She nodded, sniffling as she tried to contain any further tears. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “You’re probably sick and tired of my emotional state these days.” She laughed, shaking her head at herself. She had been an emotional rollercoaster since Cierra had been born.
Ben kissed her softly, and her body responded, desire curling in her belly. “I’ll never be tired of you. Ever. I understand, remember? You just had a baby. That in itself is a major reason to be emotional. You aren’t getting enough sleep and your body is still trying to readjust. Then, your firstborn starting school? That’s just icing on the emotional cake, baby. I want you to tell me if you need help, Kay. You aren’t superwoman.”
She nodded, knowing he was right. “I’m tired, but I think I’m okay. Now, enough with my emotional self. I need to get these kids home and get my day started. Whatever will I do without my little assistant?”
Ben laughed. “You may find things are quite peaceful around there! Have a great day, baby. I love you. Call me when you pick up Alexis this afternoon? I want to hear all about her day. I should be home around six.”
Kayley nodded, opening the van door to put Benji and Cierra in. Kissing Benji, then Cierra, he then walked to his own car to go to work. He still owned that hot black sports car, even though they had three kids now. Kayley liked it because it reminded her of when they first got together.
He spoiled her rotten, still. He would send her flowers, just because he was thinking of her. He would set up date nights where the kids were at one of their parents and he would set out candles and cook dinner, and they would make love wherever and whenever they wanted. He got her gifts on the kids’ birthdays, usually jewelry. She thought she might own part of the Tiffany store at this point. She loved every single part of their life.
When Benji was born two years ago, she had decided to stay home as a full time mom. With Alexis, she hadn’t had that option, but it had always been her dream. She figured, her career would be there later, when her kids were all in school. For now, being with them was important to her. With Ben’s job, she had the option of staying home, so she did. She loved every moment she got with Benji that she hadn’t gotten with Alexis. Alexis had gotten her for the last two years full time as well, since Kayley had opted for only part time preschool when she was four.
After Benji was born and they were a family of four, Ben had decided that working at the hospital wasn’t for him anymore. He saw an opportunity to get into a group of pediatricians that were very prominent in the area, so he took it. He worked only weekdays, taking on call nights only a few times a week, and was usually home about six for dinner. It had been a lucrative move for him, because after only one year, they had offered to make him a part owner in the practice. He loved his patients, and he was a highly sought after pediatrician with an extensive waiting list. He got to know his patients personally, and they loved him for it. She and Ben actually had a vision that when their kids were all in school, they wanted to open a kid’s therapy center attached to his practice, and Kayley would head that up, hiring all the therapists and working there if she chose to.
Kayley was so proud of him, and not just for being a world class doctor. She was proud that their family meant so much to him that he chose to be home every night, tucking their kids into bed and spending time with her. No matter how much success he achieved, still all he wanted to do was come home to them. She didn’t know if they would have any more children or not—that would be decided after she got past the not sleeping part of having a newborn. She did know, however, that she loved having children with him, and their house was plenty big enough for more.
Emily and Trevor still had just two, Cate, who was now 7 and going into second grade, and Calleigh, who was three. They still spent a lot of time with Emily and Trevor, Trevor having become one of Ben’s best friends. Rachel was still Rachel, but she had recently met someone, though she was being hush hush about him and Kayley hadn’t met him. She was still working at the therapy center, and she and Kayley still tried to hang out frequently even though Kayley didn’t work there anymore.
Lindsay and Paul had another baby a year ago, finally a little boy they named Lucas. His big sisters were over the moon for him, just like Alexis was with her baby brother and now sister.
Over the last three years since they got married, she had kept in contact with Alex’s sister and brother, though they had both moved in that time. Amber was now married and part of a successful law group, living in North Carolina. Adam lived in Georgia, about an hour from his parents, and worked at a big Atlanta hospital as a neurologist. He was engaged to be married.
Ben’s best friend Cam and his wife Kellie had recently added to their family as well. Big brother Kasen, who was three, welcomed his little sister, Kassandra, a few weeks before Kayley and Ben had Cierra. They were thrilled that their girls would grow up together, and Kasen and Benji were the best of buds.
Looking longingly out her window at Alexis’ brick school building, she felt like she just left part of her heart there. Well, in a sense, she did. For the first year of her life, it had just been them, two parts of the same whole. For that reason, Kayley felt that the two of them would always have a special bond beyond the bond of a mother and a daughter. They had been each other’s lifeline, even though Alexis had no recollection of that time, nor why it had been so sad. Now that she was older, she did know and understand that Alex had been her daddy, and he had gone to heaven because of a terrible accident before she was born. True to his word, Ben always reminded Alexis that he was borrowing her from her Daddy in Heaven. To Alexis, she was Daddy’s little girl, and the rest didn’t matter. But Kayley knew that it mattered to Ben. He was a man of the upmost integrity, and he would make sure that Alexis was never kept in the dark about her past. She smiled as she remembered their conversation, just a few months ago, to try to explain it to Alexis better. She had known her whole life that she had another daddy, but Ben sat her down one day to try to explain what had happened. She remembered as Alexis processed the words that she looked at Ben, so innocent and sweet and said, ‘So did that happen to Benji, too? And Mommy’s baby?’ Ben had gently told her no, that he was their only daddy, but that she was special and had two. She had seemed to like that explanation, and had gone on her way to go play with her dolls.
She couldn’t believe how far she had come in the last five years. If someone had told her, way back when she married Alex, that this would be the course of her life, she would’ve never believed them. She had definitely found out that life threw you curveballs, and sometimes really terrible things happened to great people. But, she was married to the man that she couldn’t breathe without, who treated her like an absolute queen. They had three wonderful children and a life that made her want to pinch herself daily. She thought back to the vow she had made herself over five years ago, that she wasn’t going to love again.
What I would’ve missed out on, she thought, looking in the mirror to the backseat, where Cierra slept soundly and Benji sucked his pacifier, content. Ben was the reason that she was even here. Sure, she would’ve probably eventually pulled herself together and moved on. But would she have ever had this life she had now, if Ben hadn’t pushed her into realizing they were worth it? She fingered the necklace that she still wore daily, the teardrop topaz that Ben gave her, to remind her that he wouldn’t hurt her ever again. And he hadn’t. While they had their share of petty arguments, like any couple, they both knew that the love they shared was too precious to taint by that much pain ever again.
Feeling her phone vibrate, she looked down at her lap. It was a text from Ben, who had probably just arrived at his office and was preparing for a busy day. Go home, Kay. She’s going to be fine. I love you. Kayley laughed out loud. He knew her so well. Benji took out his pacifier and smiled at her in response to her laugh.
“I love you, baby boy,” she reached behind her and caressed his foot, the only thing she could reach. Satisfied, he stuck it back in his mouth and rela
xed against his seat.
Pulling out of the school with a sad glance in her rearview mirror, she left Alexis at her first day of school and headed home. She had done it. She had overcome her past and in return gotten the most rewarding life she could’ve ever imagined. Ben had made her live again, made her want to spend her life living for him and their family.
Jason Mraz- I Won’t Give Up
Jason Mraz- Lucky
Hunter Hayes- Wanted
Hunter Hayes- Cry With You
Florida Georgia Line- Stay
Maroon 5- Sad
Phillip Phillips- Gone, Gone, Gone
Labrinth- Beneath Your Beautiful
Brad Paisley- Then
Blake Shelton- God Gave Me You
Blake Shelton- Mine Would Be You
Kelly Clarkson- Standing In Front of You
Tim McGraw- My Little Girl
Tim McGraw/ Faith Hill- It’s Your Love
Faith Hill- There You’ll Be
Rascal Flatts- What Hurts the Most
Rascal Flatts- Bless the Broken Road
Justin Timberlake- Mirror
Heartland- I Loved Her First
Lady Antebellum- Need You Now
Lady Antebellum- Ready to Love Again
Lady Antebellum- As You Turn Away
Dave Matthews Band- You and Me
Celine Dion- Alone
David Guetta & Usher- Without You
Daughtry- Start of Something Good
Adele- One and Only
Garden State- Let Go
Jason Derulo- Marry Me
Chantel Kreviazuk- Feels Like Home
I can’t remember a time that I didn’t write, that a story didn’t make its way into my head at any time, begging to be written. My mind has been creating stories since I was old enough to write. It has always been my dream to be a writer. This year, I finally decided to put myself out there and self-publish my first book. Living Again was born in my head, the characters screaming to get out and make me type faster. I wrote the majority of this story in a month’s time. I wrote eight to twelve hours a day, neglecting pretty much everything else. I wrote, I deleted, I revised, I wrote again. The characters told me where the story was going to take a turn I didn’t plan for, and I listened.
To give credit where credit is due, I wouldn’t be where I was today if my mom, Krista, didn’t think I was an absolute genius (she still does). She always encouraged my love of writing, buying me a typewriter so I didn’t have to write anymore, then a computer so I didn’t have to use the type writer. She will tell everyone who will listen how amazingly smart I was at every age. She’s biased, but I love her.
My little sister Blair was always my biggest cheerleader. She was always excited when I would tell her that I was writing a new story, and she would have me read it to her every night, but we had to start from the beginning. Even today, while reading my book, she would email or text me and gush on and on about how much she loved it, that she bawled her eyes out, and that I was meant to do this. I love you, Blair Bear (oh, yes I did). You have always been my #1 fan.
To my husband, Cameron, and my two children, thank you. I was physically present but not otherwise present during a lot of this process of writing. You were left to make dinner, watch TV, and amuse yourselves while I typed furiously into the night. Thanks, Cam, for always supporting me and wanting me to live my dreams. To my oldest son, who asked me if I was still writing, I’m done with this one but definitely not done. To my baby boy who asked every day if he could read it (no, baby, sorry, you still can’t), I love you for believing in me even when I said no every day. The three of you are my entire world.
To my best friend since childhood, LeElla, you have always been so much more than just a friend. You were also one of my biggest cheerleaders when we were kids, and maybe someday we will get to publish that best friends’ story we wrote way back when. I can never thank you enough for believing in me through this process, answering my many, many texts, and reading the story again and again and again until I could get it “just right”. Thanks for the advice, the lengthy phone calls, and just being you. I owe you, big time.
To my “assistants”, Kellie and Mindy. Wow. We had a blast at Book Bash over the summer, and I warned you that I was inspired to finish the book and get it out there. Since then, who could’ve imagined what has happened? I have loved our group texts, whether it’s me asking you a question, seeing if you could look something up for me, or needing you to read a section to see what you thought. Both of you dropped what you were doing many times to help me, and I will never forget that. Thank you for helping me contact people, post things on Facebook, and anything else I asked you to do.
Mindy, when we met at the young age of 9, who would’ve thought we’d still be friends so many years later? I’m thankful for your lifelong friendship, and how much you have been there during this whole process. Thank you for always believing in me. You are the true definition of a dedicated friend.
Kellie, we are just two peas in a pod. Our thoughts are often so on track with each other, all we can do is laugh. I love our late night texts, our book discussions, and our Google searches where we laugh until we cry. You are one in a million, Kel. Thank you for going way above and beyond to do anything and everything for me, whether it is book related or not. You are the greatest example of friendship, and I value you every single day. I promise I won’t make you do google searches for certain things anymore.
Brooke, you are the most dedicated friend any girl could ever ask for. Between our summer chats over lunch with our kids, to our phone conversations and texts, your encouragement that I could and would do this means more to me than I can ever tell you. You putting aside what you needed to do because you just had to read the story made me feel like a million bucks. That’s what you do every single time-make me feel like I matter. Meeting you three years ago was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
To my “beta’s”: LeElla, Mindy, Kellie, Blair, Brooke, Kari, Skye, and Barbara. Thank you so much for your priceless feedback, for encouraging me when I was frustrated, and believing in the story I was telling. And for the 5 star reviews from ALL of you! You sure know how to make a girl cry.
To Kari, my wonderful cover designer. You have become so much more than just the designer for my cover. You are an amazing person, and I can’t wait to work with you for a really long time. I will forever be thankful for the day I saw your name pop up on Facebook and decided to contact you.
To Angela, thank you for making it beautiful and ready to publish, and for answering my many, many questions before I even got it over to you. You are wonderful at what you do.
To all of the blogs that have agreed wholeheartedly to promote my small, independently published self. You are an amazing asset to this indie community. There are too many to list, but thank you. Each and every one of you spend your time and effort to help us get the word out about ourselves without any payment or reward. Ashley from Closed the Cover, thank you for setting up my blog tour and guiding me through this process.
To Gail McHugh, for answering me personally when I asked you question after question about the right path to publishing. It is amazing to me that you still take the time to encourage others to write, and give advice about what you have done to make it in this industry. You are a kind, selfless person. There needs to be more people like you in the world.
To everyone, past and present, who have believed in my dream and cheered me on, waiting impatiently for the finished product. Thank you. I hope you love it as much as I do.
Turn the page for a sneak peek of…
by LL Collins
Coming 2014
Five Years Ago…
She sat against the outside wall of her house, the dingy porch covering her from view, her head in her hands while sobs wracked her entire body. Her long red hair covered her like a curtain, shielding her from the cruelty of the outside world. It was like she was in a cocoon, but knew that it wouldn’t help
keep her safe from this pain. She knew he was leaving, she could feel the loss of him like a limb was missing. A moment ago he had been standing there, watching her, love pouring from him like water rushing down a waterfall, but now, he was walking away. She did this. She was twenty one years old, but she knew that she would never love anyone the way she loved him ever again in her life. But, she had ruined it, just like everything else. Her innate way of screwing everything up had just made the man of her dreams walk away from her forever. She couldn’t tell him. She just couldn’t. She couldn’t let him ruin his career over her. So she let him think the absolute worst of her.
Hearing the engine of his motorcycle rev up, she couldn’t watch him pull away. She knew exactly what he looked like sitting on that big beast of a machine, his sexy, muscular legs straddling the body like it was a beautiful woman, his strong arms gripping the handlebars tightly, making his muscles contract. His dark tousled hair would be covered by the helmet, as would his dark blue eyes, but nothing could mask the pull, the draw of this man. The tattoo hidden under his short sleeve shirt would peek out as the wind rustled through his body, a tattoo she had memorized over the last two years. She had run her fingers over it, her tongue, and laid her head on it to fall asleep more times than she could count. It was the only tattoo he had, a tribal design that went around his defined bicep. He had gotten it one night on a dare from some of the guys, and she absolutely loved it. Most of the time, he was a clean cut, professional driving a police car and walking around with a stern face. She knew him differently, the edgy, passionate, love of her life. Devin Putnam. Just his name caused a reaction in her body. Four years older than her but her soul mate just the same. Their relationship had been combustible, passionate, and all consuming, but the fire had been instantly extinguished the moment he pulled away, riding that reverberating motorcycle. She knew one thing for an absolute fact. Though he had loved her just as much as she had loved him, once the rumble of that engine faded into the night, he would never come back to her.
Living Again Page 47