“I want to speak to you, Olivia. Study. Now.” Her father barely got the words out through his clenched teeth.
Liv followed, shoulders slumped, feeling as though she was in high school again. Once in his study, her father paced in front of his bookshelf, hands clasped firmly behind his back.
“How long has this been going on?” he demanded.
“A couple of months.”
“Has he been...a gentleman?” Her father kneaded his hands in worry.
“Dad, I’m not a kid anymore.” Liv was tired of being treated like one, too. “I’m nearly twenty-five, not fifteen. It’s time for you and Mom to let go.”
“Olivia, you didn’t answer my question. Porter is a good man, a good worker, but he’s much older than you. Men his age...they want more things. He’s...”
Liv crossed her arms angrily across her chest. “Dad, he’s only a few years older. We’re both adults.”
Her father slumped in his desk chair and sighed. Suddenly, he looked much older than he had just five minutes ago. Liv noticed more gray in his hair and more worry lines on his face. “I’m sorry, but I can’t condone this relationship. He’s too old for you. He’ll want...things you shouldn’t be thinking about at your age.”
“At my age? Dad, do you even hear yourself? Mom had already had me by my age. You two were already married!” Liv swung her arms wide to emphasis her point. She was tired of them thinking she was a kid, when they’d started their adult lives at a much younger age.
Her father’s forehead wrinkled as if he was trying to keep up with math that made no sense to him at all. “We were married. That’s different.”
Liv let out a long sigh. “Dad, I respect you. I’m asking that you respect me, and the choices I make.”
A soft knock on the door sounded and her mother peeked in. “Can I come in?” she asked, voice low.
“Why not? Go ahead, Mom. You’re always trying to set me up with someone, don’t tell me now you’re against this, too.”
“I wouldn’t say that exactly,” her mother began, looking torn.
“Mom’s on my side,” Liv said, triumphant.
“I wouldn’t say that, either.” Her mom shook her head slowly. “He’s older, and more experienced, and...” Her parents exchanged a knowing look. Now, Liv saw clearly: they only really wanted her to date virgins. That was the entire plan! That’s why she’d seen a stream of lonely nerds who spent Saturday nights chained to their PlayStations.
“Mom, you can’t be serious. I’m an adult now. I have experience.”
Her mother just shook her head in disbelief. “Not this kind of experience.” Her mother sounded so sure. As if the very idea that she’d been naked with a man was completely preposterous.
“No!” Her father shook his head angrily. “I’m sorry, Olivia. But I can’t allow this relationship.”
“Allow?” Liv was stumped. “I’m not a teenager. I don’t live here anymore. You can’t tell me what to do anymore.”
“I can, and I will!” her dad bellowed. “I’m your father.”
Liv laughed bitterly, throwing her head back and shaking her long dark hair in disbelief. No matter what she did, her father would always see her as a little girl. Her mother sat mute, watching the drama unfold, silently agreeing with her father. She suddenly felt trapped, as if it was hard to breathe, tired of pretending to be someone she wasn’t. Liv simply couldn’t swallow the irony anymore. Here her father was worried about her virtue when she probably knew more about sex, and certainly sex toys, than Porter did. It was beyond ridiculous. Only her parents would be worried about her virginity when she’d lost it years ago.
“And if you don’t stop this, I’ll ask Porter to stop it.”
“Dad...you can’t.” Liv was struck with a sudden fear: Porter losing his job because of her. “You can’t do that.”
“I’ll do it if you don’t.”
Somewhere deep inside, this felt like the last straw, the very final absurdity she just couldn’t swallow. Her heart thudded hard in her chest, pumping anger and adrenaline through her veins.
“Dad...” She was tempted to tell him everything. She wasn’t a marketing maven at all, she was a sex toy expert. She was no innocent little girl who didn’t know anything about the world. He was worried about a thirty-year-old man corrupting her, when she was the one who knew enough to corrupt him! “I’m dating him. It’s my decision. If you threaten Porter, then you’ll lose me. For good. I mean it.”
Liv stalked out of her father’s study, grabbed her bag and her jacket, and left, her mother calling her name as she went.
* * *
Liv only went through the motions at her sex toy party that night—though the couples there didn’t seem to notice. They were too busy digging through her Kama Sutra books and testing out oils to much care that she was a million miles away and not her usual bubbly self.
“Look at this pose!” one of the ladies squealed as she showed her husband. “Could we even do that?”
Her husband cocked his head to one side, tilting the book from side to side to get a better look. “I am not that limber,” he declared, and the other three couples laughed.
Liv watched the husbands flirting with their wives and felt a flicker of goodwill inside. After all, she did help people. It wasn’t all just dirty jokes. She saw the middle-aged couples here connecting again with each other, in ways maybe they hadn’t in a long time. Intimacy was a good thing, and a party like hers could help bring it back. If only she could make her parents see this, then they’d understand. But first she’d have to tell them. She pushed the thought away. Later, she thought. Always later.
Seeing the loving couples around her, her mind went to Porter. She’d called him before the party started, warning him her dad was on the warpath. He’d told her not to worry. He wasn’t afraid of what her father could do to him, and if it came down to having to leave the firm and look for a new job, he would. Her insides felt twisted. But it was long past time they saw her as an adult. She was tired of them trying to impose the same rules on her that they had when she was twelve. It wasn’t healthy. She was a grown woman, and it was time they let her be one.
The couples at the party bought various toys and oils, some promising to try them out on weekend getaways, and others leaving the party shyly holding hands. Liv felt good about it, helping the couples find themselves again, and she refused to feel guilty as she packed up her wares. As she rode back to her own apartment in the back of cab, her head felt heavy with regret. She should’ve just told them about what she really did for a living. Then they’d have no choice but to accept the fact that she was an adult. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t just tell them? What was she afraid of? Being grounded?
Liv snorted to herself, shaking her head. Porter was right. If she wanted to be treated like an adult, it was about time she acted like one. She needed to stop being afraid of her parents. They couldn’t ground her or take away her favorite toys anymore. They had no real hold over her. The cab pulled up in front of her Wicker Park apartment and she paid the driver and lugged her suitcase to the door, her mind whirling. She looked up and noticed a light on in her apartment, which she found strange. She knew Jordan was out tonight, her band landing a gig as an opening act at the Vic. Jordan, an environment nut, hardly ever left the lights on.
Liv pulled her suitcase up the stairs and opened her front door.
Inside, she saw her parents: her mother paced the living room rug, and her father sat with his arms crossed, face looking stern.
“What are you doing here?” Liv couldn’t contain her shock. Her parents had a spare key, but they’d never used it before. They’d never invaded her privacy in such a bald-faced way.
“We need to talk to you, young lady.” Her mother sounded stern. “We called and you ignored us.”
L
iv had turned off her phone for the party. She’d forgotten to turn it back on. Her mother glanced at the high hem of her skirt, frowning. Liv wore one of her favorite hostess outfits: a tight black minidress and her knee-high boots, her hair up in a high, glossy black ponytail, her lips painted in killer red lipstick.
“Is that what you’re wearing? Olivia! My goodness!”
“Mom, don’t start,” Liv warned.
Liv’s mother moved closer, tissue out, ready to smear off her expensive lipstick. “Mom, I mean it.” Liv held up one hand, ready to grab the tissue if necessary. She was in no mood to deal with lectures about her fashion choices. Sensing she had gone too far, her mother stopped, tissue in midair, and glanced at her father for support.
“Olivia,” her father warned.
“No, Dad. You two need to go. You don’t have a right to be here.”
“We’re your parents! We have every right.” Her father was still angry. His voice shook.
“You’ve come in uninvited. You do not have a right.” Liv stood, fuming. Her anger growing with every second. How dare they bully her like this? They were going too far.
“You have to stop seeing Porter Benjamin.” Her dad just wouldn’t let it go.
“No,” Liv said. “I already told you, I won’t.”
Her dad let out a frustrated groan. Even he knew he couldn’t really do anything.
“I’m going to ask you one more time to go.”
“Why do you have a suitcase?” her mother said, pointing to the rolling bag near the door. “Did you come from his house? Have you been staying there?”
Liv glanced at her bag, the anger in her rising. They just wouldn’t leave her alone. They just wouldn’t let go. She simply couldn’t take it anymore.
“I didn’t want to have to tell you both this, like this, but you leave me no choice.” Liv reached into her pocket and grabbed one of her hostess business cards. The pink curlicue letters read clearly:
Adult Play Time Parties!
Buy and Try Adult Toys!
Her name and contact email were written clearly underneath.
Her father blinked at it, not making sense of the card. He handed it to Liv’s mother.
“I don’t understand,” Liv’s mother said. “What is this? Why is your name on this?”
“I don’t have that marketing job. This is what I do. I host parties with adult toys. I sell adult toys. I’m not some little girl. I know how the world works.”
“Adult...toys?” Her mother looked completely baffled. “What are adult...toys?”
Her father, too, seemed confused.
“You wanted to see what was in the bag, Mom? Well, I’ll show you.” Liv swiped at the bag, and unzipped it angrily. All manner of toys fell out: pink vibrators, purple dildos, dozens of wrapped condoms.
“What in the world...” Her mom’s eyes grew wide like saucers. “What are those?”
Her father knew. His face turned red and then white, and he looked like he might faint. “They’re...uh...” He cleared his throat.
“Vibrators, Mom,” Liv said, uncharitably. “Condoms. Flavored oils. Edible underwear.” Liv was too angry to be embarrassed or shy. She was tired of them not understanding. Not seeing her as an adult. Shocking them was the only way. “I sell these.”
“What?” Her mother grabbed her chest as if her heart might pop out of it. “You sell... Filth?”
“Not filth, Mom. Things that adults enjoy. That’s all.”
“Do you sell...more than toys?” Her mother could barely get the question out as she pressed her fist against her mouth, bracing herself for the answer.
“I’m not a prostitute! Jeez, Mom! This is all legal, and there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Nothing wrong...!” Her mom put her hands to her temples as if her brain simply couldn’t absorb the shock of the news. “You’re going to have to quit. Tomorrow. And then you’re going to church. To ask the Lord for forgiveness.”
“Mom, I didn’t do anything wrong! I sell toys to married couples, mostly, or couples about to be married. It’s about giving them something to help them keep their marriages together.”
“What about Denote? Was that all a lie?” Her father didn’t want to believe, either.
“I tried looking for a job everywhere, but no one was hiring. I fell into this, and guess what? I’m good at it. The president of one of the toy companies asked me to be his marketing director. I’m probably going to take the job.” After the words were out of her mouth, she realized with surprise that they were true. She did want that job.
Her mother turned her gaze skyward in silent prayer.
“You can’t work for a pornography company!” shouted her father. “I will not tolerate this! Not at all!”
“It’s not a pornography company, Dad! They make all kinds of things. And I make my own decisions!”
She glared at her dad, and he stared right back, both of them flushed with fury, both with fists clenched at their sides. Her mother looked as if she might faint at any moment. Liv glanced over at her mother and realized it was just as bad as she thought: neither one of them understood. She knew they wouldn’t. They’d just always see her as a little girl, helpless and naive.
“This is who I am,” Liv said. “Take me or leave me.”
Her father just shook his head sadly from side to side. He rose silently and grabbed his overcoat from the ottoman. “Come on, Lian. We’re going.”
“But...” Her mom still looked as if she were reeling from shock.
“Now,” her father said, grabbing his wife’s arm. Numbly, she walked with him to the door. They left without another word.
Chapter Twelve
Liv felt strangely relieved to have the secret finally out. She didn’t have to lie anymore, and she’d faced the worst of it, her parents leaving her apartment stunned and dejected. Liv hadn’t realized how much the secret had weighed on her, how much she worried about her parents’ finding out. Well, now they knew. There wasn’t anything she could do about it, and now they had to figure out a way to deal with it. Or not.
Jordan had cackled out loud when Liv told her the story the next day. Jordan had come home late from her band’s gig. Mid-afternoon daylight streamed in the windows as Jordan poured herself a cup of instant coffee.
Liv put her head in her hands, feeling a sudden surge of regret. “Did I do the right thing, Jordan? I mean, maybe I shouldn’t have told them. Maybe...”
“You had to tell them,” Jordan reasoned. “They’d been babying you for too long. And just coming into your place? Our place? So not cool.”
“You’re right, it’s just...I don’t know. The look on their faces. I don’t know if they’ll get over it.” Liv bit her bottom lip. The relief at having her secret out was fading.
“If they love you, they will get over it,” Jordan said, giving her roommate a pat on the shoulder.
* * *
Her parents’ silent treatment went on for nearly a month. It had been the longest Liv had gone without speaking to them. Their silence hurt her in surprising ways. She’d always known they’d be angry when they found out, but somewhere, deep down, she’d held out hope that maybe they’d understand. That they’d come around. That they’d finally see her for who she was: a smart, resourceful young woman who could make her own decisions. Thanksgiving was right around the corner, and they still weren’t returning her phone calls. She might never spend another holiday with them again.
“They’ll come around,” Porter said, as she lay in his arms in his townhome, stroking her hair. They both lay naked beneath his sheets, the full moon outside shining in through his bedroom window, casting a silver glow on his furniture. It was late, but Liv wasn’t tired.
“No, they won’t,” Liv said, feeling sure. Complete radio silence told Liv t
hat her parents had given up on her, saw her as a lost cause. “Dad isn’t even talking to you at work, is he?”
“Monosyllables, mostly,” Porter said, as he tucked a strand of Liv’s long black hair behind one ear. “But I think he’s thawing a little.”
“By grunting at you, huh? Dad holds grudges. You might have to look for a new job.” Liv turned around, rolling up on Porter’s bare chest, as she lay her chin on her folded hands.
“If I get you, a new job is a small price to pay,” Porter said, kissing her nose.
Liv felt a twinge of guilt. This was all her fault. If only she’d been more up-front with her parents before Porter, he wouldn’t be having such trouble at work now.
“Maybe we really shouldn’t be together,” Liv said, doubt gnawing away at her. “I’m causing you headaches at work and...”
“Hey...wait.” Porter lifted her chin. “Are you not happy with me...with us?”
Liv laughed, the question was so absurd. They’d just finished another marathon sex session and he had the nerve to ask if she was happy? She couldn’t get enough of him, and that was the truth.
“I’m more than happy,” Liv said, snuggling against him. “You know that.”
“Then stop talking about breaking up with me. I mean it. My delicate ego can’t handle it.” Porter flashed a grin and Liv giggled. Porter’s ego was anything but delicate.
“You sure you don’t mind me working for a porn company? I mean, am I doing the right thing?” In the darkness, she started to second-guess all her decisions. With her parents so angry, she felt adrift.
“You love your new job,” Porter said, putting his muscled arms around her. She felt his warmth and support. “And you said so yourself, it’s not a porn company. They make lots of things.”
It was true. Beyond just adult toys, they made high-end lotions and bath gels, among other mainstream items found at most local drugstores.
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