by Bellus, HJ
“He was just damn wild when we were growing up.” I shrug. “We were always getting him out of trouble.”
“Some things never change.” Challis makes her way over to the front door. “C’mon, I’ll walk you down to the barn.”
Challis is the poster child for country girl and all cowgirl right down to her hairdo. She’s tall, lean, and simply gorgeous with dark brown hair and piercing green eyes, just the perfect woman for Merek.
I nearly tell her I know where the barn is and that I practically grew up out here with the Slatters, but I mind my manners and just follow her out the door and down the sidewalk. It’s the possessive side of me coming out; it’s always hypersensitive when it comes to Maverik and his family. I shake my head when I look back at the bunkhouse Mav chose to live in. It was our favorite place to be naughty in high school. Granddad even busted us a time or two in there. But bless his soul he always played dumb and just turned around.
“Is everything going okay with your mom’s arrangements?”
“Excuse me?”
“How are the arrangements with the funeral?”
“Okay, thank you.” I tuck my hands deep down in my pockets and walk alongside her, focusing on the gray gravel filling the drive.
“I lost my dad and it never gets easier, let me tell you that.”
“Well, I wasn’t that close to my mom.” I sound like a cold, heartless bitch but can’t seem to find the courage to soften my message.
“Glad you and Maverik found each other again. After running into you at that rodeo, he was pretty shook up.”
“Yeah, that was stupid. I was trying to escape a bad blind date and then ran into him.” I laugh at the fucking irony of that whole night.
“A blind date took you from the city so close back to home?”
“I was visiting a friend from college who’s now living in her hometown and it happens to only be hours away from here.”
“I see. You never thought about coming home when you were so close?”
This conversation needs to end, and I make it happen. I stop dead in my tracks and look Challis straight in the eyes. “I never wanted to come back to this town. Ever. No matter how close I was or even if my mother died.”
I don’t wait for her response or even soften my message with a smile. Instead, I walk toward the barn I know the men will be at. Instantly I feel like a bitch but tamp down all my emotions knowing the last thing I want to do is build a new relationship here in town. I need to get home.
“Well, look who we have here.” I look up to see Marvel standing before me covered in dust from his black cowboy hat down to his boots. His smile makes my life feel normal again as does his welcoming voice. He is definitely the little brother I never had.
“Hi.” I wave to him.
“Look at you still fitting in them jeans.”
I put my hands on my hips and cock my head sideways. “Mav already bragging about me fitting into these bad boys?”
“Naw.” Marvel walks up to me and pulls me into a tight hug. “I know you, Ella James. No way in hell you own a pair of jeans.”
I laugh into his shoulder, forcing back the tears and thoughts of what would have happened if I stayed.
The sound of four hooves pounding the hard dirt fill the barn. Stepping away from Marvel, I turn to see Maverik holding Chili and I bolt straight over to them. The three of us were partners in crime during our high school years, traveling to rodeos and wasting time on the ranch.
“Hi, baby.” I pet the white spot on the tip of Chili’s nose and then drag my hand up his strong jaw. “Oh, my God, I’ve missed you.”
Leaning forward, I place a kiss on the top of his nose and feel Maverik’s hand rubbing circles on the small of my back.
“Where are you two off to?”
I hear Marvel’s question and Maverik’s reply about the calves, but Chili has me hypnotized. Never a country girl and always destined for the bright city lights and life, but Chili showed me otherwise and it’s only him and Maverik who truly know my love for the life with them.
“I’m going to tie him up and saddle him. You can grab his brush, it’s in the same spot.” Maverik plants a kiss on my temple as he steps away.
I’m left standing in awe at the duo and nearly lose everything I’ve kept buried inside at the sight of them. They’re like my safety blanket, and mere inches from me floating just out of reach and with the cold hard truth knowing I’ll never be able to bask in the comfort of them again. That’s reality, and soul crushing at that.
I make my way over to the silver tack box, and when I open the lid, Maverik’s right. Everything is in its place. I know he’s used this tack, but it’s like opening a box from the past. I snag my favorite brush to use on Chili and take a moment rubbing circles with my thumb on the cold metal handle. Beginning to wipe the leaking liquid from underneath my eyes and steadying the crashing emotions of my heart, I try to focus so I can turn back around to the world and act like Ella.
Fingers jab into each side of my ribs as someone yells something, causing me to leap from the ground and toss the brush up in the air. I let out a scream too and come crashing back down into someone’s arms.
First I hear Merek’s laughter and then look up into his face.
“This never gets old.”
“You asshole.” I wallop him in the chest as he sets me down on my feet.
“Welcome home, Ella.” He grins back at me and wraps me up in a hug.
“God, some things don’t change do they, asshole?”
“Nope.” Merek’s grin is contagious, as is the devilish twinkle in his eyes. The boy is always up to no good.
“Here.” Challis steps up behind him and hands me the brush.
“You’re quite the woman to put up with this asshat.”
Like a ninja, I grab for his nipple through his shirt and twist it as hard as I can until Merek’s squealing like a little kid and dropped to his knees.
Marvel and Maverik’s roars of laughter fill the barn and I can’t keep the giggles from pouring out of me. It was the one way I’d get Merek back as a kid and clearly the tactic still works, as I just dropped the champion to his knees in three seconds flat.
“C’mon, Ella, before you two break out into one of your damn wrestling matches.”
Maverik obviously remembers.
“Want a hand up, Merek?” I reach mine out to him.
“Not from you, you evil woman.”
I laugh even harder at the pained look on his face. He reaches up and grabs my hand and hoists himself up into a standing position. I tug hard and know none of my efforts are helping him as he bounces right back up and leans over my shoulder.
“Good to see you here, and in a better circumstance than in the bar parking lot.”
I can tell he wants to push the conversation so much further.
“I know, Merek, I know.” I pat his shoulder and cut him off before he can go any further.
Everyone disappears from the barn except for Maverik and we are left saddling and brushing Chili in silence. Neither one of us speaks or touches the other as we go about our business. I relive every single one of our childhood memories and feel the deep love I have for Mav blossom from deep within and know without asking he’s doing the same thing.
Several minutes go by before Maverik speaks up. “I’ll go get another horse for me to ride.”
As he turns for the barn door, I grab onto the top of his shoulder. “No.”
He pivots slowly to look at me and I don’t let him talk or ask any questions.
“No, I want to ride with you. Actually, I need to ride with you, please.”
Without a word, Maverik grabs me by the waist and tosses me up on the back of Chili. My hands are planted firmly on the top of his shoulders. I lean down and hold my lips out for a kiss. Maverik covers my lips with his, and in this kiss everything I have to give him is poured into it.
I feel his arm wrap tight around my waist as he reaches up to deepen the kiss. My te
ars fall down on his face without warning and I begin to panic. I can’t leave him again, but I can’t stay here. My life is one whirlwind of fucked up and it’s like the sick ride will never end.
Maverik pulls away. “Ella, are you okay?”
I shake my head. “Just get up here.”
I watch as he hitches one leg up in the stirrup and then pulls himself up effortlessly without kicking me. He doesn’t prod me. No, instead he nudges Chili into a walk toward the endless fields of pastures on Silver Star. My cheek finds the comfort of his protective back and I finally begin to talk to him.
“Maverik, please don’t ask questions. I’ll tell you as much as I can right now. I didn’t want to leave, but I did. I can’t come back here, but it’s the only place I want to be, and that’s because of you. It’s going to kill me when I have to leave you again.”
I lace my fingers together on top of his buckle as I wedge myself closer to him until I don’t know where I begin or he ends. I hear Maverik start to ask questions, but then he stops himself as we ride throughout the pasture. He stops every once in a while, typing notes into his cell phone and then begins riding again.
At one point he jumps off of Chili to fix a section of the fence that’s been torn down. He doesn’t look at me or try to make small talk, and internally I’m grateful since I haven’t been able to stop crying since we started riding. The back of my sleeve is soaking wet from wasted tears.
I watch as Maverik fixes the broken barbwire. He pulls it tight, closing the gaping hole in the fence just like he’s always done to me. He’s always made me complete, never leaving a hole in me.
He hops back on Chili and begins riding back to the barn. It’s still a good fifteen minute ride back and I’m finally the most honest I’ve ever been with him.
“I’m hurting, Maverik, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
He tugs Chili to an immediate stop, causing me to lurch forward into his back, and within one movement he’s off the back of the horse and pulling me to the ground with him. The look in his eye is a storm of pain, hurt, and determination as he lays me back in the tall pasture grass. His body covers mine before I can get a word out. I hear the zipper of my pants and then feel the tug of my jeans sliding down my hips.
“Let me take care of you, Ella.” I feel him push into me without warning and I cry out.
“I’ll fix anything for you and be here for you. Let me in your fucking life.”
Maverik pushes deeper inside me, and with more force than ever he begins to pound in and out of me.
“I can’t.”
“You think you’re hurting, Ella? You’re fucking killing me. I’ve never loved anyone but you. I need you and I can already tell you’re going to leave me again.”
The sound of our skin slapping together is deafening.
“I don’t want to, Maverik, but I have to.”
“I’m hurting just as bad as you and fucking need you, Ella.”
Maverik digs his arms up underneath my shoulders and grips onto the back of my head, bringing us face to face. I watch and feel his beads of sweat drop onto my skin as he doesn’t speak another word, instead he drives harder and faster into me. I can’t mask my sighs of pleasure as I tighten around him and finally let go, melting back into the tall grass.
He finally collapses on me with one final grunt, and that’s when I feel him spill into me.
“I’ll always be here for you. It may be my greatest downfall, but Ella, you’re my forever.”
And then the tornado of emotions finally rip through me without warning as I feel each of his words pierce my heart, and the realization that some things can’t be changed not even if time was stopped.
We lay together in silence for what seems like forever with only the sound of Chili munching on the pasture grass. I know this is as close to a goodbye I’ll have with Maverik and know it will break his heart, but I can’t manage to speak the truth or the harsh words of a goodbye to the man who will forever own my heart.
14
Maverik
“Ella, my heavens, you’re more gorgeous than I remember.”
I watch as Ella helps Granddad up from his rocking chair on the porch and can’t help but smile, because if one of us boys were to help him he’d beat our ass.
“Granddad.” Her face lights up and her voice is drenched with happiness.
“What are you kids up to?”
“Just showing Maverik how to ride and gather cattle.”
Ella turns, shooting me a devilish wink, and it seems we are back to our little game of pretending for the time being, and I’m still okay with it if it’s all she’s going to give me.
“About time someone taught that stubborn ass to do something. Come in, kids. I have dinner on.”
You’d never know the old man had just been released from the hospital a few days ago as he makes his way back into the house. I follow the two of them in the small house and take a double look when I see a young and very beautiful Latina woman standing in the kitchen.
“Run along, Maria. Thanks.” Granddad waves his cane.
I chuckle as I finally discover his secret to cooking and keeping up with us. Her name is Maria.
“Maria?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. “Does she do more than cooking for you, you old horn dog?”
“Shut your mouth, ass.” He plops down at the head of the table with a smirk on his face. “I found someone that can follow my recipes perfectly.”
“Bet she adds just the right amount of spice too.” Merek lets the door slam behind him.
“You little playa,” Challis says as she busies herself setting plates on the table.
Marvel is the only one who is silent as he walks in and hangs up his hat. He disappears into the bathroom. I settle into my chair and look around for Jake, who is always settled down at my feet. I spot Ella on the couch curled up in a ball with Jake nestled into her side. She’s reading one of Granddad’s cowboy poetry journals. She’s always been the only one who loved his writing and short stories about ranch life.
Even during our high school years, they’d hypnotize her in the same exact spot with my dog at her side. That damn dog would probably follow her if he could.
I do my best to listen in on the conversation between Granddad, Merek, and Challis as I study Ella on the couch. Granddad is making Merek and Challis have a reception on the ranch since his last health scare. It’s something he wants and will get.
“But I’m up tomorrow,” Merek says. “It’s the last rodeo close to home. I’ve told you two this several times.”
“Fine. I guess I’ll just call everyone and tell them it’s pushed back a day.” Challis slams down the jug of milk on the middle of the dining room table. “I forget so easily this fucking world revolves around you.”
My sly ol’ granddad sits back with a smile covering his face, watching the couple go at it. If I didn’t know better I’d guess the little shit knew this was going to happen and loves it just for his entertainment.
Merek stands up from the table and goes to Challis. “Baby, it’s just that I want to ride at it.”
They begin whispering and soon the sounds of sloppy kisses fill the kitchen when Marvel finally joins us.
“What’s wrong, son?” Granddad stares down Marvel.
“Nothing. Just tired.”
“You’re working too damn hard.”
“Naw, just tired, that’s all.” He takes a long pull from the cold beer in front of him. “The good news is that the feed came in and we should be on schedule to give Saint his colts at the end of the week.”
It breaks my heart listening to Marvel and the hope lingering in his voice. He truly believes once these colts are gone that Saint will be out of our lives forever, but the sad news is that the crook runs our town.
“Good work, son.”
“It’s been all of us. Lots of work, but once they’re gone we are back on our feet. Silver Star will never be in debt again.”
“You three boys need to stay st
rong together.” His voice is shaky, and the meaning is not lost on any of us.
“I went to the race track.”
Marvel’s words cause everyone to freeze. The race track is the cesspool where Saint reigns and the same place that got this ranch in his depths of hell thanks to our dad.
“You what?” Merek asks between gritted teeth.
“I wanted to see how our colts would measure up and what the times of the winning horses were.”
I stand and place my fist down onto the dark wood tabletop. “Marvel, never again. You stay the hell away from there. Do you hear me?”
“He owes us more than we owe him.”
“What, Marvel?” I ask.
“He owes us way more than just paying off the rest of our debt, and he knows it.”
Merek steps up behind Marvel and lifts him to his feet by his collar, and I know the same worry is buzzing around all of our heads. Our daddy had betting blood in him and we are all his blood.
“You fucking stop right here. We are handing over those colts when it’s time and washing our fucking hands of him.”
Marvel’s pale face and quiet demeanor are all starting to make sense as he begins speaking again. “I know why he’s been sabotaging us. The colts we have are fucking priceless. Saint needs them.”
“That makes no sense, Marvel. If he needs them, then why is he sabotaging us?” Challis sits down next to Granddad.
I peer over to Ella and she is still nose deep in Granddad’s journal, tuning out our conversation.
“He’s sitting next to his pregnant wife weekend in and weekend out at the race track, getting his ass handed to him by the competition. He sent us those colts because he knows we are the best and now he gets the best of both worlds—the satisfaction of punishing us for our dad knocking up his old lady, and the end result of colts who make him bank.”
“Marvel, you need to stop,” I warn him.
“The colts here are running a good five seconds faster than the winning horse on the tracks and he knows it. He’s got the fucking world by the balls and we are his pawns.”