Tipping his glass toward her, Matt took a sip of whiskey, but didn’t sit down. Instead, he walked to the shelf holding the geode he’d seen that morning and set down his glass. Crossing his arms, he rested a shoulder against the cabinet, his face impassive.
“So you want answers.”
Glancing up, she searched his face, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe it would be best to leave it all in the past.”
He’d never seen Cassie so cautious, so unsure, and although she did her best to hide it, the reality she still hurt from their breakup pained him. It had been years. Matt had moved on, sort of, by dating other women, having a couple brief relationships. No other woman had affected him like Cassie. No one had filled the empty spot in his heart reserved only for her.
Picking up his glass, he walked toward her, indicating a nearby chair. “May I?”
Cassie nodded, scooting back in her chair, creating a defensive distance.
“You deserve to know the reasons I left, but there are things I need to know, too. This has to be a two-way conversation, Cass. I need this talk as much as you.”
“All right, if you’re certain.”
“I am. Go ahead. Ask whatever you want.”
Lifting her chin, she began. “What did I do to make you stop loving me and go back to Becky?”
What the hell? His jaw tightened at the mention of Becky. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. I never went back to Becky. My leaving had nothing to do with another woman.”
Leaning forward, she rested her arms on her legs, her eyes sparking. “That’s not true and you know it. I saw you with her not even two months after you took off.”
“Exactly where did you think you saw me with Becky?” he ground out, fists clenching at the outrageous allegation.
“I heard you entered a rodeo in Ft. Worth, so I hopped a plane, hoping we could talk. I thought perhaps we’d still be able to work things out.”
“I don’t remember seeing you.” His rough voice lowered to almost a whisper. He had no idea Cassie had tried to seek him out. He’d checked his phone, email, and texts daily for weeks, hoping for some indication she cared enough to reach out.
“That’s because when your events were over, I found you wrapped around Becky. And well…let’s just say the kiss I saw was more than friendly.” Brushing hair from her face, she took several breaths, desperate to hold on to any amount of dignity she could. She pushed out of the chair, moving away from him, wrapping her arms around her waist.
“Cassie, I don’t remember…” Matt’s voice trailed off as he thought back, realizing it had to be the first rodeo he’d entered. He’d won one event and made the top three in the other. Becky had been waiting when he’d left the arena. They hadn’t seen each other in years. His emotions had been so high, he grabbed her around the waist, lifting her up and swinging her around, sharing a celebratory kiss. That had to be what Cassie saw. Mumbling a curse, he took a couple tentative steps toward her.
“It’s true, isn’t it? You left me to go back to her.” Although she hoped it wasn’t, Cassie knew what she saw.
“No, it isn’t true. I left the arena and there was Becky running up to me, her arms wide. Yes, I kissed her, but it didn’t mean what you thought. After high school, she left for college on the east coast. I hadn’t seen her in years.”
“So you didn’t know that right after you left, she transferred to State and tracked me down on campus?”
His eyes widened. “I had no idea she’d moved back to Arizona. She never said a word about it in Ft. Worth. I’m telling you, Becky had nothing to do with my decision to leave.”
“That’s interesting because she knew you’d left me. After I returned from Ft. Worth, she made a point of telling me the two of you had reconnected and to stay away.”
His face hardened at the blatant lie Becky had fed Cassie. He couldn’t imagine what had gone through her mind when she faced Becky after seeing them together at the rodeo.
“She lied, Cass. I don’t know what else to say, except Becky and I never got back together.”
“And I’m supposed to believe that after what I saw? You’re saying you shook her hand, thanked her for coming, and let her head home?”
No, he hadn’t sent her on her way, but he hadn’t slept with her, either, even though he knew she wanted and expected him to take her back to his motel.
“We had a couple beers at a nearby bar where I made it clear she and I wouldn’t be hooking up. She wasn’t happy, but didn’t push and left with her friends. I haven’t seen her since.”
She’d always been able to tell when he was trying to con her. His eyes would give him away each time. Listening to his explanation and watching his face, she saw no sign of deceit.
Cassie slipped onto the sofa, trying to wrap her mind around the fact Matt might be telling the truth. “If not because of Becky, why did you leave?”
“I had dreams, Cass, and you refused to accept them. Every time I brought up what I wanted, you pushed back, reminding me our plan was to graduate and work for your dad. You always called it our plan, even though I’d never agreed to it. What I wanted was to enter the pro circuit, give it a chance until you graduated, then decide my next step. I never intended to break it off with you, but I needed my time, just like you wanted yours. I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you. I left to pursue a dream you were determined to extinguish.” Threading fingers through his hair, he stood, pacing away. “Not once did you take me seriously when I told you my plans, which did include you. You were too damned focused on your end goal, what you thought was best for us, never once considering my dreams.” Scrubbing a hand down his face, he took a breath, trying to control his anger. “Do you know how many times I tried to get you to talk to me the last week before I left?”
Her heart clenched, knowing he’d reached out to her for several days. She’d been too busy to see him.
“No,” she muttered.
“Eighteen times. Voice messages, emails, texts. Hell, Cassie,” he thundered, “I even left you a written note and told Janie it was critical I talked with you.” All the frustration he felt at the time came rushing back. “Still, you ignored me.”
Cassie shut her eyes tight. She remembered all the times Matt mentioned his desire to compete in the circuit for a year, maybe two. Long enough to get it out of his system before settling down. She had blown him off, including all his attempts to reach out to her during his last week on campus. Preparing for finals consumed her time, giving her what seemed a convenient excuse for not discussing the subject which always triggered an argument.
Her biggest fear was the likelihood of him getting hurt or killed. The thought of losing Matt to an accident had kept her awake each time he’d talked about his rodeo dreams. Fear, almost paralyzing in its intensity, caused Cassie to ignore his desires and focus on what she felt was best and safest for both of them.
In hindsight, the second reason she pushed his desires aside seemed more of an excuse, but it impacted her thinking at the time. She’d trusted Matt, but the thought of him being on the road alone, tempted by all those rodeo bunnies bothered her. Even married men had a hard time refusing what was offered. The odds were high they’d hook up with the bunnies who made it their mission to bed as many cowboys as possible. Knowing Matt, those worries seemed to be just one more of her excuses for not wanting him to leave. Her immaturity and selfish actions had pushed him away, making him feel he had no choice but to leave.
“I’m so sorry. If I could get the past back, there’s so much I’d do differently.”
Seeing the misery on her face, the fight in him vanished, but not the need to protect his heart. Matt remembered the desolation he’d felt after leaving her, the battles he’d fought with himself about whether to go back or stay his course. He’d held firm, continued with his plan. After a while, the sharp pain when she entered his mind became a consistent throbbing, then an occasional ache. He fill
ed his days with work and his nights with women who demanded nothing of him. The life he’d built felt right, solid…and lonely.
Taking a seat beside her, he reached out, grasping her hand in his. “We both made mistakes. I wasn’t perfect—”
“You tried harder than I did.”
A sad chuckle escaped his lips. “I’m not sure about that, but I always knew you were the best thing to ever happen to me. Leaving you…nothing has ever been so hard.”
Tightening her hand around his, she sought courage, knowing she had no right to ask the question hanging between them. “How do you feel about us now?”
The pained expression on his face, the hesitancy to answer, told Cassie all she needed to know. Pulling her hand from his, she plastered on a forced smile and stood.
“It’s all right, Matt. I had no right to ask.” Turning, she picked up her coat, swiping at the tears pooling in her eyes, hoping he didn’t notice. “We should probably leave for dinner,” she called over her shoulder, hearing Matt walk up behind her, not daring to look at him. Tensing at the feel of his hands on her shoulders, she tried to pull away, feeling his grip tighten.
“It’s not what you think, Cassie.” He leaned down, brushing hair from her neck, grazing kisses along the soft skin, feeling her shiver. Moving up, he nibbled at her ear, breathing in the scent so uniquely hers. “There’s risk in trying to reclaim the past,” he whispered.
She melted against him, dropping her coat on the floor as she sighed in pleasure. “Are you afraid of risk?” she breathed out, then inhaled a sharp breath when his teeth grazed a path across her shoulder. Unable to concentrate, she gave into the sensations.
He turned her toward him, brushing his knuckles down her cheek, watching her eyes close. “I’m afraid of anything involving you, as you should be of me.”
Opening her eyes, she studied his face, seeing the same doubt and confusion she felt. “I am afraid, but you’re worth the risk.”
“Am I?” He lowered his mouth, taking hers in a soft caress.
Moving her hands tentatively up his arms, she wrapped them around his neck, drawing him to her. Holding Matt felt so right. She trembled at the intensity of her need, the desire he created with each touch. Parting her lips, she heard his deep growl as he plunged in, deepening the kiss, creating heat that flashed through her.
Tightening his hold, he let his hands move down her back, feeling her tremble against him. How had I ever thought I could live without this? he wondered, letting his hands settle on her hips, pulling her close, letting her feel his desire.
“Cassie, you home? Oh my. I guess you are.” Janie stopped inside the door, amusement crossing her face as they slowly pulled apart, faces flushed. “Sorry. If I’d known, I would have stayed away longer.” Her smirk told them both how much she enjoyed catching them. “I certainly hope this is the start of something which should never have ended.”
Cassie’s jaw dropped. “We, uh…”
Matt saved her, tilting her face to his and placing another quick kiss on her lips. “We were just on our way out.”
“Uh, yeah. Like that was obvious,” Janie laughed, tossing her purse aside. “Where are you headed?”
“Cam’s. Lainey invited Kade and us to dinner. I’m sure you’re welcome to come, too.” Cassie felt a sense of triumph at the sound of her level voice, then sobered at the look on Janie’s face. “What is it?”
“Kurt and I were having dinner at his place when he got an emergency call. Another fire in an abandoned building. He asked me to stay at his place, but I didn’t feel right being there without him. He might not get home for hours. It seems this one jumped to another building with people inside.” She slumped into a chair. “I just hope they get everyone out.”
Cassie knelt beside her, resting a hand on Janie’s knee. “I’ll stay. Matt can explain to everyone what happened.”
“No. You go ahead. There’s nothing you can do here, and it may be hours until I hear from Kurt. Besides, I’d make terrible company tonight.”
“All right, but call me as soon as you hear anything.” Standing, Cassie’s gaze locked on Matt’s, wondering if she’d made a monumental mistake with him. He hadn’t mentioned anything about still being in love with her. In fact, his signals had been the opposite. At least until he’d kissed her.
“We’d better leave before Lainey wonders what happened to us.” Matt took her arm, guiding her to his car.
“Should I take my truck?” she asked, her chest tightening at the set look on his face. All the warmth of minutes before had vanished.
“No. We’ll go together.” Opening her door, he waited until she slid onto the seat, then slammed it shut with more force than he intended. Cursing himself, Matt stormed around to his side, not believing how close he’d come to lifting her into his arms and taking her to bed. And he knew she wouldn’t have stopped him.
Shoving the key into the ignition, he backed out and entered the street without once glancing her way. He could feel her gaze on him, knowing she must be wondering at his abrupt change in mood.
“Look, Cassie. What happened back there, well…shouldn’t have.”
Biting her lower lip hard enough to almost break the skin, she nodded. “Okay.”
“It’s just…” He hesitated, tightening his grip on the steering wheel, not sure what he wanted to say.
“You don’t need to explain. We were both caught up in the moment. I know it meant nothing.” She swallowed the lump lodged in her throat, hoping her voice concealed the distress she felt.
He started to speak, then clamped his mouth shut. Until he understood his own feelings, figured out if he could try again, it would be better to keep his distance. Having the same chemistry and passion didn’t guarantee they could work through their differences or overcome the problems that doomed them in the past. Love didn’t solve everything.
They rode the rest of the way in an uneasy silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Their history hung between them as thick as a dense fog. On occasion, the visibility seemed clear, indicating a sure path. Other times, no matter how much each wanted to try again, the past clawed at them, slicing through their desire, halting their progress.
Parking at the curb, Matt turned off the engine, shifting toward her. Cassie refused to look at him, her gaze fixed on some real or imagined object outside. Even in the dark and two feet away, he could see the sheen of moisture on her cheek.
“Cassie, look at me.”
Shaking her head, she grasped the door handle. Pushing the door open, she turned to look at him. “You don’t need to explain. I get it. We were over years ago. We had our talk, and all is good. Each of us can move on.” Shutting the door, she focused on escaping into the refuge of Cam’s house. At least she knew where she stood, and it wasn’t beside Matt. The heat and passion of their kisses meant nothing to him. He’d done it to comfort her, nothing more.
“Cassie, wait.”
The sharp stab of pain served to speed her actions, not slow them. She knocked once on the door, then turned the knob to let herself in.
“Oh no you don’t.” Matt grasped her arm, turning her around. “You aren’t shutting me out this time.”
“I wasn’t…” Cassie started before Matt placed a finger on her lips to silence her.
“We will finish our talk, just not now.”
Her eyes wide, she nodded, feeling a little of the tension seep away.
“Good.” He brushed a kiss across her cheek, although the spell of earlier had been broken. Her heart sank at the sadness in his eyes.
Straightening her spine, she plastered a smile on her face, knowing whatever else he had to say wouldn’t bring her any joy. The outcome might not be what she hoped for, but at least she’d have answers—and that would be more than what she’d had all these years.
Chapter Fourteen
Houston, Texas
Ivan hung up, deciding to call his father. He needed to persuade him to confide about what his brothers were doing. Depen
ding on what he learned, Ivan might have to make arrangements to isolate himself from any dealings that hinted at what he expected might be happening. It might mean being disowned by the family and forsaking his legacy, but he knew he’d take that chance if his uncles were doing what Ivan suspected. Until he received confirmation, though, he wouldn’t pass judgment.
“Are you ready to finish reviewing the sales figures?” Gage joined Ivan in the office his boss kept in Houston. It was one of three Gage knew about, including El Paso and León, Mexico. The private jet, personal driver, three thousand dollar suits, and unlimited credit card all pointed to wealth beyond what could be made in the rodeo stock business. From what Gage could tell, cattle sales outside the rodeo business didn’t make up the difference. Each passing week seemed to bring more questions with few answers, which worried him no small amount.
“I am. Please join me.” Ivan nodded at the bottle of scotch he held. “It’s already been a long day, my friend.”
“I’ll take a short one. I don’t usually drink before leaving the office, but you’re right. Today has provided more than the usual number of challenges.” Gage sat down, exchanging the papers he’d been holding for the glass of scotch. Tilting it toward Ivan, he took a slow sip, deciding he still needed to keep his suspicions to himself. Whatever he did suspect had to involve Ivan, and that troubled him. He’d spoken to his good friend, Thad Montgomery, twice. Both times, he’d been told there wasn’t enough to trigger an investigation. Today’s discovery of lost time on the cattle delivery might change Thad’s mind.
******
Cold Creek, Colorado
“Are you sure Lainey can’t use my help packing?” Cassie sat down across from Cam as he finished loading his books and files into a box.
“She told me it’s all covered. We’re hiring people to do most of the packing. It’s a good thing she already hired a manager for the preschool or I’d have myself one stressed out wife.”
Cassie laughed, understanding Cam’s joke. Lainey had to be one of the calmest women she’d ever met. Even when she’d been the target of a stalker before she and Cam got together, she’d been tough and calm. It must come from working with preschoolers for a living.
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