“You guys take care,” Kayley said, watching as they walked to the car. She shut the front door behind them, walking back into the house that had once been hers and Alex’s but was now just hers. She had officially rid the house of everything that once symbolized their life together.
“It looks so different,” she murmured, walking from room to room.
“Clean slate,” Rachel said from behind her. “Time to see where your life is going to head now.”
“I have a pretty good idea,” Emily piped in, holding out a drink to Kayley. “Let’s have a toast, shall we? To friends, saying goodbye, and to kick ass doctors that are super, super steamy.”
“Yummy,” Rachel corrected, holding up her glass.
Kayley giggled, holding up her glass and clinking it to her two crazy friends’ glasses. “You two are insane, but I love you for it.”
Ben walked through the grocery store, whistling softly to himself. He looked at the recipe on his phone and then looked into the cart. Only a few more things to go. He stopped in the bakery, selecting a chocolate dessert that looked like something they could enjoy.
He couldn’t believe things were going as well as they were. Over the past two months since he had braved telling Kayley his story and she had felt strong enough to pack up Alex’s things, their relationship moved easily past the beginning stage into what Ben could only describe as awesome. They spent much of their time together, which really wasn’t all that much seeing as how they both had demanding jobs, and there was little Alexis too of course. But the times he got to see Kayley were the best times of his week.
Alexis. Just thinking of that little girl made him grin from ear to ear. She was certainly the light of his life. They were two peas in a pod, and if he was nearby, you could bet that Alexis was there as well. She was getting bigger, now officially in a toddler bed after the night she scared her mother to death and fell out of her crib. At eighteen months old, she was talking in full sentences and had even started showing interest in using the potty.
Who would’ve thought I’d be thinking about a little girl and potty training, Ben thought. It was amazing, how much his life had changed in the last six months since laying eyes on Kayley and Alexis. After the devastating blow that Zoey had inflicted on his life, he thought he would never feel this way again.
Tonight, Kayley was coming to his house and he was making her dinner. Alexis was spending the night with her grandparents, and Ben planned on making this a memorable night for both of them. He and Kayley had an amazing chemistry with each other, and found it very difficult to not touch one another if they were nearby. However, Kayley hadn’t wanted to go farther than just playing around because of Alexis. He respected that about her, and knew that she was right. Being in her house, with her daughter asleep down the hall just seemed inappropriate. Though that didn’t stop him from sleeping there with her as often as she would let him, and he loved waking up to Alexis’ sweet face.
The few times she had been to his place, she had brought Alexis with her, so they had never stayed there overnight. Tonight, however, that all would change. After two official months of dating, Ben asked Kayley to come stay the night at his house. He figured it would be easier for her too, not having the memories of her former husband around.
He wheeled his cart to the checkout, wanting to skip through the store. The cashier eyed him, then smiled, a suggestive look in her eye. This was something he was used to- it wasn’t that he was being vain, it was just the facts. However, he had no eyes for anyone else these days but a blonde haired, green eyed beauty with a mini-me.
“Do you think tonight is it?” Emily asked, watching Kayley browse aimlessly, picking up and putting down several choices. Kayley turned to her and shushed her, then continued looking. “What?” she lowered her voice, trying to get Kayley to admit it.
“Emily,” Kayley’s voice warned. “Don’t make me regret inviting you.”
Emily picked up another selection. “This is pretty, Kay. Classy.”
She took it from Emily and turned it around, her face pensive. “What am I doing here?” She slammed the pink one back on the rack and started heading for the door.
“Wait, wait, wait!” Emily chased after Kayley, catching her and pulling her around to face her. “What’s this really about? What’s going through your head? Talk.”
Kayley looked around the store, not wanting to look at Emily. “I-I don’t know, Em. I feel, ridiculous being here. Like I’m planning-”
“To show your boyfriend how much you love him?” Emily whispered. “Come on. It’s okay. I’m actually surprised you two have waited this long. There’s no reason for you to be embarrassed. Is this about A-?”
“No,” Kayley interrupted her. She shook her head. “I don’t know what my problem is.” She walked back to the pink one that Emily had held up and eyed it again. “I’m a grown woman. This isn’t a big deal.” She checked the tag for size and then turned, smiling at Emily.
“I think this is it,” she laughed. Her stomach felt like a lead was in the bottom of it, and her mind raced. Was she really doing this?
Emily raised her eyebrow at Kayley. “Girl, you’re starting to scare me. Freaking out, talking to yourself, then laughing. You’re either becoming bipolar on me, or you’re ridiculously nervous about something. Which one could that be?”
Kayley walked to the register and paid for her item, Emily following behind her. They got back into Kayley’s car and she turned to Emily. “I am incredibly nervous. I’m not sure what Ben expects tonight. I know he set this whole thing up, even including my mom to keep Alexis, so I can only assume that it’s a natural step to take.”
“Uh, no offense girl, but haven’t you guys been, well, pretty close to this already? It isn’t like you have never touched the man. And, Ben has always been, and I’m sure will continue to be, very patient and understanding. He isn’t going to do something that you aren’t ready for.”
Kayley nodded. “Oh yes. We enjoy our private time together. But this- it isn’t just sex, Em. You know that. Neither of us are in this for just a physical relationship. Crossing this line, it just seems like it makes things so much more real.”
“Are you ready for things to be real?” Emily asked.
That, thought Kayley, was the million dollar question.
Ben stirred the spaghetti, then lay the spoon on the counter. The chicken was sizzling in the frying pan. He turned down the heat and flipped the breasts over. The mushrooms and the wine sauce made the kitchen smell divine.
He checked the time on the oven clock. She should be here any moment. He wiped his hands nervously on his apron and checked the garlic bread in the oven. He felt like a high-schooler going to his first prom. What was wrong with him? This was Kayley. The love of your life¸ he thought, then gasped. The love of his life? Had he just thought that?
He braced his hands on the counter and smiled at how easily that thought popped into his head. He loved her. She was it for him. The love of his life. He knew now that even though he had been completely devastated by Zoey, he had never really loved her. Not this way. Kayley and Alexis consumed his every thought, his every decision. He loved her.
Would she be ready to hear that? They had come a long way in the past two months, but there were times she was still very hesitant, still holding a part of herself back, afraid to be loved. She wouldn’t admit it, but he could see it. She would still get a faraway look in her eye when she didn’t think he was looking. He wanted to tell her tonight, to put to rest any fears she had left of their relationship. He wanted everything about her life, including her precious little girl. She had called him Daddy Ben a few more times, never in front of Kayley, and while he knew he should tell her, he just loved the little secret that he and Alexis shared.
The doorbell chimed, and Ben turned the burners on warm and wiped his hands. He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading on his face as he reached for the door handle. Not only was he going to tell her that he loved her tonight, he
was going to show her, in every way.
Kayley’s breath caught as Ben opened the door, a huge Cheshire cat grin on his face. He looked amazing, as always in a pair of jeans and a button down shirt. He was wearing an apron too, which made her giggle and turned her on all at the same time.
“Well, well, well,” she drawled, looping her finger through the apron and pulling him to her. “Isn’t this nice.” She pressed a kiss to his lips and he dragged her into the house, shutting the door behind her and pressing her against it.
“Why, yes it is,” Ben said against her lips. “I very much like that dress you’re wearing, too.”
Ben moved his lips from her mouth to her neck, kissing hot paths up and down. Kayley squirmed, unable to stop the moan from escaping her mouth. His mouth found hers again as his hands explored the beautiful body beneath the dress.
“This. May. Be. The. Best. Dress. Ever.” Ben kissed her in between words, running his hands up her silky legs. Her body ignited, feeling like fire was touching her everywhere. Her hands touched him everywhere, unable to stop and rest for more than a few seconds. She kissed him with all of the nervousness, excitement, and passion she had built up in her mind.
His tongue explored her mouth, sucking, pulling, and teasing her until she could barely stand. His one hand cupped her breast while the other wove through her hair, pulling her head back so he could have access to her neck again.
“Kayley,” Ben breathed, feeling himself going out of control. He wanted this whole night to be perfect for her, and he was pretty sure that making love to her against a door wasn’t it. “Are you ready to eat?”
Kayley blinked at him, trying to focus on his words. “What?” All she could register is that he stopped touching her and started talking.
Ben laughed, smoothing her hair back and kissing her gently. “Food. I made a good dinner. Let’s eat.”
Kayley frowned, looking over at the kitchen. “Well, it does smell good in here,” she admitted. “But I was enjoying that meal.” She looked at him, unabashedly scanning him up and down, and smiled. He loved this playful, flirty side of her.
Ben closed the space between them again, and cupped her face with both of his hands. “I can promise you that this is just the beginning of tonight, baby.”
Kayley’s body clenched at the seductive tone to his voice. It was almost as if her crossing the threshold to his house tonight was the breakdown of another barrier between them. It felt different, here with him alone. Things were more serious, had more of an undertone than any other time they had been together.
Ben took Kayley’s hand and led her to the table. “Wine?” he offered. When she nodded, he poured her a glass and handed it to her. As she sipped, she watched in awe as he moved effortlessly around the kitchen, draining pasta, plating chicken, and removing garlic bread from the oven.
“When did you learn to cook?” Kayley asked.
“My mom had this funny rule that I couldn’t drive a car until I learned how to cook myself food. She taught me all the basics, and I was required to cook for my family once a week. After that, I found I actually liked it. Even though I don’t have a lot of time to do it, I do it whenever I can. I especially enjoy making something new. But this, my love, is a classic and one of my favorites.”
Ben set a plate of steaming pasta and chicken in front of her, and her stomach growled in response. “Chicken Marsala, just for you. But wait! We have garlic bread and salad too.” Ben put the bread in a bowl, removed the salad from the fridge, and then sat next to her.
“This looks amazing. Thank you.” Kayley leaned over and brushed her lips with his. He lay his hand on her leg under the table and rubbed circles with his thumb.
“Let’s make a toast,” he offered in response. She smiled and lifted her glass. “To us. To new beginnings and wonderful surprises.”
Kayley clinked her glass with his and put it down. He was a new beginning and a wonderful surprise. She cut into her meat, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. Spearing a piece of chicken and some pasta, she brought the fork to Ben’s mouth, a seductive smile playing on her face.
His eyes flashed with desire as she waited at his mouth with the fork. Boldly, she took her foot and ran it up his leg. His mouth opened and she delicately put the food in his mouth. Watching her, Ben chewed slowly. She leaned over, kissing his neck, then ear, then lips with the pace of a snail. Ben swallowed carefully, not wanting to chance dying from choking on food at this moment. Kayley took that moment to sip her wine, then press her lips to his. Opening her mouth, she let the wine cascade into his mouth.
Ben tasted the sweet wine, mixed with the taste of Kayley, and could barely hold back what he wanted. Desire for this woman surged so strongly through his veins, he shook with anticipation. He pulled her arm and she stood, coming over and straddling him in that beautiful dress.
“You’re getting brave, baby,” he breathed in her ear. She laughed, a sexy, throaty laugh that only fueled his desire to take her right now. “I love it.”
Kayley leaned back, her arms linked behind his head and her body pressing into his. “You make me feel safe, Ben, to be brave,” she admitted. His heart soared at her words.
“Kayley,” he started, kissing her softly. “I want to say something, but I am afraid to push you too soon.”
She smiled, the smile that curled his toes and made his heart beat faster. “Ben, you can tell me anything. Haven’t you figured that out by now?” He touched her face. Kayley leaned into his hands, her heart fluttering. She watched him as he seemed to struggle with himself.
He leaned his forehead against hers so that they were looking directly into each other’s eyes.
He took a deep breath. “I love you, Kayley Lynn Carson. I am desperately and hopelessly in love with you. And Alexis.” Ben watched her face, his pulse racing as he waited for her reaction.
Kayley sat, staring at this man, this beautiful man who just said the most amazing words to her. Her hands shook as she reached up and touched his face. Her stomach flipped in the most glorious way, and her head raced. He loved her? He was in love with her?
Tears filled her eyes as she looked into the eyes of the man that had changed her entire life. Six months ago she didn’t know him. In that time, everything about her life changed for the better. Because of him. This sexy, kind, amazing man loved her. What did she ever do to deserve the love of not one, but two wonderful men in her life? Thinking of Alex didn’t cause her pain or guilt, not this time. This time she stared into the eyes of the man that she loved, and felt the most amazing sense of freedom and peace.
Ben watched as her eyes filled with tears. He didn’t know what kind of internal battle she was fighting right now, but he hated to see her cry. “Kay,” he whispered, pressing his lips to hers gently.
She silenced him by putting her finger on his lips. “Benjamin Joseph Nichols, I’m the luckiest woman on this planet. I’m not crying sad tears, though I know that’s what you’re used to from me. Thank you so much for being such an amazing man. I can’t believe that you love me, and that you want me, and that after all we both have been through, we’re here together. I love you too, Ben.” Her voice caught and one tear escaped from her eye. Ben caught it, pressing it to his lips and absorbing it.
“I love you,” she repeated, smiling. Ben watched her, loving the expression on her face as she realized that she had survived what she never thought possible. And she loved him, just as he loved her.
“I love you,” he repeated, pulling her as close as their two bodies would allow. “This wasn’t exactly how I thought I would tell you tonight, but I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long.”
“For so long?” Kayley echoed.
“Kayley, I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you.”
“I’ll be right back,” Kayley said, taking her bag and heading for his bedroom. Ben watched her go, unable to stop the smile from crossing his face. She loved him. For the first time
in a few years, Ben felt amazing. Feeling loved had to be the best feeling in the entire world.
After dinner, though it had to be reheated, Ben and Kayley had spent hours laying on the couch, talking about anything and everything, from serious to superficial. He loved that they could do that so easily. She was such a funny, witty person, and he enjoyed when she got sarcastic with him. He loved hearing about her antics with Emily as kids, and the things she did with her big brother, Kevin. He lay back on the couch, wondering what Kayley was up to, and closed his eyes. His big plan for tonight had gone off without a hitch. Of course, he would love to show Kayley how he felt as well, but at this point, sleeping with her in his arms would be gratifying enough.
He remembered the dessert that he bought, and stood up to go get it. “Hey, Kay?” he called. “I forgot that I got dessert. Do you want some?”
Kayley opened the door to his room, now standing at the entrance to the living room. Her legs shook with nervousness. He loves me, she reminded herself. At the sound of the door, Ben turned. He gasped as he took in the most beautiful sight he had ever seen standing there, smiling nervously.
Dessert forgotten, he stared open mouthed at Kayley, the woman he loved. She was standing in his doorway, wearing a small, see through pink lace lingerie top and even smaller, just a scrap of lace and string, pink thong panties. On her amazing legs were matching pink garters. She wore pink high heels, and had her hair pinned up on her head in a loose bun.
His mouth was so dry, he couldn’t make a sound or speak. He opened and closed his mouth several times. She looked like every man’s fantasy, but she was here with him, she was his.
Living Again Page 18