Kayley swallowed, trying to find her voice. “I wanted to. It’s time. Emily and I just had this conversation tonight. This weekend she’s going to help me box up Alex’s stuff and give it away. As far as what you just said, Ben, a few months ago I would’ve totally freaked out at what you just said. I never thought I would want a relationship again. For so many months, I told myself that I could never love anyone again, that for me it was just going to be Alexis. You proved me wrong. You’re a wonderful man, and I feel so thankful that you came into our lives. What I feel for you now, already, shows me that I can love again. You did that. Thank you.” Her voice wavered and she looked up into the man’s eyes that just bared his soul to her.
Ben lay back on the bed, shielding his eyes with his arm. He couldn’t believe that he just cried in front of Kayley. What must she think of him? Today had been too emotional. Ending it with Dana once and for all, seeing Kayley upset over Dana, realizing he needed to talk to her about his past, and then little Alexis.
Kayley watched Ben, knowing he was in an internal struggle with himself. Reacting before thinking, she climbed up next to him and lay on him, forcing his arm off of his eyes. “Ben,” she said, centimeters from his face. “Please don’t ever be afraid to show me your feelings. Really. You aren’t scaring me by showing me how you feel. I would much rather know what you’re feeling than spend time guessing what’s going through your head. Plus, I’ve cried way too many times around you, so you get freedom to cry as much as you want.”
Ben smirked, his eyes glittering mischievously. “Is that right?” Before she knew it, he flipped them and she was on the bottom with him pressing her into the bed. “You know what I can’t stop thinking about?” he whispered, his hands roaming her backside. “What is under these clothes.” Just like that, the air felt like it was sucked out of the room, and Kayley realized she was laying on a bed, underneath Ben. A very hot, very ready, very manly Ben that she had done very intimate things with earlier tonight.
Kayley looked into his deep blue eyes, her breath catching in her throat. His blonde hair drooped over his forehead as he leaned over her, and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching up and touching it. His face lit up with a smile at her touch. He licked his lips, and Kayley found herself fascinated watching him. “You really are a sexy man,” she declared. Ben sucked in a breath, trying to calm the reaction she incited in him just by being so close to him. Never mind the fact that her body was touching him from top to bottom.
Propping himself up on one arm, he used his other arm to make a path from her face, down her arm, and to the bottom of her shirt. He lifted it and pressed his lips to her flat stomach. Kayley hissed, fisting her hands in his hair. “So. Beautiful.” He kissed her belly button, then moved up to find that sexy black bra that held what he wanted to explore next.
He sat them up, pulling her shirt over her head and pulling his undershirt off as well, having already lost his dress shirt on the way to her house. “Is this okay?” Ben asked, begging her with his eyes to not say no. Kayley knew she needed to say no, that they had a lot to talk about and they were in her house, where her daughter was sleeping, but she couldn’t do it.
Kayley stood up, dropping her pants to the floor. She stood in front of Ben just how she had been hours before. She took her hair out of the elastic band and shook it out. Ben stared, unable to move. “God, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he stood next to her and caressed her with his eyes.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Kayley said huskily, repeating him from earlier. She unbuttoned them and he kicked them off quickly. This time it was Kayley’s turn to stare. She knew the man was hot, but seeing him, standing here in her house, wearing only boxer briefs that showcased the manhood she touched earlier completely undid her. She had never seen another man this way other than Alex. She found herself thinking that but it not making her feel guilty. Here she was, in the house she shared with Alex, and all she could think about was the man standing in front of her.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked tentatively, taking in her facial expression.
Kayley grinned. “What, you’re the only one allowed to stare? Do you look at yourself, Ben? You’re the most gorgeous man on the planet, and you’re standing here in my house.”
“I need to do one more thing, if I’m allowed,” Ben said, taking a step towards her. They were so close now she could feel his breath coming out in short spurts. “Do you know what you do to me, Kayley? Never, ever in my life have I felt this attracted to someone before, in all ways. Never.” Kayley looked up at him, and while that seemed like a line a guy would give a girl when trying to sleep with her, she believed that in that moment, he actually felt what he was saying to her. He picked up one of her hands and kissed it, then reached around her to her bra clasp. She started breathing quickly as she realized what he wanted to do. He stopped, waiting for her response.
Kayley took her hand and moved it around her back, helping him with the clasp as an answer. Ben breathed out audibly at her permission, his hands shaking slightly as he fumbled with it. “Are you sure?” he whispered in her ear. She took her straps off her shoulders, looking up at him. Ben ran his hands through his hair, looking into her eyes as she pushed the bra off and it landed on Ben’s feet.
“Kayley,” Ben breathed, his eyes traveling from her face to her body. “My god. Who would’ve thought that little bit of fabric could make that much of a difference.” He chuckled as his body responded to what he was seeing. He pulled her to him so they were touching. His eyes fluttered closed as her skin made contact with his skin. The only thing that separated them now were two scraps of fabric.
Backing up a step, he moved his hands slowly up her body until he reached her breasts. She groaned as he touched her, and he couldn’t stop the guttural noise that came from his throat. She had never felt so exposed, yet so beautiful all at the same time.
He crushed her lips to his, all of the feelings and words of the day coming out in that one kiss. He continued caressing her body as he showed her with his mouth how he was feeling. He pushed her backwards, pulling her until they fell back on the bed again with her on top. She straddled his lap, gasping into his mouth as he traveled downward with his hands. There was too much going on, her senses couldn’t take it. She felt like she could explode from his touch and the sounds coming from him all by themselves.
“Ben,” she breathed, feeling dizzy. “I need a moment.” He smiled against her mouth, rolling her over so that she was lying next to him.
“Me too,” he admitted, resting his forehead against hers. They both breathed in silence for a few moments, allowing their bodies to calm down. He kissed her gently on the forehead, the nose, and then her lips, but it was sweet and calm, not frantic and hurried like they had been. “Good thing one of us has their head on straight.”
Kayley shook her head. “I wouldn’t say that, Ben. You unraveled me. These things I’m feeling- I just can’t make sense of them. Never in my life have I felt so attracted to someone, felt so strongly, and been so— bold so quickly.” Her eyes traveled the length of his body, feeling the familiar surge she got when looking at him. “Want a drink?” she asked. “Maybe we should go ahead and have that conversation we started earlier.”
Ben nodded, not wanting to stop what they were doing but knowing it was the smartest choice. Kayley walked out of the room, wearing only her underwear, and Ben blew out his breath. Hot damn, he thought. That is the hottest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of being around. A smile played on his lips, even though he knew that the story he was going to tell Kayley tonight was very hard for him to talk about.
Kayley returned, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands. She had also found a tee shirt along the way. “Hey,” Ben complained. “I like what you walked out of here wearing better than that.”
Kayley laughed, pouring them each a glass of wine. “Yes, I like what you’re wearing too,” she indicated his boxer briefs. “But that’s not conducive to ta
lking.”
She settled next to him, propping herself up with some pillows. “Okay, I think I’m ready for this.” She smiled at him. “Are you ready?”
Ben took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. “What I’m going to tell you about doesn’t have any bearing on how I feel about you or what is going on with us. It’s my issue that I’ve dealt with and I know I won’t have anything to worry about with you.”
Kayley sat back, waiting for Ben to begin. She ran her fingers along his fingers, trying to comfort him the way he always tried to her.
“I told you already that Zoey was another doctor at the hospital,” Ben started, looking Kayley in the eyes as he spoke. “We met when she moved here from Atlanta. She was new in town, and was also working in pediatrics, though she was a pulmonologist. I was 28 at the time, and so was she. Though we were both new to being out of residency, we were both highly sought after doctors. Being new to town, she didn’t know anyone so we would always go out in a big group when we all were off. We would go drinking, clubbing, to dinner, movies, anywhere and everywhere. A few months after we first met, we started dating. Our friends thought it was about time. They had been trying to push us together for months, but I didn’t want to date her because we worked together.” Ben paused, watching Kayley.
“Go on,” Kayley said, kissing him quickly. “I’m listening.”
“Our schedules were crazy. We were lucky if we got to see each other twice a week. But, after about six months of dating, we moved in together. That way, we knew at least we could see each other at some part of the day or night. Things were getting pretty serious, and we went to visit her family in Atlanta during the holidays. Her parents were well off and a big part of the Atlanta community, and they wanted her to move back home. They had no idea why in the world she would want to live in Florida, and though they liked that I was a doctor too and had aspirations the same as her, they figured that if we stayed together, she wouldn’t come back to Atlanta. Of course, though my family was here, I wasn’t opposed to living somewhere else, if that was what she really wanted. While we were there, I discussed with her parents the possibility of me proposing to Zoey. They approved, but wanted me to seriously consider moving to Atlanta and joining the big hospital group there.
When we got home, I bought the ring. I was convinced that Zoey was the one for me. My parents liked her too, though they rarely got to see us. I popped the question only a few months later. We had been dating just under a year but had known each other several months longer than that. We decided to have a long engagement, since work was so crazy we figured that it would take us a while to plan everything. She wanted the wedding in Atlanta, and I didn’t care about that, so she would go to Atlanta to plan every time she had a free weekend. Things were going well. We were both doing extremely well in our careers- we both had offers several times from huge hospitals around the country- and were planning our life together. I really, truly thought I had it all. I loved her with everything I had in me, and thought she did the same. Looking back, of course, I know that wasn’t the case, but I had no idea.” Ben stopped, taking a drink of wine and swallowing slowly. He closed his eyes, his mind back at that time.
“It’s painful for you still, isn’t it, Ben?” Kayley asked, lacing her fingers through his. As she looked at him, laying here next to her in her guest bedroom, baring his soul, she knew that he had been through it as well. Maybe not in the sense of someone he was in love with dying, but he had his own share of grief and brokenness, same as she did.
Ben opened his eyes and smiled at Kayley. “Here goes nothing,” he said, not answering her question. But he didn’t need to. The look on his face told her what she needed to know. “So we had been engaged for a year and our wedding was set to be in about six months. Zoey was in Atlanta again, and I didn’t question it. Our wedding was going to be rather huge because of her parents’ status in the area. But I ended up getting the weekend off when I didn’t think I would, so instead of telling her, I jumped in the car to go surprise her.”
Kayley stiffened, knowing that this was the part that was painful for him just by his body language. What in the world did this woman do to him? And why? He was the most caring, loving man. Even she knew that and had only known him for a very short time.
“I missed her so much. We really hadn’t seen each other much since she had been spending so much time in Atlanta. My buddy Cam encouraged me to go. We’ve been friends since high school—you’ll meet him soon—and so I took his advice and jumped in the car. I knew she had wedding stuff to do but I figured that I would do it with her, take some of the burden off of her for this shindig. Anyway, I drove to Atlanta. I had been to her parents’ house before but didn’t remember exactly where it was, so I had looked up their address on her paperwork from the hospital. I was trying to surprise her, remember. When I got to their house, they were surprised to see me because they hadn’t seen Zoey at all. They had no idea that she was in Atlanta. In fact, she hadn’t been to see them at all over the previous months when she said she was there doing wedding things. I end up calling her, not telling her I was in Atlanta but just to see what she would say. She told me she was wedding decoration shopping with her mom and she would call me later. Meanwhile, I was standing right in front of her mom. It was then that I knew that something was terribly wrong, but I wouldn’t admit it. Her mom called Zoey’s best friend, demanding that she tell her where she was and to not tell Zoey she talked to her. She gave her an address of an apartment in downtown Atlanta. I left them there, promising to let them know what was going on. Did I know what I was about to walk into? Not really. I had an inkling, but I kept making excuses in my head for why she would be there without telling her parents, and lying to me.”
Kayley’s eyes widened, knowing where Ben was going with this story. “She didn’t,” Kayley breathed, her heart pounding.
Ben’s eyes were serious as he fixated them on her face. “I drove to this apartment. I still don’t know why I did it, other than to prove that my suspicions were correct. I knocked on the door, and waited. I heard voices but couldn’t tell if one of them was Zoey’s. It took several minutes for the door to open, and I’m just standing there, feeling like my whole life is about to end. All of a sudden, this guy was standing in the doorway wearing a pair of basketball shorts and no shirt. He looked like he just gotten out of bed. Just then, I heard her. She called him from somewhere in the house, asked him who it was. It was at that moment that I snapped. I pushed the door open, shoved him out of the way, and went in search of Zoey. He was yelling at me, running after me, but I couldn’t stop. I had to see for myself that my fiancé really did what was obvious at this point.
I burst through the doorway of the master bedroom, and there she was. The guy was hot on my heels behind me, yelling and cursing and threatening to call the cops. But I was calling her name so he pretty much knew who I was, even if I had no damn idea who he was. She was laying in his bed, stark naked. This, this woman, who was supposed to love me, who took my ring and said she was going to marry me, the one who I said I would move my whole life to Atlanta for if that was what she wanted, was laying on this man’s bed, naked. I remember turning around, so angry I was shaking, and punching the guy straight in the face. Zoey screamed, jumping up and putting the sheet around her to cover her embarrassment. All I remember of the next few minutes was me crying and asking her why did she do this, and the guy staying the hell away from me but mumbling about being in love with her, and her crying and saying she was sorry but she couldn’t marry me. I ran out of that apartment, to my car, and drove back home. I honest to God don’t remember most of the drive. I was destroyed. I couldn’t even go to our house, Cam and a few other buddies had to pack up my stuff. Zoey never came for her stuff, and as far as I know they just threw it away. I never saw her again. I found out she quit the hospital, saying she got another offer in New York, and that’s the last I knew of her. That was over two years ago, and since her- I’ve never had another serious
relationship. She wrecked me, my trust in love. I know now that she never really loved me.” Ben blew out a shaky breath, relieved to have told her.
Kayley sniffled, imagining the pain that Ben must’ve been in. “Ben,” she ran her hands through his hair. “That is absolutely awful. I can’t believe she would’ve done that to you. Why would she have continued your relationship instead of just ending it? It doesn’t make sense.”
Ben smiled wearily at her. “I know, Kay. It doesn’t make sense. That’s why I was so shocked. I mean, I thought I knew her! That’s something that really shakes your trust in people, when you know someone like I knew her. The fact that she was capable of doing that to me, without me having a clue, made me wonder if I was even cut out to have a relationship like that again. So, for the last two years, I didn’t. I intentionally avoided anyone who wanted anything from me except superficial. I only went out with women who were interested in no strings attached. Like Dana.” Ben looked down, embarrassed to admit that he had been one of those guys.
“I don’t blame you,” Kayley said, lifting his face up to meet hers and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Not. At. All.”
“Then I saw you that day at the hospital with Alexis, and something happened to me. I don’t want to sound all weird and shit and tell you that it was fate or something, but I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Attraction, yes, but something more. It was a feeling that I couldn’t stop. It felt- euphoric. Of course, once I knew your story, I realized something.”
Living Again Page 16