by Parker Skye
“Logan doesn’t need to be provided for. He’s pack and the pack will always provide for our own,” Alpha Leikos almost growled. The alpha had turned to face the table, but he still leaned against the bar glaring. The alpha swirled the amber liquid around in his glass thoughtfully before he took a small sip. Jude took note of Logan’s smirk at the Alpha’s ready rebuttal.
“Everyone needs someone to take care of them sometimes. Isn’t that what the mating bond is all about? If not, why would anyone choose to tie themselves to another person for eternity?” Jude began. As he continued, he forced more confidence into his tone.
“You can get sex anywhere. You’re part of a pack, to, so I know that you can get food, shelter, companionship…practically anything…as part of the pack. But can you honestly say there is another person out there that would do anything to keep you happy?” Jude’s gaze shifted from the stoic alpha to Logan directly. He needed Logan to hear him this time.
“You can’t even be sure about your brother anymore, can you? He has a mate that will always take precedence over you now. That’s what I’m offering, Logan. I’m offering you everything that I am, everything that I will ever need to be, everything to keep you happy. If that’s not enough, then you’re right, we aren’t meant to be together.”
By the time Jude had finished speaking, Logan’s expression shifted to one of bewilderment. Jude sat back, hands clasped together on the table and waited for a response, any response from his mate. Logan simple stared for several moments before looking over his shoulder at his alpha.
“Don’t look at me, son. You’re screwed,” Alpha Leikos said through a smirk. “That pretty speech had shivers running up my spine and he wasn’t even looking at me. If you still can’t see the connection there, then I think your receiver’s broken.”
Alpha Leikos tossed back the remainder of his drink and the heavy crystal made a dull thump as it connected with the bar. Alpha Leikos blew out a breath, as if still sensing Logan’s stubborn refusal.
“Why don’t you take the night to sleep on it, Logan? In the morning, show Jude the rest of the grounds, too. You’re all expected back for dinner again tomorrow. Lucy will have my head if she doesn’t get to smother Adam a little more before he heads back to school,” Alpha Leikos said. “Now get out of here, both of you. I’m going to try to use some of Jude’s honeyed words on the little woman. See what kind of a reaction I get with that.”
“Good luck with that, Alpha!” Lucy’s voice sounded from the other side of the door that led into the kitchen. Several sets of snickers faded off in the distance as the eavesdroppers realized they’d been blatantly outed.
“Motherfucker! I’m telling you, Jude. You better make sure you’re ready for this. Kiss your privacy goodbye once you join a pack,” Alpha Leikos said in his deep baritone that steadily ratcheted up into a boom. “Woman! How many times have I told you not to listen in on my private meetings?” The alpha pushed through the swinging door and Lucy’s answering squeal could be heard for miles.
“Oh, it’s a chase tonight, huh? Perfect,” Alpha Leikos growled, his tone becoming more animalistic. The faint sounds of bones popping and rearranging announced the alpha and his mate were moving this discussion on social niceties to their furrier halves.
“Um, should we be worried about her?” Jude asked. Logan’s answering eye roll was another juvenile response Jude hoped he’d get to see more of once his mate had gotten the chip off his shoulder.
“Oh, please. I guarantee they’re fucking on the back porch right now. That woman has him totally whipped,” Logan replied. “But he’s right about one thing. I’m too tired to talk any more tonight.” Logan stood and Jude followed, not sure if he was welcome but still unwilling to let Logan out of his sight.
Chapter 17
Logan
Logan stood in the doorway of his small bedroom and wondered again why he hadn’t planned other sleeping arrangements for the man standing behind him. The cabin he shared with his brother was “cozy”. In other words, it was damn small. His own ten-by-ten room had never seemed to be a problem before. He comfortably slept angled on the full-size bed when alone. And on the rare occasion someone joined him, it worked just fine for a short romp with a willing wolf female. But wolf females were not Jude, either in stature or intent.
No one had ever shared Logan’s room or his bed for the night. Knowing the tiger and how he’d been acting all possessive and shit since they entered Logan’s pack lands, he knew there was no way Jude was going to willingly sleep anywhere else. Logan would suggest the floor, but even that wouldn’t work. The room was barely big enough for his bed, nightstand, and small dresser. There wasn’t even a closet Logan could banish him to. Jude sighed and shouldered past while Logan stood silently examining the situation for another solution.
“Quit thinking so loud and come to bed. I promise not to molest you in your sleep,” Jude said. Jude kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head. When Jude’s hands reached the button of his jeans, though, his shoulders dropped slightly. Logan watched as the tiger’s nose crinkled in distaste, but he slowly maneuvered himself into bed, jeans still fastened. As Jude’s large frame curled up on the far side of the bed facing the wall, Logan wondered at how Jude had managed to take up so little space. He briefly wondered if it was like the videos he’d seen on the internet of cats that liked to cram themselves into tiny boxes. Logan thought he deserved an award for brilliance when he kept this thought to himself.
The empty spot on his side of the bed was calling Logan’s name and he couldn’t resist a second longer. Logan shucked down to jeans, as well, and climbed into bed. He curled on his side as was his usual and clicked off the lamp, bathing the room in cool darkness. Logan steeled himself for several moments waiting for Jude to make a move once the lights were out. After what seemed like mere seconds, the tiger’s breathing slowed and a soft snore started to rumble from the other side of the bed. Logan felt oddly disconcerted but secretly thankful as the other shifter kept his promise.
Unfortunately, Logan found he still couldn’t shut his brain off enough to sleep, even with the threat of groping removed. His wolf wasn’t helping matters any either as it seemed desperate to take over and reconnect with what it apparently already accepted as its other half. Logan finally placated his inner animal with promises of a run with the tiger in the morning. Logan forced his eyes shut again and started counting backwards from one hundred. Anything past ninety-three was lost to the night.
The smell of bacon frying finally pulled Logan’s brain from its deep slumber. The warm flesh his cheek rested on was more an expected turn of events than a surprise at this point. Logan kept his eyes closed and pretended to sleep for several more minutes, trying to discern if Jude was awake or not. If he was still asleep, Logan could go on pretending his lapse in control had never happened. His hopes were dashed when a warm hand soothed up his spine in a casual caress.
“Logan, baby. I know you’re awake so you can quit pretending now. Sounds like your brother’s making breakfast. Let’s go eat,” Jude said softly. Logan’s spine stiffened at the unwelcome endearment and he shot up from the bed ready to fight.
“Hey, hey. Okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Jude said, holding both palms out in a placating manner. “I’m still half asleep myself and it just fell out. Come on, Logan. It’s too early to start arguing this morning. Let’s go eat before your brother comes looking for us again.”
“What do you mean? Ben’s already been in here this morning? He fucking saw us like that?” Logan’s anxious tone ended up almost a squeak. Jude subtly widened the distance between them. The tiger looked worried Logan was about to start swinging. Logan sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in both hands dejectedly. He wondered again how it had come to this. With his back still turned to Jude, he forced himself to calm down. It was several minutes more before he felt stable enough to move.
“Fuck, I hate this,” Logan said, pushing up from the bed.
He dragged his shirt over his head and stormed from the room. Not before he heard Jude’s faint, “Me, too.” though. His wolf whined in distress at the pain Logan kept causing them both, but he just couldn't’ seem to make himself stop.
After an uncomfortably silent breakfast, Logan ignored his alpha’s instructions regarding showing Jude the grounds. Logan left the house, intent on running alone. He made the tree line surrounding their cabin and was shedding his shirt and shoes when he sensed his brother’s hesitant approach. Logan turned, ready to argue, but Ben just held up his hand and started to strip, as well. The brother’s shifted and let their wolves sniff and reconnect briefly before Logan took off at a fast trot. His brother settled into his normal position just off Logan’s right hip. The sun was halfway up the horizon before they finally shifted back to human forms on the sandy bank of Silver Moon Lake.
Logan threw himself down on his back; hands folded behind his head and felt his skin warm from the sun’s kiss. He felt Ben join him, mimicking his position, and waited for his brother to start talking. Logan knew he was being an ass and he knew exactly why Ben had come with him this morning. He steeled himself for the lecture he could feel coming.
Instead, the brothers lay there for what felt like hours, soaking in the sun and watching the flaming ball of gas as it slowly marched up the horizon. Apparently, Ben was intent on waiting his brother out, no matter how long it took for Logan to finally come to grips with his new reality.
“I didn’t want this, you know,” Logan said, finally giving up on hiding the thoughts swirling like devils through his mind. “I never planned on mating, actually, if you want to know the truth. I did plan on passing on our name through one of the females in the pack, but I was never going to bond with anyone.”
“I never expected that. Why do you want to be alone so much, Logan?” Ben asked.
“I don’t think I ever planned it out that way, really. It just sort of became an unspoken goal somehow. I didn’t want to risk losing anyone like that again, I guess. Besides you, I never wanted that kind of connection to another person again. Honestly, I think if it hadn’t been for you, I would have gone rogue so I didn’t have to risk feeling like that ever again,” Logan admitted.
Ben sat up, one knee bent and turned to look at Logan’s face. Both of them ignored their blatant nudity. The nakedness Logan had just exposed was so much more stark than any exposure of skin could hope to be.
“Shit, Logan. I know you had it hard after Mom and Dad died, but you can’t just give up on life like that. They would hate to know that their deaths had caused you to hide like this. How did I not know you were still hurting so much?” Ben asked, shaking his head as if trying to pretend it wasn’t true.
“I must be a truly terrible brother to have missed this,” Ben murmured, barely loud enough for Logan to hear.
“Ben. Look at me, Ben,” Logan repeated, sitting up alongside his brother and forcing Ben to meet his eyes. When he finally had Ben’s golden eyes trained on his, Logan attempted a smile he knew was a failure.
“It’s not your job to fix me, Ben. I’m the older brother. I’m supposed to take care of you. Not the other way around,” Logan explained. Ben flushed angrily in response.
“Fuck that, Logan! You may be older, but I’m still your brother. You’re supposed to depend on me, too. You can’t keep shutting everyone out, Logan. I mean, so what happens if you finally push Jude away enough that he leaves for real? What are you going to do then? Just shuffle along following the rest of us as we live our lives? Pretending to be happy and slowly dying on the inside as you live this messed up half-life because you turned down your one chance at true happiness? How does that help anything? How is that less painful than taking the risk? Sure, maybe one day something happens and you’ll lose again, but I still think it would be better than not having the chance at all. Don’t you think I worry every day that I’m going to lose Adam somehow? That fucking terrifies me, Logan, but I’ll still be better off than if I’d never found him in the first place.”
Logan had no response, even though he felt the truth of his brother’s words all the way to the center of his soul. They sat side-by-side in silence, until the sound of something rustling in the brush behind them signaled they were no longer alone.
“Adam?” Logan asked. He was almost positive the scent was his brother’s mate, but in his present state of mind, Logan wasn’t certain of anything.
“Yeah. Guess we should head back. It must be close to dinnertime and I need a shower before we go,” Ben said shortly. Not waiting for a response, Logan’s brother shifted back. Logan watched as Ben’s blond wolf located its mate. It wasn’t hard as Adam’s wolf was doing a terrible job of hiding in the thick brush. Adam’s wolf was still so human sometimes, Logan thought to himself. Ben’s wolf clamped its jaws gently over the back of its mate’s neck, reaffirming their connection. The reddish brindle wolf’s tail flagged in a welcoming response.
When Ben’s wolf started to head back home, its mate turned in Logan’s direction as if asking why he wasn’t already moving. Logan sighed dejectedly and let the shift take him. His ebony wolf refused to take its normal position in the lead and the others finally headed off, accepting Logan’s need for solitude right then.
Ben and Adam shifted once they reached the edge of the clearing and silently shuffled back into their clothing. The sad howl that sounded from deep in the woods was unmistakably Logan’s and Ben pulled his mate close hiding any evidence of the tears trying to fall.
“I got you, babe. It’s okay. I got you,” Adam comforted as he let his mate fall apart.
Chapter 23
Jude
Logan and his brother stayed gone for what felt like forever and Jude was surprisingly thankful for the distance. He was pretty certain Logan was done running, but honestly, if his mate took off it really wouldn’t be much different than the distance Logan forced between them now. Jude had to reign in his tiger several times that day as it paced just under the surface, desperate to hunt down its missing mate. Jude knew nothing could do more damage to their tenuous connection than letting his tiger loose right now.
Jude thought back to the havoc he’d been able to wreck in mere housecat form. That was nothing compared to what his tiger would do if he decided his true mate was at stake. The beast had no compunction when it came to Logan. It had made its mind up months ago that Logan belonged to him and nothing was ever going to get in the way of that, regardless of what his more sensible side allowed. If Jude let his control slip for an instant, he was certain his more primal half would be dragging Logan off to a cave somewhere and the claim would be complete whether Logan agreed or not.
“Fuck, maybe I should just let him have his way. At least then Logan would stop denying he’s our mate,” Jude said to himself. He chucked the idea instantly, though, certain if he forced a claim on Logan, the other shifter would never forgive him. As stubborn as Logan was proving to be, Jude couldn’t imagine the horror of such an unhappy pairing being forced on both of them. While their bodies and animals would be accepting, their human hearts and minds would never give up the fight. Jude considered that picture of the future to be a fate worse than death.
Jude looked around the room and catalogued his mate one more time. He blew out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and steadied himself for what he knew he had to do. He pulled out the picture of Izzy’s fetus from his wallet and stared at it in wonder until his vision blurred. He turned the picture over and wrote on the back, leaving the note face down on the desk where Logan would easily find it. Jude shouldered his full backpack and put one foot in front of the other, refusing to allow himself to look back again. His tiger paced and roared just under the surface, but Jude pushed the beast down and kept walking.
“Where you going, Tiger?” the ginger wolf manning the gate challenged when Jude approached.
“Kieran, right?” Jude asked. When the other man only crossed his arms over his chest defensively, Jude figured smal
l talk was overrated anyway.
“Can you open the gate please, Kieran or whatever your name is? My business here is done.” The ginger snorted in derision and reached behind him to trigger the gate release.
“Figured you were a fraud. No way could a tiger be Logan’s mate,” Kieran said. Jude refused to give the ginger the satisfaction of an answer. Instead he hiked his backpack up a little more on one shoulder and walked through the gate. When it slid shut almost silently behind him, Jude’s heart shattered but he kept walking. When the sun was down past the horizon, his windblown thumb finally snagged a long-haul trucker bound north. Jude didn’t really care where it was going. As long as it was heading away from here, it would be a start.
“I’ve been alone before. I can be alone again. Like a walk in the park,” Jude muttered under his breath.
“You say something?” the beefy trucker asked. Jude shot the man what he hoped was a reassuring smile, sans teeth. He couldn’t go freaking out the first person willing to stop in hours.
“Just talking to myself, man. Thanks again for the ride. I was starting to think I was camping outdoors tonight,” Jude said conversationally. The trucker seemed pacified and started telling Jude his life story apparently. After the second wife, Jude stopped pretending to listen; letting the guy also pretend they were having some bonding moment. He figured the guy must be pretty lonely driving to nowhere and back day in and day out. It couldn’t hurt to let the guy talk and it helped tune out the buzzing in Jude’s brain anyway.