Her face crumpled as she looked at him. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I love you more than I can even tell you. I would never do anything to betray you. I promise.”
Ben’s eyes blinked and narrowed slightly, the only real reaction she had seen out of him. “I’ll see you next week.”
Kayley tucked her head down and walked out the door. It felt like the longest walk ever, to her car in the road. She turned, looking back at the closed door of his house, and knew. He had just closed the door on them. Forever.
As he heard her car start and drive away, Ben leaned his head back against the door, letting out the breath he had been holding for the last five minutes. He allowed the tears that had been screaming to get out fall, and he slid to the floor. Seeing her had killed him. Sobbing into his hands, he let it all out. The shock and anger of seeing her kissing that guy had completely derailed him. He had no idea what to do with that visual. Never, ever did he think he would see that happen with Kayley. He gasped and choked, wanting to believe what Kayley said but his heart wouldn’t let him.
He’d been down this road before. He loved a girl who said she loved him and took his ring. She then cheated on him for probably months, and he didn’t have a clue. Not a fucking clue! He couldn’t survive it again. He wouldn’t allow it to happen again.
Closing his eyes, her face, contorted in pain, flashed before him. He had lashed out at her. He wanted her to feel the devastation that he felt, so he was a complete and total prick to her. God, he loved her. Even now. But he couldn’t do this again. She was so shocked that he was acting unaffected by her words, her crying. He was so affected he barely held it together. He hated to see her like that. But damn it, she did this. When she fell to the floor and sobbed so hard she practically passed out, he wanted nothing more than to pick her up, haul her into his bedroom, and make love to her frantically. To forget. But he couldn’t forget. Not now. Maybe not ever.
He stood up, wiping his tears. The only thing he could’ve done was get her out of here. He had to protect himself now. Even if doing so ripped out the last part of his heart and disintegrated it.
She had no idea how she made it back to her house. She was sobbing so uncontrollably she could barely make it into the house from her car. Kayley walked into the house and straight for her bathroom, where she threw up until there wasn’t a thing left in her stomach. Changing into yoga pants and a tank top, she stumbled into her bed and curled into a ball. She had felt pain before. Gripping, life changing, I-don’t-know-how-I’m-going-to-go-on pain. Losing Alex had been so unfair, so raw and terrible. This, however, was just as bad. The pain that her body was in was like someone physically ran her over with a truck.
Ben didn’t want her. He was done. After what had happened with Zoey, she had done exactly what he was most terrified of. Even though she had no ill intention whatsoever, by not telling him where she was, she had infiltrated a seed of doubt in his mind. A seed that would no doubt grow now that he even refused to talk to her. She shivered as she pictured his cold, calculating look, and the way he demanded that she only had five minutes to talk to him. The way he threw her out of his house without any flicker of understanding or love.
Now he was going to be gone for five days in New York City, and there was nothing she could do to help the situation. What if when he got home he still didn’t want to forgive her? What if she never saw him again? What if, during his trip, he found someone else to warm his bed? To make him forget?
Rolling over, she caught a whiff of his pillow, and a sob escaped her throat. Pulling it to her, she cried, holding onto it for dear life. Just like Alex, her whole house was now filled with reminders of Ben. His razor was on her bathroom counter, his after shave too. His clothes were in the closet. The protein shakes and bars he loved were in the kitchen. Pictures of the two of them and the three of them were in frames. If he never came back, if he never forgave her and believed her, she would never survive. She’d be dead, in most senses of the word.
Picking up her phone, she dialed Emily’s number. Emily picked up after one ring. “Kay? What happened?”
“Please,” she squeaked out. “Please come, Em. I need you. B-bring Alexis.”
“Where?” Emily asked.
“Home,” Kayley answered, then hung up, sobs overtaking her again.
When Emily arrived, she bathed Alexis and put her down to bed without even bothering Kayley. From the sounds of it on the phone, Kayley wasn’t in any condition to see Alexis. Knowing her best friend the way she did, she knew whatever had happened, it was bad. Catastrophic.
“Kayley?” She walked into her bedroom, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dark. Once they did, she saw Kayley in a ball, her body shaking. “My God, what in the world happened?”
Kayley rolled over to see her, and Emily gasped at the sight of her. Her face was completely swollen and her eyes were beet red. She looked like she had been beaten up, but Emily knew it was from crying. Kayley had been flat out sobbing for hours. Her body convulsed and shook from all of the emotion coursing through her.
“H-he doesn’t want me,” she stuttered out, fresh tears streaking down her face. “H-he kicked me out.”
Emily sat on the bed next to her best friend in the world, smoothing her hair back and wiping away her tears. “Honey, that man loves you more than anything. What in the world happened? You need to tell me if I need to go kick his ass or not.”
Kayley shook her head. “He d-doesn’t l-l-love me any-mm-ore,” she hiccupped. “Y-you didn’t s-see him. H-he looked at m-me like he h-hated me.”
Emily lifted a cup of water to Kayley’s lips. “Drink this.” Kayley took a few sips, then lay back again. “You need to start from the beginning and tell me what happened.”
Kayley took a deep breath and tried to steady her voice. She had no idea how she had any tears left in her, but they kept coming anyway. She told Emily the story, starting with Ben calling about the conference, getting the email from Cooper, then the disastrous lunch debacle, and then going to his house and him kicking her out without even really listening to her.
Emily’s face got hard with emotion as anger bubbled up inside her. “Are you effing kidding me, Kay? He didn’t believe you? Damn Cooper James and his womanizing. How dare he come on to you minutes after you not only told him about your late husband, his friend, mind you, but your new boyfriend? And Alexis called him Daddy in front of him, and he still kissed you? But Ben doesn’t believe you? Just like that? Oh hell no, sweetie. He’s not going to treat my best friend like that and get away with it!”
“Wait,” Kayley held on to Emily’s arm, full well knowing she would leave this house now and find Ben. “You don’t know the back story.” Kayley motioned for Emily to sit back down, but instead, Emily went over and laid down on the bed, putting her arms around Kayley just like Ben would. The kind gesture made Kayley cry again. Emily leaned over, wiping away her tears.
“God, I hate seeing you like this. I never wanted to see this pain on your face again. Not after Alex. Tell me the story, Kay, because right now I want to go give Dr. Yummy a piece of my mind.”
Kayley told Emily the rest of the story about Zoey, not leaving out any parts like she had previously when giving her the abridged version. Surprisingly, she got through the story without dissolving into tears. “So that’s why he’s done with me, Em. He didn’t have another relationship after her until me. He didn’t trust anyone. See? He’s never going to take me back.”
Emily hugged her, feeling her body shaking again with silent tears. “Oh yes, he will,” she declared, determined that this would not be the end of the story. Not if she had anything to do with it.
Ben boarded the flight, finding his seat and settling in. Thank God it’s first class, he thought. He hadn’t had a wink of sleep last night, spending most of his night going over and over every detail that had happened that day. He had ignored several calls coming in from Emily, knowing she was probably pissed at him for the way he treated Kayley. Hell,
he was pissed at himself. But it didn’t change the facts.
Turning his phone on airplane mode, his eye caught the picture he used as his wallpaper. It was Kayley and Alexis at the park, their faces both beaming identical smiles. His heart clenched at the sight of her and that precious baby that he considered his own. He ran his fingers along her beautiful face and full lips, knowing that he would never be the same. Not this time. He would never recover.
Settling back in the seat, he looked out the window and waited for takeoff, hoping that during the flight he could have some relief by falling asleep.
Ben awoke as the plane touched down on the runway. Yawning, he was never more relieved to have gotten a few hours of sleep than now. His mind needed a break. Looking out the window, he saw the tall buildings of New York. He had been here several times before, but he felt nothing this time. No excitement to see the city, the people, the buildings, the restaurants. He didn’t want to do anything.
An hour later, he was checked in to the hotel where the conference was being held, a magnificent place right in the heart of Times Square. Looking out of his window at the flashing signs and bustling people below, he felt nothing but loneliness. He checked his phone for the conference schedule for tomorrow, sighing when he realized he would be in meetings from early in the morning until dinner time.
Changing his clothes into a pair of jeans and a casual button down shirt, he stuck his wallet and his phone in his pocket and headed for the hotel bar downstairs. He needed something to do other than look at the four walls in this room and think of Kayley.
He slid into a barstool, glad to see TV’s on behind the bar where he could at least drown himself in a mindless sports game. He sat his phone next to him, noticing that he thankfully had no more messages. He still hadn’t listened to the messages that Kayley left him yesterday. Or Emily. Or Cam.
“What can I get you?” the bartender asked, thankfully a middle aged man and not some flirtatious young woman.
“Scotch, neat,” Ben said crisply, not wanting to give the impression he wanted to chat. He passed his credit card across the bar to start a tab, and he left him to tend to someone else.
He downed the strong liquid, relishing the burn as it made its way to his stomach. He wanted- no needed- to be numb tonight. Or for the next five days. Or for the rest of his life. He signaled for another.
Just as he was ready to down the second, a familiar voice purred in his ear. “Fancy seeing you here,” Dana slid into the stool next to him. He practically groaned. She was right at the top of a very short list of people he did not want to see right now.
“What are you doing here,” he said with disgust, not even looking at her.
Dana scoffed. “God, Ben, really? Couldn’t you act like, I don’t know, friendly? I’m here for the same damn conference you’re here for.” The bartender approached and she ordered a Malibu and Diet Coke.
“Dana,” Ben tried to even his voice. “I’ve had a really, really shitty few days. So, if you don’t mind, I would like to sit here by myself and drink until I can barely make it to my room.”
Her slender eyebrows went up. “Wow. I’ve never seen you like this. What’s going on?”
Ben downed the other drink in one gulp, then turned to her. “None of your damn business.”
Dana laughed, sipping her drink. “Uh oh. Sounds like trouble in paradise. Things with Kayley on the rocks?”
Ben wasn’t a dick; he really wasn’t. But he had no patience for this right now. “Do not say her name. You don’t get to talk about her. Not after the stunt you pulled. Nice try, by the way. I didn’t think you were the conniving type.”
Dana blinked her heavily made-up eyes at him. “Why Ben, whatever are you talking about?”
He signaled for another drink, feeling fuzzy and liking that it was suppressing the hurt that was in every cell of his body. “You know what the hell I’m talking about. You trying to scare Kayley away from me that day that she came to the hospital. Did you really think that if it worked, I would come running to you? Come on, Dana. Have more respect for yourself than that.”
Dana stirred her drink, then looked at him. “Screw you, Ben. I wasn’t the only one playing games.”
Ben ignored the comment, not wanting to get into it with another woman. The bartender set down his drink and he sipped this one.
“I’m sorry, Ben. It was screwed up of me. I get that. I was jealous and acted horribly.”
Ben looked at her briefly, and she smiled. He had been attracted to that smile once. Now all he saw when he looked at her was how different she was from Kayley. At the thought of her name, he felt like he had been punched in the gut and the breath had been knocked out of him. He waved off her apology. “Whatever. It’s over. Thanks.” He downed the third drink, knowing he should stop but not wanting to.
He stood up, swaying slightly as he gripped the back of the barstool. “I’ll be right back,” he told the bartender so he wouldn’t close out his tab. He made his way for the restroom across the bar, hoping that when he returned she would’ve disappeared into the night.
Dana sipped her drink, knowing this was her opportunity. Ben was clearly upset about something major, and was drinking heavily. This was a perfect recipe for her to get him where she wanted him- in her bed again. Noticing his cell phone on the bar next to her, she got an idea. Smiling slowly, she looked around to make sure Ben wasn’t coming back yet.
She slid his cell phone over to her and pressed the screen. The home screen popped up without a password. “Yesssss,” she celebrated. Going to contacts, she scrolled until she found Kayley’s name. Taking out her own phone, she quickly typed in the contact information. This would be perfect to send his little girlfriend pictures of them in compromising positions. Looking back again to see if he was coming, she scrolled through his pictures. He had countless pictures of what must be Kayley’s daughter, many of Kayley and the little girl, and some of them all together. Please, she thought. He doesn’t want to be an insta-daddy. Seeing the voicemail icon, she pressed the screen, noticing there were several messages from Kayley. She pressed one, putting the phone to her ear. “Ben! It’s-it’s not what you think, babe. Please. Call me back, Ben. Please. I love you!”
Oh yeah. There was trouble in paradise. Dana was going to just have to make sure that the trouble continued.
Ben made his way back to the bar, disappointed to see that Dana was still sitting there. He slid into the stool, signaling for another drink.
“Should you be drinking that much?” Dana asked.
Ben narrowed his eyes at her. “Last time I checked, I’m a grown adult, and I’m not driving anywhere.”
Another drink appeared before him, and he turned his attention to the screen. He didn’t want to talk to Dana anymore. He had half a mind to leave and go back upstairs where she couldn’t get to him. But, he wanted to drink, so here he was.
A commercial came on with a blonde haired mom and her small daughter. It was for toddler food or something. Ben’s eyes filled with tears without warning. She was nowhere as beautiful as Kayley, but she resembled her. God, he missed her. He wished he could rewind back a couple days and have her do the entire scene with Alex’s friend differently. He should’ve been there with her, meeting this guy. Alexis should’ve sat on his lap, munching her snacks and calling him Daddy. The asshole would’ve never kissed her.
A few drinks later, and Ben knew. He had to go. He was done here. Someone would have to carry him before too long, and he wasn’t going to embarrass himself in that way. He signaled the bartender. “Close my tab, please.”
As he signed the receipt, he felt a hand traveling up his leg, and hot breath in his ear. “Ben,” Dana purred, moving her hand even higher. “Why don’t you let me help you upstairs.” He closed his eyes, wishing to hell that Kayley was running her hand up his leg. You kicked her out, you asshole, he thought. You pushed her away. You didn’t believe her.
Ben’s eyes flew open and he stopped Dana’s hand before s
he got where she was going. “No,” he said firmly, getting up. “Not now, not ever. No matter how drunk I am, I won’t be that guy. No way.”
With that, he stood up, leaving Dana at the bar, her face twisted into a furious rage. Making his way back to his hotel room, he flung himself on his bed, clothes and all, and passed out.
“Have a good day, babe! I love you!” Kayley got in the car, strapping Alexis in her car seat. She waved goodbye to him, blowing him a kiss as he stood on the porch, watching them leave. Alexis waved her baby hand, yelling bye bye. His heart constricted as he watched the two loves of his life pull out down the road.
As he watched, they reached the intersection and stopped at the four way stop. It was Kayley’s turn to go. As she started pulling forward, Ben caught a flash of silver coming from the other direction. The car was going too fast, there was no way it would stop.
“KAYLEY!” he screamed, running from the porch. The car smashed into Kayley’s driver side, spinning her car around in circles. He pushed harder, trying to get there. “No, no, no, no, no.”
Reaching the car, glass was everywhere. Alexis screamed in the backseat. “It’s okay, baby, it’s okay,” Ben soothed, yanking on the driver door. It wouldn’t budge. Running around to the other side, he flung open the passenger door. Kayley was slumped against the seat, the airbag still smoking. Blood trickled down her head and her eyes were closed.
Living Again Page 24