by Pene Henson
The lounge chair creaks as Claudie sits down.
“Me too. Oh. Also. Your girlfriend called.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Lien says immediately. She frowns out at the one star in the evening sky.
“Whatever you reckon. But she called anyway. She hadn’t heard from you and she was worried. Which is kind of fair, Li.” Guilt sours her stomach. “I told her what happened, where you were. She was… horrified. And I think pretty hurt that she hadn’t heard from you. I passed it off like you didn’t have a phone.”
“Which I don’t. Not with her number.”
“Yeah, okay. But, Lien, I know I don’t have much in common with her, but she’s a nice kid. Don’t—”
“I know. Okay.” Her irritation with him is unreasonable but sharp.
“She thinks she’s your girlfriend.”
Lien swallows. “Beau. I know. Stop.”
Claudie’s in the lounge chair, right where she was when Lien took the call. She’s facing away as Lien hangs up and sits beside her. Lien bends toward her, but somehow Claudie puts a tiny space between them. Lien swallows.
“Who’s not your girlfriend?” Claudia asks. Her voice has an edge.
Lien turns to face her directly. She keeps her voice light. “Oh. Back in Sydney. This girl—” She shrugs. “It’s nothing.”
Claudie’s eyes are quick. “This girl—?”
“This girl I’m kind of seeing. But—”
Claudie draws back. “This girl you’re seeing? This girl you were seeing?” All her emphasis is on the “were.”
Lien blinks. “Like I said to Beau, she and I, we’re not girlfriends. He knows that. I know that. Things are different in the city. It was just—It’s a casual thing.”
Claudie’s back is straight. “Does the girl know it’s so casual?”
“Well. Yeah.” Lien must sound dubious because Claudia’s eyes narrow.
“When did you last ‘see’ her?” Claudie shifts to the edge of the chair and swings her feet to the floor.
“There’s nothing wrong here,” Lien says. She feels guilty, sure, but Claudie’s being weird about this. “You don’t get how things are. This is—”
Claudie’s voice presses in. “When did you last see this girl?”
“It was the night before I left to come here.” Lien can’t stop her voice from rising. “Hey. You can’t be jealous. I hadn’t even met you then, Claudie.”
Claudie stands. She steps back, avoiding looming over Lien. Lien stands anyway and they face one another. Claudie’s an annoying couple of inches taller.
“This isn’t about jealousy. It’s about honesty. Not just with me. Does this girl know you’re casually not her girlfriend?”
Lien presses her lips together, caught between the unfairness of this conversation, the frustration of not being able to make it all clear to Claudie, and the way she wants to be blameless here and is pretty sure she’s not, not completely. “No. I never said. But Claudie, she shouldn’t expect—We’ve never talked about it. She’s never said we are girlfriends either.”
Claudie’s eyes flash.
“This is not a problem,” Lien says. “You’re being unreasonable.”
“How long have the two of you been ‘not-girlfriends’?”
Lien sighs. “About two months. Almost three.”
Claudie takes a breath. “Three months.”
“Like I said, you need to believe me. We’re not girlfriends,” says Lien.
Claudie’s silent, deflated now, but the air between them is still charged. Her voice is low and tight as she says, “Look, it’s not my business.”
Lien can’t bring herself to answer.
They have the chili for dinner. It’s been on the stovetop through the day, cooking beans and vegetables and spices. It smells good, but Lien’s not really hungry. Claudie hands Lien a plate and a fork.
“Thank you,” Lien says.
“Do you want lime?”
“Yes, please.” Lien longs to break this all apart, get everything back the way it was. She’d love to reach out and touch Claudie, but Lien’s angry too, under the surface. She can’t work out what to say.
They don’t sit at the table. Claudie stands in the kitchen to eat. Lien takes one of the chairs. The meal is separated, polite but mostly silent and uncomfortable. Lien’s been looking forward to it all day as the smell of cooking filled the cabin. She can’t enjoy it anymore.
“I’ll wash up,” Lien says as she finishes.
Claudie nods her thanks. “I appreciate it.”
As they pass in the kitchen Claudie’s arm brushes against Lien’s. Lien holds still.
Doing the dishes is steadying: the repetition, the quiet of the world outside, and the regular clatter of the dishes in the sink. Afterward, Lien approaches Claudie, who’s taken up a position at the window. Claudie’s hair is pulled back. Her face is outlined in silver. Lien longs to trace her jawline.
“Hey,” Lien says. “I’m sorry.”
Claudie turns. Her smile is tight but it almost reaches her eyes. She holds up her hands. “It’s not my business. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“No,” says Lien. “But I could have dealt with it better. I should have told you before. It honestly didn’t enter my head. But I guess it should have.” She stands with Claudie, keeping space between them. “Claudie. I’ll be out of here in the morning,” she says. “Please. I’d hate to leave things the way they are now. It’s our last night.”
Claudie fixes her with a clear gray gaze.
“Damn it,” breathes Claudie. She moves toward Lien, stumbles forward to kiss her. Lien almost moans with relief. She twines her arms around Claudie’s neck and kisses her back.
They kiss in front of the window for a minute, another minute, with their mouths open and desperate. It’s not glamorous. They butt noses; Lien’s hot and sweaty and wearing something that was washed in a sink, and yet somehow Lien has everything she wants right now.
“Bed,” says Claudie. Her voice is rough. “Please.”
She pulls Lien across the room by one hand. They’re still kissing as they open the netting and tumble onto the bed. Lien forgets how low the mattress is, it seems as though they both do, and they thud uncomfortably one after the other. Lien laughs a little, breathless. Claudie kisses her again. Lien moans. She’s embarrassed and overwhelmed and brightly greedy for everything Claudie’s offering.
Claudie rolls Lien onto her back. Her hands are sure as she unbuckles Lien’s belt, then unbuttons the safari suit. The front falls open. Lien sits up a little to let Claudie tug it from her shoulders. She lifts her hips. Claudie slides the suit down Lien’s body with impressive efficiency. Lien’s ankles get caught up in it but she kicks one leg and pushes it off with her toes. Claudie moves up the bed on her hands and knees and looks down at Lien. Her eyes meet Lien’s; her pupils are wide and black.
“Fuck.” Claudie breathes. “Fuck. I want you—”
Lien wets her lips with her tongue. “You’ve got me. Anything,” she says.
“Stay there.” Claudie hops up. Lien listens to the water run in the bathroom. When Claudie returns, her hands are cool and just-washed on Lien’s skin. She places a tube of lube on the bed, then kneels over Lien and kisses Lien’s mouth as her fingers blindly press against Lien’s mound, seeking. Her fingers push inside where Lien’s body is warm and wet.
“I want to be inside you,” Claudie says.
“You are.” Lien half moans as she looks up. She wants everything. “Please, Claudie.”
Claudie presses two fingers farther inside Lien, cool and blunt against Lien’s heat. “God. I want to be so deep inside you.”
Lien blinks, turned on as much by the thought of Claudie wanting her as the movement of her capable fingers against Lien’s insides. Lien lets her legs drop apart and rocks up to draw Claudie’
s fingers deeper into her. Claudie curls her fingers around and stretches Lien open.
Lien drops one hand down to her own clit and rubs tight circles against it. Her body tightens in response.
“Hey. Gentle,” says Claudie. “Not yet. I need you to relax for me. Unless you want to come first?”
Lien swallows. “No. I want this.” She can’t help but moan as she lifts her fingers away. She strokes her own mound comfortingly and lets the other hand fall to the bed.
“You’re amazing,” Claudie says. “Beautiful, beautiful.” She presses a third finger inside. Her breath tightens as Lien rolls her hips up. “More?”
“Yes.”
Claudie pulls her fingers out of Lien. They come free with a slick noise and Lien exhales. Claudie uncaps the lube, and pours a generous amount onto her fingers and over her knuckles.
Lien shudders, then shudders again as Claudie pushes her fingers inside. They go in easily this time, with Lien already wide open and the fingers cool and slippery with lube. When Claudie slips her pinkie in to the tip her knuckles press hard against Lien’s opening.
Lien gasps. Claudie traces her thumb across Lien’s clit, easing the ache. Lien’s hips flutter up against her.
“Do you,” Claudie pauses, swallows. “Do you want my fist inside you?”
Lien nods. She can’t speak.
“Have you done this before?”
“No, but I’ve read about it.”
Claudie half laughs, but the twinkle and the unconcealed lust in Claudie’s eyes make it impossible for Lien to feel silly for long. “Okay. Okay. We’re going to take this slow, sweetheart. Can you relax for me?”
“God, yes,” Lien manages. She drops her legs farther apart to give Claudie more room.
It’s almost not like sex, lying with her legs spread wide, so much time to think, breathing steadily as Claudie presses forward, pushes her whole hand farther and farther inside her. It smells like sex. Lien’s body is coiled like sex, but the act is pre-planned. It’s slow. It’s a thinking kind of sex. Lien works out how her body opens up, works out whether she can take the whole of Claudie’s hand, considers how to shift her hips.
“I’m going to fold my hand up a bit, make it long and thin,” says Claudie. The muscles strain in her arm. “You’ll be fine; you can take this. I promise.”
Lien runs her right hand down to stroke at her clit again. She wants to be wetter. Claudie draws her hand out and adds more lube.
“Don’t tighten up too much, baby. Let go and breathe in for me.”
Lien breathes in.
“Then out. You’ll open up for me.” Claudie places her free hand on Lien’s chest. Its weight is certain and steadying. Lien is owned, held fast, caught between the hand pressed on her chest and the hand stretching her open. Her body is at once powerful and longing for more.
Claudie presses her knuckles forward, making gentle controlled pushes against Lien’s opening. Her arm muscles are taut. She twists her hand. Every measured movement creates a wave of motion through Lien’s whole abdomen. Lien rocks up into it and takes another breath. She exhales. It seems impossible, there’s no way this will work, but then Claudie’s knuckles twist and there’s a soft wet pop. Lien gasps, amazed. She’s filled. It’s unbearable and perfect. “God, stay still,” Lien says. “Don’t—”
“I won’t. I won’t move.” Lien opens her eyes to Claudie. Lust and tenderness mesh in Claudie’s eyes. “I’ve got you,” Claudie says. “I’ve got you. Breathe, sweetheart.”
Lien releases her breath. Claudie pushes a fraction farther in, the base of her hand moving right inside Lien. “Okay. My hand’s curled into a fist,” Claudie says, “All the way inside you.” Lien only vaguely understands the words. Her body is focused fully on Claudie’s hand stretching and filling her. Lien relaxes, takes a breath and lets her body fall into this feeling. She rolls her hips a fraction, just a tiny, testing movement. Claudie’s fist sends waves of pressure through her belly and back toward her spine.
Claudie hums with pleasure. “God. You’re so good. I’m so deep inside you, you incredible thing.”
Lien keeps her eyes fixed on Claudie’s and rolls her hips again. Claudie’s breath shudders from her. Every movement either of them makes is enormous. It swells inside Lien. The slightest shift takes over her whole body. Her nerves are alight with Claudie’s touch.
Claudie moves her free hand to cup Lien’s breast and stroke it. Lien lets Claudie wash over her.
They stay like that, Claudie on her knees, for a long few minutes. “Are you ready for more?” Claudie asks. Her voice is rough.
Lien can only nod.
Claudie rocks her fist into Lien; her shoulders shift forward in tight, perfect thrusts. Lien spreads her legs farther and lets Claudie move impossibly deeper, filling Lien’s lower body.
Lien moans, walking that thin line between mindless pleasure and focus. Her hips roll instinctively. “I’m going to come,” she says on another low moan. “God. Fuck.” She rolls her hips again and can’t stop herself burbling meaningless words. Her voice is low but rising with her pleasure. When she comes, it tumbles over her; she keens into the room and her hips thrust upward onto Claudie’s hand. Her mind breaks apart.
She settles down, her eyes on Claudie’s as if she’s anchored there. Claudie leans forward into a kiss. Her lips are soft on Lien’s, her tongue laps inside Lien’s mouth. Lien closes her eyes as Claudie shifts back.
“I’m going to pull out of you,” Claudie says.
“Okay,” Lien breathes.
Claudie turns her hand and slowly draws out, slowly, slowly. There’s a soft sucking. Lien sobs at the loss of all that sensation deep inside her. Claudie keeps kissing her and murmuring against her skin as Lien sobs.
“You amazing girl, you did so well,” says Claudie. “You’re wonderful.”
Lien settles against Claudie’s chest. Claudie’s still dressed, and Lien whimpers a protest as her cheek presses against rough cotton. “You should be naked,” Lien murmurs.
“I’ll take them off while you pee,” Claudie says. “Go on.”
When Lien’s back, they curl close in the bed, tangled with one another.
Later, Lien wakes. Claudie’s naked beside her. Lien reaches out to kiss her and Claudie blinks open her eyes. She’s drowsy and desirable. Lien slides down to curl beside Claudie’s hips and buries her nose in Claudie’s thick curls. She traces a line with her tongue up Claudie’s slit, tasting, then flattens her tongue and laps tiny pressing licks over and over Claudie’s clit, while Claudie writhes beneath her.
Lien opens her eyes. The early morning light slants through the narrow window. Its brightness is filtered by the netting around the bed and falls soft and golden across Claudie’s shoulders. Lien closes her eyes. She can’t welcome the morning, however pretty it is. Morning means she is going to leave this quiet bubble that’s separate from any of the ordinary concerns of time and space and having more than one outfit.
“Hey,” Claudie whispers.
Lien opens her eyes and turns to meet Claudie’s gaze. She tamps down her nerves.
“Good morning,” Lien says. She arches her back between Claudie’s sheets. Her body is gloriously alive and aching. She’s worried, sure. Nothing will be the same by the afternoon. But right now, next to this gorgeous woman and lit by a pale yellow dawn, she’s going to enjoy this one moment.
Claudie stretches beside her. “Good morning.” Her eyes are scrunchy with sleep. Her body is long, and her shoulders are wide, and her skin is lovely.
Lien doesn’t resist. She rolls close to Claudie. She kisses Claudie’s shoulder and sucks against it. Claudie lets out an undignified little squeak. Lien grins against her skin, then pulls her body up to kiss Claudie’s jawline and the edge of her mouth. Her breasts are pressed against Claudie’s bare skin.
Claudie rolls into Lien. Her body
is soft and warm against the mattress. Lien runs her thumb around Claudie’s nipple. It hardens to the touch, and Lien cups her breast with one hand, supporting the weight of it while sliding the other hand down Claudie’s body to stroke between her legs. Claudie moans and arches her back. She murmurs, “Please, please, please.” Lien never wanted anything as much as she wants Claudie’s helpless “please.” She kisses the words away and brings Claudie, begging, to orgasm. As Claudie’s breathing slows, Lien rubs herself, sleepy and slick, against Claudie’s thigh. The building pleasure explodes through her nerves and up and down her limbs. Lien doesn’t want to ever leave.
Later in the morning, when she’s a little more awake, Lien stares at the ceiling. Claudie holds her hand. She takes a tiny breath as though she has something to say, but stays silent.
Lien turns her head to Claudie. “I guess I’ll be—I’ll get someone to collect me?” she asks before Claudie can speak.
Claudie winces. She closes her eyes.
“I can take you.” Her voice breaks from her.
“Claudie—” Lien says. She doesn’t finish.
“I know. I know. But—”
“But?”
“It’s not a good idea. This whole thing between us wouldn’t make any sense in real life. We’re at such different places. You’re in Sydney; you’re a big city girl. And I’m here. I’m staying here.”
Lien says, “I’m not asking you to move, Claudie.”
Claudie shakes her head. “You’re the center of a scene that’s all big nights out and this social media stuff I don’t even understand. You have casual relationships. Your life works with that.”
“But it’s not as though I can’t do serious.” Lien doesn’t mention that she’s never tried. “I know you’re worried about that. But Nic and I, we weren’t exclusive. And then I met you, and that was it. This thing between us was never casual.”
“We were trapped in a cabin after an intense situation.”
Lien’s words rush out. “It wasn’t about being trapped. Or the rescue. I met you, and there was this instant connection. I’ve never had that before. Not like that. I want to tell you everything and hear everything you want to say. I want to touch you. Every time I look at you the whole world goes silent. It’s different, and I just want a chance. I think we could be something to one another. I’d love to try.”