
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