by Jessica Wood
His expression changed immediately and he whipped around and turned to the nurse. I saw them exchange a look that I didn’t understand.
He then turned back to me and frowned, his eyes filled with sadness. “You don’t remember me?”
I studied his face and thought about it. “No, I don’t think so,” I finally said as I shook my head.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked me tentatively. I didn’t need to know this man to detect the anxious expression on his face.
I stared at him and tried to rack my brain, searching for anything I could remember. I shook my head in frustration as I buried it in my hands. My head was pounding in pain as if I had just awoken from the worst hangover of my life.
“Liv, are you okay? What’s wrong?” The alarm in his voice exacerbated the panic that was building inside.
“Why do you keep calling me Liv?” I felt annoyed as I looked back up at him. My annoyance turned to worry when I saw the shocked expression on his face.
The nurse stepped forward. “Do you remember your name?”
I opened my mouth, ready to answer her simple question, but then stopped. It was only then, when I was forced to think about it, that it dawned on me that I didn’t actually know the answer. “I…I can’t remember.”
“Is there anything you do remember?” Her tone was gentle and cautious.
I searched my thoughts, trying to grab onto any memory. But everything outside the last few minutes seemed like a dream that I had somehow forgotten the moment I woke up. Why can’t I remember anything? I shook my head in frustration. “What happened to me?”
“I’ll let Mr. Brady here tell you what happened while I go get Dr. Miller.”
“Honey, I’m Connor. Connor Brady. Are you sure you don’t remember me?” The man moved back toward me, a mixture of hopefulness and uncertainty painted across his face.
“Connor,” I repeated in a monotone voice. I studied him, trying to place him to some moment in my life. There was something about him that was familiar, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t seem to remember how I knew him. I shook my head slowly. “I don’t even remember my own name.”
“Your name is Olivia Stuart. Your friends call you Liv.” He sat down on the chair next to my bed and placed his hand on top of mine. His hand was warm and familiar but it felt weird to have this stranger touching me in this intimate way. I didn’t pull my hand away, though. I needed answers and this man seemed to have them, so the last thing I wanted to do was to offend him.
“What happened to me?”
His face fell. “You were in a hit-and-run accident.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. He paused before continuing. “You’ve been in a coma for the past eight days since the accident.”
Panic and confusion swirled around me at the idea of losing so much time without knowing it. “Eight days? But…but I don’t remember any of this. Why can’t I remember anything?” I felt frantic as I tried to push through the fog and my mind came back blank.
“Liv, you sustained some head injuries from the accident. The doctors said that memory loss was a possibility when you woke up…”
I stared at him in disbelief as my hands immediately moved up to my head. When my fingers traced the layers of bandages, I knew he was telling me the truth.
“Don’t worry. The doctors say that if there’s memory loss, it might only be temporary,” he tried to reassure me. “You might slowly regain your memories back.”
“Might?” I didn’t feel reassured by that word.
Just then a middle-aged bald man in a white lab coat walked into the room. A warm smile appeared on his friendly face. “Ms. Stuart. I’m Dr. Miller. It’s great to see you awake. How are you feeling?”
“What’s wrong with me, Dr. Miller? Why can’t I remember who I am?”
“Let me ask you a few questions first, alright?”
“Okay.”
“Do you know when you were born?”
I searched my mind, trying to recall the answer. Nothing. I shook my head.
“Do you know where you went to high school?”
“No.” I shook my head again as I felt the frustration and helplessness grow inside.
“Do you know the name of Philadelphia’s football team?”
To my surprise, I didn’t draw a blank this time. “The Eagles.”
“You remember,” Connor said excitedly as he squeezed my hand.
Dr. Miller smiled. “Can you tell me how many states there are in the U.S.?”
“Fifty.” I frowned at the doctor, wondering if that was a trick question. “There are a few territories like Puerto Rico and Guam though,” I added.
“Well, it looks like you’ve suffered from some memory loss due to the accident, but not all. It’s not uncommon for someone to have some degree of amnesia after a traumatic event like the one you experienced. From your answers, it appears the amnesia has affected your episodic memory, which is the memory of experiences and specific events—the memories personal to you. But it seems that the amnesia didn’t affect your semantic memory, which is the memory dealing with facts and your knowledge of the eternal world.” He studied the clipboard in his hands. “The good news is from all the tests we’ve run on you, it doesn’t seem like there was any damage to the areas of your brain that store your long-term memories.”
“What does that mean, doctor?” the handsome man in the charcoal suit cut in to ask.
“Well it should mean that Ms. Stuart hasn’t suffered any long-term memory loss.”
“So I don’t understand. Why can’t I remember anything about myself, then?”
“That’s the thing we don’t know at this time. The brain is a miraculous and mysterious thing. It’s unlikely that you’re suffering from any permanent brain damage.”
“So what’s the problem?” Connor asked, his grip tightened around my hand.
“Sometimes the brain will suppress memories after going through a traumatic experience. That memory hasn’t been forgotten in the traditional sense, but it’s locked away by the sub-conscious and removed from the conscious mind.”
“So does that mean I’ll get my memories back?” I looked at him hopefully.
“The chances are good, but it’s also not a guarantee either that you’ll get some or all of your memories back. The best thing for you is to go back to your life before the accident and surround yourself with the things that are familiar and important to you—those are usually the things that will help trigger your memories.”
“Liv, baby, I promise to help you through this.” Connor held up my hand between both of his as he pulled it close to his chest. He looked up at Dr. Miller. “Doc, what’s the next step?”
“Well Ms. Stuart, since you just woke up from the coma, I’d like to run some tests and keep you under careful observation at the hospital for a week or so. During this time, you’ll also start your physical therapy to strengthen your muscles that have been inactive while you’ve been here. If the tests look good, then we can have you released as early as next week.”
“Thank you, doctor. That’s good news.” Connor beamed at me.
But as much as I tried, I couldn’t seem to adopt his excitement.
Sensing my unease, his expression changed. “What’s wrong, honey?”
As if taking this as a signal, the doctor cleared his throat. “Ms. Stuart, we’ll let you guys talk. I’ll check up on you in an hour or so to run those tests.”
Anxiety built inside me as I watched the doctor and nurse slip out of the room. Even though I knew that this man in the charcoal suit seemed to know who I was, he still felt like a stranger to me, and being completely alone with him made me uneasy.
“What are you thinking, Liv?” he finally broke the silence.
“Liv…Olivia.” I said my name aloud. It sounded foreign, yet familiar from my mouth. I then met Connor’s gaze. He smiled at me as he studied my expression. “I still don’t know who you are exactly. I mean, I know your name is Connor,
but…how do we know each other?”
His smile disappeared and I saw the sadness in his eyes again. “Liv, I’m your fiancé.”
“Fiancé?”
He nodded. I followed his gaze as it darted down to my left hand. To my surprise, there on my ring finger was a large, sparkling diamond set on top of a platinum, diamond-encrusted eternity band. How did I not see this earlier?
I looked back at him in silence, overwhelmed by everything.
“This must be a lot for you to take in right now. And I’m sure you have a lot of questions. I’ll be happy to answer whatever I know. Let’s just take this one step at a time. We can go at the pace you’re most comfortable with, okay?”
I nodded and drew in a deep breath as thousands of questions whirled around in my head, fighting for my attention.
“Thanks.” I gave him a small smile, grateful for his patience and understanding. At that moment I thought about how hard this must be for him as well—to be engaged to and in love with someone who doesn’t remember you or feel that same love anymore.
“Can we take this slowly? I just feel really overwhelmed.”
“Of course, Liv. I understand. Whatever you need. Just tell me what you want. Okay?”
I nodded again. “Who are my parents? Do I have any siblings? Do they know I’m here?”
I saw the pained expression on Connor’s face and knew I wouldn’t like the answer.
“I’m sorry, Liv. Your mom passed away a few years ago. You don’t have any siblings.”
“Did you know my mom? What kind of person was she?” Tears streamed down my face as I felt the loss for the mother I couldn’t remember.
“She passed away right before we met here in Philly. I believe you left New Jersey and moved here to start a new life.”
“Oh. And my dad?”
He shook his head. “You rarely talked about him. From the little you have said, you haven’t seen him since you were thirteen—”
“—when my parents got a divorce…” I finished his comment as I remembered the flashback I had right before I woke up.
“Yeah.” Connor looked at me in alarm. “Are you remembering things?”
“Maybe. I had a flashback of them fighting when I was young right before I woke up.”
“Oh. Did you get any other flashbacks?”
“I don’t know. I think a little bit from the accident.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I think I was running across the street and then a car came toward me and hit me.”
“I’m so sorry, Liv.” Connor buried his face in his hands. “It’s all my fault.”
“What do you mean? Were you driving that car?” I looked at him in alarm.
“No, of course not!” He shook his head. “I…I just feel responsible for you.”
I frowned. I could tell there was something he wasn’t telling me. “Do you know how my accident happened? Were you there?”
He nodded and looked away. “I wish I could take it all back. I wish…”
“What happened? Please tell me.”
He looked up at me and I saw the regret in his face. “It was the night of our engagement party at the Franklin Institute Science Museum.” His eyes glazed over and he smiled as his thoughts took him back to that night. “You looked absolutely gorgeous in that jeweled gown.” He paused and his expression turned somber. “At some point during the night, you went out to the front of the museum. That’s when the car hit you.”
“I remember running across the street when the car hit me,” I said slowly as I thought back to the flashback I had right before I woke up. I stared at him, trying to remember more from that night. How come it’s so hard to remember? I thought in frustration.
“I’m so sorry, Liv. I should have been there for you. Maybe if I were there, this wouldn’t have happened…”
I frowned, trying to figure out how to comfort this man who seemed to be consumed with guilt. “You didn’t know this was going to happen.” I saw the anguish in his eyes and reached for his hand to reassure him. “It’s not your fault.”
“But it did happen.” I saw his body stiffen and knew it wasn’t going to be easy for him to forgive himself.
“Connor, please don’t.”
He looked up at me with pained eyes.
“There’s nothing you could’ve done differently when you didn’t know. I wish I had my memories. I wish I hadn’t been running across the street when the car came. I wish things were different.” I blinked away a tear. “But sometimes we don’t always get what we wish for. Sometimes we can only work with the hand that we’re dealt.” I was surprised by the sudden acceptance I felt for what had happened. Maybe those who say, “ignorance is bliss,” are right.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
I looked at this stranger and somehow I knew I would remember him again. I knew he was important to me. I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger and instantly felt a loss for all the special memories that I didn’t have anymore.
“What’s wrong, Liv?” He saw the fresh tears in my eyes that were threatening to make their way down my cheeks.
“It’s just a lot to take in all at once.”
“I know.”
I watched him gently brush the tears from my cheeks, and from the way his hands caressed my face, I knew he’d touched me many times before. Were we happy before this accident? What kind of person was I when we were together? What did I enjoy doing? It wasn’t until then that another question hit me like a ton of bricks. What do I look like?
I gave him a weak smile. “Connor, I’m really tired. I’d like some time alone to digest all this.”
His brows furrowed with worry but he didn’t try to object. “Okay.” He got up from the chair and looked down at me. “I’ll stop by first thing tomorrow morning to see you.”
“Okay.” I forced a small smile.
He leaned down toward me and kissed me gently on my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, gorgeous,” he whispered.
As I watched him leave, the hospital room suddenly disappeared.
For a split second I found myself in a grand, sun-drenched bedroom lying naked on a large luxurious bed under lush layers of satin sheets. I screamed out and my back arched upward as intense pleasure radiated throughout my body. I felt a pair of strong, rough hands grip my thighs tightly, keeping them spread apart as a long and hard tongue plunged in and out of me, pushing me to the brink of my release. After I came, I felt another naked body move up my body from somewhere under the layers and a second later, Connor’s face emerged out from under the sheets. He flashed me a wicked smirk as he slowly licked his lips. “And that’s how much I love you, gorgeous.”
I gasped at the memory that had just hit me, and my body tingled as if that moment had just happened. I looked down at my body and the question that had blindsided me a few minutes earlier crossed my mind again. What do I look like?
I slowly got up from the bed, and felt my muscles weak from the days of being on the hospital bed. It took me several minutes to move to the bathroom where there was a full-length mirror along the wall facing the door.
Standing in front of the mirror was like standing face to face with a complete stranger. Nerves prickled through my body like ice, cold needles as I studied every inch of the unfamiliar person in front of me. Nothing about my reflection looked familiar. Her radiant blue eyes stared back at me. Even through the bandages around her forehead, I could see the long wavy blond hair that cascaded down the curves of her small frame. I watched as this stunning woman staring back at me touched her face with both hands. I felt her fingers move across my face.
“I’m Olivia Stuart.” My whispered words filled the silent room and seemed to hang in the air as I continued to study myself in the reflection. Will this ever stop feeling so strange?
***
After a week at the hospital and focusing on my physical therapy, I felt slightly better and hopeful about everything. The tests Dr. Miller had ra
n all came out normal and I was cleared to leave today.
“Hey, gorgeous.”
I looked up to find Connor at my door with a large bouquet of pink roses.
“Hi.” I smiled, happy to see a familiar face. “You’re back.”
“Of course I’m back, silly. I’ve been visiting you every day, and every day you seem surprised to see me. Are you trying to get rid of me or something?”
I could see from his smile that he was joking, and I giggled uneasily. “No, that’s not what I mean.” I wasn’t sure how to tell him that the reason I seemed surprised to see him was because to me, he felt like a stranger.
“Well, like it or not, I’m here to take you home today, like I’d promised.”
“Oh, right.” Our eyes met and I felt my stomach flip nervously. I immediately looked away and felt my face turn beet red when I remembered my flashback of the intense orgasm this man had given me. I knew that for him, we were lovers in love, but for me, I felt embarrassed and exposed that this handsome stranger knew me more intimately than I knew myself.
“What’s wrong?” He walked over to me and kissed me lightly on my cheek.
“Nothing.” I pushed my thoughts aside and flashed him a smile.
He handed me the bouquet in his hands. “Pink roses are your favorite.”
“Thank you. They’re beautiful.” I took the stunning bouquet and was instantly hit with its intoxicating smell.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better,” I responded honestly.
“Good. So are you ready to blow this popsicle stand then?”
I let out a light chuckle and nodded.
Thirty minutes later, Connor had helped me finish all my paperwork to check out of the hospital. I had changed into a white Splendid cotton silk tee, dark-washed J Brand jeans, and a pair of black Christian Louboutin patent leather stilettos that Connor brought for me from my closet. According to him, this was one of my favorite casual outfits. I had stared dubiously at the three-inch heels when he had handed them to me. They looked more painful than comfortable to me. But when I put them on, they had hugged my feet perfectly and I was surprised by how at ease I was walking around in them.