by L A Cotton
Jackson’s mouth left mine and traced the curve of my collarbone down to my chest. He slipped a finger into my panties and pushed it inside of me. My whole body shuddered, and I cried out into the darkness. Arching my body into his, I urged Jackson to give me what I needed. What I knew he needed. But he only continued to work his fingers inside of me, smiling against my skin.
He’s smiling. It didn’t happen often. He was always so tense and wound up. But I made him smile; it was the one thing I could do for him. This, right here, was the way I could help him.
“I need you,” I whispered into the night, hoping he would hear me.
Jackson answered by crushing his lips to mine and stealing my ragged breaths. His hands clawed at my panties until they were no longer covering me, and he rocked inside of me without warning.
“Ahhh.” His desperate kisses swallowed my moans, and I clung to him as he pulled out and slammed back inside of me. The sounds of our moans and slick skin colliding filled the room as my stomach started to coil tightly and I could focus on nothing but Jackson moving inside of me.
“Ana.” He groaned into my mouth. Over and over, like a ritual chant, and I was the deity.
My fingernails pressed into skin as I felt myself come undone beneath him. Jackson stilled a few seconds later as he found his own release. Rolling off me, he drew me back to him and pressed a kiss on my shoulder.
I lay awake in his arms until I heard his breathing even out.
~
Sunlight warmed my face and I rubbed open my eyes. Jackson’s side of the bed was empty and cold. He must have left a while ago. Rolling onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling. My scars itched, the way they did whenever I was anxious. A reminder of all I’d survived and continued to survive every single day. But the urge was no longer there. I didn’t know if I was one hundred percent cured, but somewhere along the line, my needs had taken a backseat to Jackson’s.
Leaving the bed, I pulled on one of Jackson’s hoodies and stuffed my feet into my slippers to go in search of him. Usually up before me, Jackson liked to go for a run before breakfast or work out in the guest room—where the guys had taken it upon themselves to set up a makeshift gym—but this morning, I found him hunched over the breakfast counter staring off into the distance.
“Hey.” I poured myself a coffee and perched on the stool next to him.
“Hey.”
“You’re up early,” I said.
Jackson shrugged, not glancing in my direction. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Want to talk about it?”
Pondering my words, he shook his head and twisted to face me. “About last night. I’m sorry. I should have come and found you.”
“It’s fine. I know you have responsibilities now that you’re captain. Dennis walked me home. I was fine.”
Liar. I just hoped Dennis wouldn’t reveal my breakdown to Jackson, but something told me he wouldn’t.
Jackson grimaced. “Yeah, well it should have been me walking you home. Forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive, honest.”
Catching me unaware, Jackson wrapped an arm around my waist and yanked me forward, nuzzling his face into my neck.
“I have to go for a couple of hours. Can you call Elena? Invite her over? Or go to her? I don’t like the idea of you spending too much time here alone.”
“Go.” The words stuck in my throat. “I’ll be fine.”
Rising from the stool, Jackson wrapped his hand around my neck and pressed a kiss to my head. “I’ll see you later.”
And before I could tell him to stay safe, he was out the door.
Chapter 4
~ JACKSON ~
I was a bastard.
I’d left the house earlier with no reason other than I couldn’t stand to be around her. My Ana. Kind, patient, understanding Ana. She deserved more—so much more than what I had dragged her through, of what I continued to put her through.
So I’d lied.
I told her that I needed to go for a couple of hours, but there was no business to take care of. No family meeting or matter to attend to. For once, my life was my own—if only for a few hours—and instead of choosing to spend it with the girl I loved more than anything, I walked away from her.
Now I was holed up in the one place I really didn’t want to be. Fallen House.
“Yo, Pierce, it’s becoming too much of a regular thing, man. You should just move back in,” Steve yelled through the kitchen as Dennis and I made our way to the gym.
“It’s Jackson, fucker. And this is my house; don’t you forget it.”
Dennis shot me a look and smirked. “And the power is already going to his head.”
“Fuck off.”
“Do I even need to ask why you’re here, with me, instead of at the love nest making it up to Ana?”
I roared with laughter. “The love nest? Really, dude?”
He didn’t laugh, his usual serious mask pulled firmly on. “She was pretty cut up last night.”
Guilt ripped through me. If Dennis was admitting that, then I knew it was worse. He had developed a weird relationship with Ana. They didn’t really communicate or have much to do with one another, but I could tell he felt protective of her. His loyalty to me demanded it of him, but it was more than that. In his own strange way, he was on her side more than mine sometimes.
“Thanks. Just what I need. A guilt trip from you.”
Throwing me a couple of free weights, he shrugged. “I’ll always tell it to you how it is; you know that. She deserves better. It should have been you walking her home last night, not me.”
He was right. Of course, he was fucking right.
“You made it back eventually, right?”
“Of course, I made it back. What do you take me for? I screwed up, all right? I apologized. We made up.”
Or at least until this morning, I thought we had. Ana had let me love her without question. She didn’t push or demand answers. She just gave herself to me completely as if she knew what I needed. Her. It always came back to her.
Ana.
But in the harsh light of day, I remembered the way I kissed her a little too hard and dug my fingers into her skin too harshly. I’d been too rough with her and taken out my frustrations, anger, and bitterness on her. The one good thing in my fucked-up life.
The only good thing.
The free weights clattered to the floor, and Dennis stilled. “I’m here. Just say the word and I’m ready to listen.”
I nodded. Did I want to go there? Was I ready? Dennis knew the basics. He knew what Ana had found out—or didn’t find— during her investigations into the Donohues. Dad. Fuck. I still couldn’t think of him without wanting to puke. It was the same every time I let my mind go there. Before Ana’s revelations, it was hard to remember him without intense pain stabbing at my heart. But now? Now, I wanted to puke and beat the shit out of something. Someone. Anything.
Marcus.
All I could think about was how I wanted to make him pay. Day and night, I imagined ways to bring my uncle down. The solution had seemed so simple four months ago—keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I would be the Trojan horse in the Donohue family. Only with each passing day—every job, every meeting—I moved no closer to my goal.
And I lost a little bit more of my soul in the process.
~
Two hours later, my body ached from pushing it to its limits. Dennis handed me a bottle of water as we sat in his room.
“Feel any better?”
“The pain dulls out the other stuff, if that’s what you mean.” I glanced up at him, the guy I owed so much.
“So, ready to talk yet?”
“That’s a whole can of worms I’m not ready to open.” Changing the subject, I said, “There were no incidents at the party then?”
Dennis shook his head. It was his and the rest of the guys’ duty to make sure none of the students ended up at the ICU thanks to the batch of bad coke.
“Travis asked around and no one has noticed any problems. Yet. Doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Kyler is still bitching about suspending business.”
“Kyler can bitch all he wants.”
Dennis grumbled something under his breath, causing my temper to explode.
“I am fucking done with him. One more word and I-”
“You don’t want to finish that sentence. Kyler is a test. Marcus is testing you. Can’t you see that? It’s all a game to him.”
He was right. Marcus was a calculated and intelligent man. He knew there was more to my sudden change of heart when he had offered me Braiden’s place in the family.
“Well, the game sucks.”
“That’s the point. He doesn’t want things to be easy for you. Who knows, maybe he doesn’t really want you to succeed at this.” Dennis locked eyes with me, and I considered his words. Was that it? Was Marcus waiting for me to slip up and give him a reason to strip me of my family status once and for all? I didn’t know what to think anymore. Everything was so fucked up.
“I feel like I’m losing myself to this, and it’s only the start of the semester.”
“I won’t let that happen. Ana won’t let that happen. But you’ve got to lean on us, man. Share the burden. No one said this was going to be easy.”
Easy, no. But I hadn’t anticipated being drawn further into the Donohue’s world. It was as if Marcus was creating opportunities to drag me more and more into their business. One thing was certain; he was using me far more than he ever used Braiden. Entrusting me with jobs way above my pay grade. But maybe Dennis was right. Maybe it was all one big test.
And the jury was still out on whether I was going to pass or fail.
~
After spending another hour holed up in Dennis’ room, he insisted I go back to the house. I walked the back route, avoiding any students out enjoying the rare sunshine. My mood wasn’t exactly sociable at the best of times, but right now, all I wanted was my girl. For things to be how they were supposed to be—if only for a moment.
Music drifted from inside the house, and I found Ana lounging on the gray sectional, surrounded by textbooks and papers. Leaning against the doorjamb, I allowed myself just a moment to watch her. The way she chewed one corner of her bottom lip when she was considering something, or the way a few strands of hair repeatedly tumbled over her eyes, no matter how many times she shoved them behind her ear. Last season’s football jersey swallowed her slender frame. The infinity bracelet secured tightly around her wrist covering up the silver scar.
I could have stood there watching her all day, but needing to smooth things over between us, I cleared my throat. Ana looked up, and her eyes found me across the room. “Oh, hey. I was just getting a head start. I’ve heard Professor Tolson’s class is a killer.”
Joining her on the sectional, I fingered the papers. “Let’s do something this afternoon. Just the two of us.”
Dropping her pen, Ana’s eyes sparkled, her whole face coming alive. “Really? Anything?”
“That’s what I said. Anything you want.”
She started collecting up the papers and stacking them with the textbooks. When there was a clear enough space, Ana pulled up her legs and crossed them over in front of her.
“Okay, me first. A.”
I stared blankly at her, confused at what she was doing.
“Jackson, you’re up. A.”
And then it hit me. Shakespeare Alphabet. The game we played our first year of CFA, when we were only beginning to realize our feelings for one another. I kicked off my sneakers and drew my legs up to sit cross-legged opposite her.
“Antonio, take your pick which one.”
“Good one. B. Easy, Brabantio.”
“Cressida.”
Ana snapped her fingers together and scrunched her nose at me. “Seriously. You’re throwing out Troilus and Cressida?”
I held my hands up and smirked. “I have mad skills.”
“Whatever. My turn, Desdemona.”
Each new character chipped away at some of the darkness overshadowing me. When I had told Ana we could do something together, sitting cross-legged on our couch playing Shakespeare Alphabet was not exactly what I had in mind. But it was exactly what I needed. I just needed to forget for a little while and remember who I was. Who Ana made me want to be.
“Jackson…” Ana was staring at me with wide eyes.
“Huh?” I blinked.
“It’s your turn, but you just totally spaced out.”
“Sorry, I’m just tired.” I shuffled closer bringing my nose almost level to hers, and she arched her brow at me. “Too tired for pancakes?”
“I’m never too tired for pancakes.” As if on cue, my stomach growled. Ana laughed, leaping up from the couch. She extended her hand to me, wrapping her fingers around mine. “Come on, I’ll cook.”
Ten minutes later, Ana had a bowl of pancake batter mixed and a pan heated up ready to go. While she set about pouring small discs of batter onto the pan, I watched her intently only moving to take a breath. The mood felt lighter, but the air wasn’t cleared. Yet again, we had brushed our real problems under the rug for another day.
“I can feel you watching me,” Ana said with a smile.
Using her concentration to my advantage, I crept up behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist, and pressed my lips to her neck.
“Hot pan, Jackson,” she shrieked trying to shrug me off, but I clamped my arms tighter refusing to let her go. “Off, off, before I burn myself, or worse, the pancakes.”
My hands brushed down her arms and covered hers. Our hands as one, Ana continued to cook the pancakes, flipping them over and pushing them around the pan. Together, we lifted it off the cooktop and slid out the pancakes onto a plate. Placing the empty pan down, Ana turned into my arms and scowled playfully at me.
“What?” I played dumb.
“Were you trying to distract me? I thought you were hungry?”
“I am.”
Ana’s eyes fluttered closed for just a second, and suddenly, pancakes were the last thing on my mind. I drew her to me, pressing our noses together.
“Although I might not be hungry for pancakes anymore.”
“But I- I made them especially for-”
“Shh,” I whispered covering her lips with my mouth. My tongue licked along the seam of her soft skin, and Ana moaned parting her lips. Backing her up against the counter, I ran my hands down her back until they grazed the curve of her ass, drawing her to me. It wasn’t close enough; I needed to be closer.
“Jackson, Jax…” she panted into my mouth.
“Shh, I’ve got you.”
My hands gripped her thighs, and I lifted her up. Ana wrapped her legs around my waist and stared down at me with such emotion that it took my breath away.
“The pancakes can wait.” I started in the direction of the stairs when the doorbell sounded.
“Fuck.”
“Expecting someone?” Ana pulled back, balanced in my arms, and shot me a look that matched the accusation in her voice.
“What? No, I’m just pissed someone is choosing right now to interrupt us.”
The bell rang out again, and I dropped my head to Ana’s neck, pissed that this was happening. Right when I was about to show her just how much I loved her.
“We’d better go and see who it is.”
I groaned, but Ana wriggled free of my grip and headed for the door. Before I could reach her, she yanked open the door and in barreled the guys. Ana bristled as Kyler ruffled her hair and blew her a kiss.
Fucker.
“Nice to see you too, Ky,” Ana grumbled, closing the door behind Travis.
“We need a word with the boss.” Kyler flicked his head in my direction and grinned like a motherfucker.
“Ky, knock it off. Your shit’s getting old real quick lately.” Travis slapped him upside the head and Kyler’s cheeks exploded with crimson.
“Sorry for turning up unannounced, but we have a sl
ight problem.” Travis looked at Ana and me, and I shook my head discreetly. Ana didn’t need to know any of this shit.
I looked over at her, and she smiled weakly. “I’ll bail. I have tons of reading to do anyway. Nice to see you guys.”
The guys all muttered a response, and Shaun—in true cowboy style—tipped his Stetson at her before jamming his fingers back in his belt loops. Ana left the four of us standing near the door.
“I guess you should come in and make yourself comfortable then.”
Kyler bounded straight past me to the counter and snatched up a pancake. “What?” He shrugged at my intense glare in his direction. “I’m just making myself comfortable.” He threw my words back at me.
My fist clenched at my side, all I could think about was driving my fist into his face. But that would solve nothing. Sure, it’d make me feel a whole lot better initially, but I didn’t much like the idea of being arrested for assault.
Travis clapped a hand on my shoulder and steered me in the direction of the table. Once seated, no one spoke, but I could see the trepidation in their eyes. Something had happened… and I wasn’t going to like it.
“So, is anyone going to tell me why I’m sitting here with the three of you, instead of upstairs with my girl?”
“Okay, so there wasn’t a problem at the party with the coke, right? Everyone got high, got happy, and got laid. Except Ky, but nothing new there.” Travis cracked a grin while shooting Kyler an amused look.
“Fuck off, Panesta.”
“Anyway, we were shooting pool at Dante’s and we heard an interesting conversation.” Travis looked at Shaun, who nodded.
“Travis, spit it out.”
“Okay, okay. Apparently, Landon Smith is back in Reibeckitt.”
Red fury exploded behind my eyes, and I stood up so quickly the chair crashed to the floor behind me.
“Whoa, calm down, boss.”
“Calm down? He kidnapped Ana and delivered her on a silver fucking platter for Calder.”
Images of Ana bloodied and bound, locked in a small office, flooded my mind. The purple welts on her wrists and jagged gash along her forehead. The look of fear in her eyes when I found her.