He nodded. “Thank you.”
They worked the rest of the night bathing Maggie in cool water. About daybreak, her fever finally broke and she awakened.
“Caleb?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I’m here.”
“Thirsty.”
“Okay. Here you go.” He held the glass to her lips and let her drink her fill. Then he put it back on the night stand.
Maria was still there and got up to leave.
“Thank you, for your help, Maria,” said Caleb
“You’re welcome. I’ll leave you now. I must fix breakfast while Fran is gone,
“I’ll be down in a bit. Do you think you could fix some broth for her?”
“Of course. I’ll start the bones to boiling. It won’t be ready for several hours. Maybe a biscuit or some cornmeal mush for now?”
“Maggie, what would you like?”
“Nothing.”
“You need to eat something,” said Caleb.
“A biscuit, then.”
Maria turned to Caleb, “You come to the kitchen in a twenty minutes and it will be ready.”
After Maria left, Maggie tried to get up.
“What are you doing?” asked Caleb holding her down with a hand on her chest.
“Need to go to the bathroom,” she said pushing at his hand.
He let her up. “Let me help you.”
She stood on her own beside the bed, but didn’t move.
“Here,” he put his arm around her waist. “Lean on me.” He took her behind the screen where the chamber pot was. The screen was Ruth’s idea, one he’d liked and kept.
When she was ready, he helped her back to the bed.
“I can’t stay here,” she said when he tried to put her back in bed.
“Why not?”
“Rachel will be home soon. I can’t be in your bed.”
“Alright, I’ll take you back to your room. I got you a nightgown.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
“You’re welcome.” He helped her put on the gown and then picked her up in his arms and started walking to her room.
“Put me down.”
“No. I don’t want you falling. Whatever it was that made you sick also made you weak.”
“It must have because I don’t have the energy to fight with you.”
He smiled. “Then now would be a good time for me to ask you again to marry me.”
“I lost my energy, not my mind.”
He got her tucked into bed and then left for the kitchen to check on her breakfast.
* * *
When Caleb got to the kitchen, Maria wasn’t there but was outside cussing someone. He went out of the house to see what the furor was about. Martin Butler and Maria were yelling at one another. Maria stood on the porch off the kitchen and Butler was at the bottom of the steps.
“Butler, I warned you. Get off my property.”
“Hold your horses, Black. I didn’t come to see Mrs. Selby.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I still need a wife. You got moren’ yer fair share of women. I came to court the ornery one yelling at me.”
“You came to court me? What makes you think I’d want anything to do with an old fart like you?”
“You’re not no spring chicken, ya old hen.”
“Doesn’t sound to me like she wants to be courted by you,” said Caleb.
Maria turned to face him where he stood on the porch. “Now, Mr. Caleb, let’s not be hasty here.”
Caleb raised his eyebrows but nodded. “Go on, Butler. The lady seems to want to hear what you have to say after all.”
“I just came to ask if she’d like to go with me to the church social on Saturday.”
Maria put her hands on her hips. “Well then ask me you old fool, not Mr. Caleb.”
“Well do ya?”
She thought about it a bit. “Yes. Bring a buggy.” With that, she turned and walked back in the house.
Butler looked up at Caleb. “I’ll be back on Saturday.” He turned, went to his horse, mounted and galloped down the drive.
Well I’ll be, thought Caleb. Maggie was right.
He picked up her biscuit and another cup of tea and then headed back to tell Maggie the latest happenings.
“You’ll never guess who was in our yard at this ungodly hour.”
“You’re right. I won’t guess.” She took a sip of tea and then closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillows.
“Martin Butler.”
Maggie’s eyes popped open. “What!? You didn’t say anything to him about me. Oh Caleb, don’t tell me you shot him.”
Caleb sat on the side of the bed and began stroking her hair. “No. I didn’t shoot him.”
She relaxed. “So what did you do? What did he bring me this time?”
“Not a thing.”
“Nothing?” asked Maggie.
“Nope. He did have some flowers with him but they weren’t for you.”
“Then who? Oh,” she said suddenly realizing. “Maria.”
Caleb nodded. “They’re going to the church social on Saturday. Oh, I sent one of my cowboys to John and Sarah’s asking if they’d keep Rachel for another few days. I’m sure they won’t mind. I’d rather have you well when she comes home. And just in case this is contagious I don’t want her catching it.”
Maggie sat up in bed. “That’s good. I don’t want her to get sick either. What about you and Maria. You could get sick.”
“Calm down. We’re fine and we intend to stay that way. I think this was brought on by exhaustion. You worked too hard preparing for the weddings. All you need is a couple of days rest and you’ll be right as rain.”
“I hope you’re right. I feel like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet, as your cowboys would say. I’m so tired.”
“Rest now. I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you. Will you be alright until then?”
“Yes. You go. I know you have chores to do.”
He nodded. Dropped a kiss on her forehead and left.
* * *
By the end of the third day, Maggie was going stir crazy. Caleb brought her every meal and ate with her. He came and sat with her every evening and then lay with her until she fell asleep. She was fine now. Determined to get up and back to her work, she got out of bed and dressed in her blue cotton dress. The one he’d remembered chafed her neck. She’d tucked a scarf around her collar so it wouldn’t hurt her today. She smiled at the memory and still couldn’t believe that he’d remembered something so trivial. She was a little wobbly but felt that was because she’d been in bed for three days.
She went down to the kitchen to help Maria. Fran wasn’t supposed to be back for another couple of days. She and Tom went on a little trip to Denver, stayed for a few days and then took another few days to work on the cabin. Tom wanted it to be nice for Fran and she wanted to make curtains and clean it really well before she moved in.
They wouldn’t have the room for Maria finished for another month or so which wasn’t a bad thing. The newlyweds needed some time alone together.
Without Fran to do the cooking it was left to Maria. She was up to the task but Maggie thought she could probably use some help anyway.
“Maria, what can I do to help you?”
“Mrs. Maggie, what are you doing out of bed. Mr. Caleb will have my hide if he sees you here.”
“I was going crazy in that room. I need to get out and get some fresh air.”
“Then you go outside and sit on the porch. Don’t do anything but rest. You were very sick; you must get your strength back.”
Maggie sat at the table with a cup of coffee from the big pot on the stove. There was always coffee and always a stew or beans warm on the stove for whenever the men needed something to eat.
“How am I going to get my strength back if I just lie about in bed? I need to be working, moving. At the very least I should help you with the food.”
“No. I’ve heard about you
r cooking. It would be best if you left the food to me.”
Maggie knew she blushed. Her one and only meal had gone over well. Everyone ate it and seemed to want more. But maybe they were just being polite. She didn’t think she was a bad cook, but she hadn’t showed what she could really do either. And it had been a long time since she’d cooked for more than one person.
“Then I need to do Rachel’s chores, gathering the eggs and milking the cows. She’s not home yet, so I can do that.”
Maria rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You are a stubborn woman, Mrs. Maggie.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” Caleb’s deep baritone voice washed over her from the open doorway. “Why aren’t you in bed?”
“I’m tired and bored and I want to do something. I’m going to go gather the eggs and milk the cows.”
“No you’re not. I’ll do it if Maria can’t.”
“She’s too busy preparing breakfast for the men. Dang it, Caleb. I can do this.” She almost never cussed but she was so frustrated she couldn’t help it.
“Tsk. Tsk. I’ll have to wash out your mouth with soap.”
She pouted. “Please Caleb. I’m going crazy. I need to be up and doing. I won’t over do it and if I need to, I’ll stop and take a rest or a nap.”
“I’ll come with you.” When she would have protested, he said, “just to make sure you don’t fall over from exhaustion. We saw how well that went last time.”
She picked up the egg basket. “Alright, let’s go.”
The chicken coop wasn’t far and she had no problem getting the eggs. She didn’t do it often, it was after all Rachel’s job, but she remembered to go behind the hens to take their egg. Caleb had three dozen laying hens and another dozen he kept for eating. They bought chickens every month to replenish the eating chickens.
Caleb walked with her back to the house. She was feeling a little tired from just that little bit of work but knew she needed to do it to get back her stamina.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. A little walk to and from the chicken coop isn’t going to kill me.”
He chuckled. “Fiery as ever. I didn’t say it would kill you, just thought you might be a little tired.”
“Nope. I’m good,” she lied. “Let me get the milk pails and you can walk with me to the barn.” She pasted on a happy smile and picked up the milk buckets. “Here,” she handed him the pails. “Make yourself useful.”
They walked to the barn. A fair distance from the house. So much so that by the time they got there, Maggie was glad for the stool to sit on. Caleb rubbed her neck and back as usual though the milking itself wasn’t tiring. At least she didn’t think so until she stood up. She groaned upon rising, every muscle aching.
“I feel like I was in a stampede and every cow stomped me. I hate to admit it but you may have been right. Doing the milking was more than I should have tried for my first day.
Caleb picked up both milk pails. “I’m not going to say ‘I told you so’ but you need to ease your way back in to your regular routine.”
They walked in silence for a little while.
“Tell me something. Would you be treating Fran or Maria like this?
“I would definitely be concerned, but no, I wouldn’t be treating them the way I do you. Though I like them well enough, I don’t care for them like I do you.”
There it was. That word again. Care. If he told her one more time he cared for her, she’d scream. But it was one more reason for her to leave. He was never going to love her. Really love her, like she did him. With every essence of her being. With all her heart and soul.
* * *
The bout with the illness and fever sapped her strength and put her behind. She slowly built it back up until she felt well enough to travel. It was time.
At supper that night she told Caleb, “I need to talk to you after supper.”
“Alright. In the parlor as usual.”
“I just wanted to make sure you’d be there.”
“I will.”
She nodded.
After supper she arrived in the parlor before he did. She couldn’t settle, her nerves on edge. She paced back and forth in front of the fire so deep in her thoughts she didn’t hear him come in.
“Something’s bothering you. Spit it out.”
She jumped at his voice. After she took a deep breath, she said, “It’s time. I’m going back to New York. I’d like someone to take me into Denver tomorrow so I can catch the train the following day.”
He was silent it seemed like forever. “I knew it was coming but I hoped to change your mind. We’re made to be together, Maggie. You know it was well as I do.”
Her hands shook; she fisted them at her sides. “I can’t give up everything for a marriage without love. I’ve had one like that and I won’t do it again. Being good at sex doesn’t mean we’re good together. I need more.”
“I wish I could give it to you.” He turned toward the fire. “I really do. I’ve given you all I have to give.”
Tears filled her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She didn’t know why she expected something different but she had. After all the time they’d spent together, she hoped he’d see that he loved her, but it was to no avail.
“So, will you have someone take me to Denver?”
“I’ll ask Tom.”
“Thank you. I’ll go pack now. Please tell Rachel goodbye for me.”
“I will. She’s going to miss you.”
He turned back to face her. She saw the anguish on his face and wanted to run into his arms and tell him it was all a mistake. That it would be alright. But she couldn’t. This was real.
“And I her.”
“This is going to break her heart.”
“Do you think this is what I want? Do you really think I want to leave the two people I love most in the world? It’s killing me but better quickly now than slowly if I stay.”
CHAPTER 8
September 23, 1871
Maggie arrived back in New York without much trouble. She’d had a stomach problem that left her sick in the mornings but she always felt better by the afternoon and was able to eat. Having made the trip once, she knew where to get food and where to avoid. All in all the trip was pleasant enough, if she hadn’t been running away from everything she wanted. Was having him tell her he loved her really that important? Didn’t he show it in other ways? He did love her, she was sure of it, but he needed to be sure of it, too.
Marriage scared her to death. Edgar had seen to that. Seen to it that every girlish notion she had about love and marriage was destroyed by the reality of her marriage to him. Though in her heart, she knew Caleb wasn’t Edgar, but without that declaration of love from him, she couldn’t give herself over completely. She needed it like she needed air to breathe and water to drink. She needed his love for her very survival.
The cab pulled up in front of her three story building. She saw the office curtains were open and probably should check in with Sally, but tomorrow would be soon enough. Too tired to do much of anything except get her valises up the stairs and fall into bed, she went to the door leading to the apartments above the office.
She walked into her apartment and immediately felt the walls close in. It was stuffy and small and with all the windows closed it was hot. She opened the windows and attempted to get a breeze flowing through but only felt the heat. New York was having a late summer. The heat rose off the streets and into her little apartment. She missed the wide open spaces of the Colorado Territory, where if you wanted, you could go days without seeing another person. She missed Caleb’s house with its big rooms and the pretty picture window in the parlor. She missed Rachel but most of all she missed Caleb.
He was constantly in her thoughts, especially since she figured out that the impossible had happened. Her sickness on the train wasn’t left over from the fever she’d had, but was morning sickness. She was pregnant with Caleb’s baby. A miracle to be sure, but what was sh
e going to tell Caleb. Should she tell him at all? They were thousands of miles apart and would likely not see each other again, but he deserved to know. Just thinking about it gave her a headache.
Able to lie down for the first time in seven days, she collapsed on the bed for a nap. When she woke it was dark outside. She lit the lamp she kept on the bedside table and glanced at the clock next to it. It was just past midnight. She’d slept for more than nine hours and now she was starving. There was nothing in the house to eat, but she still had an apple and some bread from the train trip. Of course, she always had tea and she put a pot on to boil. She’d visit the market tomorrow and stock up on food.
She’d been gone for nearly five months. It was a good thing she’d planned ahead. Knowing she’d be gone for a minimum of three weeks, she’d stopped her milk delivery and cleaned out her ice box before she left.
Sitting at her little dining table she drank the fragrant tea and wished it was the strong, bitter coffee from Caleb’s stove. She wished she knew what to do. Here she was, thirty-five years old, pregnant and alone.
She estimated the baby would be due in about seven months but would get her doctor to confirm. Actually, she’d find a new doctor to confirm. Her current doctor, because she saw him so rarely, was also a remnant of her past that she needed to get rid of.
It probably happened during the time they spent at the line shack. Maybe even the first time. Two glorious days where they pretended that no one else existed. They couldn’t get enough of each other. It was a wonderful two days. The most wonderful of her life.
Her eyes filled with tears and she let them flow. There was so reason not to. No one to see or care if she cried or not.
* * *
Maggie threw herself into her work. She made more matches than ever before. Good matches. It was like she was possessed.
She found a new doctor, a woman doctor, Dr. Martha Berringer. As to her pregnancy, Dr. Berringer agreed that she was due in seven months, based on the timing of her menses and the look of her cervix. Seven months. So much could happen in seven months.
One hundred dollars. That was the amount that she owed Caleb. She sent it to him as soon as she could, taking her savings account down to almost in half. It’d taken her five years to save that much money and now she had to start over. Another reason to work harder. She had a baby to provide for now and needed to have that savings built up for when the little one came and she couldn’t work for a while. Although, since she owned her own business, it was completely probable the baby would come to work with her. Afterall, she made her own rules. Who was going to naysay her anyway?
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