This evening Kara felt nervous, and began toying with her food. Blake was not going to be happy; that was a certain fact. She felt sure that he did not see her as a permanent fixture in his life. Ought she to get out of here now and say nothing? Except that a few months down the line he would notice anyway. There would be no hiding the fact that she was pregnant.
‘Is something wrong?’ A faint frown grooved Blake’s brow and his eyes were full of concern. ‘You’ve been chasing that piece of chicken around your plate for the last five minutes. Are you not feeling well?’ He reached his hand across the table to touch hers. ‘You’ve looked a little pale all week. Do you think you’re coming down with something?’
Finally Kara looked at him and made herself smile, ignoring the butterflies that were creating havoc in her stomach, trying to look as natural and joyful as possible. Perhaps if she looked happy he would be happy. ‘I have some news for you.’
His brows rose. ‘Go ahead.’ He smiled expectantly.
It was now or never. ‘I’m—pregnant, Blake.’ There was no other way she could say it. No way to cushion the blow. ‘I’m having your baby.’
But he didn’t look happy. She had been hoping for too much. His expression was one of total disbelief and his eyes fixed firmly on her face, making her shiver inside. ‘You cannot be.’
‘I think I should know whether I’m pregnant or not,’ she said, trying her hardest to ignore his reaction. It was a shock for him, the same as it had been for her. He needed a few minutes to let it sink in. She prayed this was the case. ‘I’m definitely having your child, Blake.’
Her heart stopped beating as she waited for his response, and she did not like what she saw. A frown drew his brows together in a hard, straight line, narrowing his eyes, turning them into silver slits, and he looked at her as though she was a complete stranger telling him something he did not want to hear. There was none of the compassion and warmth that had been there a few seconds ago. Nothing but stone-cold disbelief.
‘Tell me this isn’t true.’ His whole body was taut, every muscle clenched, his eyes silver and dangerous.
Her stomach began to churn uncomfortably. It was almost as though he was saying that he did not want their child. Which would be the cruellest thing in the world. Too cruel even to contemplate. She knew that he’d been hurt in the past, cheated on by his wife, but even so …
‘I’ve done a test,’ she said, quietly but firmly, keeping her eyes level on his despite the churning of her stomach. ‘I’m definitely pregnant.’
Kara heard the breath hiss out of Blake’s body as he turned away to look out of the window. She saw the tenseness in his shoulders and knew that she had to say something to defuse the situation. It was going to take him time to get his head round it. But the fact remained that she was carrying his child, and there was nothing either of them could do to change it.
‘Are you certain that it’s mine?’
Before she could answer he turned around, and Kara was shocked by the light blazing from his eyes. ‘Of course I am.’ Her jaw dropped and she stared at him in disbelief. ‘How can you even suggest that I might have been with someone else? You have taught me everything I know about relationships, about trust, about making love.’
‘Love?’ He tossed the word into the air as though it did not exist. ‘I don’t believe in love—not any more. We had sex—very good sex.’
Although Kara knew where he was coming from, his harsh words still hurt. ‘I’m not like Melanie, Blake.’ She kept her voice soft and calm—just about. It was difficult in the face of such opposition. ‘I can promise you I’ve been with no other man.’
‘I saw you in the arms of someone else.’
His eyes had taken on a scary sheen and she shivered inside. ‘And I told you who he was. Why would I want any other man when I have you?’ It was hard to believe that he thought she was capable of going behind his back. She was not like his ex-wife; she would never, ever do anything underhand. Surely he knew that? Surely he knew her well enough by now?
She felt as though her whole world—her new and beautiful world—was crumbling at her feet stone by stone. Everything they had built up together being destroyed because he couldn’t accept that she was pregnant with his child. Did he think she was happy about it?
It was a struggle even to breathe. Had it been his intention all along to have fun at her expense and then drop her as he had all the other women in his life? And now that she had announced she was pregnant it had put a whole different complexion on things.
Blake had taught her more about herself than she would ever have discovered if she had not been with him. He had made her believe in herself. She had finally become a confident woman. And now he was throwing it all back in her face. Her father had been right. She was a worthless creature. She had sold her body—and for what? The only way now was downhill.
Her tears finally came, and she swung away so that he would not see. She did not want him accusing her of turning them on so that he would take pity on her. Pity was the last thing she needed. What she wanted was for him to accept that they were having a baby. She wanted him to comfort her and assure her that he would look after her. She needed him. She did not want to go through this alone.
Blake’s mind was in turmoil. He did not want children. Love and marriage and the whole happy family thing was not for him. He’d tried marriage once and it hadn’t worked. He did not want to do it again. He had sworn he would never do it again.
He closed his eyes. Something had gone terribly wrong and he needed time to think about it. His whole world was spinning out of control and he was clinging on for dear life. It was hard to get his head round what Kara had just told him. He wanted to be alone.
‘We will talk about this again later,’ he said, trying to remain calm while inside a wild storm was raging. ‘It would be best if you left now.’ He spoke into his mobile, and seconds later Kara was being driven away.
The hurt in her eyes remained with him.
Drawing in a deep breath, trying to wipe the picture from his mind, Blake poured himself a large glass of whisky and sat down. He would be a very pathetic individual if he did not accept that Kara was telling the truth. She was so very different from any other woman he had gone out with. And nothing at all like Melanie. And yet he had questioned whether the baby was his.
It had been a gut reaction. The very thought of being a father scared him rigid. His mother had told him, some years after his father’s death, that she would have liked more children, but her husband had been dead set against it. He’d actually not wanted Blake in the first place, although he had loved him once he was born.
And, since Blake was never happier than when he was working, he often felt that he was following in his father’s footsteps. But if it was true and Kara was expecting his baby then everything would change. This did not make him feel happy. He needed time to think.
He had been thrown by the dramatic change in Kara in Milan; she had gone to his head. She had turned into a beautiful woman almost overnight—a beautiful, sexy woman who had welcomed her own femininity, who had been startled by it but had grown with it. He had watched her develop and mature and take pride in her sensuality, and he had felt something grow within himself too.
And now, in an instant, whatever it was that had been developing inside him—whether it was love or infatuation of some kind—had dealt him a body-blow. He hated himself for doubting Kara, for questioning her relationship with the man he had seen her with. And he blamed Melanie for making him wary.
Or was it his own take on the whole baby thing that was refusing to let him accept that he was about to become a father?
A few whiskies later, he was still thinking about his problem.
Kara wished that she had stuck to her guns and not gone to Milan—then none of this would have happened. And if she had not weakened it would not have happened either.
Life was cruel. It had been hard when her father was alive, and even afterwards with t
he debts he had left them, but this was worse! Having Blake believe, if only briefly, that she would trick him into thinking that another man’s baby was his had created the deepest, darkest fear she had ever experienced.
Even when her father had hit her she had not felt like this. She had cowered away and run to hide, but she had not felt as though her world was coming to an end. There had been a sort of inevitability about it—as though somehow it was all her fault and she deserved it.
But she did not deserve this!
The moment Kara walked into the house her mother asked her what was wrong. She thought of saying nothing, but her parent was not stupid and she would have to know the truth sooner or later. There were most likely still traces of tears on her face even though she had done her best to dab them dry.
‘I think my relationship with Blake is over.’
Lynne said nothing, wisely waiting for her daughter to explain.
But seeing the sympathy on her mother’s face caused her to lose what frail hold she had on her composure. Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. ‘He sent me home.’
Her mother still remained silent, holding out her arms instead. Kara walked into them, feeling like a child once again, when her mother’s kisses had always made things better. Not that they would this time. Nothing could make her feel better.
‘I’m pregnant, Mum, with his baby, and he’s not happy about it.’
This did have her mother snapping to attention. ‘You’re pregnant?’ And her eyes, so very much like Kara’s, though their intense blue had faded over the years, widened in dismayed surprise.
Kara nodded, her misery mirrored in her expression. ‘Whatever you do, don’t censure me. I did not mean it to happen. We’ve always been careful. I don’t know how it happened, but it has.’
Lynne stroked her daughter’s hair and looked sadly into her face. ‘I won’t confess I’m not shocked, but it’s not the end of the world, my darling. Blake must be in an equal state of shock. He’ll need time to get over it. But he’ll come round, you’ll see. He’s a good man.’
‘I wish I could be as sure as you.’
‘Men are strange creatures—you should know that,’ said her mother. ‘Look at your father.’
Kara did not even want to think about her father. ‘I thought Blake was different.’ She moved away, walking to the other side of the room. ‘He’s the only man I’ve ever felt comfortable with, the only one I’ve ever trusted. He brought me to life. He made me feel good about myself. But he’s no different to the rest, Mum, when it comes down to it.’
Her mother’s eyes widened again. ‘I’m sure that’s not true. It’s my guess that in a few days’ time he’ll accept the inevitable. He cannot turn his back on you—not when he’s the father.’
‘He even questioned whether he was the father.’ She might as well tell her the whole truth.
Lynne’s brows drew together in a deeply disbelieving frown. ‘But if you’re not out with him you’re always home. Why would he think that?’
‘He did see me with someone,’ she admitted, with a wry twist to her lips.
Confusion clouded her eyes. ‘Who? A work colleague?’
Kara shook her head and remained silent, but her mother would not let it go. ‘Then who?’
‘The loan shark.’
‘The loan shark?’
‘Yes. Outside the house one evening. He was threatening me. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to alarm you. Blake saw him from a distance and thought we were kissing. I—Mum!‘ She lurched forward as she saw her parent slump in her chair.
What followed afterwards was like a nightmare. The ambulance. The hospital. The waiting. Kara blamed herself. She should never have mentioned that horrible man. He was her mother’s worst enemy. Pure evil. The bane of their lives.
She spent all night at the hospital, worrying herself sick, feeling better only when her mother was declared out of danger. A suspected heart attack was ruled out, but Kara was told that her mother needed to rest and be kept calm. Because of her weak heart an attack in the future was not an impossibility.
A day later Lynne was allowed home. She looked pale and needed to rest, but insisted that Kara did not take any time off work. ‘I’ll be all right. If you don’t go Blake will think you’re staying away because of him—because you’re scared.’
‘Of Blake? Never!’ she declared fiercely. She was more fearful for her mother’s state of health. Nevertheless her parent was right. She did need to go. Neither of them mentioned the crook who was after their money, but Kara watched her parent sometimes sinking deep into her own thoughts, while her own were all over the place. She wished over and over that she had not brought him into the conversation. It made her more aware than ever of the effect the whole thing was having on her mother. How were they ever going to manage when the baby came along? Kara’s hopes for the future were very bleak.
She arranged for a neighbour to sit with her mother while she went to work on Monday, and it was a relief to discover that Blake was absent—although she knew that he had been in earlier because he had left her a whole list of instructions. Her heart—which had been dancing all over the place at the thought of coming face to face with him again—quickly settled into its usual rhythm.
It was almost the end of the day before he returned, and when he did he called her in to his office. Kara kept her chin high and her eyes brave, even though her pulses were racing.
‘Sit down,’ he said roughly, when she remained standing in front of his desk.
Kara sat. Glad to do so because her legs were in danger of collapsing beneath her. There was something about Blake’s expression that sent ice slithering down her spine. A few short weeks ago, even a week ago, she would never have imagined that their relationship would be put in jeopardy. She was the happiest she had ever been. And now she had no idea what her future held.
CHAPTER NINE
‘I CANNOT say in all truthfulness that I am happy about this situation, Kara,’ said Blake, his eyes a light, telling silver.
‘And you think I am?’ she asked, hearing the sharpness in her voice but unable to do anything about it.
‘We were both in shock the other day. I perhaps said things I should not have done.’
He could say that again! She did not like her honesty being questioned.
‘We need to talk. Will you come home with me tonight so that we can discuss this matter over dinner?’
This matter! He made it sound like a business deal. And the way she was feeling at this moment she did not want to join him for dinner, tonight or any night. It was spending so much time with him that had got her into this mess. ‘I don’t see why we can’t talk here and now.’
A frown dragged his brows together. ‘It’s hardly conducive.’
‘To what? Intimacy?’ Oh, God—why had she said that? Why had she even thought it? Except that intimacy was what they experienced every time she went to his house. Nevertheless she went on bravely. ‘Have you any idea how much this is going to change my life, Blake?’
‘I’ve thought of nothing else.’
‘Is that so?’ Still Kara couldn’t keep the irony out of her voice. ‘Or were you perhaps thinking more of yourself? The way it will change your life? Your single life. Your free and easy life. Because, believe me, I’m not going to bring this child up on my own. You’re the father and you’re going to play a part too.’ How brave her words sounded—not that she was feeling brave. Anything but.
‘I would not want it any other way’ he said. ‘I may not have planned on this child, Kara, I freely admit that. It has stunned and shocked me, but I will be involved in its upbringing.’
What exactly did that mean? Be involved? On what basis? A part-time father? Or would he do the honourable thing and suggest marriage? Her heart raced at the thought of being married to Blake. Suddenly she could think of nothing she would like better than to be married to Blake, to go to bed in his arms every night and to share her deepest fears over
the future. Being Blake’s wife would be the perfect solution to this problem, but Blake had said he would never marry again. And she had no idea what was in his mind now.
She already knew his views on marriage, but now there was a child involved—his child. Did he believe in a child having two parents who were tied together by marriage? Or was he a modern man who believed that marriage was not necessary to raise a baby? She did not doubt that he would provide for her and the baby, but how about personal support? Would she get that?
Would he want her to live with him? Or would his support come in the form of financial security? There was so much they had to talk about.
‘I’m not trying to get out of anything, Kara, but I need to know your plans.’
‘I’ve not had time yet to make any,’ she threw back crisply.
‘It has come as a great shock to both of us,’ he agreed. ‘I will obviously get you the best medical attention possible. I will personally—’
Kara held up her hand and shook her head at the same time. ‘Don’t think that throwing your money at this is the answer, Blake. What would have been nice was your belief in me. Have you any idea how much it hurt when you questioned whether the baby was yours? I guess I was stupid, naive. You didn’t want anything long-term from me. You’re simply after yet another affair. I’m just one in a long line.’
How she managed to speak without breaking down Kara had no idea, but she was not going to give Blake the pleasure of knowing how much he had upset her. Anger was her best form of defence.
‘That is not the case.’
‘What? I’m not one in a long line?’ His affairs were common knowledge in the office. Everyone knew what he was like.
Blake shrugged. ‘I admit I have had girlfriends. You already know that. But you are different.’
‘And isn’t that what you say to them all?’ Her words came hot and fast, and she didn’t care. Her whole world was crumbling about her feet. It had been bad enough when her father was alive, but now it was a thousand times worse. What she needed, what she really wanted, she suddenly realised, was his instant reassurance that this baby would bring them even closer together. She could do without the whole marriage thing, but she could not do without Blake. She knew now that she had fallen in love with him. He had made her feel wanted and special and free for the first time in her life, but his attitude now was causing her nothing but heartache.
A Night With Consequences Page 11