‘What story?’
‘Don’t Sharon. The indefinite suspension story okay? What did you think? School wouldn’t ring?’
Kaz sounded more tired than angry, which made it harder. There was nothing to hit back at.
‘Mark rang too.’ Trish spoke. ‘He explained it all.’
‘I thought you were in Rotorua,’ Sharon returned, making it into an accusation.
‘I’ve been staying with Ms Komiko, just until all of this is sorted.’
‘Well you shouldn’t listen to Mark. He’s full of shit.’
And Mark should never have called. Same as he should have told her Trish was still in the city. Sharon could feel all the moving that had happened out of view. All the conversations, the plans and the opinions. This was a set-up.
‘Sharon, Trish has got a plan,’ Kaz said, like that much wasn’t already obvious.
I’m your daughter remember, I know a bit about manipulation.
‘I think you should listen.’
‘Yeah yeah.’
Trish took her time getting started, like she was waiting for the mood to change. It didn’t.
‘Sharon, I need your help.’
‘So?’
‘Just listen okay?’ There was proper tension in Trish’s voice, the sort you can’t act. ‘You know they’ve fired me don’t you? Well there’s going to be a hearing, with the registration board.’
‘Should have thought of that before you tried to get that wall painted then,’ Sharon said, seeing her as a teacher now. Treating her as a teacher.
‘Look, they can stop me teaching. Do you even get what that means? No job, no money. I’m going to fight this, and I need you to be a witness.’
‘What for?’
‘Someone saw you leaving that morning. They say it’s improper, some shit about students staying at teachers’ houses. Kaz will back me up though, and you just have to say, well we’ve worked out a story.’
‘What story?’
Trish looked to Kaz and Kaz looked back, and the looks said they both knew how crap this would sound.
‘Kaz is going to say she knows me, through a friend we’ve both got, and that Zinny got sick. She had to take him to the doctor’s and she rang me, asked me to come over and watch you, but I was waiting for a call from overseas, so you came to me instead.’
Her voice trailed away at the end, like she was embarrassed to be saying it. The sort of story a child might make up, when they knew they were going to be snapped. But these weren’t children. They were adults; made children by the sort of people who would never deserve that sort of respect. Well not Sharon. No way.
‘That’s bullshit. Nothing happened. It’s crap. I called in. We talked, we shared some beers, I crashed. So what?’
‘Yes, but that’s not how they see things.’
‘Like I care how they see things.’
Sharon felt her jaw tightening. She was getting comfortable now. She had her position and there was no need to let it go. Trish looked to Kaz, handing over.
‘We need you to go back to school too Sharon,’ Kaz said. ‘It’ll look better, as a witness, if you’re making an effort.’
‘You don’t listen do you? I assaulted the Deputy Principal. And I’m glad I did too. There’s no way I’m going back there.’
Sharon turned to leave and Trish jumped up, like she was thinking of grabbing her.
‘Mark’s explained it all to his father Sharon, about the exam. They’ll understand.’
‘I don’t want his help. He’s a retard.’
‘No Sharon, he’s a friend.’
‘You’re joking right? You just don’t get it do you?’
‘Oh, I get it alright. I get it perfectly well.’
Trish stepped further forward, close enough to let a punch go. She was angry now, not trying to hold it in.
‘I get that all you ever do is reject anyone who might be able to help you. Because you don’t want to try anything. Because you’re scared. It’s bullshit, and it’s time that you woke up.’
‘No, you’re bullshit.’ Trish had been shouting and Sharon shouted back. Just like it got with Kaz, only this time Kaz had been subbed off. ‘I fucken try. I try all the time. I tried with your stupid writing. I tried with that Maths test. Look where that got me.’
‘You try until the first little thing goes wrong Sharon, then you’re picking up desks and spitting on teachers. It’s weak Sharon. You’re weak. You know what they say you should do when you find yourself in a hole? They say you should stop digging. It’s about time you worked that out.’
‘I’m not doing it okay? I’m not going down there and I’m not apologising to anybody, or lying to them about Zinny being sick. I’m not giving in.’
‘Jesus Sharon.’ Kaz was still sitting. She spoke quietly, bringing them both back down. ‘It’s not giving in. Don’t you get that? They’re happy you left. Fucken delighted. They wanted an excuse to kick you out. So who’s won eh? Who’s given in?’
Maybe it could have made sense, some other place, some other mood, but Sharon’s defences were shut way too tight. She wasn’t going to let anything in.
‘I need your help Sharon. I’m asking for it.’ Trish stepped back as she spoke, like she was making space for Sharon to hand her something. ‘I’ll help you too.’
‘You can’t help me. You’re full of shit. Every time someone like Flynn tells you to jump you jump don’t you? Well fuck that.’
Sharon could see the hurt the words were doing, the red in Trish’s cheeks getting darker, her eyes blinking the water free.
It doesn’t matter. None of it matters.
‘Then I might as well leave.’
Trish let the sentence hang in the air, a big full stop over the whole conversation. She didn’t move. Sharon could see the ends of her mouth beginning to twitch. She wanted someone to say something, to tell her to stay, but no one did.
So Trish walked out, head down to hide the tears, brushing past Sharon who didn’t step aside, not even looking across at Kaz as she went.
‘You’re a bloody fool kid,’ Kaz said when she had gone. ‘I think she might have helped you.’
‘You don’t know her,’ Sharon replied. ‘There’s other ways.’
‘Maybe.’
And it was over, signalled with a single uncertain word. Kaz was better than anyone at burying an argument.
‘Here, I got you this by the way.’
Kaz pulled out a fold of notes. The money from the jacket. Sharon didn’t count it. Kaz was straight, about some things. Maybe her timing was lousy, but she was straight.
‘This is yours.’
‘Where did you get it?’ Sharon asked.
‘Had it coming,’ was all Kaz said, and Sharon knew there was nothing good down that path, so she didn’t ask.
‘Right. Thanks.’
‘It’s your money.’
‘Where’s Derek?’
‘Packing. We’re going away for the weekend, leaving tomorrow afternoon. Can you stay round here, look after Zinny?’
Sharon had no choice, still holding the money in her hand, sitting across from her mother on a day she was running short of people she could rely on.
‘Why can’t you take him with you?’
‘Why do you think?’ Kaz replied. ‘Come on girl. As a favour. I need it.’
Sharon looked at Kaz’s face and saw the way the lines around her eyes had deepened. How, if you concentrated just on her mouth, with a cigarette always close, you could believe you were looking at someone much older. The same things Kaz would notice, when she looked in the mirror.
‘Yeah, okay.’
‘I’ll be back late on Sunday. Thanks matey. You’re the best.’
• • •
The next night, after Kaz’d gone and Zinny had fallen asleep in front of the TV, there was a knock on the door. It was Justin, grinning at her when she answered, like it was just another day, like he hadn’t heard. Like it wasn’t all about timing.
&nbs
p; ‘Hi ya.’
‘What do you want?’ Sharon asked, as if she didn’t know.
‘Just come to see how you are.’
‘Very thoughtful of you.’
‘Yeah, I’m that sort of a guy. Do I get to come in?’
Sharon remembered his place, how flash it had all looked, and the memory must’ve shown in her eyes.
‘Nah, don’t worry, I’m used to a mess. You want to see Mum and Dad’s place.’
They went through to the lounge where a late night movie was flickering through the room, some cop thing made on the cheap, lots of rain and too much talking. At first Justin didn’t mention the job and Sharon didn’t ask, because it was good pretending that wasn’t why he was there. Good spending time in the in-between space, where they were just two friends hanging together, where this wasn’t about Sharon finally giving in. She could tell he was trying a bit too hard to be funny, but it didn’t matter. He was still Justin. Still different from everybody else she knew, still the best person to be talking to, when she thought about it.
It stayed that way for hours, wandering through conversation like they were lost and didn’t care. The longer it lasted the easier it became to believe this was a place she could be happy, next to him.
‘You know why I came round don’t you?’
They were sitting together on the floor, backs against the bottom of the couch, shoulders touching like they’d been fucking for years.
‘Simon still wants me to do that job doesn’t he?’ Sharon replied.
‘So do I.’
‘Already told you I’m not interested,’ Sharon said, knowing it wasn’t true anymore, knowing there was only one place this could end.
‘Why not?’
‘Why do you think? You wouldn’t, if it was you.’
‘I just think you should, that’s all I’m saying. It’s a lot of money, and it’s sweet as. Simon can be an arsehole but he’s careful. That’s why we haven’t been caught.’
‘Not yet,’ Sharon said.
‘But that’s the thing isn’t it? This much money you can just do it and be out of here. Do you know how many people spend their lives dreaming of shit like this? Dreaming they’ll get some big chance to get it right. One big chance to start again. But they don’t do they? Most people it never happens. Except it has for you Sharon.’ She’d never heard him like this, talking so much without a pause, making anything sound so important. ‘You can get out after this. Shit we both can, you and me. After this is over. What do you say?’
Sometimes it happens that way, a turn in the conversation you’re not expecting, that can change everything that’s gone before, so all the things you’re certain of fade away. It wasn’t the way the words sounded, although that was surprise enough, it was the way they made her feel. You and me. Somewhere deep in her stomach, a feeling she’d never let herself believe in. And now it was there, lured out into the open by some trick she didn’t understand. It complicated everything.
‘I need to know more,’ Sharon said, stalling, hoping the heat rising to her face would fade before he saw it, and the thoughts inside would stop spinning around, settle back into place. She tried to concentrate on details. ‘It’s not you. I don’t trust Simon. I don’t get how come this is worth so much money. I don’t get why he needs me to do it. There must be lots of people. Why doesn’t he get a real slut?’
‘You can’t tell him I told you this okay? He doesn’t even know I’m round here. I was meant to ask you at school, that’s all.’ Justin said it like it meant something more. Something that should have been obvious. ‘He doesn’t do much work for himself anymore. It’s too much hassle. He more specialises, like a contractor or something. He’s got a reputation for being good at the scene. Break-ins, specific thefts, fires, stuff like that. Because we started with burglaries we know how to get in and out without being seen. There’s like a food chain, and the further up it you get the bigger the money is. Same work but bigger rewards, because the people are more important. Simon’s met this guy who’s getting him some of the big jobs. Like this one. It’s some sort of business crap. The guy whose place we’re getting into pissed someone important off and now they’re setting him up. Me and Simon have to get in and plant some papers or something. The police get a tip-off, do a search and then he’ll go down.’
‘What for?’
‘Dunno,’ Justin shrugged. ‘Fraud or something. I don’t think Simon knows either. It isn’t important see? All we have to know is that we’re planting the papers. They have to go in the right place, in some file, where they should be, but where he won’t see them. In and out, easy as that.’
‘You still haven’t said though have you?’ Sharon pressed. ‘How come he wants me to do it?’
‘Simon’s picky. He doesn’t like working with people he doesn’t know. He trusts you.’ Justin paused, like he’d decided it was time to stop bullshitting. ‘And I asked him to use you too. I wanted you to get this chance.’
Sharon looked at him but he’d turned away, same as his voice had slipped off at the end of the sentence. Cool, unflappable Justin, who nobody had ever seen excited, sitting this close, getting embarrassed. Sharon wanted to grab him, jump on him right there, same as she suddenly wanted to do this job with him, more than she’d ever wanted anything. He was right. This was a chance you didn’t get that often. Maybe her last chance at becoming anything. Maybe it was that important. She made him tell it all again.
The guy’s name was Graham Hutton. He had an apartment building around on the waterfront, up on the fifth floor. He often used prostitutes, always from the same agency. The agency was getting a cut, and doing it because they didn’t much like him, although Justin wasn’t sure why. So next Wednesday, when Hutton called them up, like he always did, they’d ring Simon. Hutton liked to take the prostitute to dinner first, and then back to his place, where he’d do whatever it was he thought his money entitled him to do. Only Sharon wouldn’t have to hang round to find that out. Simon and Justin would follow Sharon into the building, because the downstairs entry was always locked and was too well lit for a break-in. All she had to do was get to the alarm, before she and Hutton went out. There was a code you could use, which would disable it. Simon knew someone who’d worked on the building, when the security was being put in. If she did that he and Justin could walk in, as soon as she had left. Then Sharon only had to do a runner, some time during the meal. Go to the toilet, keep on walking. Easiest thing in the world. Way too easy for $5000. Way too full of questions Sharon forgot to ask, because believers never do.
‘So you’ll have to find a dress. Not too slutty, they’re not that sort of agency. Just something little, that you could wear out to dinner. Got anything?’
‘Kaz has. I could borrow.’
Kaz, who could do this job with her eyes closed. Who probably wouldn’t even bother doing the runner, if it meant missing out on dessert.
‘Can I see it?’ Justin asked, said in a rush, so she could hear the dryness in his throat.
‘I’ll put it on,’ Sharon replied, not wanting to look at him then, wanting to let the excitement build.
She knew exactly which dress she’d use, same as she knew Justin’d follow her. She heard him stop at the doorway, but she didn’t turn around. She opened the wardrobe, her back to him, imagining what it might be like just then, inside his head. Not daring to let herself believe it might be exciting, the way it was for her.
She took the dress off the hanger, Kaz’s favourite, short and black. ‘My little never-fail’ she called it.
You’d better be right.
She turned around, holding it in front of her body.
‘What do you think?’
‘Put it on.’
‘Not with you watching,’ Sharon said.
Cos I’d rather you watched me taking it off.
He backed away, only a couple of steps, so she could still feel him there. Her fingers felt clumsy as she hurried to shed her daytime skin. The dress wasn’t too tigh
t, just close enough to do the job. She’d tried it on once before, but that had just been pretending.
‘Okay,’ she said, moving out into the room so she could see herself in the dresser mirror. One fearful glance, too quick to show anything for sure, before Justin edged back into view. He leaned on the doorway, trying too hard to look relaxed.
‘You look great,’ he said, and the shaking beneath the voice gave him away. His eyes made no secret of where they were resting. All of you looks great, they said. Not just your face, or the dress you’re wearing, but all of you. Your legs, your arse, everything I can see, everything I can imagine.
Sharon didn’t speak, cos there wasn’t anything left to say. Her heart had sped up, understanding the risk before she did. Not the risk of rejection, there wasn’t any room left for misunderstanding, but the risk of all the things that would happen later, she would look back and see this as the starting point. She took two steps forward to the end of Kaz’s bed and stared straight at Justin’s eyes, so he couldn’t look away. Then she slipped the straps off her shoulders and the dress fell straight to the floor. It didn’t catch halfway, like it might have in some other place, at a party with someone she’d just met. She didn’t have to turn or squirm to get her arm out of a tangle. She could just stand there, holding her stare, keeping Justin staring back because she wouldn’t let him go. She didn’t feel embarrassed, like she’d have expected if someone had ever told her she’d be standing this close, so close he could reach out and touch her naked breasts. She felt powerful. That was the feeling, even more than the excitement. The feeling she knew she would keep coming back to.
Sharon turned and walked back to Kaz’s bed, pulling back the covers and climbing in. By the time she looked back Justin’s shirt was already off and as he moved towards her she was relieved to see his slow motion glide was back, that the time for awkwardness was over.
And that’s how it was. Different from all the other times. Not feeling sick with the alcohol, or bored, or pissed off that nothing was turning out how it should be. Not wishing it was someone else, or hoping the person you were trying to pay back would find out. It was hardly sex at all.
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