“Dude, do you know CPR?” The man on the phone asked frantically.
The men’s conversation wasn’t even audible to Emily.
She felt dazed and unaware of everything around her. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
In one split second Rob had been stabbed, and she didn’t do anything to stop it. She’d not been able to intervene. In fact, no one had been there to intervene.
There hadn’t been any bystanders. There hadn’t been any Guardians.
Rob’s blood would forever be on Emily’s hands.
The thought had now planted itself like a seed packed deeply into soil rich with hatred, regret, doubt and mistrust. It was the perfect ground for growing, the perfect ground to spread its roots and take hold.
Chapter 17
The grey sky outside reflected how Emily was feeling on the inside; dark, foggy and without a ray of hope.
Mindlessly, she gazed out the giant windows across from her, her legs pulled into her chest, squeezing them tightly like a teddy bear that refused to offer real comfort. Her mind kept going over the events that had transpired only a few hours ago.
Today was Rob’s funeral. The memorial service had been almost two hours long with over a hundred people in attendance. So many people knew Rob and had loved him.
The worst moment for Emily was when she glanced to the pew where his family sat. Rob’s father held his arms outstretched to both sides, trying to surround his large family in his comforting embrace but his reach was not long enough. Rob had five siblings and had boasted the fact. It was his youngest brother who sat outside of the father’s grasp. He appeared to be about 9 or 10 and refused to raise his head to look up.
He stayed bent in half with his elbows on his knees.
A steady stream of tears dripped down his face, and when Emily caught sight of him she could hardly hold herself together.
She knew how the young boy felt, the mixture of pain and rage tormenting his heart. Inside he was screaming for comfort but on the outside he refused contact, like one reassuring touch would surely set him off and then he would never again regain control.
It was the same for Emily when her mother died. She wouldn’t wish those feelings even on her worst enemy, and certainly hated to see an innocent and loving family experience it, especially the small boy.
The time at the cemetery seemed like a blur, and Emily refused to watch as they lowered the casket into the ground. It was the final blow for her.
She’d been telling herself Rob wasn’t really dead, that she would wake up at any moment. But, as the handfuls of dirt landed with audible thuds on the coffin, her wish was shattered.
Emily and her father did not speak the whole way home. When they arrived at their apartment she’d taken up a spot on the couch, and remained there silently.
Her father asked if she wanted something to eat as he busied himself by making a sandwich. A slight shake of her head was the only response she gave and he let her be. He knew his daughter well. She needed time. When the moment was right and she was ready for comfort, she would make it known.
James attempted to mask his sadness in an effort to help her. He had cried when the police brought Emily home that night and relayed the news of Rob’s death. He had in fact grown very close to Rob and it was like losing a family member. But he also knew this situation was more than a death of a loved one. Emily had never fully recovered from her mother’s passing and what was more was she had been directly involved in Rob’s.
Emily felt like she was experiencing all the wrong emotions, and that alone made her feel quite selfish and self-centered. She worried what Rob’s death meant for her.
Was she truly responsible for his murder? If she hadn’t accepted his invitation to walk through the park he’d still be alive. If she hadn’t been so caught up in wanting to relax and feel normal she wouldn’t have put either of them in the situation which killed him.
If she had a smidgen of common sense she would have realized a normal life was no longer possible for her. The guilt was a weight she could not carry. It threatened to crack her very frame. She had to rid herself of the spike twisting deeper and deeper into her heart and mind.
“It’s my fault.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Her father glanced up from the book he was reading. He stood up from the chair and went to sit beside her on the couch.
“It’s not your fault, Sweetie. You didn’t stab Rob.” He put his arm around her, gently resting his hand on hers.
“I should have known I’d be a target here, and so would anyone that was with me,” Emily sniffed.
“How could you have known what was going to happen? Don’t try and pretend you’re something you’re not, Emily. You are not a fortune teller and you are not responsible.”
“I couldn’t stop it. Despite Damarus’ training, I still reacted like a silly little girl. I had no strength, no logical thoughts. I was like a frightened mouse bouncing back and forth between the walls of a maze…” Emily gasped trying to suppress her weeping. “I should have left the very minute Sandros showed up. Rob even told me we should go and I didn’t listen. I let Sandros take control of me, of my emotions. I let him entice me and because of that, Rob is dead.”
Her father sighed. He mourned Rob’s death as well but his daughter’s involvement was even harder to deal with. It was something he wasn’t prepared for. He truly didn’t think Emily was to blame, but he wasn’t sure how to get the idea through to her.
“Nothing good will come of taking the blame. It won’t change things, it won’t bring Rob back and it won’t make you feel any better.”
“Someone has to be at fault here, Dad, someone is responsible.”
“Yes, and that someone is Sandros. He was the one who killed Rob. He was the cause, no one else,” he shook his head.
“I’m not totally convinced,” Emily paused a moment, contemplating if she should speak her thoughts aloud. “Why was there no Guardian there to help?”
James went stiff. He hadn’t expected such an accusation, not from his daughter. He wasn’t sure if she was just saying things because she was still angry or if mentioning Guardians somehow helped her to shoulder the blame. Was this an idea that had truly sunk in and taken hold in her heart?
Her father blew out his breath through puckered lips.
“Emily, this is just as it was with your mother,” his tone carried a firm sense of authority. “It was obviously Rob’s time to go just as it was your mother’s. It doesn’t matter exactly how it happened, the Guardians would have intervened if Rob was supposed to live.”
Emily felt prickles run down her spine. Someone was behind her, watching.
Turning sharply she glanced over the back of the couch. There stood Xavier, silent and solemn.
She wondered how long he had been listening but then she shrugged it off, Xavier was going to hear it from her one way or another.
Her father now glanced behind to see what held his daughter’s attention.
“Xavier.” He stood up to greet his Guardian and friend. Moving in for an embrace, he softly patted him on the back.
Xavier returned the gesture. He looked over James’ shoulder to meet Emily’s gaze.
“Hey, Em,” he said somberly. He was well aware of the situation and knew he needed to tread lightly.
Emily waited to give a response, unsure she wanted to be on speaking terms with any Guardian, but that wasn’t fair. She understood her father’s plea to not place blame where it wasn’t due.
Deep down Emily wanted to hate someone and hating the Ancient Ones just didn’t seem like enough to satisfy the lust for revenge which was growing by leaps and bounds in her soul.
“Hey,” she finally responded and then turned her attention to something outside the huge windows of the living room.
Xavier came around the couch and sat down close to Emily, testing the waters by placing his hand near her knee but not on it. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I really don’t know wh
at to say to you right now.”
Emily looked up to see Xavier’s eyes. They were wet with unshed tears and his face seemed to be contorted in pain. She didn’t believe Xavier could fake an emotion such as empathy or sadness. It just wasn’t in his nature.
“I don’t know what to say, either.” Emily glanced back over her shoulder to the spot where she’d seen Xavier standing. It was empty so she scanned the remaining space of the room.
“Where’s Alexander?” she mumbled. The simple realization slapped her out of her zombie state. Alexander’s lack of support made her inner turmoil compound upon itself.
Xavier’s eyes darted from side to side. He bit his lip, holding his response back for a few seconds.
“I don’t know. No one has seen him since you left last week. I’ve gotten feelings at times he is in Eden but I haven’t laid eyes on him once.”
Emily was now screaming in her head. “What? Why is this issue still escalating? Why is Alexander acting so callous?”
She pushed the questions from her conscious mind. There was only so much she could handle at this point. Mourning Rob was still on her plate.
Emily’s silence made Xavier squirm. He wasn’t accustomed to any of this drama and he wished he had answers.
“Athos has been calling you, have you felt his summons?” Xavier asked, gently searching.
“I’ve heard him,” Emily whispered. She then brought her head up from a hanging position, running her fingers through her loosely curled locks.
“I’ve been ignoring him,” she said flatly.
“I do that sometimes, too,” Xavier hummed, his light and quirky personality momentarily peeking through the wall of sadness surrounding them. His tone grew serious again. “The Governing Five think it’s very important you return to Eden immediately.”
“Why? So I can learn more useless things that carry no value in the real world? Or is it just because the Governing Five need me for what they want and could care less that all I want is to have those I love kept safe?”
“You know that’s not true.”
She was upset but she wasn’t completely senseless. Not the way she had been when her mother died. While anger blurred her ability to see clearly, she knew her reply was irrational. But pain shoved her thoughts in a downward spiral, and expressing them out loud was therapeutic.
“Actually, this is why I’m here. The Seer told the Governing Five the longer you remain here the greater the danger grows for not only you but also your father,” Xavier looked up to see James looming over Emily’s shoulder.
“What do you mean?” The word ‘danger’ jerked her from her misery and self-pity. It was a word that alerted anyone’s internal instincts, regardless of their state of emotion.
“I am never given much information, all I was told was I needed to get you back before things get bad,” Xavier scratched his head. “Or at least worse than they already are. Em, every moment you are here is one more moment The Opposition has power to confront you, harm you and do whatever else they wish.”
“Because Guardians don’t always come when they’re needed? Like when someone is about to be stabbed? Is that it? Am I next on the list to be killed? Why can I have safety within Eden but not someone like Rob, or my father? If I’m truly in danger, why hasn’t Alexander come?”
“I am not going to dispute with you why a Guardian wasn’t there to intervene for Rob. I don’t make those decisions and neither did his Guardian. And, deep down, I know you know that. But in light of recent events, Alexander has been less reliable and the Governing Five do not wish to solely rely on him for your protection,” Xavier reasoned.
“I think you need to listen to him, Emily,” her father said, as he sat down on the other side of her, placing his hand on her back. “You need to trust Xavier. He hasn’t given you a reason not to and if he says returning to Eden will keep you safe, then go. There is nothing I want more for you,” her father pled with her, hoping for her to regain her sense of awareness and reason.
“Don’t let Rob’s death change you, Emily. Don’t let one misfortune or horrific event deter you from the path you’re on. Regret is a tortuous thing to deal with, and I really think you would regret turning your back on the Guardians.” He took a deep breath, filling his lungs to their maximum, “I can’t help but wonder if that is really what Sandros was trying to do. He was just trying to manipulate you. It was an attempt to deter you from what you are supposed to be doing.”
The thought had crossed Emily’s mind a few times. It not only made sense that all the doubt he placed in her mind was just a mental attack. It made sense that if she gave into those thoughts about the Guardians, Sandros would be accomplishing his task. But, her throat was swollen with fury and uncertainty, both of which were hard pills to swallow.
“Your father is right, Em. The Ancient One was attacking your mind, he was trying to make you doubt. That is how they work, it’s how they’ve always worked,” Xavier offered. “Don’t let them fool you, you’re stronger than that.”
“What about my dad? I want him safe,” Emily’s tone indicated her surrender.
“I’ll escort you to Eden and then come back. I won’t leave his side until I get the ‘all clear’ from the Governing Five.”
“Fine,” Emily breathed out. “I’ll go get the necklace.”
It only took a few minutes to prepare to go, because once again she had no bags to pack or loose ends to tie up. All that was left to do was give her father a long, firm embrace.
She hesitated to leave him, not only because of the danger factor but because she knew he was hurting just like her. He had loved Rob like a son and even though he appeared strong, she knew inside he was crying. But, he said he wanted her to go, and if knowing she was safe made him happy, she was willing to comply.
Traveling to Eden seemed much easier this time and she was able to accomplish the task on her first attempt. It did not surprise her to see Aldara standing on the marble terrace, awaiting her arrival.
Once they were through the heavy wooden doors Xavier excused himself to return to New York and watch over her father, just as he had promised.
It calmed Emily to know her father would have Xavier to talk with while she was away.
Aldara remained still until he left and then opened her arms, beckoning Emily to her. “I am so sorry, I truly am.”
There was something familiar and inviting about Aldara, and she rushed to her. Her desire for motherly comfort was very strong. Emily burst into tears, soaking the front of the Elder’s emerald chiffon gown.
Aldara let her cry for a while, knowing the tears would prove to be a somewhat cleansing.
“I know Rob meant something to you. It is a terrible loss for you, now that he’s passed on,” Aldara gently stroked Emily’s hair in a curative rhythm. “But, may I share something with you?”
Emily lifted her head from Aldara’s bosom, eager to hear anything that might make her feel the slightest bit better. Even with thoughts of betrayal running through her head before her return, the truth was, there was no denying Aldara’s goodness. It could be felt and it was measurable.
And, if Aldara was good and she knew it, how could she accuse any of the other Guardians of being different?
“Do you know why we refer to humans as Travelers?” Aldara motioned for the two of them to begin their decent down the stairs to the paths below.
“No, Alexander never really explained that.” She wiped the lingering wetness from her cheeks
“We call you Travelers because that is in fact exactly what you are.” Aldara offered a tender smile, “Earth is only one stop on your eternal journey, and mortality is neither the first nor last existence you will have.
“Humans tend to struggle with the concept of death because mortality is all they know. They do not remember what transpired before their time on earth nor are they certain of what lies ahead because the world has become crowded with too many speculations. In truth, your existence outside your mortal state is all
the more glorious. And people such as Rob and your mother…” Aldara paused knowing that Emily’s mother was a very delicate subject, “go on to do wondrous things. They are, in fact, needed outside of their mortal state.
“It is difficult for humans to fathom that there is truly work to be done and a need for them in the worlds that they cannot behold with their eyes. ‘Seeing is believing’ is more of a custom than a mere saying for the human race. But, I will tell you that so much more exists beyond what humans can see or even sense. There is a tightly woven web which transcends time and mortality and it is this web which makes everything right when it comes full circle, because there is truly no end.”
Aldara’s words seemed to creep into Emily’s heart and enfold it like a warm soft blanket. She could feel the storm raging inside her begin to abate, almost coming to a dead halt. What the elder spoke of was not a new concept to Emily. She’d been brought up with a religious, spiritual awareness, and an afterlife was something she always believed in.
What Aldara said resonated deeply within her. The notion that everything was one eternal round, a chain that was never broken added solace and value to it. And the thought of her mother or Rob being needed elsewhere, doing other things, had never even occurred to Emily. It somehow helped to know maybe they were taken from the world she’d grown up in because of things which were needed from them somewhere else along the eternal track.
Almost like a job change or relocation.
“Thank you, that actually does help quite a bit. But, I still can’t help but wonder if Rob’s death isn’t my fault. If I had just listened to Xavier and not gone to visit my father or if I had even listened to Rob and left while we still had a chance, he would probably still be alive,” Emily turned her face away to hide her shame.
“Possibly,” Aldara slowly said. “But possibly not.” She had a grin that only came from the surety of knowing something.
“If you were to look closely at a spider web you would notice that from one point there are actually two threads. Both threads weave themselves around the standing threads but each touches in a slightly different area. When the full circle is made, both threads fall right back in the same spot and then from there, continue on a new round.
Daughter of Earth (Tales of the Guardian) Page 16