He frowned. “It’s not like I don’t attempt to find a woman I get along with. Part of me wants a relationship.”
I was flustered at the revelation. I wasn’t sure my heart could handle him in a relationship. “You do? But you don’t stick around long enough.”
“Because it’s not there.”
“What’s not there?”
He rested both hands under his head and gazed at me, those emerald eyes sparkling. “That…knowing.”
I huffed. “You believe in that? Mom was just bullshitting us.” My mother always told us that we’d know when we met the perfect partner. She swore it was true, but I didn’t buy into it.
He blinked at me. “Rebecca has great points.”
“She’s divorced, Zach.”
“So? It doesn’t mean she’s given up on the idea of love.” He paused. “Did you feel chemistry, and I’m talking the real deal with Graham?”
“Like, what do you mean?”
“Did he understand you, make you feel good, give you what you needed? Did you go crazy out of your mind for him when he wasn’t there?”
I cleared my throat as Zach pushed back to look at my face. I searched my brain, trying to remember a time when I was truly connected to Graham. “I guess not.”
Only for you. I was an idiot. I wouldn’t allow my heart to get tangled up with Zach. Losing him the way I lost Graham would destroy me in a way that I’d never recover from. He was too important.
“Has he contacted you?”
“A few times. I don’t answer anymore.” He was fading from my memories, being swapped with new ones. I threw myself back on the pillow and looked at the guy replacing them.
“Good girl.” He winked.
Was Zach capable of a real relationship? If so, I couldn’t be that woman for him. Our family dynamic would change. I suddenly hated the woman he’d end up with, and I didn’t even know her. I hesitated before I asked, “So, have you experienced being in love before?”
He smiled at me but didn’t answer.
“Okay, fine. Tell me about your week,” I sweet-talked.
His expression drifted from peaceful to apprehensive. “It’s been crazy.” He gazed at me with remorse. “I wanted to call you so many times, just to hear your voice.”
“Why didn’t you?” My heart leapt with joy as my fingers traced lazy circles on his stomach. He shrugged, stared at me without giving much away. “You can’t disappear on me like that, Zach.”
“I know.” He gave a slight nod.
The shield around my heart kept me safe, but it also locked out hopes of the beautiful opportunities around me. I couldn’t let him affect me and stop me from meeting new people. “This is supposed to be fun, stress-free, but I still think we should communicate properly.”
“I get that, Hilary. I do.” He sat up, and I followed, studying the curve of his back, the broad shoulders, and how he slumped forward. His hands ran through his hair as he rested his elbows on propped knees. “I’m trying to work all of this out. You, me, Evan, the restaurant…I’m attempting to fix it all, and I can’t keep up.”
“Not everything fits into a perfect box. Life’s gonna be a fucking mess for a while. You’ve taught me that.” I ran my hands up the plains of his smooth back and massaged between his neck and shoulders. “But for now, stop stressing about it and let’s enjoy each other.” I kissed his shoulder. “Now, tell me what your fantasy woman is like.”
“What?” He laughed and turned back to look at me. “What kind of question is that?”
“I wanna know what kind of woman you fantasize over.”
His eyes gleamed. He laid back and pulled me on top of him. “I like a girl with a nice rack, blond hair, kinda sporty, a little clumsy…”
“I’m not clumsy. I have amazing reflexes.”
“Who says I was talking about you, kid?” My stomach sank, and he laughed, his hands skimming my back. “I’m kidding. And you are clumsy, but just enough that it’s cute.” His head drew toward me, and he kissed my neck as I continued to ask questions.
“What turns you on?”
“You,” he said simply as his lips made their way to my chest.
“No, I’m serious, like, when you spot a certain woman, and you think you want to take her home for the night. What is it about her that makes you decide ‘that’s the girl?’”
“It’s not one thing in particular.”
“Answer the question, dork.” I drew away from him. “What makes you take a woman home for the night?”
His kisses stopped as he spoke hesitantly. “I generally went for the girl I knew was the sure deal.”
I swallowed, keeping away judgment. “Why?”
“When they’re desperate, it’s easier to justify letting them go. No entanglements.” I was a sure deal for him that night before Thanksgiving, yet he’d wavered. If Evan weren’t my brother, I’d have been like every woman in his past. Replaceable. My expression tipped him off. “I’m an asshole, Hilary.”
“No, you aren’t. Your heart’s just a little battered.” I placed a kiss on his chest over his heart. “Mine is, too.”
He glanced at me with a glossy glare and seemed as if he wanted to say something. Instead, he rose and went to the bathroom, leaving me in deep thought.
Chapter Twenty-One
· zach ·
I want you so much it hurts.
Feelings almost spilled out. An attempt to claim her as my own wanted to break through, but this was strictly for the bedroom. I wasn’t sure the pretense could hold much longer. Hilary was pressing all my buttons, making me want to possess her in every single way imaginable. However, that was impossible. I’d seen the effects of Graham’s actions—not only what it did to our group of friends, but to Hilary.
I wouldn’t hurt her, and I wasn’t the man who could make her happy. She deserved better. The best. Someone who wouldn’t fuck up our family unit. I walked back into the room, saw her splayed across the bed in all her naked glory, and my dick stiffened. What the hell was wrong with me? I was like a horny teenager. My urges couldn’t be kept under control around her, and I needed to touch and feel and taste every inch of her body.
Hilary reacted immediately, lust shining from her eyes as she sat up and stared at my erection. “That was quick.” She licked her lips as I approached.
“I want you again.” If I couldn’t have her emotionally, I’d have her physically, and savor every fucking moment I could get with her. She spread her legs wide as I crawled over her body. “And again, and again.” Her nipples were full and tight as my mouth descended on them. My scruff tickled against the softness of her breasts as I took each peak into my mouth and teased until she quivered. “Until you’re undone.”
“You always make me undone, Zach.” Her moans, her soft pleadings for release stirred me on as I sucked hard on her chest. I wanted to give her everything, have her surrender to me. I wanted her to offer every bit of her life over until I owned all of her.
“Zach,” she moaned, her sweet voice making my dick tighten. Shit, I wasn’t going to last long. “Please...”
My hands urged her legs wider, and I let my fingers enter, the mess I’d made earlier still there. She was drenched. “You want me inside you again?”
“Yes.” She writhed as I kissed my way across her chest to her stomach, and then lower, never going near the sensitive spot that needed a reprieve. “I’m begging you.”
“Beg more,” I growled, added a third finger, and drove my hand up and down as my teeth pinched her nipple. Her hips bucked as she cried out in release. She shattered, so wet and tight, compressing my fingers. I swallowed her cries with my mouth, and she barely stopped shaking when I slid inside her to take what was mine. Mine.
My hips circled as I mercilessly plunged, trying to hit her perfect spot. My name rained from her lips as I thrust into her with control. I changed position and got on my knees, tilted her hips up and against me. My hands wrapped around her waist while hers wrapped around my wrists. Her leg stret
ched up and rested on my shoulder. I clutched onto her calf, gave it a kiss as I sped up my movements. Her face tightened, her mouth opened, and she gasped for air as another orgasm consumed her. I was transfixed as I watched, completely in over my head with this woman. My stomach muscles clenched, my hips jerked, and swear words escaped from my mouth as I felt myself tighten then release.
I collapsed on her, our sweaty bodies entwined, and her arms wrapped around me, holding me close. I stayed still, memorized the feel of myself buried in her, my dick still throbbing.
She was filled with me, my come dripping out of her, and I loved it. The contented sigh she released twisted my heart. I kissed her forehead and pulled out, rolling beside her. Our legs were still tangled.
“What the hell are you doing to me?” I asked breathlessly.
The taste of intimacy was something I’d never known, but once I tried it—with her—my heart was starved for more. I’d fallen into the abyss, fully, and there was no going back. Every breath she took was a beat of my heart.
We fell asleep next to each other, and I woke later to see her beside me, breathing so deeply and peacefully. She was everything. She was the once in a lifetime I didn’t know existed. There would never be anyone better, no upgrade would ever be needed. I let my fingers run through her hair and watched her stir. I smiled, complete with her by my side. Was this what love was? It felt natural, calm…right.
I drifted to sleep, imagining a life with her by my side where I was truly accepted for whom I was, where love prevailed over everything else, and my dream of feeling worthy of her came true.
SOUNDS OF A DISTANT chime had me clawing from the dark to the light. I was so deep in sleep, I wasn’t sure what was real, but when I felt two small hands shaking me, I pried my eyes open.
“Zach! Wake up!” A harsh whisper grabbed my attention. I groaned as Hilary jumped out of bed. “Evan’s downstairs!”
“What?” I sat at full attention, my groggy state vanquished. “How? What?”
The doorbell rang multiple times, and I darted for last night’s clothes as Hilary ran into her bathroom. “He just texted me, I haven’t responded,” she yelled as she turned on her shower. Her head peered out the door. “You left your phone downstairs.”
I got dressed and dashed to the door, opening it to see Evan pocketing his phone. “What the fuck, Zach?” He entered and walked to the kitchen. “Where were you? It’s almost noon.”
I followed him and raked my hands through my hair. “Shit, sorry, man. I overslept.”
“You missed your workout session, and our meeting,” he said, clocking my phone on the kitchen bar. He picked it up and glanced at it, then handed it to me. “Thirty-two missed calls, and a shitload of texts.”
I looked down at the screen of my device and unlocked it, starting to truck through the mountain of work for the day. “I left my phone down here.”
“Obviously.” Evan leaned his hip on the counter. My multi-tasking commenced as I went to the fridge to get a protein shake and scrolled through my messages. “Where’s Hilary? I tried to call and text her, too.”
I unscrewed the cap of my boxed drink. “Shower.” Evan crossed his arms over his chest. “I think,” I tacked on.
Evan’s watchful gaze burned as I chugged my drink to avoid him. I had no way of confiding in my best friend about my problems. “You feeling okay?”
I glanced at him for a second and shrugged. “Just exhausted.”
It was difficult to face him. How would I even say I had feelings for Hilary? What if he was okay with the idea? Since I wanted more than just sex with her, perhaps Evan would be all right with me dating his sister.
“Well, just a few more weeks and the restaurant will be done, right?” I nodded. “Mom’s flying in for it. She said she wouldn’t miss it for the world and to call her. She hasn’t heard from you in a while.”
I opened my computer and began the daily routine of schedules and emails. “I’ll call.” My eyes scanned over invoices awaiting payment and panic seeped in. I hadn’t noticed Evan over my shoulder.
“Zach, let me get that.” He took a seat beside me on the bar. “I’ll have Darrell ship over the funds.”
I shook my head, not wanting Evan to call his accountant. “I’m waiting for the approval on the loan.”
“So, you’ll get the loan through me, idiot. And at no interest, no rush to pay back.” I stayed silent. “You’re making this more difficult on yourself than you need to.”
“If I take it, I’m giving you more of my shares.”
He groaned. “Are you’re insane? The shares are divided equally between you, me, and Josh. We aren’t changing that. I’m putting in this money because I want the restaurant to be as successful as you do. I’m putting my faith in you because we’re family.”
Fuck. My throat constricted, and I couldn’t refuse when he made the offer. I gave a small nod.
“I’ll call him in a bit, you’ll have the money and can get this shit taken care of already,” he said.
I got to work, typed away on an email to Evan’s PR team, and looked at schedules for the next film. Evan leaned in and whispered, “Tell me about Hilary.”
I froze. My chest felt ready to explode as I cleared my throat. “I…what about her?”
“What the hell is going on with her and Ben? This morning I saw some chick with short hair in his car. If he’s messing around with her feelings, I might have to kill him.”
Before I could speak, Hilary’s voice rang out. “Who are you wanting to kill this time, Evan?”
“Your boyfriend,” he said.
I was glad for Hilary’s arrival. I didn’t have to come up with some fabricated story about her. She opened the cabinet and pulled out a packet of Pop-Tarts. She rolled her eyes as she put them in the toaster and made coffee.
She leaned on the counter opposite the both of us. “I don’t have a boyfriend, so try that again.”
“What the hell?” Evan grumbled. “I can’t stand to see my sister be a side piece to that jerkoff Taylor who has absolutely no respect for women.”
“Hey, don’t be mean to Ben. He’s done nothing wrong. He’s only a friend.”
“A friend giving you hickeys on your neck?” Evan recalled.
“That wasn’t Ben,” she said. I stared at Hilary with wide eyes as she sputtered for another excuse. “I…it was…I went out to a club that night.”
I shut my eyes, whispering a curse under my breath. She’d made it worse. Evan yelled. “What the fuck, Hilary? Zach, you’re allowing this shit?”
“Hey, I’m not her keeper, Evan. She’s a grown woman.”
Evan’s eyes raged as they bared down on me, then on Hilary. “I don’t like this shit. Not one bit.”
“So?” Hilary countered.
“So? SO?” Evan attempted to control his temper. “You shouldn’t allow some strange dude to put his hands and mouth all over you!”
“God, Evan, I’m sick of you putting this double standard on me. You were a man-whore until you met Grace. Zach hasn’t even been in a relationship. So, it’s okay for men to fuck around but women can’t?”
“Women can,” Evan yelled. “You can’t!” Evan looked at me with pleading eyes. “Tell her, Zach! She should just wait. Be celibate ‘til she’s married.”
Hilary and I glanced at each other and both busted out laughing. Evan shrugged, “What? It’s totally possible.”
“Not happening, but thanks for your concern,” Hilary said, pouring herself a cup of coffee.
Evan smacked my shoulder with the back of his hand. “You promised to look after her, bro. You can’t let her be screwing around with some guy who’s not appreciating her.”
“Why not just have Zach date me then?”
Evan grimaced. “What the fuck? Gross.”
“Hey, I’m not gross. I’m a good guy,” I said and gave Hilary a threatening glare as my palms began to sweat. What the hell was she doing? Testing the waters? I didn’t need the added stress.
“Yeah, tell me the last time you wanted to be in a committed relationship,” Evan scoffed at me.
Hilary continued, “But instead of chaperoning all my dates like you want him to, he can just be my date.”
“Ha, very funny,” Evan dismissed her comment as sarcasm while I breathed a sigh of relief. “I just think you need to find someone from a church, or like, I don’t know, a dude with a dog and house and 401K.”
“Like Graham, right? Because we all know how lovely he seemed. Just because someone’s good on paper doesn’t make them a good person. I learned that the hard way.” Hilary’s comment made us shut up.
I wanted to be her man. Her good man. I studied the way her form moved as she walked to the toaster and took out her pastries. It was difficult not to be turned on by her, which didn’t make me a good man. Her long legs were barely covered by short shorts. Her shirt was perfectly fitted, and my mind replayed kissing every inch of her body. It was more than her body making me pine for her. I was comfortable with her. She was beautiful, funny, charming…
“Fuck!” Her Pop-Tart flew from her hand and dropped to the floor. I chuckled as she picked it up and cried, “Dammit, what a waste.”
“Five-second rule,” Evan called. Hilary studied the food for a bit, wiped it off and shrugged, taking a bite.
“That’s disgusting,” I deadpanned.
“Says the guy who used to do drive-by farts in Evan’s face,” Hilary said through bites of her food.
“Oh, come on, we were twelve. And he deserved it.” I playfully shoved Evan’s shoulder.
“I did. I was an ass.”
“Yeah, still are,” Hilary spat out.
Evan shook his head. “Anyway, don’t change the subject. You said you were dating Ben and now it’s some mystery guy at a club. Just watch yourself, Hil. I don’t want him using you.”
“What if I’m using him?” She took a sip of her coffee, her brows wiggled back and forth. “I don’t want a relationship, Evan. Not after all the shit I went through. I’m just having some fun. If the guy’s having fun, too, then we’re using each other.”
“But what if the guy doesn’t consider it using you?” I jumped in. “What if he thinks of it as more than that?”
A Promise Broken Page 16