by Alexa Verde
Gwendolyn suppressed a wave of envy. She wasn’t an envious person to start with, and Liberty deserved her marital bliss. Liberty’s outspoken no-nonsense hid a generous heart.
“Leave the rest of the toys. I’ll get them later.” Liberty glanced back as she walked toward the hall, her husband’s arm wrapped around her shoulder. “Gwendolyn, please be ready in half an hour. We’ll give you a car ride to where we have the horses and sleighs.”
That was probably the polite equivalent of Liberty dragging Gwendolyn there. But then, what in other people might be considered rude and intrusive, in Liberty showed she cared.
Once again, wistfulness invaded Gwendolyn as she hurried to her room to get ready. She’d love to have Liberty as her friend. For a moment, resentment stung her. Conner had that precious gift of being related to this family and had hidden it from them for too long.
He’d said his concern was about his daughter, about the way they’d accept her. But wasn’t there some of his own concern, too? Was he scared to get attached again after his wife’s death?
If so, he’d never let himself get attached to her, either.
With those sad thoughts, Gwendolyn changed into her best slacks and a fun Christmas sweater Liberty had given her as a gift, in emerald green, of course. Gwendolyn wished she’d packed makeup or pretty clothes.
A slight unease developed in her stomach as she brushed her pitiful hair, and not only because she didn’t know how to act with Conner.
She’d never liked being out in the open because it was much more difficult to protect someone then, and even trips in the park made her nervous. She took a deep breath and dabbed her favorite perfume on her wrists, the scent gentle and nonintrusive. Really, her bodyguard duties were nominal now, and there was no reason to think the children might be in danger. Besides, evenings were her own, and she was off duty.
Her shoulders relaxed a little. For most of her career, she’d had to stay on high alert while on the job, and being able to enjoy herself should feel good.
Did she start healing in Cowboy Crossing?
Her heart warmed as if she belonged here more than to any of those other places she’d been in. But then a small lump formed in her throat. She swallowed the clog down but couldn’t push away the fact that she’d have to leave soon.
A knock on the door preceded Liberty marching in without waiting for an answer. “Ready?”
Sure enough, Liberty wouldn’t let her off the hook.
Gwendolyn nodded, though she wasn’t ready for what was about to come.
Would she ever be?
Out of habit, she checked her surroundings as she opened the mansion’s front door in a slit before moving forward when nothing looked suspicious. One could never be too careful. Her father had found it out the hard way.
She reviewed camera recordings often, checked the interior and exterior perimeter twice daily, and watched from the windows many times during the day. Still, after the threat had seemed to be over, she felt a sting of guilt for her high pay.
Tipping her face toward the setting sun, she took a deep breath of frosty air in a failed attempt to calm her jumping heart.
Then she followed the obnoxiously happy family and allowed herself to enjoy the magnificent panorama instead of scanning the environment for potential threats.
With the frosty trees and fences dusted in white powder and the ground thick with snow, the place looked like a winter wonderland. Tiny sparkles reflected in the snow like precious stones.
The myriad of Christmas lights still on after Christmas illuminated the wish hidden deep inside her soul. She wanted a different life from the one she’d led until now.
First, she needed to believe in herself, believe she had the strength to find what that life was.
On the short walk to the truck, Liberty’s husband lifted their son onto his shoulders, eliciting a squeal.
Gwendolyn’s treacherous heart skipped a beat as the motor roared to life and the truck took off, the air freshener giving off a whiff of green apples. One of the reasons a new life looked attractive was because she was falling for Conner and getting attached to his precious girl. Despite her inexperience in the romance department, she hoped she was observant enough to discern if the attraction was mutual. She’d thought it was.
Yet for them to have a chance at happiness together, she’d have to work through her trust issues, and he’d have to work through his abandonment ones. Not to mention figuring out how to resolve the geographical distance.
Her stomach clenched as she rested against the leather seat. Her having a dangerous profession wouldn’t help.
Lord, what should I do?
Besides teaching her to pray, her father had told her he’d tried to learn something from every case he’d taken. He’d said that the Lord often showed us the things we needed to learn.
As she pulled out her phone from her pocket and studied photos on Odetta’s social media, especially the ones where Odetta was with her husband, Gwendolyn wondered what she could learn here. Odetta’s smile looked natural, not forced, as she gazed at her husband, and he looked at her with the same affection.
Gwendolyn scrolled down for more photos.
Vacations at the ocean. Entertainment parks. Picnics in their spacious yard. They looked like a happy family.
Lowering her phone, Gwendolyn peered out the window at the white wonderland. If Odetta could heal enough from physical and emotional abuse to fall in love and trust a man again, couldn’t Gwendolyn do the same?
Conner omitting his blood ties to the Clarks didn’t help, but maybe her trust issues weren’t the only problem. She was so used to her loneliness that it was all she knew. She huddled into that loneliness as if it was a warm security blanket. The idea of risking betrayal again made her stomach clench tighter.
Her phone rang, and she squinted at the screen.
An unknown number again.
Tension built in her gut as she swiped the screen to answer and pressed it to her ear. “Hello?”
“Remember what you’ve done.” The male voice spoke fast, and the line went dead.
A shiver traveled down her back though it was warm in the vehicle. What could this mean? What had she done? Or was this call for someone else?
She sent her friend a quick text with the new info. She felt the truck slowing down, and there was no time to call her.
When the truck stopped, Liberty glanced back. “I’ll say a prayer for you. I hope it works out between you two. And if not, I’m sure Danica will find you a great guy.”
“I’ll help, too!” Nehemiah grinned.
“Thank you.” Warmth spread inside Gwendolyn. Liberty seemed to treat everyone like family, even people like Gwendolyn who retreated into their shell like a turtle at the first sign of emotional danger. “And thank you for doing this.”
Liberty winked at her. “Don’t thank me. The sleigh ride was Danica’s suggestion. And I see someone is here early.”
“O–okay.” Gwendolyn faced the window, and her heart picked up speed.
There he was, standing near the horses. He stroked the space between the black mare’s eyes, then lifted his daughter so she could do the same. Small white flecks covered the beautiful horse’s coat like snowflakes, and striped hooves stamped the snow as she shifted them.
The Appaloosa looked magnificent, but Gwendolyn’s gaze quickly slid back to the man who made her heart beat faster.
He didn’t see her yet. So, after she did her usual scan of the area, she took the opportunity to take him in.
Hmm. His whole demeanor changed when he was around horses.
He placed Daisy on the ground again and fed the mare an apple. Such wistfulness twisted his expression that Gwendolyn’s insides twisted in response. Huh. She might not be the only one on the brink of life-changing decisions.
“He loves working with horses, doesn’t he?” Liberty whispered.
“Yes.” Gwendolyn nodded for emphasis.
From the way he’d talked
about the ranch and the shine in his eyes as he spoke, she’d gathered how much he loved his previous job and lifestyle. Trading open spaces for stifling rooms and fragile art must’ve been difficult.
But he felt he needed to dedicate his life to managing his late wife’s gallery. While she could respect that, her heart sank. She lifted her chin and exited the truck.
Daisy saw her first, yelped, and ran toward her. “Miss Gwendolyn! I missed you! We haven’t seen you for ages!”
Gwendolyn caught the girl in her arms and hugged her while tenderness swept her whole. “I missed you, too.” While “for ages” was only a day apart, she didn’t correct Daisy.
A day without this little family did feel like “for ages” indeed.
The child’s love was so pure, and Gwendolyn didn’t remember the last time she’d received a gift like that, if ever.
If she could have a Christmas wish, even if it was too late for that, it would be to give this girl all the affection Daisy so obviously needed and Gwendolyn never had the chance to give her mother or sister.
A wish for a family for Conner and Daisy. Maybe even for herself?
“You’re gonna go on the sleigh ride with me and Daddy, right?” Daisy tugged at Gwendolyn’s sleeve, dragging her toward the horses and sleigh without waiting for an answer.
Daisy must’ve taken lessons from Danica and been a quick learner. Daisy’s tiny nose scrunched in a funny way as she looked up and grinned. Gwendolyn’s heart melted faster than snow in the spring sun.
As she walked along the fresh, crisp snow, she wondered if she could start fresh, too. Could there be a spring season with fragrant blooms of love in her life?
Her pulse spiked the moment she looked into Conner’s mesmerizing eyes. There needed to be a second part to that wish.
She swallowed hard.
Lord, please help Conner accept what he lost. Give him and me a chance for the future. Amen.
* * *
Conner’s heart leaped, making him want to rush to Gwendolyn the way his little girl had. But he forced himself to stay rooted in place, leaning into the mare for support, either moral or physical—or both.
The Appaloosa nickered, the sound somewhat comforting. Amazing how horses could sense the human’s mood. More amazing how they could soothe it. How forgiving they could be. While Conner had always been calm and kept his emotions in check around horses because they needed to know they could rely on him, this one forgave his distress.
A breeze played with the strands escaping Gwendolyn’s knit hat, and the chill pinked her cheeks. And the joyful way his daughter greeted her made him realize he was falling for this woman.
The woman he could easily lose if he hadn’t already.
Their goodbye had been tense after his admittance.
He lifted his daughter and placed her in the sleigh. “Here we go, Sweetie Pie.”
“Thanks, Daddy.”
Then he faced Gwendolyn, not sure how to act around her. She didn’t respond to his call or text yesterday. “Um, hi.”
“Hi.” She ducked her head, soft curls slipping around her face as her fragile lashes kissed her cheeks.
“I wasn’t sure you’d show up today.” He frowned. That wouldn’t win him the greeting-of-the-year award. He missed their easy camaraderie, missed it passionately.
“I... Well, you underestimated Liberty’s and Danica’s influence then,” Gwendolyn told the snow.
Great.
His heart dipped into the same snow. So she’d come here because Liberty had made her. He had to admit that half sister was quite the woman, but that didn’t mean he wanted her bullying someone he was coming to care about.
“You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to,” he said in a low voice so his daughter wouldn’t overhear. Daisy would be upset if Gwendolyn left.
The Clark family had been forgiving when he’d told them the secret. He’d been shocked. Thrilled to find out she had cousins, Daisy didn’t mind at all that he hadn’t told her earlier. But could Gwendolyn do the same? After many people had deceived her, her trust was threadbare, and his actions could’ve torn it completely.
His heart seemed to stop beating when he waited for her answer, and the only sound interrupting the silence was the horse’s nickering.
He couldn’t wait any longer. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I really am. How about we start from scratch? Before my mistake. Get to know each other.” He stuck out his hand. “Hello. I’m Conner. And this is my daughter, Daisy.”
Gwendolyn looked up, and a bashful smile widened her lips. “I’m Gwendolyn. Great to meet you.”
Hope unraveled inside him. “Great to meet you, too. Have a date with me tomorrow, please. Let me get to know you better. No secrets between us any longer. Daisy will be with us, if that’s okay with you.”
Her eyes lit up like lights on a Christmas tree. “You know, that’s just the thing. I want to get to know you. I... want to see you. And Daisy, of course.”
“Is that a yes to the date?”
“Yes.”
His chest swelling, he couldn’t help it. He lifted Gwendolyn up and twirled her around while his heartbeat became a staccato from having her in his arms.
Daisy squealed from her sleigh’s seat in what he hoped was an approving delight.
Realizing what he’d done, he put Gwendolyn back on the snow. “Oops. I didn’t overstep my boundaries, did I?”
Her lips curved up again. “You did, but I enjoyed it.”
Attraction zipped through him. He took her delicate gloved fingers into his hand and helped her inside the sleigh before he could overstep those boundaries even further and kiss her. “Me, too. I’m enjoying every moment with you.”
As they took off, he thought about what he’d just said. With Gwendolyn, he was learning to live again instead of surviving for his daughter’s sake. He was coming to cherish every moment, like Annika had seemed to do once.
After all, the next moment was never guaranteed, and he knew it too well.
The chill deepened the pink in Gwendolyn’s cheeks, making her look even more adorable, and her flamingo-hued knit hat that he guessed matched his daughter’s on purpose, suited Gwendolyn.
Golden and peach hues swirled in the sky and tinted the pristinely white carpet spreading as far as the eye could see. It all added to the early evening’s magic.
It was more than that, though.
Being in open spaces again, working with horses, just breathing in the freshness of frosty air exhilarated him. How special to share this time with two girls so dear to him! He let the reins rest loosely in his grip as he eyed the girls beside him—Daisy all aglow and Gwendolyn bright-eyed.
Warmth flowed from his heart, and then his chest constricted. He dammed up his joy before the flood of it could wash away his common sense. He didn’t want to think he might lose Gwendolyn when her nanny contract was over. Or that he’d have to go back to the office, a place he’d had to put on like he’d had to put on a suit, for that matter.
He’d entered a dream—rode into it with jingle bells, really—but even practical and jaded guys could dream once in a while, right?
He hugged Gwendolyn and Daisy close as if they could escape from his dream and he needed them there to believe happiness was possible.
If he didn’t know better, he’d think God was showing him what his life could be like. Conner’s eyes dampened as the images of Tara and Annika flashed in front of his eyes.
Then, like in the past, God could give Conner the illusion of happiness before taking it all away. It didn’t matter if that illusion lasted an evening or years.
“Daddy, Miss Gwendolyn, look, deer!” Daisy pointed to a small herd.
“Oh yes, I see.” Gwendolyn smiled at his little girl.
Three does and a stag stilled, then looked up, and the next moment their white tails flashed as they hightailed it behind the trees. Only their tracks betrayed they’d ever been there.
A few pale evening stars
appeared in the sky and twinkled but then hid behind the clouds as if reminding him everything in the world was temporary. The moonlight caressed the snow, painting it into bluish shadows more exquisite than anything he’d ever displayed in Annika’s gallery.
He drew his wonderful girls closer and whispered into Gwendolyn’s ear. “Have you ever thought happiness is only an illusion? Here today to disappear tomorrow?”
Something unreadable flashed in her moonlit amber eyes. “I don’t know about that. But I do know some things most certainly are not illusions, like your love for your daughter. Your love for her is forever.”
Yes, it was.
Just like the pain of losing Annika that he’d never wanted to repeat.
Chapter Twelve
“What am I going to wear?” Gwendolyn stared at the measly wardrobe in her walk-in closet at the mansion.
She’d packed light for a job in the Show Me state. The clothes she’d taken had to qualify by three parameters: be comfortable, make her unnoticeable in a crowd, and not scare children. Based on how the children behaved sometimes, the third one should’ve been negotiable.
Swallowing a bitter taste, she dragged herself from the closet into her room. She hadn’t counted on the possibility of a date when she’d agreed to this job.
She cringed as she sank onto a wooden chair near the oak desk. She’d been out of the dating circuit long enough to lose her dating skills, not that she’d had great dating skills to start with. Ever since... She rubbed her bare ring finger, her heart twisting as she twisted up her hands. It was better not to recall her ruined engagement.
Well, she had an evening off and two hours to prepare for this date—wow!—and no clue what to do. Why did she have this sudden desire to pretty up? Conner had seen her in all her undecorated glory and seemed to like her well enough.
But she wanted more than “like.” She wanted admiration. She wanted love. She wanted passion.
She wanted too much.
After being raised by her father, she wasn’t good around makeup or fashion. On the other hand, she could pull a rifle apart and put it back together.
In under fifteen minutes.