“I’m not hiding anything,” I say. I try to buy time by taking another sip of my drink, but that’s probably a mistake. My head is already swimming. I’ve never been great at holding my alcohol, and I’ve already started off more quickly than I should have.
“Sure you aren’t,” says Hailey. “That’s why you’re blushing like a virgin at a strip club and fiddling with your hair.”
“You can’t hide anything from us, Lys,” says Tessa, who’s leaning forward with raised eyebrows. “You’re like an open book.”
“Good,” I say, taking another sip of my drink. “Then I don’t need to tell you what happened.”
“Aha!” Hailey says victoriously. “So something did happen.”
“I didn’t say--no,” I stutter. “I mean if something did happen, I wouldn’t have to tell you if you could read me like a book. That’s all I was saying,” I mutter into my glass.
Tessa and Hailey exchange a look.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I sigh.
The two of them know me too well. All they have to do is wait, watching me with knowing eyes until the pressure gets to me.
“Okay, okay. I met a guy. Sort of. I mean, we didn’t really--” I sigh, clutching my forehead. The alcohol is really making me say more than I want to already. “I just mean we didn’t talk that much. But I guess there was a connection.”
“A connection?” Hailey asks, making a circle with one hand and inserting her forefinger in and out of it while waggling her eyebrows.
“No,” I say, but I’ve never been a good liar, and they both gasp with raised eyebrows.
“Lysa!” Tessa says beaming at me with pride. “I didn’t know you had it in you. You hooked up with a stranger, didn’t you?”
“Our little girl,” Hailey says, pretending to wipe a tear from her eye. “She’s growing up.”
“Stop it,” I say. “It was a mistake.” I throw back a bigger sip of my drink, wincing a little when the aftertaste of alcohol hits me. “A big mistake.”
“How big?” asks Tessa with a conspiratory smirk.
“Stop!” I say, but I can’t help laughing a little. “The biggest one I’ve ever made,” I say, unable to help myself.
Tessa and Hailey burst out laughing.
“Oh my God,” says Hailey once they’ve gathered themselves. “So what are you going to do now?”
“Nothing,” I say with more confidence than I feel. “I meant it when I said it was a mistake. I’m going to hope he never comes looking for me. And if I never see him again, it’ll be a blessing.”
Tessa watches me sadly. “Lys,” she says. “Are you saying that because you really don’t want to see him, or…”
I clutch my glass tighter, feeling an unexpected burst of anger. “I’m saying it because he’s not good for me. It has nothing to do with my mom.” I stare at the bar sulkily as my friends take in my outburst. I realize with annoyance that my anger isn’t because I don’t like Tessa’s assumption, it’s because I don’t like how perceptive she is. “Seriously. I hope I never see him again.”
The words hang between us for too long, almost a full minute with nothing else said. It’s long enough for them to start repeating in my mind, like a mantra--or a curse. With every repetition, I feel more sure he won’t come looking for me. He’ll never come hunting me down looking for a repeat performance. As much as I’ve tried to convince myself that’s what I want, I’m overcome by a crushing sadness. It’s like the room just got a little darker and a little colder. Like the flame he lit inside me flickers out, making way for a new, heavy coldness to settle in my chest.
He’s not coming back for me. Why would he?
6
Leo
Two Months Later
I’ve never been so completely consumed by my business as I have for the last two months. It’s the only thing I can do to distract myself from her. Her. The girl I let get away--the one I’ve only grown hungrier for in the months since I last tasted her lips. Lysa. She’s out there somewhere. It drives me half-mad knowing. Wondering. Is she with another man already?
I grit my teeth. I’ve told myself a hundred times I’d be happy for her if she found someone. After all, if Lysa means as much to me as I say she does, then I shouldn’t wish for her to pine away for me. Wanting me can only end two ways for her: in ruin or in disappointment. I saw so much of who she is in those sparse moments we shared. I saw a girl who cares more for her sick mother than for herself. A young college-aged girl who is far too innocent and far too pure to be desecrated by my dark desires.
So I go on. I wake up, I make deals, I make money, and I let the zeroes pile up in my bank account with as much meaning as so much dust. I spend the hours I’m not working at the gym trying to exhaust myself. Hoping that it will exorcise her from my mind.They are motions I go through. Routine. It’s all just a game to keep my mind off of her, and it only works for bits and pieces of my day. Give me a few moments of quiet--a walk up a flight of stairs, a drive to one of my properties, even the pause for breath in a conversation--and there she is, bubbling to the surface of my mind like a flowery burst of misery.
My pet.
I walk inside Baptist Memorial Hospital, where I’m greeted by a nervous man in a suit. This kind of deal normally happens in a board room, but I learned a long time ago to do it in the most public place possible. Let the ground floor workers see I’m the boss now. Let them see how their former CEO defers to me and hands me the power. It’s easier that way.
I exchange a few cold pleasantries with the former owner in the lobby, motion for my assistant to hand him the necessary papers, and wait while he signs over ownership of his business to me. It’s a homerun deal for me. Baptist Memorial is a hugely successful chain of hospitals all over the country, and I just bought over fifty percent of them. The only reason I was able to snag the deal is that the majority of the shareholders just got snapped up in an insider trading scandal, leaving the leadership bare and profits slumping.
I should be thrilled. In an already unprecedented career, the potential profit from this deal alone dwarfs anything I’ve done. But all I can do is force a smile and shake a few hands while the familiar emptiness gnaws at me from the inside.
Men and women move in and out of the lobby in a steady stream, but a flash of blue catches my eye. I turn my head, and my mouth actually falls open. Lysa. She’s walking directly toward our group, eyes cast out the window sadly as she clutches a pamphlet in her hand.
Every muscle in my body tenses. The temptation to go to her nearly overwhelms everything else. I hold still, but only barely, watching her while she gets closer. I told myself I had stretched the truth in my mind, that I had made her more beautiful and more breathtaking in memory than she could’ve ever been in person, but the truth is staring me right in the face. My memories didn’t even do her justice. The sun catches her brown hair and eyes through the windows and lights them up like they’re filled with gold. I can still remember how it felt to hold those jaw-dropping hips in my hands and drive my cock inside her, how soft her skin was against the rough callouses of my hands, and how sweet the sounds of her moans were.
I’m about to turn away so she doesn’t notice me when my eyes fall to the pamphlet in her hand. In big, white letters, the words “Pregnancy and You” are printed at the top. It doesn’t take much mental math to run a quick calculation of the odds. Unprotected sex two months ago. No real sign of a baby bump yet. No man on her arm as she leaves the appointment.
Is she carrying my baby?
I was only holding myself from going to her by the smallest possible margin, and now there’s no hope. I ignore the shocked gasps when I set off at a jog, leaving the men behind without so much as a word.
When Lysa sees me coming, she stops in her tracks, eyes widening and hand going limp as the pamphlet drifts soundlessly to the ground.
“You’re pregnant,” I say. A statement, not a question. But the question I’m asking is plain as day. Is it mine?
/> The surprise on her face quickly melts to something hotter. Something close to anger. “It’s for my friend,” she says.
I take a half-step closer until she has to tilt her head up to look into my eyes. The connection is just as strong as it was before--stronger, even. I can practically hear her thoughts humming in my head, like they’re being broadcast to me by radio signal. She’s lying to me.
“It’s been two months since we saw each other, and the first thing out of your mouth is a lie?” I ask. My voice is low and dangerous. I felt like she belonged to me from the moment I saw her in the lobby of my hotel, but if she’s carrying my baby, too? Fuck. If I knocked her up, then it’s not about the danger of tainting her purity anymore, or bringing my darkness into her world. It’s about making sure my baby has a father, and that the mother of my child isn’t struggling to raise him on her own.
I made a promise to myself a long time ago that if I ever had a baby, he would know his father, and that his mother would never want for anything I could give her. It didn’t matter if the relationship worked out or if we had our differences. That promise is rooted in my past, and it’s not one I’ll ever fucking break. I’m surprised to realize even if the baby isn’t mine, I still won’t let her do this by herself. No way in hell.
She swallows hard, but doesn’t back down. “It’s been two months since we saw each other, and you think you deserve to know my business?”
The corner of my mouth curls up. “You know, there are elevators right over there. If you want to keep testing my patience like that, I’ll be happy to give you a quick lesson. Or a slow one, depending on how fast you learn.”
She sucks in an indignant breath through her nose, but I can see how rapidly she’s breathing. Her cheeks are flushed, and I’d bet every penny I own that her nipples are hard and her pussy is getting wet for me already. I may have stayed away this long, but there’s no way I can now. I’m about to fall into this harder than I did the first time, to drink deeper, and I know I won’t be satisfied until she truly understands what it means to be my pet and to call me Master.
7
Lysa
He’s back. He’s just standing there like he hasn’t been haunting my every waking thought like a ghost for the past two months. He’s wearing a navy blue suit with a crisp white shirt and gray tie. My eyes may want to wander over his big, athletic body but I can’t pull them away from his gaze. There’s something so predatory about this man, like all my intellect and good sense flees at the sight of him and leaves me with nothing but my basic animal instincts. The worst part is the only instincts that seem to stick around are the mating instinct and the running for my life instinct.
I gather myself as discreetly as I can. He knows I’m lying about the pamphlet. Of course he knows. Why would I be at the hospital to pick up a brochure for a pregnant friend? But it was the best my shocked brain could do in the moment, and now I’m left to backpedal and try to think a way out of telling him the baby is definitely his.
There’s no question about it, because Leo is the only guy I’ve slept with in an embarrassingly long amount of time, and he’s definitely the only one who could’ve managed to get me to have unprotected sex. But he can’t know that. When I found out I was pregnant, I almost tried to find him and tell him. After all, it’s his baby, too. When I remembered the violence I saw in the elevator and tried to picture what life would be like with a guy like him as a father though? I guess my maternal instinct kicked in and made me do something I’m sure I’ll go to hell for.
I plan on having this baby by myself. I wasn’t planning on telling him. Finding him would have been the easiest thing in the world, I know I could’ve just inquired at the hotel, but no, that’s not what I want. And I’m not about to go back on my decision just because he looks ridiculously handsome or because I feel like I have about as much sexual self-control around him as a rabbit. But maybe…
“I don’t know who the father is,” I say carefully. I know I’m treading a dangerous line. Leo may have left me alone all this time, but if he so much as suspects the baby is his, I can see in his eyes that I’ll never get away from him.
“How many potential fathers could there be?” he asks. The muscles in his jaw flex and relax again and again. It’s everything I can do not to take a step back from the anger he’s clearly feeling, but I use my fear as a reminder that I need to be smart about this. I can’t let him know the truth. Not yet, at least. Hopefully, not ever.
“I don’t make a habit of discussing my sexual history with strangers,” I say as coldly as I can manage.
His lips press together and I’m sure his rage is about to boil over. I watch as his nostrils flare and he looks me up and down, but somehow he seems to master his emotions by letting out a long breath and calming his face. “I don’t want to be a stranger anymore,” he says.
A chill runs down my spine. It’s not what I expected. Not at all. I thought he’d blow up on me. I thought the mere possibility that I could’ve carelessly had unprotected sex with some other guy would make him lose interest and cast me aside as damaged goods. But this?
His eyebrows draw down and he looks over his shoulder toward a group of intimidating men in suits. An idea seems to occur to him. He takes my arm and pulls me toward the men. “Come on. I’ll introduce you to some of my business partners.”
“W-what?” I stammer. “I was thinking more like coffee or something,” I say. I try to plant my feet so he can’t drag me any closer to the group of men, but they’re all watching us already, and I don’t want to embarrass myself any more than I already have by making a scene trying to resist Leo. “Seriously!” I whisper. “I’m wearing a freaking outfit I got from Wal-Mart!”
“And you’re wearing the shit out of it,” he says with a sideways grin.
I watch with fascination as this man who I’ve only known to be mostly an asshole with a whole lot of lust and a little bit of cruel humor drags me toward this group of men like an excited puppy who wants to show off something special he found. He’s proud of me, I realize. I may be fighting him tooth-and-nail, I may be trying to come off as a cold bitch to get him to lose interest, and I definitely don’t deserve it, but he wants to show me off. To say I’m surprised would be an understatement.
“Gentlemen,” he says in a booming voice that draws the attention of the chatting group. “This is Lysa. My better half.”
I nearly choke on thin air. His better half? He’s talking like I’m his girlfriend or… or wife. I have no choice but to smile, nod, and shake the hands of the men who clap Leo on the shoulder and congratulate him on “such a catch” and the most sickening display of ass-kissing by grown men I’ve ever seen. It’s like they worship Leo.
When the conversation finally shifts, I’m able to slip back toward the exit and get some breathing room away from the men. Leo is close behind me.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks.
“Did you want me to kiss your ass too?” I ask.
He arches an eyebrow. “It’s not exactly the way I swing, but at this point I’d settle for anything that meant getting your lips on me.”
I glare at him. “Look. Maybe this all worked two months ago. You caught me at a bad time and I made a stupid, reckless choice. I fu--” I lower my voice when I realize I’m half-shouting. “I slept with you. Yes. That was a mistake. But I’m going to be having a baby in seven months, and I was already busy before I found that out, so if you’ll excuse me...”
He moves toward me in that way he has of using his body to compel me to do his bidding. By sheer force of his will he has me backing up without so much as touching me. I bump into the wall where he pins me, hands planted above my head. “You want serious?” he says, voice an angry hiss. “How about the fact that I fucked a girl in one of my hotels two months ago. It shouldn’t have meant anything. She was a stranger. Nobody to me. She had no money, no connections, no experience. It should’ve been a blip on my motherfucking radar. Something that I forgot wit
h my afternoon piss. But you know what happened instead?”
I shake my head, which is pretty much all the movement I’m allowed with the way he’s surrounding me and forcing me against the wall.
“I couldn’t get her out of my head. I dreamt about her. I woke up with the smell of her in my nose. Every time I closed my eyes she was the only thing I could see. The only thing I could think about. She was so fucking bright she made my world darker the moment she left, but you know what I did? I stayed away. I didn’t let myself look her up in the system, even though her mom was in my hotel and it would’ve been as easy as a phone call. I didn’t go to her. I didn’t look for her. I left her alone.”
“Why?” I ask. I’m startled enough to gasp when a tear rolls down my cheek--a tear I didn’t feel forming or sense at all, but now I can feel the emptiness in my chest like it’s reaching out to him--calling him. I felt it, too, Leo. The words hang soundlessly in my throat because I know they would undo me. They would form a link between us that could never be broken, even if I learned he wasn’t the right man to bring into my baby’s life.
“Because,” he says, stroking my cheek so softly it sends goosebumps prickling across my neck and back. “I was afraid I’d ruin you. Break you. Corrupt you. Whatever you want to call it, I didn’t want to corrupt you. You’re the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen, and I didn’t think I could live with myself getting my dirty handprints all over you.”
I laugh, shaking my head a little. “Perfect?” I ask. My voice shakes a little when I speak. I feel carried along by his words, dragged closer to him and closer until my awareness of everything around me fades to a quiet hum. “What happens when you realize I’m not?”
“I’m not talking about everyone else’s idea of perfect. I’m talking about mine.”
Knocked Up by the Master: A BDSM Secret Baby Romance Page 4