Zidaan told me, she had fever.
On the third day, finally Sani arrived in college. To my surprise she behaved in a very unusual way. She avoided making eye contact with me in class. She even changed her seat. In corridors if she saw me, she would turn around and go the other way. She was avoiding me but I couldn’t understand why?
Her behaviour hurt me, because I did not know what I had done this time!
A few days passed like that and I got tired of thinking the reasons I should be blaming myself for in regards to her indifference.
I wanted to shake her. Do anything to force her to talk to me. To make her see me, recognize my presence, to give me a chance...us a chance.
My day passed seeing her in classes, ignoring me, breaking my heart every moment with her distance and silence. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went outside and stood on the open grounds as it thundered and rained heavily. Anything to help me breathe and forget about her.
During the last lecture, when I entered the classroom, shaking my wet hair, I saw Sani was sitting in her new seat, away from me in the middle row. I waited before starting the lecture, but she did not make eye contact with me. Her indifference and my continued longing towards her were getting on my last nerve. Why couldn’t I ever be ignorant towards her? Why couldn’t I ever forget her?
As the lecture continued, I saw Rose and Sani were discussing something in low voices and Rose was giggling...All this, while I had been teaching. Sani did not even shrug her off.
It irked me thinking that Sani was enjoying her life, going on normally with it, while being so cold towards me. As if, I did not exist. I felt like she had time for anyone and everyone except me. Looking at her made me lose my temper due to all the pain I had been feeling.
Slapping the book on the desk, I came around the podium, “I'm teaching here, and you people are busy amongst yourself! Do you guys think I will gain something by taking this class? Sorry to let you know but I will be paid even if I don't.” I yelled at the class while looking only and only at Sani.
Because I was, mad at her alone. And due to her sitting in the middle of the classroom no one realized my gaze was firing on her.
I grunted sternly,
“What do you people think of yourselves?! You all think you are doing me a favour by attending this lecture?! If you want to talk and disturb, then get out. I'm not cracking jokes here or recounting my love story!” Sani looked at me sharply. It was the first time she had looked at me in days.
I went on undeterred, meeting her stare, “I'm doing none of these things. Rather I'm trying to explain you all an important topic that might come up in your exams, which you need to learn if you want to graduate this year. But you people don't even have the decency to listen to what I'm explaining for your own benefit! You guys are just busy with your rubbish talks.” I blasted at the top of my lungs and the lecture ended.
21-DO YOU LIKE ME?
Sani
‘How in the freaking hell, could Aariz dare to insult me?! Sure, he was yelling at the whole class, but his eyes were on me. It did not take an expert to figure out I was the target, just because Rose could not keep her trap shut while Aariz taught us.’ I cursed the situation.
I was determined not to take the blame, ‘Damn it! If he noticed, couldn’t he see it was her fault and not mine?! I never disturb him in class. He knows that. Yet, always...always he lashes out at me alone. Now I know there is no liking or anything there. In fact, Aariz freaking hates me! But why? What have I ever done? This time I won't bear this. I want my answers.’
Following Aariz out of the class, I saw him entering the staff room. I waited a beat before knocking on the staffroom door. Aariz sat there talking to Professor Gracie. My blood boiled every time I saw them together around campus. But right now, I could not have cared less. On my knock, Aariz turned and our eyes met through the glass door. Before I could go inside or call for him, he stood up and came out. Then without sparing me a glance, he passed me to go upstairs.
His office was on the fourth floor. Thinking he might have gone there, I hardened myself and went up too.
Knocking once, I opened the door, entered without waiting for Aariz’s permission, and found him sitting behind his desk, clutching his forehead. He glanced up and his face turned colder if that was even possible.
“What do you want?” Aariz asked crisply.
Facing him now, all my resolve broke.
Hence, as I tried to speak, my voice cracked due to muffled sobs,
“I had not done anything wrong today. Rose just had something to say to me. But of course even if half the class might have been doing that, you would have shouted at me alone, isn’t it?” I stared at him in betrayal.
Aariz immediately stood up and came around his desk, just a few steps away from me.
In a softer and less of a gruff voice he stated,
“I yelled at the whole batch Sani. Not just at you and...”
I stopped him mid-sentence, pouting to restrain my sob,
“No! You were looking at me alone while shouting. If you felt I was disturbing, then you could have said so and I would have explained to you that I had not said a word to Rose. She was the one who had a lot to say about you.” I shook my head defeated, “But no, you simply yelled, and insulted me.”
He opened his mouth to object but I beat him to it,
“It felt like an insult because you were looking at me alone while scolding! I know you were angry only at me.” I shivered, while trying to absorb my cries. I guess the fever was coming back.
Concerned and conflicted expressions crossed his face, as he lifted his hands, taking a step near me; then again, let his hands fall to his sides.
I did not try to understand the meaning behind his action and went on adamantly,
“I had not disturbed the lecture. Even though you knew it was Rose’s fault, yet you got mad at me.”
“No Sani...”
And I snapped,
“What no?! Of course you did. You always scold me. All the time!” My eyes glazed with tears before I could control it.
Aariz shook his head, staring at me in disbelief,
“I don't ‘always’ scold you. I mean...”
“But you did today! What was my fault? I had not done anything, right?” I spoke through the tears that were flowing non-stop now.
“Of course dear...” Aariz's tone was soothing and his expression, guilty as sin.
I knew it! I was right. He does this to me on purpose!
“You always get me wrong.” I grumbled looking at the floor in anger.
“No, not at all...” Aariz's gentle voice was barely coherent now.
I glanced up and realized he had stepped excessively closer to me. I could not hold it anymore. His concerned gaze was my undoing, “Yes, in your eyes I'm always wrong! The other day I had not complained to you about Elli. Nor had I said that she scared me. Yet, you shouted at her so badly that her friends were accusing me! Her friends spoke to me in such a rude way, though, it wasn’t my fault. I had not asked you to go yell at her.” I threw my hands in the air, frustrated.
“No, of course not.” Aariz instantly agreed, accepting his mistake.
I gasped at him,
“Then why did you get angry on her?!”
Aariz looked unsure.
My mouth dropped open in outrage,
“Meaning, I had to hear all sorts of nonsense from her friends because you simply had a misunderstanding?! So it was all your fault, right?”
Aariz nodded with a sincere look on his face. Then as if just realizing what I asked, he faltered and said in a shocked voice,
“How was it my fault?!”
Seeing my glare, he fumbled correcting himself,
“I mean yes, you’re right. Because of me, her friends accused you. Okay, I'm sorry.”
I nodded unable to hold back my cry,
“Yes, they accused me a lot. But I don’t understand why did you speak like that with her. And during the tri
p you got so angry on Sahil! It was obvious he must have thrown the ball hard by mistake, not on purpose. Still, you shouted at him so much! Now I'm sure he will also be upset with me. He’d think, because of me he had to bear your anger.”
Aariz blanched at that,
“But you got hurt! Had the ball hit your face, you could have had a serious injury! So, that’s why I...”
I held up my hand saying earnestly,
“I understand you’re right. But what was the need to yell at him so badly?! I didn’t ask you to do that.”
Aariz stared at me with a helpless expression as I wiped my tears with the back of my hands.
“You always misunderstand me.” I whispered hugging myself.
“No. Of course not.” Aariz whispered back in the gentlest possible tone.
I gaped at him exploding at his audacity,
“What do you mean by, no! Am I lying?! Every time you misunderstand me! The other day when I had to do the group project and I had refused your offer for lunch and for dropping me home, what had you texted? ‘Yes I saw how busy you are Sani and with whom!’ Just because you saw me laughing with the group, means I was lying?! Can't we even laugh?” I purposely skipped the part of Sahil touching my face and trying to get closer, because it did not make sense, that it would have affected Aariz in anyway.
“You yourself made that group and put me in it, right? Then how could you think I'm doing nothing in the group and lying about the project?!”
Aariz sighed heavily while rubbing the back of his neck,
“No, I hadn’t meant you as liar. It was just that, seeing Sahil with you, I...”
He stopped midsentence and gave me a vulnerable look. My heart turned over just thinking what he meant.
Am I right? Did it affect him to see me with someone else?
No, he couldn’t really...
Oh God...!
Hanging my head low, I decided to end the confusion. A little timidly, in a fearful tone I started,
“Do you know, since we have returned from the trip, I have been so tensed. I'm so confused and stressed thinking about, why you yelled at Elli though I hadn’t asked you to. You had gotten angry like never before on Sahil during the trip for an honest mistake. You treated my wounds and cared about me, though you did not have to. You fed me the drink, with your own hands. You skipped lunch, though ointment was on my palms. And then in the bus, you passed me the chocolate because you felt I was hungry...” Shaking my head at myself, I went on trembling, “I know I'm stupid to think all of this, but no one does these things for anyone just like that. Therefore, I thought maybe you want to be my friend. Because maybe you are lonely...”
A chuckle escaped his mouth and my head snapped up. But he quickly straightened his expression and nodded in understanding.
Tentatively I continued,
“But then, I already knew that you have friends and I thought even if you didn’t, then too why would you want to be friends with your student...”
This now was the most difficult part, so I closed my eyes tightly.
Suddenly there came a loud thunder, the sound startling me.
Shivering, I gulped hard, and lay it all out, “Hence, because of your behaviour, I felt...I mean before we became student and teacher, we had met in the party, so I got this doubt...I mean, I got this feeling that you don't want to be my friend. In fact you actually...I mean, maybe yo...yyyou also f...fe...fffeeel like I do...I mean, maybe you like mmmmee...” I could not bear this, “I mean...nothing.” I exhaled a huge breath and opened my eyes, not daring to look at him.
Embarrassed I went on, keeping my focus on the floor,
“I know I'm stupid to even think so. But please don't get angry now. I'm sorry. After saying all this, I can't even face you. But it’s my last year, so I can't leave the college. I...I will just go from here now. I had come to say that it wasn’t my fault today during the lecture. And I'm sorry for the stupid thing I said. I just had this doubt, that you too...I mean, that you feel...” Unable to breathe properly, I mumbled, “I will just leave now. Sorry.” Stammering and blushing, I turned to leave.
“Wait, Sani.” Aariz said in a clear deep voice from behind me, just as my hand reached the door handle.
22-LIKE YOU...TOO
Aariz
Her steps came to a halt just near the door.
No way was I letting her leave now...
I walked close to Sani, thus pressing my chest to her back. I loved the feeling. It felt like breathing normally after a long time, though my heart was racing. I placed both my hands on her shoulders and she visibly shivered.
Turning her around to face me, I requested very gently, “Please sit.” The smile still glued on my lips.
Sani did not meet my eyes, just stepped away gingerly, and took a chair. I sat on my knees in front of her. Keeping both my hands on her trembling once, I held them tight,
“My dearest Sanu...I can call you that now I suppose?” I peered deep into her eyes and for the first time saw someone’s skin changing colour so fast, from cream to strawberry pink. Her hands actually turned warm within seconds. She glowed with shyness from head to toe.
In a fake slightly offended tone I went on,
“Had you told me all this some days ago, then whenever I ordered your favourite noodles, I would have not been alone with it. We could have shared it...Could have been together.” I winked just as she looked into my eyes, thus making her gasp.
Unable to stop grinning now, I went on tenderly,
“I'm sorry? Please forgive me for giving you so much stress. Please? Hmm?” She nodded, as if in daze.
“And to say that one thing why were you so scared? Believe me; you are not stupid to think anything. Nor is your doubt wrong. Not at all! I do care about you. But not just care, I like you...so much and so deeply.” I stared at her unblinkingly. “I know you feel the same way. You haven’t said, but I know you like me. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have struggled so much, you would have never told me anything, you would have never came here...to me. I know you that much Sani. Am I right? Hmm?” I cocked my head to the side, waiting for her answer.
She met my eyes, and I saw hers storming with emotions, as she gave me a confident nod.
I squeezed her hands,
“Thank you. I know you might be scared, because you are smart enough to know we will have to hide this in college from everyone. But don't worry. Just leave it to me. I'm there for you. I will handle everything. Please don't take stress about it and just go with the flow. In fact, this right now is our happiest moment. Why to spoil it with tension? Hmm? Promise me from now on you won't worry this way and cry. You won't cry. Okay?” I said earnestly, while tightening my hold on her hands.
Sani bit her lips trying to contain a smile from growing on her pink cheeks.
“You are about to cry. Your eyes have glazed. Though you just promised you won't.” I muttered pouting my lips, the way she always does, which I cannot resist.
Sani vigorously shook her head getting anxious, believing she really had hurt me.
Raising my eyebrows, I smiled longingly, “Then why haven’t you said anything yet? Please say something...” She again lowered her head, now scowling a little, understanding that I was just winding her up.
“All right, don't say anything. At least smile for me. It has been days since I have seen my girl smile. Just once, please?” I gave her my best pleading look.
Sani, who had been staring at our conjoined hands on her lap, now glanced up and smiled fully for the first time since this conversation started.
I winked in response to her beautiful smile. Thus making her blush deeper.
I leaned my face close to hers and her expression changed to shock. She probably thought I was about to kiss her, which I wanted to more than anything else, but I knew this wasn’t the right time or the place for it. I nuzzled her cheek, loosing myself in her scent, thus making her breath hitch, and suddenly there came a knock at the door.
I jerk
ed back immediately and gave her a reassuring smile, pressing her hands in mine,
“I'll see who’s at the door. Just relax.”
To my utter annoyance, it was the canteen guy. He had come to take my lunch order.
“Two plates of Nigerian noodles, and every Chinese dish you have...um...That’s all.” I told him in a low voice so that Sani does not hear me.
He looked a little shocked, but I closed the door on his face. I did not have time for explanations. I was feeling too damned nervous!
If she loves noodles, she might fancy other Chinese dishes too, right? God I hope so. Not to forget this college food court does not have the variety or taste of a lavish restaurant. But do I have the time to order from outside? Hell no! Will Sani agree to go out with me right now? I doubt that.
‘You will get to make it right Aariz. You’ll have a second chance. She won’t actually dump you if the food isn’t of her liking. She is not that sort of a girl.’ I gave myself the pep talk as I turned towards Sani.
Taking my previous position on the floor, I again took both her hands in mine and found her nervously biting her lip. I squeezed her hands in reassurance and murmured teasingly,
“I know you’re not ready. So, I'm not gonna kiss you right now...” Sani relaxed instantly giving me a warm smile.
In the next breath, I added conversationally, “...Don't worry love.”
Her jaw dropped.
I laughed. Harder, when she tried to jerk her hand away from my grip, while curling her lips in accusation.
I left one of her hands and caressed her cheek lovingly.
Wanting to tell a few serious things, I held her eyes,
“Due to our stress, you got fever. I know you had fever since a few days, Zidaan told me. I can see how weak you have become.”
I suddenly realized she might still be unwell and that was why she had been shivering earlier and had worn a navy sweater today over her white leggings.
“You still feel feverish and that is the reason you are wearing a sweater today?” She nodded with a serene smile. And I felt like shit, to have yelled at her when she wasn’t feeling well. “I’m truly sorry dear. I hate myself for behaving so harshly with you.” I blinked trying to keep the numbness inside. She shook her head giving me a forbidding look as she leaned in to my touch, sighing softly, when my hand moved from her face to the curve of her neck.
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