3 Please feel free to give me a wedgie for writing that if you ever see me in public. I deserve it.
4 She says I did, and I believe her!
5 We always have sheets on the bed we share.
1 The one exception: “Pony” by Ginuwine.
2 And also I still do.
1 A wildly dated but completely apt reference.
2 Although imagine if it had!
3 I also hate how easily this analogy came to me.
1 Pile-drived? That can’t be right. I’ve never heard the past tense of that verb, probably because wrestlers are so good at living in the moment.
2 It wasn’t! My honest-to-goodness career low came a month later, when I took my girlfriend to see Inside Llewyn Davis. If you haven’t seen the movie, here is a brief synopsis: Oscar Isaac plays a New York City–based folk singer, who is medium talented but also a monumental asshole, who ruins every personal and professional relationship in his life in pursuit of stardom. He fails because he is medium talented and also a colossal asshole. That is me, I thought while watching that movie. That is my destiny. I was sure of it, despite the obvious differences between me and that character. I am not a folk singer. I am not a monumental asshole. And I do not have Oscar Isaac’s bone structure or hairline.
1 Yassir also has a sneaker-centric podcast called My Brother’s Sneaker that he hosts with his brother Isaiah. It is very funny and informative!
2 In fairness, my footwear had been commented on in the past. My (very funny!) comedian friend Noré Davis used to call me “Boardwalk Shoes” because a pair of hideous dress shoes I sometimes wore reminded him of the show Boardwalk Empire.
3 I lost.
4 Although it’s tough to surprise people with sneakers because you have to first surreptitiously figure out their shoe size.
5 That’s a non-humblebrag. It’s very exciting to win an Emmy! If you can swing it, go for it!
6 My dad wears prototypical “dad shoes,” white K-Swiss trainers with navy and yellow accents, and is a lost cause.
1 I should clarify, it’s an app in which you scroll through adoptable animals, not a way for domesticated critters to find each other for “just something casual, let’s see how it goes, not looking for anything serious right now lol.”
2 That’s a line from The Usual Suspects, a movie in which the real-life monster Kevin Spacey plays a fictional monster named Keyser Söze.
3 A “hot” dog, if you will. And if you won’t, good choice. I respect that.
1 Or, if it’s during the day, do you say sunlit?
2 Nobody was hurt, in case you were worried!
3 It’s worth noting that this happened before a recent HBO documentary foregrounded the reasons that Michael Jackson’s music might not feel good for everyone to hear, and the mood at the wedding remained upbeat.
4 Also, if you were at my wedding, and I didn’t get to talk to you after Bengey’s performance . . . that’s what happened.
1 Our caterer called us the night before the wedding and said, “You guys don’t want cake, right?” And we were like, “Yes, of course we want cake. We came to your office and tasted one cake and knew that it was the one we wanted because it had the most chocolate in it.” Maris has diabetes, and she eats a big dessert only three or four times a year, usually on special occasions. There is, on these nights, joy in her eyes that can verge on teary. My favorite thing in the whole world is to watch Maris eat cake.
1 I missed the third march because I was traveling for work.
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