It was awkward, at first. My mom filled our glasses with iced tea and then proceeded to pile our plates with heaping helpings of noodles and vegetable stir fry. With Chaseyn there, my nerves had got the better of me, and it was all I could do to eat a few mouthfuls. I played with the food on my plate in an effort to disguise the fact that I was barely eating anything. Chaseyn ate every morsel. Between bites, he was subjected to at least a million questions from my mom.
We learned that he was originally from London, but his family had moved to the United States when he was eight. Like me, Chaseyn’s father had died a few years back. He’d left them with a healthy endowment, meaning his mom could focus on her music. She was a talented jazz musician who had played in venues around the world. Now, she wanted a safe place to raise her son. It helped that Evergreen was known to have a healthy jazz scene. They’d lived in four states prior to settling in Evergreen this past week.
I started clearing the table while my mom continued the grilling. When the last plate had been loaded in the dishwasher, she excused herself to the living room. I motioned for Chaseyn to wait at the table for a moment, and I walked into the other room.
“Mom,” I started. “I’m sorry. With everything that happened, I totally forgot that Chaseyn was coming over.”
She simply waved her hand in the air, brushing away any negative feelings.
“He’s lovely, sweetheart. He can come over any time,” she said.
“So you don’t mind if we study in my room,” I asked surprised.
“Not at all, dear. Have fun.”
With that, I signaled for Chaseyn to follow me up the stairs. Upon entering my room, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious. In all of the excitement, I had forgotten what I was wearing. Chaseyn looked the picture of perfection in a blue button front shirt and khaki pants. I looked like a slob.
“Um, I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know you were coming. I’m a mess.”
“You don’t need to apologize for being yourself, Cordelia,” he said sincerely. “People always try so hard to please others. I find you refreshing. You don’t care what others think.”
That was the most he’d ever said to me. It made me feel completely at ease, and I flopped down on the edge of the bed. He sat in the papasan chair across from me, sinking into the fluffy cushions so deep that his head could barely be seen above the puffs of thick fabric. A giggle escaped my lips, and he smiled shyly.
“What was that,” I asked seriously. “Earlier. Why did you do that to my finger?”
I knew he understood, that I didn’t need to say any more for him to know exactly what I meant. Still, he didn’t answer. He just shrugged.
“It was seriously weird,” I said.
“I couldn’t help myself.”
That was all he said, and I didn’t ask for more. For some reason, that was enough for me.
We sat in silence for a while. Using the remote on my bedside table, I turned on music low in the background hoping to create ambience. I wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted, so I decided to let him make the first move.
“You said I could see you later,” he started.
I nodded.
“It’s later.”
Chapter 9 - The Next Day
“Why are you here,” I finally asked. I had been fighting the question for so long that it was hard to contain any longer.
“Honestly,” he asked rhetorically.
“Honestly,” I said, nodding.
“I was compelled,” he said. “That first day, in the hall, the way the light reflected in your eyes and your hair wisped across your cheek…”
My heart skipped a beat, and my cheeks flushed. I looked down at my hands that were fidgeting with the edge of my duvet. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. In fact, I was fairly certain that no one had ever really taken notice of me before. There were so many beautiful girls in Evergreen that I was never a consideration. Especially not for a specimen as stunning as the one before me now. I felt particularly self-conscious as he stared at me in silence. He was examining my every movement as though he were dissecting the finest thread in a cashmere sweater.
“Is this really so hard for you,” he asked. “To hear that you can inspire even the coldest heart to beat a little bit faster?”
I nodded and jumped up from the bed. Grabbing my biology textbook, I sat back down at my desk and turned to the chapter on fungal anatomy.
“Where should we begin,” I asked.
He looked at me with a puzzled expression.
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” he said, seeming genuinely confused. “I thought we were going to talk.”
“I thought you needed help getting caught up with your classes,” I replied, pointing at the book spread open across the desk. “Biology seems as good a place as any to get started.”
Chaseyn stared up at me through his heavy brow, he shook his head once and grinned slyly. Standing slowly, he walked two paces to where I sat anxiously awaiting his response. Gently, he flipped the book closed and looked at me curiously.
“I wanted to see you, but I don’t need any help in school.”
With that, he turned and walked to the door. I stared blankly in Chaseyn`s direction as he placed his hand on the knob and began to twist his wrist lightly to the right.
“I should leave, but I’d like to see you again.”
I nodded, and he was gone.
I sat for a long time just looking at the empty hallway. Moments before, a strange boy had occupied that space, and now, it was as if he had never been here at all. His steps were silent as he walked down the stairs. If I hadn’t heard him thank my mom for the lovely meal, I would have thought he was standing in silence just past my line of sight.
“Lia,” my mom yelled. “I just started watching a movie. Do you want to join me?”
My mind was racing, and I thought it would be better for me to put my brain to use in a way other than to stew over the evening’s events alone in my room. I had finished my homework earlier in the day while I was waiting for my mom at the clinic, and I was banned from using the phone, so I decided to cut my losses and join my mom in the living room.
A cool breeze blew through my bedroom window. To avoid returning to an icebox at bedtime, I sauntered to the open pane and started to shut it tight. That’s when I noticed his green eyes glowing in the dim moonlight. Chaseyn stood beneath the streetlamp looking up at me. A weak smile drew across his full lips, and then he turned on his heel and walked away, looking back once quickly. So quickly that, had I blinked, I may have missed it. He was an enigma, and I was determined to crack the code.
I skipped across my room and flew down the stairs, my feet barely touching the steps as I made my way across the dark room to a reclining chair in the corner. Nothing had changed in that room since my father’s death. Only, when he was alive, that chair was always occupied by him. Now, it was my safe place. I curled up in a ball on the soft fabric and wrapped a flannel blanket around my body. I started to doze off almost immediately.
As I lulled in and out of sleep, I imagined Chaseyn here with me, his arms wrapped tightly around me. It felt nice to have someone hold me so close and keep me safe. Not that I felt in need of protection, but safe in the sense that I would always have someone I could turn to during hard times, someone who wouldn’t judge me and would care for me unconditionally. I awoke with a start during a musical number in the film, jumping slightly.
“Everything okay, honey,” my mom asked with a sincere hint of concern.
“Mmmhmmm,” was all I could manage to utter. My mind was still flooded with the images of my hazy dream. It was much more comforting that the elusive dreams I had been having for weeks, but it was also much more ridiculous. I knew nothing about Chaseyn, his intentions or his personality. I felt silly for having such intense feelings for someone I knew so little about.
“I’m okay, mom,” I said with a bit more effort to sound trut
hful. “I just fell asleep. I’m fine now.”
“You should go to bed if you’re tired, Lia. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”
Her words echoed in my head. As far as I knew, we didn’t have any plans, but considering the house was now my own personal prison, I could imagine the types of things that she and I would do together—cleaning, baking, watching more movies. Before I could think too much about what the day held in store, I pushed myself up from the chair, wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, and shuffled back to my room.
When I arrived, I was overtaken by a cold chill. My curtains tangled with the wind that was seeping through the partially opened window. I was sure I had closed it earlier, but I decided that it might just have been a thought rather than an action. Better late than never, I decided, and I pushed the pane closed. In the shadow beneath the chokecherry tree, I could see him gazing up at me. My heart stopped for a moment, and my stomach did a flip. I wondered how long he had been there or if he had even left. I didn’t want to consider that he might have been waiting there for the past hour while I lay asleep in the chair. He caught my gaze and pointed one finger vigorously to the center of his chest and then up to the open window where I stood. It was a universal symbol. He was asking if he could come up to my room.
Chapter 10 - Much Later
“No,” I whispered. “You can’t come up here. My mom would kill me.”
He shook his head, then made his gesture more clear. This time, when he pointed to himself, I noticed something in his hand. He wasn’t asking to come up, he was signaling something else. Looking down at the window sill, I saw the edge of a thick twine rope dangling to my floor. It led outside to where Chaseyn was looking up at me. He could see I had finally clued in and was tying something to his end of the rope. With a light tug, he indicated that I should hoist the small package up to my room.
Slowly and carefully, I manipulated the rope until, if I stretched my arm out at full length, I could just reach the tiny box. My fingers twisted and lurched until I had a firm hold, and then I let the rope drop to the ground.
Curiosity overcame me, and I wrestled with the black satin bow before managing to peel the lid off the brown cardboard box. First, I lifted a note from the package.
Wear this. For me.
C.
With his instructions clear, I pulled a red velvet bag from beneath the note and opened it cautiously. Inside, I found a delicate silver cuff-style bangle with a large chrysanthemum-like flower carved from silver protruding from the bracelet’s center. I had never worn much in the way of jewelry, but it was impossible to escape the allure of this phenomenal piece. Immediately, I anchored it to my slim wrist, a perfect fit.
I glanced down to thank Chaseyn and ask him why he had given me such a lavish token, but he was gone. I decided to leave my window open slightly, hoping I would hear if he returned. I lay awake for a long while, listening for the sound of his footsteps on the gravel path and contemplating his gift, but eventually, my eyes drifted closed.
That night, my dream returned, but it was different, less obscure. Usually, the atmosphere was dark, and I could never make out exactly where I was. I just knew that I was searching for something but could never quite grasp it. This time, I knew exactly what I was searching for. A bright light formed on the horizon, and I walked through a colorful garden knowing what I would find when I passed through the gate. Chaseyn was there, waiting for me with arms wide open, and I fell into his embrace. We stood there for a long while, swaying to music that only we could hear. I felt safe, warm, loved. And then, I woke with a start. For the first time, I could remember all of the details of my dream, and I was engulfed in an incredible feeling of ease. It was as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I was finally at peace.
The sun was glaring through my window, and the scent of cinnamon raisin French toast wafted through my open door. I scrambled to my feet, and inched them into the fuzzy slippers at the side of my bed. I wrapped a fleece housecoat around my body and walked to the door. Just as I neared the bottom step, I remembered the weight around my wrist. I ran back to my room quickly and tucked the silver bangle safely inside my dresser drawer. While I would put it back on the minute I stepped outside of the house —I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like it— I couldn’t stand the thought of answering what would inevitably be fifty questions from my mother about the elaborate token.
“Hey, honey. I thought I could lure you out of bed with the smell of a hot-and-ready breakfast,” my mom said when she saw me come around the corner into the kitchen. She seemed to be softening a little.
“It smells great, mom. Can I help with anything.”
“Nope. I’m just about done here. Have a seat,” she said, pointing to the breakfast bar. She started doling out bacon, eggs, and French toast on to two plates before pouring two tall glasses of fresh-squeezed orange juice.
“Thanks, mom.”
“So,” she said sheepishly. “Where’s that beautiful bracelet I saw peeping out from under your duvet when I looked in on you this morning?”
“Oh. That,” I said, wracking my brain for an appropriate response. “It’s nothing.”
“Nothing? It looked like something to me. Until last night, I never even knew this boy existed, and now, he’s giving you jewelry. Honey, you should have told me you had a boyfriend. Is that why you were late Friday?”
I didn’t know what to answer first, where to begin. So, I went with the truth.
“First, it really is nothing. I wasn’t even going to keep it; I barely know him. He asked me to try it on, and I forgot to take it back off. That’s all,” I said, the words coming out a mile a minute. “He just started at school on Monday, so I barely know him either. It’s hardly appropriate for him to be giving me such lavish gifts. And, yes. I was dancing with him on Friday, and I lost track of time. It was that simple. Is that everything?”
She looked stunned. I’m not sure she was expecting so much truth. She paused from pouring maple syrup on her heaping mound of French toast to look me in the eye. Her jaw fell open, then closed.
“Was that so hard,” she asked. “It’s been a long time since we’ve been this open, Lia. I miss it.”
I was struck off guard by her response, so I stuffed my mouth full, giving me time to think.
“I miss it to, mom.”
We ate in silence. It was quite a breakthrough for 9 a.m., and we needed time to recoup before taking the next steps. I wasn’t sure what my mom had in store for us today, but I knew it would be another 24 hours before I could confide in any of my friends. It had barely been 17 hours since I had last talked to Addie, but it felt like an eternity. So much had happened that I wasn’t sure how I would get it all in before first period.
I cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen while my mom showered and dressed. I knew my grounding wouldn’t last another weekend—she was already starting to crack.
“Lia? Do you want to head to the mall? I thought maybe you might want to get some new things for winter,” she shouted between bouts with her hairdryer. It was a nice gesture—one she hadn’t offered in ages—so I was more than happy to accept.
“Sure, mom. Sounds great,” I shouted back, running up to my room to dress. I pulled the shiny silver cuff out of my drawer and wrapped it back around my wrist. It felt right, like it was made specifically for me. I smiled. Just then, the phone rang. My mom answered, and I could hear her tell the person on the other end that I had two minutes to talk and that was all. She hollered for me to pick up. I was hoping to hear Addie’s voice on the other end, but instead, I was greeted by a warm, dark baritone.
“Do you like it,” he asked.
“It’s perfect,” I replied. “But, you barely know me. It seems sort of special.”
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever to find you,” he said in response. “I know we just met, but there is such a strong connection. I want a part of me to be with you always. But, you have to go now. It’s been at least two minutes.”
He was right. My mom was standing in the doorway looking at her watch.
“I’ll talk to you later,” I said. His response surprised me.
“At six, right. Your mom said that would be good. ‘Til then,” he said, hanging up the phone.
I was in complete shock.
“I asked Chaseyn to join us again tonight for dinner. He seemed very sweet, and it sounds like we both need to get to know him better,” my mom said, sensing my confusion. “I hope you don’t mind.”
My stomach did a flip once her words sank in. On the one hand, I was excited to see Chaseyn again. On the other hand, my mom would be there. Suddenly, I felt slightly nauseous. Still, I managed to nod and grin. I clutched the bracelet, and felt the heat searing my cheeks.
Breathless Page 5