Patrick was aware that the main buzz at the party was the presence of Jessie and Josh. Add Jacob to the mix, and everyone’s curiosity was over the top. Somewhat bored pouring wine and mixing drinks, Patrick took advantage of his peripheral position and was as interested and watchful as everyone else. Now, with the two men in his corner, an electrical buzz almost a visible sizzling blue current between them, he decided to apprise Matt. All hired staff was instructed to contact the security chief should any unforeseen tension arise. And so, after providing Jacob with a pint of Irish stout, Patrick surreptitiously grabbed his smartphone from its hiding place behind a Kahlua bottle and punched in a terse message.
poolside bar eyes pls
Patrick could see Matt across the yard chatting with Jonathon. He was relieved when the sharp-dressed man acknowledged the text and looked his way. Patrick watched as Matt casually placed a hand on Jonathon’s elbow and excused himself. Soon, Matt was reclining coolly on the opposite side of the pool against a white wooden fence, speaking quietly into a wireless mic.
As two sturdy hired bouncers appeared on the perimeter, Josh and Jacob remembered their manners and remained civil, although their conversation was heated.
Jacob started, his eyes intense, flickering from their usual saturated cobalt blue to a shadowed deeper hue as he challenged Josh. He waved the Guinness at him.
“Was Guinness Jessie’s thing with you, or did that tradition start with Charlie?” He knew Josh didn’t drink, but he was trying to come in on top and gain an advantage right from the get-go. Alluding to the actor’s difficult past got him there right off the bat.
Josh was quick to return the favor. “Nah, last I remember of her she was soaked through with Jim Beam. Sodden, even. Glad to see you’ve re-trained her, Ryan.”
His eyebrows narrowing, Jacob frowned and swung back the glass of Guinness. He took a big swig of the heady stout. Josh noticed the musician’s hands trembling as Jacob’s fingers tightened around the beer. Unbeknownst to him, Jacob had spent the entire afternoon trying to figure out when and where to face Josh - this man from Jessie’s past. Jacob’s morbid curiosity grew and grew as the day’s shadows lengthened. It had started fermenting the day he realized exactly which man belonged to the infernal ring of diamonds previously worn endlessly around his girlfriend’s neck and now, Jacob finally faced that man – Josh - in person.
It was a heady sensation, to lock his own searching eyes into the scrutiny of the lover Jessie ached and cried for in her sleep. Part of Jacob wanted to chug the Guinness, throw the heavy mug down on the bar, and stalk out of there, away from the Keatings, away from the pretty Spanish Villa, away from Vancouver. Away from Jessie. But he couldn’t. He was a glutton for punishment where Jessie Wheeler was concerned. He held his ground and faced Josh head on.
“You know,” he drawled, pointing the beer at Josh, “for the longest time I figured the man who belonged to that ring she used to wear around her neck was dead.”
Grimacing, Josh held Jacob’s steady gaze. “Well. I guess that all depends on how you interpret the word dead. Doesn’t it?”
“Touché.”
Josh leaned an elbow on the bar as Patrick stood back, drying a glass with a white towel while nervously watching the interplay between Jessie’s men.
“She’s all yours, Jacob. If that’s what you want to know.”
“I don’t suppose I need you to tell me that. It’s me who warms her bed, Sawyer.”
“Just wondering why else you would be over here, Ryan. Checking me out.”
Unsettled, Jacob switched the beer to his other hand and wiped wet fingers on his jeans. It disturbed him how Josh so easily read his mind and – his fear. “Look, I know where I fit in,” he said with conviction. “I’m not stupid. To be honest, I don’t even know why the hell I’m here.”
Countering, Josh threw in sharply, “Does the name Charles Keating ring a bell?”
“I’m not using her, Sawyer. Anymore than she’s using me, anyway.”
“Yeah well, so you’re her prop, I get that. And you get something out of the little arrangement too, well good for you.”
“You know, you’re kind of an asshole. Just in case you missed that memo.”
“Hey, I’m not the one who’s so insecure he needs confirmation or whatever the hell you want to call it. You want to be with Miss Fucked-up over there? Go for it. She’s all yours.”
He looked over to Jessie who, still bare feet, chunky heels drooping from her left hand, was settling next to Matt across the pool from them, at the east end. Her back against the fence, she was watching with interest. But it was obvious from her slouched demeanor she was still feeling the negative effects of Dee’s attempt to bring her loved ones together in some vainglorious hope of reconciling the past with the present, as if by doing so it would right all the wrongs and once again align the stars.
She met Josh’s eyes before switching her glance to Jacob. She softened, seeing her fellow musician’s shoulders slump. Jessie knew how difficult this was for Jacob, all of this. But hell, he knew damn well what he was getting into that first night, months after John Paul first publicly labeled her Little Miss Sorrow. Not everything, no, but at least it was clearly understood then - and now - that she was, on some level, tied to another man. Yet she suspected Jacob had no idea just how deeply tied, completely imbued even. But those days were over. Josh was crystal clear about where he stood. Jessie had shut him out when it really mattered, and she knew he would always be angry about that, and rightfully so. But still…she would never fully regret her decisions, her choices. He was here, after all, still walking the planet. Pissed and confused as hell, perhaps, but here. Safe.
Feeling a need to suddenly defend Jessie, Jacob pouted in reference to Josh’s statement that Jessie was fucked-up. “I don’t think that’s fair, Sawyer.”
Shrugging, Josh responded firmly. “Just calling it like it is. Ryan.”
“She doesn’t deserve that. She’s not a burden, Josh.”
Josh stiffened. He knew that to be true. But this sucked. This whole situation just simply and plainly sucked. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, revealing to Jacob that he was full of shit with his false bravado and spiteful accusations. That he was as human as Jessie saw him, at least at how Jacob saw Josh reflected in Jessie’s eyes. They held each other’s gaze a moment longer as Jessie silently watched from across the way, hooking her arm through Matt’s and resting her weary head on his strong shoulder.
Josh continued. “I don’t envy you, Jacob. I really don’t. She’s a special woman. She’s got more talent in her baby finger than most people will ever have in their entire bodies. But she’s stubborn and difficult, and troubled. You’ve taken on a lot by getting involved with her.”
“Least of all her attachment to you. I suppose I’ve taken that on as well.”
“Well, if you really feel that way, I’m sorry. But you know where the door is.”
Jacob bristled. “And if I left? What would happen then? I supposed you’d move right in? Take on all of Jessie’s troubles yourself?”
Josh paused, thoughtfully. “I told you I don’t envy you, Jacob. But at the same time…at the same time I hope you don’t walk away from her.”
Suddenly it was crystal clear to Jacob why Jessie was so drawn to this man. Josh was taking the high road now, when Jacob half wished he would just shatter his ginger-ale glass on the ground and raise his fists for a fight. Josh was telling him Jessie needed him. Him. Jacob Ryan.
Well hell, he thought. She sure as hell needs somebody right now. Why shouldn’t it be me?
He nodded. “Okay. All right. But you can’t tell me you’d walk away from her if she needed you.”
“Look, Jacob. My life does not revolve around Jessie Wheeler anymore. There was a time when she was everything to me…” He took a deep breath. Josh could feel his voice breaking and no way was he going to let this day get to him in front of Jessie’s guy. “But I’ve moved on. I have an amazing woman in my life r
ight now, someone who’s got her shit together.” He sighed and stared at his toes for a second. “Sorry. But it’s true.”
Looking up again, he added, “I won’t lie to you, I’ll always love Jessie. I will. But I can’t be with her. She shut me out – hell, she shut everybody out – when she needed us. She refused to talk and now, what the hell? We’re all at risk. We’re wound up so tight waiting for this McCall guy to pounce that we’re all tense, and some of us kind of wish she would have just stayed away, hiding in her little underground cave instead of coming back here and raising all kinds of old shit none of us really want to remember.”
He plunked his half-empty glass down on the bar. Patrick grabbed it, dumped out the liquid and placed it upside down on a large plastic tray.
Jacob could feel Jessie’s eyes on them, watching. He prayed there was no magic way she could hear what Josh was saying about her. It hurt to hear how he really felt, this man whose ring she wore around her neck for so long.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Josh,” Jacob said quietly.
“So am I,” Josh replied truthfully. “But that’s the way it is.” He shrugged and Jacob could hear the weight of his emotions in his voice when he spoke again. “I just want to get on with my life. That’s all. And if Jessie’s with a guy she loves, who loves her back, who plays music with her – which is something she and I never had – then all the power to you. I mean it, Ryan.”
He started to walk away, but then turned over his shoulder and had his final say. “Take care of her. Okay?”
“Yeah,” Jacob said, taken aback. “Okay.”
He watched Josh make his way across the pool deck towards Steve and noticed when Josh passed Jessie that their eyes met. There was so much more at play here now than two people who simply loved each other and the hard choice that stood like a brick wall between them. Instead, there were other things standing between them – time, other people’s hopes and dreams, a constant fear.
Jacob finished his Guinness, his eyes never wavering from Jessie. He saw Matt reach his arm around to give Jessie a little squeeze after Josh left her sight, and even as her shoulders sank and she melted into the white fence, Jacob was relieved that at least all of the responsibility for holding her up didn’t fall to him. Because Josh was right, she was a handful. But she was worth everything, the pain, the loneliness, the hard knowing that he was, and likely always would be, second.
After a moment Jacob gave his empty glass back to Patrick. He could see, in the Korean man’s eyes, an understanding. He nodded a thank you.
“I forgot to tell him Happy Birthday,” he said.
A small grin lifted the corners of Patrick’s lips. “Actually, in a way I kinda think you did.”
Then, as Jacob half-smiled back and turned to go, Patrick screwed up his courage and threw in nervously, “She is worth it, you know.”
Surprised, Jacob turned back to him. “What?”
Patrick gestured towards Jessie. “Jessie Wheeler. She’s worth it. Her music alone is worth it.” He was speaking for all of them, for her fans the world over. “Take care of her. And good luck, man.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Jacob rested a hand on the bar for a second and pondered this guy, someone who was eking out a living as a bartender but who had the wise grace to say what Jacob needed to hear that day.
Jacob turned to go. He sauntered towards Jessie with a new understanding, that yeah she was his problem in a way, but he was given the gift to help her. He knew it wasn’t one sided either. He needed her too. And he was glad of that, the two-way exchange.
When he reached her, he took her hand. “C’mon Jessie, I like this song,” he said gently.
He led his girlfriend to the dance floor. They slow-danced, Jacob’s arms wrapped around Jessie’s shoulders and her face nuzzled into his neck. He could feel her breathy sighs warming his skin, and he was glad to be the one to hold her. Jacob understood the need for solace after Jessie bared her heart so publicly through music that afternoon.
Spying the couple on the dance floor, Dee wondered why Jessie’s dress was dirty, but not much about the singer surprised the luminous Mrs. Keating on that grand day, the day when Jessie finally sang publicly again. For the guests, it had been a long dry spell, that world without Jessie’s music. But what all of them failed to understand was that, by leaking her music into the world – by letting it go – Jessie also leaked an essential part of herself. Now she was depleted, sunken, her face pale once again and the need to self-medicate stronger than ever, at least for the remainder of this difficult day.
Before the party ended, Jacob and Jessie made their exit, but only to her La Casa bedroom upstairs. Laughing drunkenly, before they made their escape she instructed Ulysses to pick them up and drive them home the next day. Then Jessie held Jacob close as he nuzzled her neck and whispered secret promises at the bottom of the stairs.
From the entry foyer where they and their girls, too, were taking their leave, Steve and Josh discreetly watched them, and it destroyed Josh to see where the couple was headed. But as hard as this was, he felt he had made the only possible choice the night he gave Steve the engagement ring, and he knew he must stand by it.
For the last time that day his searching eyes met Jessie’s and he read her mind once again, a few seconds before Jacob pulled her up the grand mahogany staircase.
A wistful smile on her solemn face, she was saying, Despite everything, I know you will come back to me.
Instantly defeated, he caught himself thinking as he watched her go, I know I will, too.
So much for trying to do the right thing.
Josh sighed and turned to hold the door open for Michelle.
Perhaps it was just a matter of how, and when.
***
Chapter Twenty-Six
Two days after the party preparations started with gusto for the make-up concert Jessie promised to give her fans, the one designed to lure Deuce out of hiding. This time Jessie was careful not to miss rehearsals, as she did when things were bad a few summers earlier. She also sat Jacob down and told him no more weed. She doubted she could cut cigarettes out completely, cold turkey, but promised him she’d eventually be cutting that nasty unhealthy habit out as well.
Jacob spent time with Charles in the impressive Robson Street studio while Jessie rehearsed with Priya, Kayla and the other members of the Jessie Wheeler team, most of whom had returned to work with her again under the careful and watchful eye of both the indomitable Deirdre as well as Matt and his dependable security team.
Things progressed along okay for a while, and seemed to be getting back to some sort of new normal when one night Jessie and Jacob met up at Charlie’s Club on Burrard for one of Charlie’s open mics. The concert itself was now a week and a half away, and they wanted to practice a tune she planned to invite Jacob onstage to play with her during the big show. He was excited and wired, and sometimes that was a relief to Jessie, for it meant the feelings she concealed for Josh were less of a hidden lie if Jacob was harboring his own desires.
It was one of those nights when everybody showed up at the club as they often had in the old days. The Drifters crew was smaller, as Sue-Lyn and Carter had returned to their new jobs out of the province, with promises to return for the concert, and so it was Charlie and Jane, Stephen and Sophie, Josh and Michelle, and a single Maggie (her man had flown back to New York to meet his own job obligations) who were hanging around the back corner bar that night.
Unbeknownst to them, Deuce McCall was also present, by virtue of having hired someone to follow Jessie around. The man working with him during those times when he wanted to eyeball Jessie but didn’t dare let himself be seen – just yet – was a squeaky little guy who fell underneath most people’s radar. His name was Hank, and he radiated Vancouver white-collar working class, despite his less than stellar education. But he was smart when it came to multi-media technology; in his twenty-five years of living he had amassed a solid working knowledge of just about every camera on
the market, including tiny lipstick cameras and Full High Definition Go Pros - small boxy cameras with amazing range and resolution. There were two hidden in his bag at the club that night, peeking out from tiny holes aimed towards the Drifters table. He knew he had set his sting operation up with good composition because, although anyone around him thought he was texting and checking email like every other techno dependent geek in the club, in fact he had rigged up his own App to record a live feed of what the cameras were seeing. And so he sat with his back to Jessie and her friends and watched them on his iPhone, and fed the cameras’ images to Deuce at the same time.
Josh was intrigued by the presence of Jessie and Jacob’s guitars. He couldn’t deny that he was always keen to see Jessie play, although he preferred to watch her alone and not in Jacob’s company. He had heard through his bubbly sister Kayla that Jessie’s new original music was as magical as ever. Michelle was at the open mic out of simple curiosity – Jessie was a constant source of interest and entertainment, not all of it favorable.
When the couple took the stage, introduced by swanky stylish host Carl, the club fell silent, and Hank adjusted his voyeuristic bag on the bar.
The ballad they chose to play was mesmerizing, their voices perfectly suited to each other, the music haunting, and the lyrics simple and real.
One day my soul will sing through the clouds
And you won’t hear me
Memories of life go on
We went down to the darkest of shores
I lost track of time
You lost track of yours
Shadows that plague the spirits and sea
Will all be forgotten in our memory…
When they finished playing, their eyes still glued to each other, lost in the ethereal abyss where music has the power to take you when you’re willing to go there, the club remained silent. The spell was broken when Jacob blushed and leaned forward to kiss Jessie on the soft lips that so frankly sang of love and loss, captivating an entire club, only moments before.
No Greater Love Page 29