Things changed when I shared my past. I’d never wanted anyone to have that knowledge. I felt safe with her, though; as secure as she felt with me when we made love. Made love? I grimaced to myself. Man up, Collins. What we’d done was more than just fucking, but she was hardly in love with me, and I wasn’t sure of my position in her life. There had to be some type of word to describe a lover without the strong connotation, yet be more than a friend. Perhaps the word hadn’t been invented yet because there was no in between.
I arrived home early, in hopes she’d want to catch a movie or dinner. Disappointment washed over me when I walked into the empty house. I should’ve called, but I had dropped everything at the last minute to take the evening off. She was probably out exploring on her own, or somewhere with her new friend, Renee.
I grabbed a protein drink from the fridge, made myself comfortable, and read another script. I couldn’t focus, my brain ran a million miles a minute. I grabbed my phone.
Me: What are you guys up to tonight?
Evan: Game night, knucklehead. Get over here.
I wasn’t in the mood to mingle; however, if there were a slight chance that Hilary was there, I’d deal. I walked to Grace’s, the night air still. She and Hank greeting me warmly. I cuddled with the dog and made my way inside as noise bustled from the table in the dining room. Shouts spewed from Evan, Josh, and Dean as Grace led me to them. “They’re fighting over the whole deflate-gate debacle.” Grace rolled her eyes.
“Tom Brady is a god.” My defense of the quarterback had Grace laughing.
“Well, you and Evan can fight against the others.”
I turned to the table, and everyone greeted me cheerfully. Jaime and Dean sat together, across from them were Marla and Josh. Grace took her seat near Evan, but it wasn’t until I saw Hilary that my heart leapt. It instantly settled when I caught sight of Ben beside her.
“We’ve got an empty chair here.” Marla tugged out the seat, and I ambled to it.
Hilary and Ben sitting side by side made me want to hurl. “What are you guys playing?”
“Charades,” Evan answered. “We didn’t know you’d be home early or we would’ve invited you.”
“How’s the restaurant taking shape?” Marla asked.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Hilary. She, however, had her eyes locked on the table, and when Ben nudged her, she smiled at him. He whispered something in her ear, and my blood curdled.
“Zach,” Josh called.
“Huh?” I looked from him to Marla. “Oh, it’s…hectic, but I think we’re going to be set for July 17th for the soft opening.”
“Great,” Evan said as he munched on a plateful of queso-drenched chips. “That’s perfect timing.”
“Don’t you think it’s too fast, Evan?” Hilary interjected. “I mean, Zach is working to the bone, and he’s exhausted.”
“I’m fine.” I gave her a cautioning look. “It’ll be ready to go. I’m hiring a restaurant manager now.”
Marla nodded as she ate popcorn. “And I’m on the marketing stuff. We’ve sent word to all the local Austin food blogs and publications. We’ve got some food critics who are extremely interested. Some celebrities are attending, other than, of course, the cast of the Ending Series.” Josh looked at her proudly, and everyone listened intently.
Marla was a go-getter, and her own business had taken off tremendously in just a short amount of time, but with good reason. She delivered results. “Zach, you need to get on your social media platforms more. And Evan, you have to make sure to tweet about it, maybe post some teaser photos. Get people psyched to see this place.”
“What’s the name of the restaurant?” Ben asked.
“Roots,” Hilary answered with a smile on her face. “It’s a fusion of East Coast and Texas cuisine. The menu sounds amazing.”
“With your enthusiasm, you should be the one marketing him,” Marla laughed. “Speaking of which, Zach,”—she turned toward me— “I just hired Hilary to take some photos of the restaurant for the website, and she can run some ad spots on her blog, maybe write up a review. Sound good?”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
“Evan made me Boston-themed food for the bet he lost,” Grace recalled. “It was the sweetest gesture.” When Evan had first met Grace, he and Josh butted their way into one of her poker games with her friends. He not only urged Josh to fold, but he also had upped the ante by placing a bet. If Grace had won, he’d have to make her dinner, take her on a few dates, and give her an all-expense paid trip. He hadn’t told her the trip was to Boston and included him as her guest.
“I was the one who had to deal with Evan cooking for a whole day. It was a nightmare, and something I never want to be around for again,” I joked. “But it was fun playing waiter.”
Grace pointed toward me. “I hope you didn’t wash the dishes afterwards. That was Evan’s job. It was part of the bet.”
“That I lost on purpose,” he directed at Ben. “To win Grace over. It worked, and yes, doll, I did wash the dishes.”
“I still dream of that lobster roll. It was the best.” Grace smiled.
Jaime sighed, patting her growing belly. “Seafood sounds really good right now. I miss sushi.”
Grace chuckled. “Well, you aren’t due for a long while, so it’ll have to wait.”
“She misses everything, though,” Dean added. “Whiskey, wine, over-easy eggs. Pretty much anything she’s not supposed to have while pregnant.”
“It’s like forbidden fruit,” Jaime added. “You can look, it’s within your reach, but you can’t touch.”
“I know that feeling,” Evan said, winking at Grace. “This one over here was my forbidden fruit.”
I couldn’t help but gaze at my own. Ben was beside her, able to smell the scent of her skin, her hair, aromas that belonged to me. He whispered something in her ear again, and she nodded, leaning over and murmuring back in his.
“What are you doing here, Ben?” My voice sounded harsher than intended. His smile flattened as he backed away from Hilary.
“I was invited,” he responded.
“I invited him, Zach,” Hilary added. “We took photos today.”
I grumbled. “You took his portrait? Why?” Everyone quieted around us as I stared Ben down.
“Because he’s got a great face,” she said, grabbing the sides of his cheeks and pinching them together. “Adorable.” She laughed along with him. “And I interviewed him for my blog.”
“Didn’t you say you’d be out of here as soon as the wrap party is done, Ben? That’s coming up pretty soon.” Despite us fooling around, we’d never discussed dating other people. Her last date with Ben drove me insane enough to fuck her against the wall and claim her as mine. At least in my head, I’d claimed her. Why the fuck was she touching him, joking with him?
Ben squinted his beady blue eyes. “I’m thinking of extending my stay.”
Fucker. “That so? I remember you saying you didn’t like it here in Austin.”
“New developments are leading to me think otherwise,” he sneered.
“Shame,” I mumbled. God, I wanted him gone, for good, forever. I didn’t need another douchebag to compete with. Graham had already taken my chance away once. Yet… I glanced at Evan, confusion etched on his face. I had a duty to uphold. Hilary would never be mine.
Hank’s paws clicked against the wooden floor as he approached me. He leaned against my legs, and I bent down to rub his head. I figured the dog was the only one who could sense my sudden sullen state.
“Carbs,” Marla interrupted. “That’s Josh’s forbidden fruit.”
“Truth.” Josh nodded his head. “Hers are a pair of Louboutin heels.”
Evan looked at me, then Ben. Grace cleared her throat. “Okay, let’s play some charades, guys. Unless you’re up for some poker.”
“No!” everyone shouted in unison.
“We don’t need you taking our money, babe.” Evan winked. Grace never failed to win every game.
> “I can’t help it if you guys suck.”
“Those are some fighting words,” Dean called. “One day, someone will get her.”
Josh responded, “Evan already did.”
Grace beamed. “Best poker game of my life.”
“Too bad you suck at charades.” Evan chuckled. Grace glared at him, and he hugged her. “I’m kidding, babe, you’re so good at it.”
He looked at me and widened his eyes, shaking his finger behind her. “Zach, wanna be on our team, bro?”
“I thought you said I was good at it!” Grace exclaimed.
“You are, hon.” Evan kissed her cheek. “But Zach needs a team.”
“The odd man out.” Ben chuckled. I wanted to bash his pretty-boy face with my fist.
Game night proceeded. Evan was right. Grace sucked at charades, and although I hated watching Ben and Hilary work together, I enjoyed most of the evening. It wasn’t until Ben had left, and Hilary followed along, that my mood once again turned sour. Where the hell were they going? I was supposed to ask her out, take her on a date. Not him. He wasn’t allowed to do what I couldn’t. Although, that wasn’t the truth.
Everyone broke off into groups, and Evan approached me as I sat on the couch. “What the hell was that about?”
“What?” I asked casually.
“Earlier. You and Ben.”
Josh came over and grabbed the remote from the table, turning on the television. “You looked like you were out for blood, mate. You two have a lover’s spat?”
“Fuck off, McKenzie.” My control around Hilary was waning day by day. I had to keep us a secret. No one could suspect that anything had taken place between us. Tonight, I’d sucked at keeping my jealousy under wraps. I loathed that she was out with him, but I had no knowledge where we stood. After a week of not seeing her, I wasn’t sure she even wanted to be with me sexually anymore. My job might be done. Maybe she was ready to move on with Ben. I, however, was far from done with her. Coming to terms with the situation would take time.
“Did he fuck Isabella?” Evan got defensive. “Want me to beat his ass? Josh and I will put him in a headlock-”
“And we’ll give him a wedgie and a wet-willy.” Josh made a fist and hit his palm several times in jest. “Make him cry uncle.”
I laughed at my brothers, grateful for their concern. “I’m not dating Bella. Trust me, it’s nothing. I’m just protective of Hilary. Ben isn’t the best guy for her.”
Evan dismissed my concern. “She’s fine. I’m not worried about her anymore.”
I stiffened. “You’re not?”
“Nah.” He sat down beside me. “She seems happy. She’s taking pictures, doing great with Grace’s stuff. She’s in a good place, and if that means dating Ben is doing the trick, then so be it. I might not love the dude, but he’s better than Graham.”
He had no fucking clue that I was the one who bought her that camera. Making her happy was my privilege, and I didn’t want Ben taking over. I felt like I was going into cardiac arrest. My chest tightened, and I couldn’t catch my breath. His words were too familiar. Those were the words he’d said before she paired up with Graham—and fuck, I regretted that. This time, I had way more to lose.
Chapter Nineteen
· zach ·
New Year’s Eve - Five Years Ago
“Happy Birthday, sweetheart.” Rebecca entered through the living room of our childhood home and gave me a hearty hug. The pine scent of the Christmas tree in the corner filled the house, along with gingerbread and mint. The cozy fire crackled in the fireplace, and snow fell outside. Christmas time was by far my favorite season of the year. At least now. So different from my childhood. I didn’t even mind that my birthday was on New Year’s Eve.
“Thanks, Mom,” I whispered and returned the tight hug. She embodied everything my own mother wasn’t. Kindness, love, and strength flowed through her. Her familiar blue eyes locked with mine, her smile reaching them.
“I’m so proud of you, honey.” She kissed my cheek. “Thank you for watching over Evan.”
I shrugged. “He needs me, what can I say?”
She laughed. “Now, if only you boys would stop messing around and get to finding nice girls to settle down with, that would make me very happy.”
“Well, we both know Evan is more likely to settle down than me,” I said as she handed me a glass of spiked eggnog.
“Don’t be so sure of that, Zachary. You may find a girl that’ll surprise you and take that fear of commitment off your hands.”
I took a sip and winced at the strength of my drink. “You put a lot of alcohol in this.”
She smirked. “Of course, I did. I know my boys would just spike it more if I hadn’t.”
“You know us too well.”
“Your thirties are going to be even better than you imagined, my darling boy. Just wait and see.” She patted my cheek.
“Yeah, dumbass, you’ll be thirty, flirty, and thriving,” Evan joked as he entered the room with a beer in his hand.
“Evan, watch your language.” Rebecca turned toward him with a scolding look.
I flipped him the bird behind Mom’s back. “Yeah, behave, Evan.” He loved picking on me and the fact that I was turning thirty before he was. He’d be there in a month’s time.
“Enough, boys. You’ll have to watch that talk because Jonah’s picking up everything,” Rebecca said. “The other day, he yelled out the word boobies. Who was the mastermind of that?” Our nephew was only one, but smart as hell. I wouldn’t be shocked if he took over the world one day.
Evan burst out laughing but stopped as she stared him down. “The kid needs to eat, Ma. You can’t blame him.”
“He’s not coming tonight, is he?” I asked.
“No. Katie wanted to put him to sleep before the sitter got there.” Rebecca moved to the dining area where finger foods and the crystal bowl of spiked eggnog sat. She and James are on their way.”
The Matthews house constantly bustled with people. Growing up with four kids meant plenty of gatherings with friends. Tonight was no different. Everyone also loved Mama Matthews as much as we did. She made everyone feel like family.
“I connected the karaoke machine, we’re good to go,” Evan said, finishing off his bottle of Stella Artois.
“Hilary wishes she could be here, but she sends her love.” Rebecca’s loneliness was evident through her tone. Hilary had gone away to school and hardly visited. Then she’d decided to take a year to study photography in Europe. We worried about her, but she was resilient. Thank fuck for Jonah’s arrival. Taking care of that kid gave Rebecca something to look forward to everyday.
Each ring of the doorbell brought more and more people. Old high school and college friends, family, and neighbors filled the house with lively noise. Music played, the television was on but muted, showing the latest popular act performing on New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.
I chatted with Nelly, who still hung around our crew from time to time. She wasn’t married, and I had a feeling she still wanted Evan…or me…or even Graham. She spattered on about some club she’d gone to last week, and I glanced at Evan across the room. He pointed to Nelly and then me, and made a crude gesture suggesting a blowjob. I pressed my lips together, containing my laughter. A good go with Nelly for old time’s sake might be a good idea, although I was uneasy about where her mouth had been. Though it wasn’t like I was the image of cleanliness.
You couldn’t blame me. Evan had the world in his hands, and he was taking me along for the ride. Gorgeous women were everywhere, and I would be a fool for not getting a little taste of what came my way. Which made me reconsider Nelly for a moment. It wasn’t like I’d hook up with anyone else at this shindig. A birthday blowjob sounded pretty damn good.
Cheers and greetings could be heard at the entrance of the house. I sat on the couch beside Nelly but couldn’t focus on anything except a familiar voice that lingered in the hall, then entered the room. Long, shapely legs were covered by black,
high-heeled boots and sheer, black tights. A short, red dress clung to curves I’d never noticed. Waterfalls of blond hair draped over a black leather jacket. When her brown eyes caught mine, not only did my dick spring to life, my heart did, too.
I stood up, watching as her beaming smile lit the room, and a strange tug in my chest appeared when I realized it was for me. She charged over and hugged me tightly. Had it been so long since I’d seen her? Why did it feel different? The fragrance of jasmine overcame me as I held her close.
“Happy Birthday, Zach,” Hilary whispered and kissed me on the cheek.
I drank her in as we parted, her vibrancy passing to me. “What the hell are you doing here, kid? I thought you were in Spain or something.”
“I wanted to surprise you guys. I tried coming home for Christmas, but the flights were a mess.”
Our moment was cut short as Evan and Katie joined in to greet their sister.
“Did Mom know about this?” Katie asked. They all hugged and fawned over her.
“No, nobody knew. Where is she?” Hilary inquired, eyeing the bustling room.
Evan pointed upstairs. “I think she went to her room for a bit. She was tired. Glad you’re here, sis.”
I wanted to say more to her, but I was tongue-tied, unsure of myself. I was never edgy around women, least of all someone I’d known since I was a kid. It was Hilary, though, not some woman I was trying to seduce.
She excused herself to visit with Rebecca, and I didn’t feel right for most of the night after I’d witnessed her walk off and visualized her naked under me. I was a fucked-up individual—that was guaranteed. I swept away sexual thoughts about her and spent my time chatting with Nelly. And when it wasn’t Nelly, it was Sarah, and when it wasn’t Sarah, I moved on to Janine, a friend of a friend of Sarah’s. Why weren’t these women providing me with a distraction?
I stared at her instead when she was back in the room. Hil was captivating, lively, uninhibited. Her laugh filled my ears, her smile clenched my heart, and those luscious tits tightened my dick. Karaoke was underway, and I tried to pay attention to Pete as he tried to sound like CeeLo Green.
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