by Corman, Ana
“You’re cautious about everything in life, darling. Your relationships especially. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re only protecting your heart.”
Twenty-Five
OLIVIA SLIPPED ON HER KNAPSACK. “This is the beginning of the Guy Fleming trail. Are you ready?”
“Wait just a minute,” Catherine said, pointing to a warning about rattlesnakes posted on the message board at the trailhead. “I’m really not interested in seeing any reptiles on this hike.”
Olivia laughed. “You’re such a city girl. It’s not hot enough for the snakes to be out on the trail. Besides, they’re more afraid of you than you are of them. If we do see one, just stay back and give it ample room to slither away.”
Olivia had picked her up an hour before, outside the bookstore. It had been so easy, so natural. Catherine had expected her heart to jump, seeing Olivia for the first time in five days, but mostly she’d felt a pure sense of comfort and belonging, and they’d talked so easily on the drive up to the trailhead. Right now, however, she wished they’d decided on a shopping expedition, rather than a hike.
“That’s it, I’m leaving.” She turned to head back down the trail.
Olivia dashed after her and grabbed her arm. “I’m just teasing, Catherine. You won’t see any snakes. It’s too early in the morning. Stick with me and I’ll keep you safe. Besides, if by some small chance one nips at your toes through those girly-girl sandals, I know a toxicologist.”
“That’s comforting.”
Olivia took Catherine’s hand and started up the trail, feeling her own heart expand in this familiar place. Within minutes she felt Catherine’s grip relax as a gentle breeze cooled them from the ocean and the sound of the surf propelled them forward. The narrow, flat trail wound through a dense area of pines and opened out onto a carpet of purple and yellow wildflowers. The view never ceased to amaze Olivia, the explosion of vibrant color spilling down the cliffs.
“That’s truly beautiful,” Catherine said.
Olivia picked one of the bright orange California poppies and tucked it behind Catherine’s ear. “March is always the perfect time of year to see the wildflowers out here. We just need to go a little further down the trail and I can show you one of the famed Torrey pines growing out of the edge of the sandstone cliffs.”
The way the Torrey pines managed to anchor themselves in the craggy rocks and bend to the demands of the fierce coastal winds always moved Olivia. Every time she looked at them, she was inspired by their tenacity, ingenuity, and survival.
They continued on, to a view of the trees. “They’re so beautiful,” Catherine said. “How can they live so precariously?”
“I don’t know. But sometimes when I feel alone or overwhelmed I think of these pines out here in the elements, teetering on a rocky ledge, and I draw on their strength and endurance.” Catherine turned to her, her eyes full of compassion. “Come on, we’re almost at the North Overlook.”
They stepped onto the platform and looked down onto Torrey Pines State Beach. They could see people playing in the surf and walking along the sandy shores. A group of pelicans proudly stood guard on the craggy rocks, scouting their next meal. Olivia dug into her knapsack and handed Catherine a bottle of water. The look of astonishment on Catherine’s face gave Olivia deep pleasure.
“This is an incredible view,” Catherine said.
Olivia took a sip of water. “We’re two hundred and fifty feet above sea level.” She pointed to the north. “That’s the Pehasquitos Lagoon and Del Mar. We’ll walk to the South Overlook next, where on a clear day like today you can see La Jolla, San Clemente, and Catalina Islands. I’ve seen dolphins from that spot. I love going there in the winter to see the gray whales during their migration. It’s truly amazing.”
“I can imagine. How often do you come up here?”
“I make an effort to do these trails once a month. I wish it could be more often.”
“It’s easy to see why you would enjoy this. The view is stunning in it’s raw beauty and power. It feels very spiritual up here.”
“Yeah, it’s about as close to God as I can get.”
“Even though you joke about it, this place is obviously very special to you and must give you some sense of a higher power.”
“Maybe not a higher power, but certainly a sense of peace. This spot right here is my place of worship. When I come here, I can just be. I don’t have to give, just take. I come here to recharge my solar panels and rejoice in something that’s much bigger than me and all my worries. I find I can bare my soul and shed my tears and find strength in all this beauty. I always leave here with a better perspective on what’s really important in life.”
“Which is?”
“Family, love, a home, and a job that I love.”
Catherine brushed her fingertips across Olivia’s cheek. “You have a much stronger faith than even you know.”
Twenty-Six
ON MONDAY AFTERNOON, Catherine glanced across the crowded coffee shop just as her mother guided a young woman to the only empty table, then headed to the coffee-shop counter. The woman sat very stiffly on the edge of her seat and took a deep breath as if to force herself to relax. Catherine watched her mother head back to the table with a hot cup of coffee. Catherine stepped down from the customer-service desk and headed for their table.
“Just the girl I was hoping to see,” Dana said. “Natalie, this is my daughter, Catherine. Catherine, I’d like you to meet Natalie.”
Natalie took Catherine’s hand. “Hi. It’s nice to meet you. Your mother’s been a real source of comfort to me this week.”
“She has that amazing gift.”
Dana smiled sweetly. “Can you join us, dear?”
Catherine hesitated a moment then took a seat.
“Natalie’s mother is one of Olivia’s patients. She had a mastectomy ten days ago for grade-three breast cancer. I’ve met a few times with Natalie to offer her some motherly support.”
Catherine realized this must be the young woman Olivia had told her about, the night they argued on the phone. She remembered that Natalie’s mother was only forty-eight. She could only imagine what the two of them were going through. “I’m really sorry to hear about your mom.”
Tears filled Natalie’s eyes, and Dana handed her a tissue from the pocket of her slacks. “She finally got out of the ICU a few days ago, and is doing much better today, so I thought I’d steal Natalie away and treat her to a coffee.”
“That’s a wonderful idea. Just sitting in that hospital is enough to depress anyone.”
Natalie blew her nose. “It is. Dana told me about her surgery and how you were there with her every day. It’s just been really hard. I think I’m doing better, and then I fall apart. It’s not just the breast cancer. Mom got pneumonia because she wasn’t breathing right, plus she’s diabetic and we’ve had problems with her blood sugar. Now that it’s under control, I’m back to facing her breast cancer.”
Catherine noticed several customers standing at the customer-service desk, and was surprised at how reluctant she felt to leave Natalie. She truly understood what this young woman was going through. She didn’t have the strength to visit cancer patients in the hospital the way her mother did, but maybe she could help another daughter.
She looked at her mother. “Mom, one of us should take care of those customers. Do you mind?”
Dana smiled. “That would be my pleasure.”
Catherine turned back to Natalie. “My mother was never in the ICU, but I certainly can understand how awful this must be for you. I was terrified the whole time she was in the hospital and just wanted to get her out of there and take her home. That way at least there was a semblance of normal life.”
“Exactly. I’m so afraid of what this all means. My mother lives alone and I don’t know if I should be making arrangements for her to come live with me. I don’t know if I should be taking time off work to be with her once she leaves the hospital and starts chemotherapy. It may
sound selfish, but I need to know how this is going to affect my life as well.”
“I understand. Your world has been flipped upside down.”
Natalie gripped the coffee in both hands. “Yes, it has. My mom and I have always been close. Since her diagnosis I don’t know how to act, what to do, what to say or how to help. I have so many questions, but I’m terrified of the answers.”
“I know how you feel. But I found my fear of the unknown was so much worse than the reality of the situation. Mom and I wrote down all our questions for Dr. Ratcliff, because at the time neither one of us could think straight. That really helped.”
“Dr. Carrington has been great with my mother, but I’m having a real hard time talking to her and absorbing everything she tells me. I know it’s my fear talking, but I just shut down.”
“Believe me, I know how easy it is to see doctors as the enemy, but I think right now Dr. Carrington may be your biggest ally. I know when my mother and I had our questions answered, we both began to feel stronger and more in control. It made an amazing difference in our attitudes and determination to be survivors.” Catherine could see the spark of hope in the young woman’s eyes.
“I want to beat this. I’m not ready to lose my mother. I don’t want to be wasting my time wallowing in my fears. I want to know what to do and how to do it.”
Catherine smiled. “Why don’t we begin by writing down all your questions for Dr. Carrington? I might be able to add some from what I’ve learned from my mother’s experience. How does that sound?”
Natalie pushed her coffee aside. “That sounds wonderful.”
Twenty-Seven
CATHERINE SET THE DISHWASHER TO RUN and wiped down the kitchen counters for a second time. She couldn’t think of any thing else she could do to keep her mind occupied. The laundry was done, the trash was out for the next morning, and she still felt too antsy to sit and enjoy a cup of tea.
Olivia had been true to her word about allowing Catherine to initiate any contact, allowing her the time she needed to figure out her feelings. Catherine adored her for her patience. Then why did she feel so restless when they hadn’t talked in a day? She was becoming frustrated by her own rules and boundaries.
Catherine had called Olivia on Monday morning to thank her for the amazing hike on Sunday and to chastise her for sending a private courier to the bookstore to deliver Sunday’s thirty-six puzzle pieces. She had truly enjoyed their conversation, but decided not to call on Tuesday. It was now Wednesday evening and quickly approaching ten o’clock.
Catherine walked through her living room and couldn’t believe she wished she had that damn puzzle at home with her. What had started off as a source of frustration had turned into a lovely challenge. Whenever she spent time with the puzzle she felt such a comfortable connection with Olivia. She needed that now.
She thought back to this afternoon, when she’d shaken the puzzle pieces from their envelope. She’d become fond of the beautiful fairy taking shape on the antique chest, though aspects of her form and clothing weren’t falling into place. Today, among the new puzzle pieces, Catherine had found a second lovely face. At first she’d been taken aback, needing to rearrange her mental image of the picture as a whole. Then she’d rearranged the pieces—the blue drapery for this figure, the cream drapery for that one—to reveal the emerging forms of not one but two ethereal fairies, facing each other.
Catherine slipped into her cream cabled cardigan and grabbed the cordless phone, then stepped out onto her back patio and admired the beautiful moon. She wondered if Olivia was enjoying the same moon. Are you on your patio with a glass of orange juke sitting by your fire pit? Or are you getting ready for bed after another busy day at the hospital?
Catherine needed to stop analyzing and dissecting. She dialed Olivia’s cell phone.
“Well, isn’t this a lovely surprise.”
Catherine slipped into an Adirondack chair. “I hope it wasn’t too late to call, Olivia.”
“Not at all.”
“What are you doing?”
“I was just thinking about mowing the lawn.”
“Olivia, it’s ten o’clock at night.”
“I have to do something productive to get you off my mind.”
“Do you have headlights on your lawn mower?”
“I’ve never operated a lawn mower in my life. Do they come with headlights?”
Catherine laughed. “Here I thought I was the one unable to get a woman off my mind.”
“Nice to hear that, my Irish friend.”
“I wanted to tell you about meeting Natalie on Monday. A meeting my mother totally orchestrated.”
Olivia laughed. “Your mother told me about her plot. How did it go?”
“Actually, really well. I understand what she’s going through. We compiled a list of questions for you. Brace yourself.”
“God help me. I really do appreciate you taking the time with her, Catherine. Her fear is pulling her away from her mother, who needs her more now than ever. I’ll answer her questions and hopefully make her feel like an important part of her mother’s recovery.”
“I know you will. You’re not the big bad enemy after all.”
“I’m so glad you at least have realized that.”
Catherine skimmed her thumb around the edge of her glass. “I was wondering if you had any plans for dinner tomorrow night?”
“Actually, I do. Echo’s a grill master. She promised to barbecue Zoë and me a couple of steaks. Why don’t you join us?”
“I’d love to join you for barbecued steaks. What can I bring?”
“Absolutely nothing. Just your wonderful self.”
“It’s the Irish way to bring something, so I’ll bring wine. How does that sound?”
“You certainly don’t need to, but who am I to interfere in the rituals of an Irish woman.”
“You’re a fast learner, Dr. Carrington. Still feel like mowing the lawn?”
“Oh, no. I’m ready for a dreamy sleep now that I’ve heard your voice and will be seeing you tomorrow. Has this helped you as well?”
“Tremendously.”
“Good then. Maybe you’ll make a habit of it.”
Catherine arrived at the front door of 25 Carriage House Lane to find a note taped to the front door.
Dear Catherine,
No need to knock! Come find me in the kitchen.
Love,
Echo
Catherine made her way through the glass-domed foyer and spacious family room to the sun-filled kitchen, where Echo was flipping steaks in a zesty-smelling marinade. Catherine set a brown grocery bag on the granite marble top. “Something smells great.”
Echo looked up and smiled. “Well, hello there. Don’t you look beautiful in that pink dress, Ms. Cocoa Cream.”
“Thank you. The chef is looking rather chic herself. Thank you for inviting me to dinner, Echo.”
“It’s our pleasure. We’re just glad you could come.” Echo peeked into the grocery bag. “Olivia said you wanted to bring wine but she didn’t say you were bringing the whole wine store.”
“I brought four different kinds because I didn’t know what you guys liked with your steak. That way we can have a variety. I also brought a jug of milk for Zoë. Olivia told me what kind she drinks.”
Echo laughed. “You’re too sweet.”
“What can I do to help with dinner?”
“You can help by getting Olivia out of the pool. You two are on salad duty tonight.”
Catherine smiled. “That would be my pleasure. Where’s Zoë?”
“She’s just getting up from her nap. Now, I’ll put the milk away and pop the cork on this bottle of Merlot while you get the mermaid out of the pool. Tell her the lettuce will start wilting soon if you two don’t start slicing and dicing. I want both of you back here in fifteen minutes or I’m serving you bloody steaks.”
“Yuck.”
Echo pointed down the hall, and Catherine headed toward the south end of the house. T
his place was filled with so much activity and life. She felt happy to be here, at home.
She stopped at the large double French doors and stared in wonderment. Olivia was slicing through the water with grace and agility, wearing a shiny gold swimsuit that clung to her shapely body like a second skin. The muscles of Catherine’s belly clenched as she stepped through the doors.
Entering the large glassed-in solarium was like stepping into a rainforest. Multicolored pots of ferns hung seemingly free floating from the ceiling while fichus trees decorated all four corners of the room. Plush patio furniture lined one wall, giving an air of a resort. Catherine walked along the length of the lap pool, keeping in step with Olivia’s long strokes.
Olivia smiled at her as she turned her head to take a deep breath. She hit the end of the pool and executed a perfect underwater turn and swam to the other side.
Catherine stepped out of her pink leather bow sandals. She held onto the hem of her dress as she stepped down onto the first step and sat on a plush plum towel. The warm water lapped against her calves as she wiggled her toes in the soothing water. She watched Olivia turn at the other end of the pool and head toward her. She extended her leg and Olivia reached forward and grabbed her foot.
Olivia dunked herself beneath the water and threw her head back. She resurfaced between Catherine’s feet and brushed the water out of her eyes. She gripped Catherine’s calves in her hands and stood before her. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t pull you into this water with me?”
Catherine couldn’t take her eyes away from Olivia’s firm breasts straining against the shiny gold material. “Echo says we’re on salad duty and we better get in the kitchen in exactly fifteen minutes or she’s serving us bloody steaks.”
“That’s a good one. Give me another.”
“I don’t have a change of clothing.”
“I’ll respect that. Let this be a warning to you, however. Next time you sit before me looking so damn sexy, I can’t promise I won’t pull you into this pool.”