Pain broke through the surface of his stoic expression. I couldn’t stand to see it. “Meaning you didn’t think I’d ever find out. You snuck around behind my back and had Zach lie to me.” My heart softened as he opened up. “I went over and over what the hell could be bothering him. I thought it was something I did. I offered him time, help, money, anything, hoping he’d confide in me.” He began to pace, his hands on his hips. “And the whole time, he was freaking out because he didn’t wanna be caught screwing my little sister.”
I tried to catch my breath but struggled. My words came out jumbled, strangled. My strength was waning. “Just to let you know, he was torn up about it and wanted to come clean. He resisted me at first. I was the one who convinced him. It was what I wanted.”
“Why did you do it?” His voice boomed. “He tried to stay away, and you tempted him. You came to Austin, knowing it would be a risky situation for both of you, and you chose to do it anyway. God, you’re a selfish brat.” He stopped in his tracks and crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want, Hilary? You took my best friend from me, what the fuck else do you want?”
I steadied my breathing and gained my courage for Zach’s sake. “I want you to not sell your shares to some stranger. Sell them to Zach and give him a price he can afford. Don’t take his dream from him, Evan. He doesn’t deserve that.”
His disparaging laugh made my irritation flare, but I kept it at bay. “I don’t give a shit what you think he deserves. Do you know the crap I’m dealing with? We’re splashed all over the headlines, my reputation is being blasted. Evan Matthews ruins his family. The clean-up isn’t pretty. Both of you put my career at risk.”
“No, you put your career at risk.” I approached him and poked my finger into his chest. I couldn’t take him putting more blame on Zach. “You got out of hand. You could’ve controlled your temper. You went off the rails at the opening night of your best friend’s restaurant. You punched the shit out of him right after he protected me from Graham. You were completely irrational.”
“Did you expect me to be calm about the situation?” His voice shouted over mine. “How the fuck was I going to be okay with this whole thing?”
“And you think I’m selfish? You’re the selfish one, you fucking asshole!” I pushed him with both my palms, but he barely budged. I pushed him again, letting my anger lash out. It was enough to shock him into listening as I condemned him. “How does it feel not having him around? It sucks, doesn’t it? I’m sure he transferred all your calls over, so you’re dealing with a lot of shit today, aren’t you? All the work you never have to deal with. Don’t let movie star Evan Matthews deal with the mundane tasks. Give them over to Zach because he must have all the time in the world.”
He said nothing, so I continued, my face blazing as I let loose. “Did you know he stays up all hours of the night and into the morning making sure all your shit is taken care of? All the while, he was trying to open this restaurant. Then you pressured him to open earlier so he could go with you to Atlanta. You’re such a prick, Evan. I think you’re more concerned about your assistant than you are with your best friend and brother.”
His jaw clenched, but he fought back. “He could’ve resigned anytime. I’ve never kept him on contract. He’s never been needed every moment of the day. I gave him control over his own schedule.”
“And you think Zach would half-ass his work? When has he ever been okay with a mediocre job, Evan?”
“I never told him to open a restaurant!” Evan was looking for an excuse because I knew he was coming to a very real conclusion: I was right.
“Of course, you didn’t! He wanted to do that. You think he was happy working as your gopher? You took him from his job at Goldman-Finch. He hasn’t felt challenged in years.”
“Did he tell you he was unhappy? He said I took him from his job?”
“No, but you asked him if he wanted to work for you, dumbass. He wasn’t going to turn you down!”
I was certain Grace could hear our shouting outside. I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire neighborhood heard. Evan’s voice only got more frustrated and incensed. “He made his own choices, Hilary!”
“He never had his own choices!” My voice reached its height, and I ran my hands through my frizzed hair, wanting to pull it out. I took a breath and reduced my yell, attempting to calm both myself and my brother. “Don’t you understand? He’s always felt like he owed us something for taking him in. He does everything we ask him to. Everything.”
Evan shook his head and looked at his feet. “No, no, we’ve never expected anything from him.”
“Then what the hell is this all about?”
His gaze met mine, once again it was rigid. “I won’t let him off the hook because I’m supposed to feel sorry for him. It doesn’t work that way.”
“He has nobody but us. Don’t do this to him, don’t take everything away.” I begged. “Please, Evan!”
“You’re making me out to be the villain. You caused this!” He began shouting once again.
“I’m trying to make it right, for fuck’s sake!” I cried.
“And you think leaving to Boston will make it better? Stop trying to be a martyr, Hilary. He risked it all for you, and you can barely take the heat.”
“You don’t know anything, douchebag.”
“Both of you, that’s enough!” My mother stood near the garage door, Grace behind her with doe eyes. “Get a hold of yourselves.”
Mom closed the space between us, dropping her purse on the table while in transit. We stayed quiet, respectful of her authority. Grace was about to exit when my mom stopped her. “You don’t go anywhere, Grace. You’re a part of this family, too.”
Grace fidgeted, and I suspected she’d never experienced Evan so angry. She made her way to where we stood. My mother’s blue eyes meant serious business, they were scarier than my brother’s. We waited for her to speak. “I’m assuming this is about Zachary. I won’t interfere in the fight itself, but I will say this—that boy is our guardian angel.” I looked at my mom, and tears trailed down my cheeks. “He has watched over all of us, including me, and he never once complained about the awful hand he was dealt as a child. He’s so grateful for the two of you, and you both have completely taken advantage of that.”
The room was silent. She exchanged glances between Grace, Evan, and me. “Life’s short. One day to the next could change your entire life in ways you don’t expect. Don’t hold onto this thing forever.”
“She’s right, Evan,” Grace said. “I’d give anything for my brother to be here.”
Evan gave Grace a compassionate glance, walked to her, and wrapped her in his arms. “I need some time to figure this out,” he whispered. “I just need time.”
“I’m so sorry, Evan.” Tears welled up in my eyes. “I am sorry.” I pleaded once more. “Please, don’t take the restaurant from him. Don’t let my mistakes ruin him.”
If I could convince my brother to take care of Zach, then I could at least semi-live with the fact that I was more selfish than I imagined.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
· zach ·
“Hey…” Josh’s voice trailed off as I held the door open, letting him move past me. He only stared at my unkempt state. “What the fuck happened to you, mate?”
I scratched my bearded chin and walked into the kitchen. “Nice to see you, too, Josh. At least you’re one of the few talking to me.”
He glanced around the kitchen and saw a battlefield of Pop-Tart wrappers scattered on the counter. “New diet plan?” I ignored him and went to the cabinet drawer to pull out a coffee filter. “I’ll have some, too.” He nodded in the direction of the coffee beans as I measured them out in the grinder.
“It was for you.”
He was a man of few words, but when he spoke, people listened. It was the same with a smile, and at the moment, he gave a slight grin. “Always doing for others. Natural-born server.”
“Habits die hard.”
Josh walked toward me and stopped before getting too close. “Holy shit, you smell like an ashtray.”
“And some habits are meant to be reinstated,” I grumbled and walked back to the coffeemaker.
“Cigarettes and body odor.” Josh shook his head. “Go take a fucking shower, and I’ll clean here and finish the coffee.”
Josh and I hadn’t been the best of friends. Evan was our common ground, but in the last few months when all the pressure mounted, he always asked if I was all right. I generally gave a half-assed answer. I knew he wasn’t asking me now because he knew I wasn’t. He started tidying the kitchen.
“You don’t have to do that, Josh. I’ve got this.” I fumbled to pick up wrappers, and he put his hand on my shoulder.
“Mate, take a shower.”
I stood numbly under the freezing water, wishing it could wash away my offenses. The last couple of days had been spent consuming alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, and boring television. I didn’t answer my phone unless it was from my restaurant manager, Gary, or from family—okay, I would have if it had been Hilary. The restaurant was running smoothly. In fact, the headlines only made people more excited to go. Hilary, however, never called. Nobody had. Not even Mike, Evan’s stupid agent.
Rebecca had come by to see me, but only for a brief visit. She wouldn’t run interference between all of us, but her kind words were appreciated when she said it would work itself out. Instead of feeling better, though, I became depressed. I didn’t want to face anyone or anything.
I stared at a photo of Hil and me together. I mulled over things I could’ve done differently with her. It kept me up every night. If I hadn’t told her I loved her, maybe that wouldn’t have freaked her out, and she’d still be with me. If I had confided in her about all of my stressed-out feelings—on how I couldn’t handle the idea of her leaving—maybe she wouldn’t have seen me as an argumentative asshole.
Her clothes were still in her room, and every day, my heart hoped she’d walk through the door and tell me she’d stay. She wanted me, I knew that, but it wasn’t enough. I wouldn’t beg or say I loved her over and over again, although the selfish part of me wanted to put my pride on the back burner and plead for her to love me back. It wasn’t about my wounded ego, though. It was about how she felt, and I wouldn’t manipulate her or make her feel obligated to return my affections. It had to come from her and be real or nothing at all.
I’d spent the last few nights staring at her number, wanting to call or text, only to stop myself. I checked her Facebook to see if she’d posted anything, talked to anyone. I felt like a fucking stalker. The last thing I needed was to be associated with someone like Graham, someone who bothered her when she was trying to head in a different trajectory. It was difficult for me to let her go when I had visions of my future and saw her in it. How would I ever deal with family gatherings? Fuck, would I ever be invited to them again? Was this what an orphan felt like? Lost and forever alone?
The shower revived me, helped me feel like me again. Josh was still in the kitchen, scuttling around the stove. My stomach growled as I smelled spices. I approached and looked at the contents of the pan. Josh scooped up chicken over two plates that held brown rice and a medley of vegetables. He handed me a dish and took one for himself, then motioned to the table.
“Thanks,” I whispered. I couldn’t recall the last time anyone had made me a meal other than Rebecca. Maybe Katie. Hilary and I never really got on the same schedule with food while she was here. I’d been too busy. God, she wouldn’t leave my head.
“I figured it’s been a while since you ate something substantial.”
Glasses of water and silverware were already set on the placemats. “Marla trained you well,” I joked half-heartedly.
“I did this shit before she came along. Gotta be trained early on to land a high-value woman.” He began to cut his chicken into pieces, but he stopped to watch me as I muddled through my rice.
“Yeah, remind me how I suck, McKenzie. Don’t hold back.”
“That’s not what I was implying. You know how to take care of people,” he grumbled. “I know you’re going through a lot right now, Zach.”
I took a breath. “I don’t want to talk about that. I really appreciate this meal, though.” I took an unenthusiastic bite. For being plain, it tasted damn good. Or perhaps my body was in need of nutrients other than processed sugary pastries.
“I can loan you the money,” Josh said.
“No, absolutely not. You’ve already done too much. You and Evan invested a lot into the place. I’ll…let Evan sell to someone else, wait it out, and try to buy them out of their shares later.” I stuffed my mouth with food so I could get it over with.
“Zach, that could take you years. Even then there’s no guarantee the new investor would want to sell it back to you. He could even cut his shares smaller and sell to other people. We’ll lose our control.” He paused. “I’ll buy it for Evan’s asking price, and you can buy it from me.”
“I can’t keep depending on everyone to pull me out of my problems.” I didn’t need anyone’s help, and I was good at making do on my own. “I’ll keep Gary on as the restaurant manager, and I’ll get a job at a financial company. I did it before, and I’m sure I can go back.”
“Did you like that job?”
“Of course not, but I was good at it.” I drank water to swallow the lump in my throat, but that didn’t help. “I made money. I didn’t feel like a fucking loser.”
“You’re not a loser, Zach,” he spoke softly. “None of us think you are.”
“Oh, really? Because I feel like one. I’ve been an assistant with little pay for almost ten years. I have no family, and I just ruined the one good thing I had going for me with Hilary. She was my one thing that I thought maybe I wouldn’t fuck up. But I did.”
“You’ll still have the restaurant.”
“If that doesn’t fall through,” I huffed. “If Evan sells it to the competition, they will purposefully run it into the ground.”
Josh leaned forward, his forearms on the table. “That’s why you have to let me pay. I’m invested, too. Evan’s backing out like the little shit he is, but I won’t, Zach. I want to help make this work. For both of us.”
I couldn’t believe the mess I’d landed us in. Josh, Evan, Hilary, me…we were all hurting because of my actions. My choices had led us here. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”
Josh’s glacier eyes softened as he nodded. “He needs time.” He paused, chewed his food, then mumbled out, “Yeah, he will in time, mate.”
I knew Evan and Grace had gone to Los Angeles to find my replacement and clean up what had leaked in the media. Graham caused a shit storm when he sold that video to the press. He knew exactly what to do to break us apart, and he aimed right for the jugular. By now, I was sure NDAs had been signed, and he’d gotten a hefty payout to stay quiet.
“Zach, can I chat with you about something?”
I leaned back and finished off the last of my protein. I nodded, and Josh seemed unsure where to begin, as if he were treading lightly. “Evan told me you had trouble with your parents growing up. Abuse?”
I shook my head in disbelief. “The fucker told you that?”
“He only mentioned it because I came from the same type of household.” My eyes widened as he continued. “My mother was a wonderful woman, but she was killed by my father. Bet you didn’t know that.”
I looked at him in shock. “I had no idea. I’m sorry. How old were you?”
“Old enough to be on my own, not strong enough to protect her.” He was quiet a moment, thinking over what to say as he held onto a silver cross around his neck as if it were his lifeline. “Dad was a drunk. He didn’t mean to kill her, but he intended to go after me with a pipe wrench. She stopped him.” He paused. “You and I are more alike than you realize.” I didn’t know what to say. I’d never thought of his background, nor did I think he knew any of mine. It explained the panic episodes we both
experienced. He spoke smoothly. “Evan said they left you money.”
Realization hit me like a runaway train. “No, no way in hell. I’m not touching it.”
“I understand…to a point, Zach.”
I shot him a look of contempt. Had his father left him money he’d never take? “They gave me away, man. They didn’t give a damn about me. Neither one. They shipped me off to the Matthewses as quickly as they could and never turned back.”
Josh put his palms out, trying to soothe my frazzled nerves. “The way I see it, your father did you a favor, Zachary. You were never going to be taken care of with them. They saw a good, loving family, and they showed you a kindness. They provided for you financially to make sure you never wanted for anything. You got love, you got siblings, and you got stability with the Matthews family.”
“I never even deserved that.” I shifted the chair and took our plates to the now empty sink. Jerk had already filled the dishwasher while I was in the shower.
Josh got up and moved toward me. “Listen to what you’re saying. When are you going to stop punishing yourself for something you didn’t do? You’re not a monster, you didn’t hurt Hilary. You love her. She hurt you by putting you in this mess and leaving.” I stopped what I was doing, looked down at the ground, and tried to hold it together. He tugged me around to look at him. “Zach, listen to me. You fucking deserve that money. It’s yours.”
I cleared my throat, it wasn’t allowing me to breathe properly. “I didn’t do shit for that money.”
“The fuck you didn’t.” His stare was intense, and I knew he meant what he said. “You earned it. With every hateful word spewed at you, you earned it. With every smack of your mother’s hand, every time you went to bed hungry, every emotional situation between them that you were tangled up in. Don’t fucking tell me you didn’t do shit for that money. Your father and mother made you earn it. Years of emotional turmoil is enough. Take what’s yours, Zach. Use it. Buy Evan out. Take what you rightfully deserve.”
A Promise Broken Page 22