“No, my parents are huge fans of the Tonight Show and they always stay up to watch it. I’ll send them a text message and let them know we’ll be Skype-ing later. My mom will be thrilled. I bet she’s waiting for me to call anyway. I think she knows that I was due back from training today.”
“Geez Ty, we should’ve called her from the airport. She’s probably worried sick. Let me put on some makeup and we’ll Skype your parents first. That way, they won’t have to wait.”
“Gidget, you don’t have to do your make up routine for my mom. My mom is going to think you’re totally gorgeous just because you love her baby.”
Heather tucks a wayward ringlet under her bandanna and wipes her hands on the backside of her jeans as she walks over to my cluttered desk. “Come on Cowboy, let’s do this before I come to my senses. I swear you can sweet-talk me into anything.”
I pull up a big, battered leather executive chair and pull her down on my knee as I aim the Webcam so we are framed in the center and I dial up my mom.
As soon as my mom picks up the Skype call, I can tell that she’s got the tablet in the kitchen. “Hi Mom!” I greet. “What are you making?”
My mom just shakes her head. “Well, it’s a recipe for pâte à choux, but I think I might be accidently making joint compound for sheet rocking instead. I don’t think I’m doing it right. It looks so simple on TV.”
“That’s okay Mrs. Colton,” Heather reassures her. “My first few batches were completely unrecognizable, I promise. It’s definitely an art.”
My mom looks up with a startled expression. “Oh dear, I’m sorry. I was so focused on doing my own sweet thing, I almost overlooked you. Being a chef, you must think this is a dreadful mess.”
“Oh, no ma’am! I think your kitchen is beautiful. I would love to have those classic appliances. You should see what my work area looks like at the end of a busy day. You wouldn’t even recognize that I’m a professional. I look like a five-year-old that’s been making mud pies in the backyard. You and I are going to have so much fun.”
“Mom, where’s Dad? I want to properly introduce Heather before you guys start exchanging recipes.”
“Oh, you know him. He’s probably scouring the paper for yard sales.” My mom steps out of frame and I hear her yell down the hall, “Harold, get in here. Your son wants to talk to you.” I hear my dad mumbling as he sits down at the kitchen counter.
“Did they break your dialing finger at that fancy military college?” he asks pointedly.
Heather raises an eyebrow at me, but mercifully doesn’t say anything. “You’re right, Dad. Heather told me I should have called sooner. I sometimes forget you guys still worry about me.”
My dad looks over at Heather and remarks, “It’s clear she’s not only beautiful, but exceptionally smart.”
Heather blushes prettily. “I can see why Tyler is such a natural born charmer. He obviously had a very good teacher.”
I watch with some amusement as my dad’s ears turn red and he makes a motion to loosen his collar even though he’s wearing a T-shirt with overalls.
“Harold Oran Colton, stop flirting with your son’s girl. You’re so scandalous!” my mom admonishes with a laugh.
My dad reaches out and grabs my mom’s hand and kisses the back of it, “Sally Ann, I’m not going to stop flirting with beautiful women until the day I die and you’re the most beautiful woman I know.”
Heather can’t help herself from sighing a soft, “Aww” under her breath. She whispers in my ear, “That’s just about the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen.”
I wink at her and say, “Hold that thought—
Heather scrunches her nose at me. “Wha—?”
“Sally and Harold Colton, I’d like you to meet my fiancée Heather LaBianca.”
My mom’s face goes slack with shock. Her eyes immediately travel to Heather’s bare ring finger.
“Tyler Joseph Colton! Did you not even bother to get the poor girl a ring? For as long as you’ve been in love with her, there is just no excuse for that! You even got that fame-seeking floozy a ring!” My mom slaps her hand over her mouth when she realizes what she’s inadvertently disclosed. “I’m so sorry Tyler, I didn’t mean to speak out of turn.”
“It’s all right Mrs. Colton, Tyler and I have already talked about Stacia. Although I’m sorry she trampled on his feelings like an old cow in a barn, I can’t say I’m not grateful it didn’t work out because I think your son is pretty amazing. If she was too stupid to see that, it’s her own fault. As far as the lack of ring, you can blame that on me. Apparently, I’m the queen of ill-timed conversations and he wasn’t quite prepared for my confession of undying love.” Heather graciously tries to soothe my mom.
My dad scoffs. “Since when are you not prepared for something? She must really have you turned upside down and inside out, son,” my dad grins as he teases me. “That’s exactly how I was with your mother. I fell so head over heels in love with her, I damn near forgot my own name.”
Heather winks at my mom as she responds to my dad, “I know I just met you, but it seems to me, not much has changed in all these years. I hope Ty is equally forgetful in forty years when we’re talking to our kids about their new loves.”
My mom’s eyes mist over as she says, “Tyler, where did you find this jewel? You better have the good sense to keep her.”
“Well mom, you probably don’t want me to be totally honest and tell you I first laid eyes on her in the middle of a crime in progress,” I answer jokingly.
Heather playfully smacks me on the bicep. “Tyler Joseph Colton are you trying to give your mother a heart attack? Although technically your son is correct, the long answer is that his best friend is married to my best friend and we have spent the last couple of years getting to know each other. He finally wore me down with his charm and good looks.”
A look of amusement crosses my mom’s face as she says to Heather, “Oh honey… are you under the impression that you are somehow a surprise to us? The only surprising thing about you is how long it took our son to get you to come around. He’s been in love with you forever and a day. Now, I have to say he didn’t do you justice when he told us how pretty you were. I would love to have your complexion.”
Heather looks completely befuddled as she asks, “Really? I could’ve sworn he hated me. Sometimes, he acted like he could barely stand to be in the same room with me. We’ve only officially been dating for the last few months.” She turns to me and asks, “Why didn’t you say something to me earlier if you felt that way?”
“We’ve already established I have a habit of being stupid and stubborn. At the beginning, I was suspicious of everything and by the time I figured out I could trust you and my emotions, I’d already ticked you off and I didn’t know how to get my footing back, so it was easier just to pretend to be your friend.”
Heather just shakes her head at me. “You’re so lucky I love you, because you’re a big ole’ dork. It makes me sad to think about all those months we could have been together supporting each other when we were pretending to be mortal enemies. How dumb were we?”
“Well, it seems like you’ve worked it out now. So, that’s all that matters, right?” my dad asks.
Heather and I nod. “Yes, sir we have. We’d like you to come meet the family that we’ve built in Oregon. I’m opening my cake shop and I’d be honored if you came to the grand opening,” Heather offers.
My mom just beams. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
After the screen turns black, I turn to Heather and I say, “See, that wasn’t so hard.”
She smirks at me. “I think you’re forgetting that we skipped the hardest call. We still have to call my family.”
“I bet it will be easier now, because admit it, you’re in a great mood now. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood after you’ve talked to my parents.”
Heather grins at me. “Yeah, they do have the whole June and Ward Cleaver thing down pat. It’s like salt of t
he earth Midwestern charm. I totally love your parents already. Can we just pretend that they’re my family too?”
I cuff her chin softly, “I know you too well, Gidget. You would never forgive yourself if you left Madison out of this and even if you don’t want to admit it, the same is probably true of Carlton. So, let me man up and give Carlton the obligatory man-to-man call. Then you can have a girly, giggly call with your sister, okay?”
Heather snorts with laughter. “Tyler, you do remember meeting my sister— you know the hard-hitting, nosy news reporter? I don’t think that girly and giggly are in her vocabulary anymore. But, you can keep that fantasy in your head if you want to if it makes you feel any better.”
“I don’t know, she seemed to be on your side when we went to your grandma’s funeral. I can imagine that as kids you were once co-conspirators.”
A smile washes over Heather’s face as she reminisces, “Yeah, we did pull some good ones when we were younger. Some days poor Carlton didn’t know whether he was coming or going having to keep up with the two of us.”
“I’m going to go out to check on the horses in case your brother is less than happy with your choice of suitor. I might have to be a little more persuasive than I feel comfortable being in front of you. So, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I give her a brief kiss as I shrug into my jacket and leather gloves.
Heather walks over to my kitchen cupboard and pulls out a baggie of sugar cubes and sticks them in my pocket. “Take care of the babies while you’re out there, please. They missed you. Please don’t threaten to kill my brother. He can’t help the way he was raised.”
I can’t disguise my surprised expression, the last thing I expected her to do was defend the brother that constantly harasses her. “Okay, I promise to play nice for the sake of family unity and all. But, if he’s an asshole, I’m going to defend you. He doesn’t get to treat you like garbage.”
“Cowboy, I know you wouldn’t stand for that and if he doesn’t know you well enough by now, then he’s a bigger idiot than I give him credit for being and he doesn’t need protection from me. I’m just asking you to try to be nice— not to change who you are.”
“Great, just so were on the same page.” I scoop her up into a tight embrace and kiss her. As she grasps my hands tightly, I still marvel that she has agreed to become my wife. I call Annie to me and head out to the barn.
I stop and sit on the porch where we set up a viewing area in front of the corral and I take out my cell phone. Earlier in the evening, Heather and I combined contact information for both families on our phones. The symbolism of that was huge to me. Somehow, I don’t think merging our families in real life is going to be quite is painless as combining our phone and contact lists via the Internet. But, I promised Heather that I would give it my best shot, and I’m a man of my word. With more trepidation than I care to admit, I dial Carlton’s number.
“‘Lo,” answers a sleepy voice on the other end of the line.
I glance down at my watch and notice that it’s 7:30 PM our time. “Oh Crap! I’m sorry Carlton. I completely forgot about the three hour time difference. Do you want me to call you back tomorrow?”
“Nah, it’s too late to worry about that now. I’m up. Who is this?”
“Oh, sorry. This is Tyler Colton.”
“Heather’s Muscle? Oh Hell…what did she do now. Before you call the police, let’s see if we can work through this. I swear I always pegged her to be smarter than this—”
“Carlton, do yourself a favor, man. Shut up.” I advise as my frustration level rises exponentially with each word he utters.
“What? What are you talking about?” Carlton asks clearly confused.
“I’m just suggesting before you badmouth your sister, you should actually know what’s going on.”
“Okay, since you called me, why don’t you explain why you called?” Carlton challenges.
“Again, I apologize for calling so late. But, I called to let you know that I’d like to marry your little sister.”
“Are you sure you don’t have the wrong number? Shouldn’t you be talking to my dad about this?”
“If you were me, would you bother with your dad?” I counter.
Carlton chuckles wryly, “No, I suppose not, but that doesn’t really answer the question why you bothered with me. Most people assume I’m just a chip off the old block. What makes you think my opinion is going to be any different?”
“Well, to be honest I don’t really have any guarantees that it’s going to be. But, I gave you fair and honest advice about the water and mineral rights and I’m a pretty straight shooter. I figure that you either respect me—or you don’t. I do know that your little sister loves you something fierce and it would break her heart if I let my stupid ego get in the way of making her happy. So, I’m here to tell you that I love your sister more than I have loved anybody my whole life and I will move heaven and earth to make her happy. I’d like you to be part of our happiness if you can make that happen.”
The phone line becomes eerily quiet and I wonder if he’s hung up the phone. Finally, I hear him clear his throat. “Man, I’ve got to respect you. I’ve never seen anybody stand up to my parents. But you’ve got to realize this puts me in a hell of a spot. I’m not quite as free of the parental units as my dear little sis. Mom and Dad have their fingers in my mortgage, my business, my car loans, hell— they even co-own the timeshare.”
“Understood. You’ve got to decide what’s important to you. But, here’s a thought, you might respect yourself more if you can let go of some of those ties.”
“You sound like my soon-to-be ex-wife,” Carlton admits sadly.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I declare sympathetically.
“No, if I had taken some cues from a guy like you and protected her instead spending so much time running around chasing money, I might still have Whitney in my life.”
“Maybe it’s not too late for you to get your priorities in order,” I suggest. “I’ll start by making sure you get to give your sister away.”
“Are you sure it means that much to her?” Carlton asks. “She’s always been a little weird when it comes to me.”
“I wouldn’t bother askin’ if it didn’t. Seriously, we both want you there.”
“Then I’ll be there. Just make sure she doesn’t make me wear pink or something.”
“I can put in a request, but I make no guarantees. My aim in life is to make Heather happy. If pink makes her happy, what can I say?”
“So, do you think you’re going to be totally disinherited if you talk to me, Maddie?”
“Oh, I was likely disinherited long ago. Probably around the first time I took a job at the student newspaper and supported recycling. Having your own opinion is not a popular sport in this family—in case you haven’t noticed. By the way, great win in court against Mom and Dad.”
“Are you being sarcastic, or do you really mean it?” I ask with trepidation. With Madison, it’s often hard to tell whether she’s kidding—especially when you’re on the phone with her and you can’t see her facial expressions.
She snorts back a laugh. “Of course it’s a compliment. I think you’re an absolute rock star. I know I’m a few years younger than you are, but I remember you and Grandma talking for hours about opening a restaurant or a bakery. Every time we went on vacation to a new city somewhere, you guys would go on undercover missions to all the new cool places in town and talk about how your business would run. I just think it’s so bogus mom and dad pretended they didn’t know that Grandma intended for you to have a bakery all along. That’s a total lie and they know it. I’m so glad you won your court case. The tantrum that they’re throwing is completely epic and embarrassing. They’re even turning off long-term clients. Several of those clients know you and like you. They think that Mom and Dad’s attitude is totally disgusting.”
“Wow! That’s interesting. The way Mom and Dad make it sound, I don’t have any friends left in town. They said
I completely destroyed everything when I decided to leave town and go to culinary school.”
Madison makes a sound of dismissal. “Are you kidding? People around here think you’re downright heroic for breaking the mold of the Stepford wife and striking out on your own to do your own thing. Hey, why are you just now calling me? The lawsuit was over a couple months ago.”
“Well, I have pretty big news—”
“Are you pregnant?” my sister shrieks through the phone.
“What? No! A man can want me without me being pregnant,” I argue indignantly.
“I didn’t say that nobody wants you,” Madison insists. “It’s just when somebody starts a sentence like that, it’s usually followed by news of a positive pregnancy test.”
“Well, not this time,” I try to explain, flustered. “I just called to see if you wanted to be my maid of honor when Tyler and I get married.”
“You and Ty are getting married?” Madison repeats slowly.
“Yes, we’re getting married! Is the phone connection bad?” I huff indignantly.
“No, I can hear you just fine. I’m just worried—that’s all. Are you sure you know what you’re getting into? Being a military spouse is really hard. It’s going to be a lot harder than what you went through with that Heaves dude. If he caused you to run all the way to Oregon, what is it going to be like for you to be married to a soldier?”
“First of all, Fletcher didn’t make me move to Oregon, he was just a kick in the pants that made me brave enough to finally do it. I would’ve done it anyway eventually. Fletcher just gave me a big push. Secondly, I only thought that I loved Fletcher. I wanted to be in love so badly, I thought Fletcher was it for me. But, Fletcher was only in love with himself. Now, I know the meaning of true love. Tyler is the real thing. He respects and trusts me. He believes in my dreams and allows me to pursue them. He makes me feel like a whole person. I realize that he has a duty to his country and it comes first. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that it doesn’t scare the hell out of me. But, it’s as much a part of him as being an artist is part of me. So, I have to let him go save lives every day so that he can come back to me and be at peace. It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life.”
Joy and Tiers Page 23