For the Sake of Love

by Chrissie Loveday

  ‘This magazine job is much too stressful for you and baby,’ the midwife had told her, as she neared her time. Besides, she felt distinctly unwell and needed some rest. Her Editor, the oh-so perfect Penelope Withenshaw, had been unsympathetic.

  ‘Of course you’re entitled to maternity leave, darling,’ she’d said in a tone that had disapproval dripping from it. ‘Just make sure you’re back in the fold preferably within days. If you’re to be of any use at all, you need to be able to whizz off anywhere at a moment’s notice.’

  ‘But Penelope,’ she began.

  ‘I don’t have “but” in my vocabulary. Of course, if it’s a problem . . .’

  The woman had no heart. Or understanding. She who knew nothing about children. Not that Amanda knew much but the learning curve was steep and fast.

  ‘I’ll do my best to find adequate child care.’

  ‘Adequate doesn’t come close, darling. Get it sorted or I’ll have to appoint one of the many dozens of girls just waiting in the wings.’

  Where on earth would she find the sort of childcare that Penelope was demanding? Did it even exist and if it did, how could she afford it? Would she be happy with someone else bringing up her precious baby?

  Her future as a single parent was beginning to look bleaker by the minute. Ingenuously, she had believed she would be able to work from home and send in her material from there. Penelope would not hear of it. Her Editor sat in her large air-conditioned office, immaculate as ever and quite implacable.

  ‘You need to be here. On the ball. Ready to follow up leads and catch the celebs when and wherever they are. If you don’t want to do the job . . .’

  ‘Of course I want the job. I love it and you know I’m good at it.’

  ‘Yes, I’ll grant you that. You certainly have the knack of getting close and asking the right questions. But just lately, you’re letting this . . . this pregnancy,’ said with a hateful sneer, ‘become the most important thing on your mind.’

  Of course this baby was filling Amanda’s mind, as well as her life.

  Did Penelope totally live and breathe her magazine, Personal, Amanda wondered? It seemed to be the only family, lover, life she needed. Nobody had ever heard her speak of anything or anyone else in her life. Never seen without perfect makeup and elegant clothes, she was totally chic. Amanda felt positively frumpy, despite the most stylish maternity clothes she could lay her hands on. Her complexion and hair looked good she knew, but there still remained the ever increasing middle section.

  By now, all the staff in the office had heard the full story. She had worked terribly hard to ensure that nobody wrote a further episode of her story in the magazine. Several of them had offered, suggesting that Sacha might hear about it and come back. They had even offered her a fee for her side of the story. She remained adamant and luckily, on this occasion, they had listened. Though professionally she had retained her maiden name, she had sometimes, allowed herself to think of her married name. She assumed that Sacha had never gone ahead with his threats to divorce her. Could one be divorced without knowing? She doubted it.

  Whether it was the strain of her situation or some other cause, Amanda’s blood pressure rocketed and the midwife insisted she stopped working and take plenty of rest. Her loyal friend Jenny was a frequent visitor and spent as much of the weekend with her as she could spare. Together, they had shopped for the baby things she needed. They had found several second hand bargains for the larger items and decorated the tiny box room ready for the baby.

  ‘I don’t know how you think you can still manage to work. Have you ever spent time with a new baby? Do you know how long it takes to do even the simplest thing?’ Jenny had a much younger sister and had been fully aware of the problems after she was born. ‘Even going to the shop becomes a major expedition with all the stuff you have to take.’

  ‘I’ll manage,’ Amanda said through gritted teeth. ‘Maybe I can sell some articles to other magazines. Go freelance or something. Work from home.’

  ‘I’m going to cook something for you then I really have to go. I’ve got a couple of assignments that need completing before Monday.’

  ‘I can manage. You go off. Thanks very much for coming round. I can easily heat up some soup.’

  ‘Nonsense. You need proper nourishment. You look totally wiped out.’

  Amanda lay back on her sofa. Jenny was right. She felt totally wiped out. She nibbled away at the omelette that her friend had provided but she didn’t feel like eating. Only to herself could she admit that she just wanted the whole business over with.

  ‘Oh Sacha, have I been selfish in not letting you share this?’ she murmured. How much she would have loved to see him just once more. Just looking at his photograph made her loneliness so much worse.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  With a whole raft of emotions running through her mind, Jenny dialled the number she had saved so many weeks ago. Her fingers trembled as she dialled. Amanda would be furious if she knew but she felt that it was the only thing to do. Sacha had the right to know he was about to become a father and her friend seriously needed help. She was unwell, depressed and if she wasn’t coping at this point, she certainly wouldn’t manage after the birth. She was due in a couple of weeks and there was little time left for everything to be sorted out.

  The phone was answered. It was a woman who spoke rapid French. Jenny tried hard to remember just a glimmer of French from her school days but she had always failed miserably at languages.

  ‘S’il vous plait,’ she managed. ‘Je needs to speak . . . to parler . . . to Sacha.’ She spoke very loudly and slowly as if that could make up for her lack of language.

  ‘Non. Pas possible.’

  ‘But it’s urgent. Are you his mother?’ Heavens, she thought, perhaps it’s a new girl friend or something. After all, it was his mobile phone. ‘If you are his mother, then you should know you are about to become a grandparent. Please ask him to call me. I am Jenny, a friend of Amanda’s. My number is . . .’ She gave her a string of digits, wondering if she was even being in any way understood.’

  The woman at the other end switched off the phone. Jenny stared at the instrument in her own hand.

  ‘That went well.’ She could only try again at another time. She felt herself breathing hard with the anti-climax of it all. Maybe she was doing the wrong thing after all. This was a sign. Interfering was something she was often accused of by her own family. Perhaps this what was what she was being told. All day, she tormented herself with the thought that she should try again. Several times, she picked up the phone to dial but replaced it. Maybe the female who answered was a new lady in Sacha’s life. Maybe she hadn’t actually understood what Jenny had said. Her phone rang. She leapt on it.

  ‘Hi Jen. You busy?’

  ‘Oh, Amanda. No, not really. Are you all right?’

  ‘Sort of. Just felt like speaking to another human being. Sorry, I’m just being a total wimp aren’t I?’

  ‘Course not. I’ll come round after work. Maybe we could go to see a film. Take you out of yourself for a while. Rest up during the day and look to see what’s on near you.’

  ‘Thanks Jen but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Sorry, I shouldn’t have disturbed you at work. How’s everyone?’

  ‘Fine. Penelope is her usual charming self. Better go. I’ll see you later.’ Amanda was clearly feeling down and needed cheering up. If she couldn’t get hold of Sacha, then maybe she needed to organise something. Maybe a baby shower would be a good idea. She went into overdrive for the rest of the morning and got the other girls involved. Everyone agreed to buy something for the baby and they would all go round to Amanda’s flat the next evening. Even Penelope agreed to make a contribution and offered to buy a few bottles of wine. Not exactly what a mum to be needs but the rest of them could enjoy a bit of a party. She dialled Sacha’s number once more but there was no reply. She had done her best. Half an hour later, her own phone rang.

  ‘Hello? Someone from this nu
mber called me. I recognised the London number. Is that you Amanda?’

  ‘Sacha? This is Jenny, Amanda’s friend.’

  ‘Is something wrong with Amanda? Did you call before? My mother took a call from England recently but she speaks little English. She only told me this morning when I said someone had again called my number.’

  ‘Amanda is unwell. Look, this will be a shock. She is about to have a baby. Your baby, of course.’

  ‘My baby?’ He muttered something in French that was quite incomprehensible to Jenny. ‘You mean I am going to be a father?’

  ‘Yes, you are.’

  ‘But when? It is many months since I was with ma chère Amanda.’

  ‘It’s due very soon. She’s at home, feeling unwell and rather depressed.’

  ‘But why did she not tell me this so important news? Does she hate me so very much?’

  ‘She loves you Sacha. She didn’t tell you about the baby because she was afraid that you would take pity on her. Feel obliged to help her. And then you might feel trapped into something you didn’t want.’

  ‘I was selfish. At the time we were together, I was so shocked that she didn’t tell me the truth about her work. I thought at first that she was only using me for a story. I should have understood. I should have known that someone as open as she was, did truly love me. I have been so stupid. I have finished playing tennis. I stay at my parents’ family home.’

  ‘Yes, I know. You called Amanda’s phone one day and I answered it. You didn’t give me a chance to explain that I wasn’t her.’

  ‘And did you tell her that I had given up tennis?’

  ‘I . . .well . . . no. I haven’t told her. She was always too upset whenever your name was mentioned. She thought you may have divorced her without her knowing.’

  ‘So why have you called me now?’

  ‘Because I thought you should know. I thought you might want to see her again. You might even want to be a parent.’

  There was a long silence. ‘Sacha?’

  ‘Yes. I am thinking. As you say it, is a big shock. I need some time to think. Amanda did not tell me herself so I have to decide if she really wants me to know. To be a part of her life and that of my child. Thank you Jenny. Look after her for me.’

  Jenny now faced a new dilemma. Should she confess her interference or wait to see what happened? She decided to wait. No point in raising her friend’s hopes. Or maybe incurring her friend’s wrath? For now, she would concentrate on organising the baby shower. In fact, she began putting some notes together. This could even make a story, if things went well and Sacha came back. A few photographs taken at the time would not go amiss and Amanda might like to have a record of the occasion. She was becoming as bad as Penelope, Jenny decided.

  It was hard to keep the secrets from Amanda that evening.

  ‘What are you up to?’ Amanda asked. ‘You’ve got something going on, haven’t you?’ They had gone to the cinema after all and she felt better for the change of scene.

  ‘One or two of the girls thought they might call round tomorrow after work. Is that okay?’

  ‘I suppose so but I’m not much company at the moment.’

  ‘You’re right. You’re a miserable old fogy and need cheering up. We’ll be over around seven so make sure you’re dressed in something other than that old dressing gown you inhabit most of the time.’

  ‘Thanks Jen. You’re a good mate.’

  * * *

  All the next day, Amanda rested. She knew she had to be ready for the girls and got herself showered and changed in good time. She tidied the flat and wondered if she ought to get some drinks and nibbles organised. But it was too late. Someone was already at the door. Jenny came in, laden with bags and boxes.

  ‘What on earth?’

  ‘It’s a baby shower. We’re having a party. Everyone’s coming. Now, get the glasses out of this box and give them a wipe.’

  ‘But I haven’t got anything in. No food or anything.’

  ‘Course you haven’t. I’ve brought everything. Even Penelope coughed up for the booze and half the food. Come on. Get yourself into gear. They’ll be here soon.’ She opened a black sack and a forest of silver, pink and blue balloons floated out.

  ‘Oh Jenny, what can I say? Did you know about this last night?’

  ‘Course I did. That’s why I warned you to get out of that scraggy old dressing gown. You look half decent tonight. Now, oven on please. There are various savouries to be warmed up.’

  Within half an hour, eight of her old friends had arrived, all carrying parcels wrapped in pretty baby paper. Amanda was near to tears as she opened packages with trendy little outfits, suitable for a boy or girl. There was a basket of baby toilet products and several tiny stuffed toys. Someone had even brought a giant pack of disposable nappies, causing some hilarity.

  ‘They are all so gorgeous, thank you.’

  ‘Let’s drink a toast to the safe arrival of the new little Derry.’

  ‘Safe arrival of the new little Derry,’ they said raising their glasses. Amanda downed her cranberry juice, thinking it might be nice to enjoy a glass of wine again.

  There were many questions which she now felt able to answer truthfully. ‘How could she get married so secretly and not tell anyone?’ they wondered.

  ‘It made it even more special somehow. Nobody knew anything, not even our parents. I suppose they never will.’

  ‘Cheer up. You’re soon going to have a gorgeous baby. Lucky you.’

  ‘Suppose it isn’t gorgeous. It might have my nose and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.’

  ‘Rubbish, you’re gorgeous and Sacha is an absolute dream on legs. I could take up watching tennis just to enjoy the view.’

  ‘Oh, he’s given up tennis,’ Jenny blurted out without thinking.

  ‘How on earth do you know that?’ her friend demanded. Jenny blushed scarlet and looked very uncomfortable. She drew a deep breath, wondering if she could get away with a half truth.

  ‘I answered your phone one day in the office. It was Sacha calling to tell you he was going back to France to work in his family vineyard. I couldn’t get a single word in before he hung up again.’

  ‘And you never told me?’

  ‘There seemed little point. You’d never mentioned to me that you’d ever spoken again and he was angry enough to think you didn’t care.’

  The silence that followed was difficult. She pulled herself together and said brightly,

  ‘I’m sorry, please help yourselves to food and more drink. Come on everyone, this is a party. Do you think a tiny glass of that bubbly would harm me? Just to welcome junior here?’

  She held out her glass and someone poured her a tiny helping. Seeing how weary she looked, the others began to clear up the plates and glasses and tidy away everything they could before they drifted off.

  ‘Thank you all so very much. It’s been a great fun evening and really good to see you and I love all the presents. It makes it all seem much more real now and I’m really thrilled to think my baby will have so many aunties.’ They kissed her good night and wished her luck and eventually Jenny was left alone with her.

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sacha going back to France. He said he knew he would never be good enough to win any major tournaments and he had split with his coach or something.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘Do you still want me to be your birth partner? I shall understand if you’ve changed your mind and would rather have someone else.’

  ‘Of course I do Jenny. Who else could I have? It’s not so long now. You know, after tonight, I think I’m beginning to look forward to it, so much more. Thank you again for bringing everyone here. I think I needed the boost of friendship.’

  * * *

  As she alone lay in her bed, her mind was racing. She had been keeping secrets for so long it was a relief that she could tell people the truth. But there were still her parents who knew nothing of the massive events in her lif
e this year.

  They lived in Spain and she had simply avoided telling them anything and nor had she visited them. It was always easy to claim that she was too busy and never had enough time. They would be shocked to the core to find that she had married and that they were about to be grandparents.

  She had decided to wait until after the birth. She tossed and turned, trying in vain to get comfortable. The ache in her back was awful. Her stomach felt tight and made her feel short of breath. She should never have had that sip of wine. She got up and walked around the flat. The first contraction struck her.

  ‘Oh heavens. I shall never drink again.’ The pain stopped only to be replaced some minutes later. Her brain suddenly clicked into gear. It was the baby coming. How could she have been so dense?

  Quickly she dialled Jenny who promised she would come back immediately. She lived only a short distance away so it should be a matter of minutes. Her teaching from the ante-natal classes found its way back into her mind and she began to follow her instructions.

  She put her bag into the hall and waited for Jenny. She would travel to the hospital in her car rather than call for an ambulance. Plenty of time. Hospital. She needed to call the hospital to tell them she was coming. But the next contraction began and she had to sit down for a moment. Where was Jenny?

  She dialled the number she had written in large letters and left stuck above the phone.

  ‘Hello? I think my baby’s started to arrive. I shall be coming in soon.’ She gave them all her details and then waited for her friend to arrive feeling a bit of a mixture of both apprehension and excitement.

  ‘I’m here,’ Jenny called. ‘You might have let me have more than two hours sleep. Never mind. All in a good cause. All set?’

  ‘You all right? You seem even more tense than I am.’

  ‘I’m fine, thanks. I’m just realising this is such a big responsibility. I’m proud you asked me of course but I just hope I can do the job.’

  * * *

  When they arrived at the hospital, it all fell into place. She was examined by the midwife, who confirmed that she had certainly begun her labour but there was still a long way to go.