Where was all this coming from?
“You’ve felt this way all this time, Darlin’?” I hoped to God she hadn’t. These secrets were behind us. Or, at least, that’s what I thought.
“Y-yeah.” She whispered, her eyes closing tightly as the words slipped from her quivering lips.
“Fuck.” She’d been feeling like this all this time and I didn’t even have a clue. At that realization, I let her go, pacing the room in front of her. I tried to get a handle on the emotions that bombarded me. Anger, confusion, regret for all the worry I could have shielded her from if she had only just told me.
But, she hadn’t. My girl kept all this from me. Again!
“Are we back to this? You’re scared so you keep shit from me.”
“No, baby…” Her voice pled with me but I couldn’t fucking hear it.
I was done with the omissions, when all I’d ever done, from day one was be honest with her. This was supposed to be the best day of our lives. How had it gone to shit so fast?
“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you haven’t kept your feelings about my job from me. For weeks!” Her face crumpled into tears and shaking my head resolutely, I throw up my hands. I was done with this shit.
“I’m done with this, Emberly. I would have quit if it would have made you happy. I would have done anything to make you smile.” Stepping forward, I got right up in her face, blinding, unrelenting anger taking away every protective instinct I had in me.
I was at my boiling point.
“And you never gave me the chance to do that.”
Walking away from her, I may as well have ripped my heart out and left it in her hands. Because the minute the door closed behind me, I felt empty.
Chapter Forty
Hudson
“SHE’S COMING, RIGHT?”
The tension gathered in the stiff set of my shoulders kept me on edge as I stood at the alter, Tristan standing beside me with a reassuring hand clasped on my shoulder while some of our closest friends stood behind him as my groomsmen. It felt like I’d waiting forever for this day to get here. It was the first day of the rest of my life with my beautiful girl. It should have been the happiest day of our lives.
Ever since you went after Brad, I’ve known how easy it would be for you to be hurt.
Her tear stained face and wide, sad eyes flashed through my mind and tightening my hands at my sides, I forced myself to stay where I was instead of giving in to the instinct to go look for her. Seeing the pained desperation in her eyes right before I walked away from her fucking gutted me. I never wanted to be the cause of her pain.
Hell, I’d done everything in my power to take it away from her.
My girl had seen so much pain in her young life, more than anyone should ever have to face. And she’d faced it alone.
She was so damn strong.
Ever since I laid my eyes on her, nearly a year ago, I did everything I could think of to ensure that she felt safe. In the months that I was detailed to the hospital, I became addicted to her. I wanted her with me, even if that meant just looking at the night sky with her or watching one of those cheesy chick flicks I knew she loved. I craved closeness with her, beyond the physical aspect I normally pursued women for. With Emberly, just spending time with her was enough. The minute she told me she wanted more, I knew I would never her go. I needed her too fucking much.
When I asked her to marry me, it wasn’t done lightly.
Laying my heart at her feet, I told her I loved her and wanted to spend every waking moment with her, for the rest of our damn lives. I told her I would always protect her, love her and keep her. Pacing back and forth in front of the minister and all of our friends and families, I realized how badly I’d fucked us up.
I promised to never let her go and the second shit got rough, I walked away.
Aggravation and panic tightened my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe. Swallowing down the emotions that blocked my suddenly dry throat, I looked over at Tristan; knowing he’d give it to me straight.
“She’s coming right?”
“Yeah, man. She loves you too much to let your dumb ass go.”
Letting loose a hard, forced laugh, I nodded my head.
Well, thank fuck for that.
***
Emberly
“READY, SWEETHEART?” LOOKING up at Robert, I nodded though I felt anything but ready to walk through those doors. Was he still waiting for me?
Had he left, already? Were we over? Had he finally saw how unworthy I was and decided to cut his losses? My heart was hollow, barren in the wake of his final words before he’d walked out on me; not even able to look at me after how I’d hurt him.
Hudson was my protector, my savior, my vice. He came into my life, rocking it on its axis and changing me, forever.
I never thought love and family could be like it was with him and his family. He cared for me more than anyone ever had in my whole life and though I was terrified of letting him into my heart, I did. It was the easiest thing I ever did, letting him love me.
It was like breathing. Loving him and being loved by him was the most beautiful and rewarding thing I ever witnessed and even if this was the end for us, I wouldn’t have wanted to go back and change anything. Meeting him, being with him- it was everything to me.
If this was the end for us, I didn’t think I’d survive it.
I’m done with this.
When he said those words, they sounded empty, resigned. Like he really had given up on me. Blinking back the stinging tears in my eyes, I bit my lip, hoping to stop the break down I felt humming just under the surface of the mask I put on before leaving Ashlee’s and coming to the chapel; Sure that the day wouldn’t end the way I expected it to. I expected a happy day, filled with laughter and some tears and ending with a wedding band on my finger and a honeymoon on the horizon.
The thought of losing those dreams was almost as painful as the memory of how he’d walked away from us. Forever.
“Emberly?” The deep voice, so much like his sons, pulled me back into the present moment and nodding, I quickly wiped away my tears. He probably thought they were tears of joy, of happiness. I just didn’t have the heart to tell him they were of anything but.
“We had a fight.” I whispered, as tears continued to leak down my stinging cheeks.
“He’s hard headed. Just like me, unfortunately. But my boy loves you with all of his heart. You know that?” His voice was clear but his eyes were warm, understanding.
Maybe there was hope for us yet?
I was afraid to hope and as the double doors of the chapel opened, I felt my heart still it’s frantic beat when I saw a dark head of hair, a bearded jaw and a strong set of shoulders I knew all too well covered in a gray suit jacket. Hudson.
My Hudson.
A soft, yet powerful sob slipped from my heaving chest and I stepped forward, my arm looped into one of Daniel’s as we begun our walk down the aisle. I closed my eyes, intent on making it to the alter without breaking down at the sight of my sexy man. His back was still turned to me and breathing through the pain of knowing he couldn’t bear to look at me, even now; I told myself I could still fix this. We’d been through so much to get here and if I had to spend the rest of my life making up for how I once again, pushed him away, I gladly would. As long as he’d still have me.
“Darlin’.”
Wide pale blue eyes, wet with unshed tears, trained on me, causing my feet to falter and my bent arm to fall to my side.
Would he walk away now?
Would he forgive me?
Too afraid of the prior, my eyes fell to the white, rose petal covered floor of the aisle while my eyes closed, tightly in preparation for him to end us. He’d given me so much and when I could have trusted in him, in us, I failed.
Why would he still want to marry me after that?
“Look at me, Darlin’. Please just look at me.”
He was closer to me, then, his shiny loafers only a feet away from
my white, open toed heels and shaking my head, I lifted a tentative hand to his chest; feeling his heart beating strong and quick, just as mine was.
It was something I often did when I felt uneasy or nervous. I would lay either my hand and my head across his chest and listen to his strong, loving heart beating and it would calm me, instantly. His heart loved me when I was too scared and too broken to love myself and through the small amount of time we’d known one another, it had given me the strength to open up my own heart in order to love him back.
If I lost him…
“I shouldn’t have left like that, Darlin’. I was angry at myself and disappointed that you felt you couldn’t come to me with your fears but not for one second did my feelings for you change. They never will.” I sucked in a startled breath at his omission and the second I lifted my eyes to his pained blues, I could breathe again.
We were going to be okay.
“I’m so sorry, Hud. Please don’t-”
His mouth sealing over mine stopped my apology and holding onto him for dear life, I prayed this kiss wouldn’t be our last.
“It’s over now. Just be honest with me. I don’t want to fight with you, baby. Never.”
Nodding, I cupped his handsome face, relishing the feeling of his stubbled jaw and warm, tanned skin.
“I will. But you have to promise me something, too.”
Hudson tilted his head against mine, tucking his face into my neck and breathing me in, he finally nodded.
“Isn’t that what the vows are for?” He whispered, teasing me.
“I’m serious.”
“Anything, Emberly. Tell me.”
“Don’t ever walk away from me, again. If your mad or upset or anything; you talk to me. Please don’t just walk out like that. I couldn’t take that.”
“Fuck, I know, Emberly. I know. I’m sorry.” He hovered over me, peppering my face with kisses and I sobbed in relief, knowing we hadn’t lost each other, after all.
“It’s okay. It’s all okay now.” His head dropped to mine and I lifted my mouth to close the few inches that separated us, sealing my mouth over his in a kiss I hoped described what my words failed to.
He was my whole world and the thought of being without him, was tearing my heart into two. His large, firm hand pressed to my nape as he slowly guided our kiss, licking and nipping at me in a way I felt in my bones. Drawing back enough to let me up for air, he smiled wide before pressing his mouth to my ear. I knew whatever he would say didn’t matter, because I felt his love for me in every mending piece of my heart.
“I love you, more, baby. You still wanna be my wife?”
Was the sky blue?
“That’s a given, Hud. Marry me.”
“Gladly.” Kissing me again, his mouth swept over mine like a whisper of the wind and my toes curled in my heels at the heat that one, small kiss engulfed me in.
His warm, callused fingers slid through mine and lifting his head to the shocked, yet still smiling faces of the people we loved, our friends, our family. He just shrugged his broad shoulders.
“You all knew I was crazy for her before this. It shouldn’t be a surprise.”
Amused laughter and words of agreement surrounded us and tugging me quickly down the aisle. I noticed his father standing beside Tristan, speaking to him low enough that their conversation didn’t carry in the crowded church.
“Sorry to steal her, Dad.” Hudson clapped his father on the shoulder but the look of contentment in his eyes told me he was anything but.
“No need to be sorry, Son. Just take good care of each other..”
Placing a kiss on my cheek and the top of his sons head, he stepped back and joined June and the rest of Hudson’s family where he took his wife’s hand and kissed the back of it. Looking at the love they obviously still had, after so many years of marriage made my excitement to marry the man in front of me grow.
This was the first day of our forever and I couldn’t wait for whatever came next for us. If it was anything like the last year, I’d be a lucky woman.
“Who here gives this woman to this man?” The minister, a tall, slim man dressed in a fine pressed black suit with a navy blue tie asked and Daniel stood from his seat, his warm stare landing on us once more.
“I do.”
I was so blessed to be part of such a beautiful, loving family and dabbing my eyes with the tissues Ashlee handed me, I smiled through my tears.
Family was always a loaded word in my life and for the first time, I was surrounded by people who truly did love and care for me. I wasn’t sure what I did to deserve them, but I was grateful for whatever brought them to me. Looking up into wide pools of pale blue eyes, I realized it was him.
He’d given me so much more than he’d ever know.
“We are here this afternoon to join these two people in holy matrimony. I’ve been told that you two would like to recite your own vows. Emberly, why don’t you begin.”
Nodding, I linked my shaky fingers with Hudson’s much larger ones, feeling the calluses glide over the back of my hand; a reminder that this was real.
I was about to marry my best friend.
“I never expected you.” I muttered, earning a bout of laughter from our families. Does anybody ever expect to fall in love? I most definitely never did. Of course, I hoped to find someone that would accept me for all the emotional baggage I carried with me from a young age and hoped that person, whoever he might be, would learn to love me not because of my broken pieces, but despite them.
Hudson loved me wholly, never letting me feel alone or unworthy of him.
“I thought love wasn’t possible for me. Growing up, I watched what loving my father did to my mom. If that was love, I didn’t want it. But you made me see how wrong I was, Hudson. You didn’t let me hide behind my walls and when I finally let you in my heart, I knew it would be safe with you. It always will be.” When I saw the thick tears gathering in his gorgeous eyes, my own spilled over, again. I swept a hand over his rough, stubbled cheek and smiled when he kissed my hand, leaning into my touch with the warmest of smiles spreading the mouth of his that I loved so much.
“I vow to always love you and to never shut you out of my heart, again. I promise to honor, protect and keep you, for the rest of our lives. I love you, baby and I can’t wait to see what our future holds.” Ending my vows, I raised his hands to my lips and kissed his fingers, smiling when he groaned roughly, feeling my tongue sneak out to taste his skin. His cheek pressed to mine as he leaned forward a few inches, a possessive arm holding tight to my waist. Feeling his hot, minty breath on my neck, I shivered at the sensation. God, he smelled good.
“I’m going to fuck you so good tonight, baby. But first let’s get married.”
Sighing heavily, I grinned up at him; unbelieving that he would be mine in just a few, short minutes. Mine forever.
“You drove me nuts from the second I saw you outside the hospital. You were this little bombshell, with those pretty eyes of yours and legs for fuckin’ miles.”
My eyes widened at his curse, though to be honest, I’m not surprised.
My man was a sweary one.
“Sorry, Sir.” He muttered to the minister and as he nodded, amused at my soon to be husband, Hudson’s warm gaze slid over mine again.
“The second I saw you, I loved you. I know it sounds crazy and impossible to love someone from just a look and one, simple touch but that was it for me, Darlin’. I was so done for. I knew if I wanted you, I’d have to go slow with you and I did. Or at least, I tried to.” Winking down at me, my mouth popped open in surprise.
He told me he loved me only weeks after we met and told me I was his long before that.
That was slow?
“That was slow to you, Hud?”
Frowning, he nodded, his eyes heating up when I bit my lip in order to stop the laugh that threatened to slip from me. He was crazy and I loved him all the same.
“You’re crazy.” I whispered.
“Fo
r you.” Leaning in he feathered light kisses over my hair and the sweetness of it warmed me all over.
“I hate fighting with you and I love taking care of you. I’m a selfish man when it comes to you because I want you all to myself. So I promise you this. I’ll never walk away from a fight, again. I’ll love you more every day and I’ll put you first, above all else. If you need to cry, I’ll be the one holding you. If you need to swoon, I’ll watch a chick flick with you, the ones I know you love. And baby, if you need me, I’ll be there. Always. I love you, too, Emberly Logan. I love you so much.”
I smiled so big I was sure my cheeks would crack with the force of it, but I didn’t care.
This was the happiest day of my life. I love you. I mouthed and when he gave me a wide, lopsided grin, I knew he heard me.
“Please place this ring on Hudson’s finger and repeat after me. I, Emberly Logan take you, Hudson Lennox to be my husband, from this day forward. Take this ring as a symbol of my love and fidelity.” Taking the wide, gold band I’d picked out for him, I slipped it onto his finger and said the words with conviction, meaning every one with all of my heart.
After Hudson did the same, placing a beautiful, simple band on my finger with his husky, emotion laden voice repeating after the ministers words I looked up at him, giddy with anticipation for the words that would seal the deal.
I was so ready to be his wife.
“I now pronounce you…” I didn’t hear another word as strong arms banded around my waist and lifted me off of my feet while firm yet soft lips crashed against mine; stealing my breath and branding my soul with a passionate, warm, all consuming kiss.
“Congratulations, honey. I’m so happy for you both.”
June engulfed me in her warm arms soon after Hudson begrudgingly released me and hugging her tightly, I looked over at my husband over her shoulder.
Husband, God that sounds good.
“He’s everything to me, June. I’ll love him forever.” She drew back, hearing the evident emotion in my voice and looking at me with genuine love in her eyes, I knew she believed in how much I cared for her son. I wanted her to know that he’d saved me just as much as I saved him and though I was hesitant at first, I was all in with him now. I would never doubt his love for me, again.
Breath We Take (Cuffed By Love Duet Book 1) Page 24